Guilty

"Sorry... Curt... Yes." She was fidgeting a lot with her hands now. "You're right. In hindsight it seems this way. The problem was that everyone was so convinced that you were guilty that we believed them. Sorry. But the crime you were accused of was just so horrible. Especially while you have a daughter. Because of that I let myself be convinced to get the restraining order."

"By the way, is that still valid?"

"No! Curt. Of course not."

"Okay, okay. But why did you have to take me to the cleaners during the divorce?"

"Curt, everybody assumed that you would be in prison for many years. I... You know... I suddenly had no income at all. I needed the money. Desperately so. And our savings would have been of no use to you in there. I needed the money for Lara and me. And to get it, the crimes you were accused of helped a lot. Full custody was necessary to paint the complete picture for the judge. I personally didn´t care for this detail because we all assumed that you would still be in jail when Lara turned 18."

"I see. But Megan - the signal was disastrous. After having heard that she didn´t want me as her father any more."

"Daddy... Daddy... I'm so... I'm so sorry. Of course I love to have you as my father. You still are and always were. I was just so shocked and ashamed at the time."

Karen had provided everyone with drinks and sat down, watching the scene unfolding before her with wide eyes. I was absolutely unsure how to react to this intimate play.

"Okay, so what now?"

They looked at each other rather insecurely and obviously had no idea how to proceed. It was almost cute to watch their cluelessness.

"Curt, we knew this wasn't going to be easy. We hurt you a lot," the man formerly known as my father said. "But we just wanted to tell you that we're really sorry. You were not guilty, we were. We still are."

"Curt," Megan said, "could you imagine to be Lara's father again? She needs you. Could you imagine to be your parent's son again? Imagine to be Jane and Alan's friend again? They all want this. They need this."

"So what is your goal, Megan?"

She fidgeted a little with the hem of her blouse. I knew this gesture so very well.

"I... I don't know, Curt... if I could name a goal... of course.. well... I surely would love to have you back some day. There, I've said it. The thing is... Curt, I still love you and the guilt is eating me alive." She looked tentatively at Karen. Karen seemed quite relaxed. She obviously knew me surprisingly well. I smiled a little. Megan seemed to understand.

"Not a chance, right?" She looked incredibly sad.

"No. Not after what you've done. What do I need friends for when they dump me immediately as soon as I'm in trouble? And the position as a son, father or husband is nothing I can take temporarily. It is a life-long commitment. You've all made your choice when it counted. When I was vulnerable and needed your support."

They all looked totally stricken. Alan recovered first.

"Okay, Curt. Just know that we are sorry too and that we have enjoyed our friendship with you. You are a good man. If you find it in your heart to renew our friendship, we're waiting. We always will be. But we can't force you. If it has to end this way it would be a shame. Please re-consider what you do with your family though. They need you."

"Curt, of course we are your parents. Your dad is in bad health. This really destroys him. Please forgive us," Brenda said.

"Curt, son, I´d really like to get in your good books before I have to leave this stage. If it doesn't happen, please remember me as the father I've been for you. Not as the weak bastard I've been during this terrible time."

"Okay." I was feeling tired suddenly and wanted to get over with this. This was exhausting for me.

"Okay?" "What do you mean?" "Curt?" Everybody was babbling at once again.

"Yeah, yeah, I forgive you all. I'm not angry any more. Haven't been for quite a while, actually. I'm not sure if I still like you though. But I don't hold a grudge any more. It´s... it´s just not worth it. Honestly. All of this is a thing of the past." I just had the incredible urge to sleep. Or to just watch the waves.

Awkward silence engulfed the group. Megan opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it. They all looked a little puzzled.

"Curt," Megan said.

"Yeah?"

"Is Lara your daughter again? Are Carl and Brenda your parents again? Are Alan and Jane your friends again? Can I be your friend maybe?"

"Megan, these are just words. If I say yes, Lara can be my daughter, what would be different? Nothing would change between us. My feelings towards her wouldn´t be any different. So I answer all of your questions with a yes, if it makes you feel better."

"Really?" She had tears in her eyes and I had the impression that she somehow had missed the essence of my speech.

"Sure. Lara can be my daughter again. Carl and Brenda can be my parents again. Alan and Jane can be my friends again. You can be my friend. Will I forget what you've done? No. Will I like you more because of it? No. That can't be achieved by a simple visit and an apology. Only time can bring that."

"You're right, Curt," Alan said. "I suggest that Jane and I leave now, we are relatively unimportant. Your parents, Megan and Lara are really depending on your decision. Maybe at some time you will have really forgiven them and then the less important people like Jane and I can start mending fences. Is it okay for everyone if we drop out of this for a while?"

Everyone murmured their assent. Alan stood up and approached me with and outstretched hand. To my own surprise, I took it.

"Sorry, mate."

"It´s okay."

Then Jane tentatively offered a hug and I did her the favor. She immediately began to cry a little.

"Curt... oh Curt... sob... please forgive us."

"Okay." I didn´t find anything else to say. I was too overwhelmed by all of this.

"Do we get a hug too? I'm a little envious," Lara said after Alan and Jane had left. I had to chuckle at that.

"Okay, come on."

"What?" "Ooooh, my son." "Curt." Everybody was talking at once again. And they all wanted their hug.

They cried a lot and thanked me a lot. Their apologies sounded sincere. I realized that I had really somehow forgiven them. They were my family and always would be. Although Megan wasn't my wife any more. That chapter was closed for good.

Afterwards the mood was a lot more relaxed and we exchanged stories about the year of our lives we had missed. Karen kept herself in the background very sensibly and just provided snacks and beverages.

After a few hours we were all tired and they returned to their hotel.

Megan was the last one to hug me. "Curt... Curt... I... You can't imagine how sorry I am. I still love you. And I have decided to devote my life to you. I will try to make up for my period of weakness. I will not pester you, but I´ll always be there for you." Her voice was very low and I even enjoyed her presence again.

But nonetheless, Megan and I were history.

"Honey, you were just marvelous. I was sooo proud of you," Karen told me after they'd left. "That was the toughest family situation I've even heard of. It wasn't easy for each of you. And I think everyone behaved just great. Especially you. Now let's make love, Curt, I need it now. It was so nice to watch you handle this so well. And you are so handsome, tall, well built. And you're mine. Come on, lover."

Well, who was I to decline such an offer?

xx

I didn´t see my former family for a while afterwards and enjoyed a relaxed time with Karen. One day I was buying some groceries that I needed for my dinner preparations later.

I was busy carefully inspecting the eggs when I noticed a very good looking woman at the bread counter. Blonde, tall, with a killer body and a beautiful face. She wore high heels and classy clothes that managed to accentuate her body in a sexy, but tasteful way. In short, she was a stunner. And even more important - she was my ex-wife.

I was still frozen in shock and I'm afraid that even my mouth might have been hanging open slightly. I couldn't get around the fact that she was casually purchasing bread here while she was supposed to live several hundred miles away.

She fully turned around, immediately spotted me and came over with a big smile as if this meeting was the most natural occurrence in the world. I had composed myself a little meanwhile.

"Hey stranger," she said in a good-humored way.

"Megan. Well... you look great."

"Thanks. You meanwhile look a little - well - surprised? Oafish maybe?" She laughed and it was just marvelous to watch. Damn. I still loved her. But she had not only deserted me, taken me to the cleaners, taken away my daughter, she had also cheated on me. I deliberately had to summon up these thoughts to prevent myself from thinking too warmly of her.

"Well, I am that. Surprised, I mean. I hope that I'm no oaf."

"Just joking, Curt." It was amazing how differently she acted than on the day she had visited me. She seemed friendly, but composed and self-confident again. And so unbelievably attractive.

"I know. May I know why you chose this shop to joke while buying your bread?"

"Well, why not? They have a good selection. Anything wrong with it?"

"Isn't the flight home with these groceries a little inconvenient? Isn't it quite far from home?"

"Oh, I understand. No, not really that far, just a few minutes. I live in the white house up there. You can see it from here, actually." She pointed at a small house on a hill.

"Ooookaaayyy..." To say I was surprised would have been a massive understatement.

"Quite convenient for you, isn't it? If you need anything, just let me know, okay? I'm here for you. Anything you need, just let me know."

"So you sold the house."

"Yes."

"And you bought that one."

"Right."

"And you moved here."

"Obviously, yes."

"With Lara?"

"Of course, She's only 17. She will finish high school here."

"You have managed to separate her from her friends? That was even possible without surgical intervention? I thought they were glued together."

"Curt, you know that she was always your little girl, right?"

"Yeah, until..."

"Stop it. I know. The news hit her harder than anyone else. Apart from me, of course. Because for us, you were somewhere on top of the Olympus. And suddenly you were turned into a child molester. It hit us so hard because we had worshipped the ground you walked on. That´s why we went so crazy."

"O... Okay." I had to admit, that might make sense. Maybe I had been too harsh on my girls.

"You know... she even insisted we move here. She wanted to leave her friends for you. Curt, I would never have done that against her will. My plan was to wait until she has finished high school and then move here."

"Oh, wow, you two are quite determined to get into my good books again, huh?"

"Boy, you have no idea. Curt, you... Well, just know that there are almost no limits of what I would do for you."

"You know that I'm in a relationship, right?"

"Yes. Yes, I know. Doesn't matter. Do what feels good for you. But Curt, just to let you know - nothing is off limits for you with me. I'm tutoring some kids. And I have to take care of Lara. But apart from that I'm yours. Whatever you want, consider it done."

"Wow... Megan... that guilty?"

"Yes. More than you can ever imagine. And... more important, that much in love. And that's a tough combination. I'm thinking of you 24/7. Trying to come up with ways to make your life better, to please you. To begin to make it up to you. I have made lists of what I could do for you. Written speeches I might hold to convince you. Letters I've never sent. It´s really bad... well, not bad actually... it´s just... I'm completely focused on this. On you."

"Oh, wow."

"Curt, my cell number is still the same. Call me. Please call me. If you need someone to iron your shirts, someone to help you with your tie knot, to wash your hair, to clean your car, to have the greatest sex of your life with, just call me. For whatever you want. I´ll be grateful if you do."

"Wow. Megan... by the way... is it a coincidence that we meet here?"

"You mean that I've moved here, watched you for days, dressed myself to the nines and followed you in here to get to talk to you? No, not really." She smiled mischievously and looked very beautiful while doing it.

Damn, I had to decide soon. If I let Megan into my life again, I would be lost. I was under no illusions that two or three of those meetings would be enough to render Karen as history. And my relaxed life with her would surely be replaced with an emotional rollercoaster ride with Megan. Sure, she would be contrite as hell and would make my life heavenly. But the memories of what she had done would return all the time.

"Megan... this is not fair. You know - Karen has really built me up after you have destroyed me. And... it´s just... I can't cheat on her. And I don't want to drop her either."

"I understand. You are very loyal. But you don't love her. You love me. And I love you. We had a lot of bad luck. And I've reacted extremely stupid. But that changes nothing. You love me. I love you. That´s what counts. The rest is just residual anger that should lead nobody to waste precious time that could be spent with the one he loves."

The bitch. She was right and she knew it. I still loved her. And I liked, but didn´t love Karen. Both feelings were mutual.

So what would I gain if I kept things like they were? I would avoid a confrontation with Karen that would lead to me feeling guilty. I could continue my comfortable sulking with Megan. Both reactions seemed weak. If I had the balls, I would stop the whining, self-pitying drama. And I wouldn´t avoid to drop Karen just because it would be an inconvenient situation.

"Use my shame, my guilt, my love. Use them without inhibitions. There's no time limit, too. Use them to live some kind of male dream."

I looked at her with big eyes. She was good. Probably good enough to get what she wanted. Because she knew me. And because she meant what she said.

"Of course you'd get custody of Lara again. You can have that any time you want to, anyway. And you'd get your savings back if you want to. Including that house." She pointed at it. "You can have all that whether you let me back in your life or not. But you'd get the most unbalanced prenup in history if you took me back."

"Oh... Oh my god, Megan..." It was almost too much to bear. She was manipulating me. Even successfully so. And she was completely honest, doing it. She was doing it out of love, I knew that. I was toast. She was hammering down my defenses with every word.

"I will get a tattoo with your name if you want to. And sexually everything you've ever dreamed of is possible. I mean it, Curt. Literally."

"I... I know," I croaked.

"We can move in with you. We're both contrite as hell. We would make your life perfect. And in a year, Lara will go to college. We will have the house for ourselves then. You could keep me naked. Only high heels. Really high ones. And a leash, maybe. And a garter belt, of course. Bunny ears, maybe? Or a maid's costume? Or how about a corset? Or a ball gag? And an anal plug would be fun too, don't you think?"

I was slowly coming to my senses again and looked around. We were still standing in a small town supermarket. We had accrued an audience of several, mostly older people. Some had shocked expressions on their faces, some envious, some were just smiling benevolently. And I had the hell of an erection.

One thing was certain - we had to get away from here. The tightness in my trousers was making that painfully clear.

"Okay, let's go."

"Yes. Whatever you want, honey."

I took her hand and we raced out of the store and towards my car. I didn´t have the time to hold the door open for her. We jumped into the car simultaneously. I sped off towards my house. Yes, yes. I was going to be with Megan again. Yes. My life would be good again. Yes! Megan!

"YEEEEEEHAAAAH!" I suddenly exclaimed, while driving. She smiled at me happily.

We ran into my house and she followed me onto my deck while we both were shedding clothes. We were absolutely frantic. We were both almost nude when we reached the big lounge sofa and she immediately went down on me. To my surprise, she took my complete cock into her mouth in one go. She had practiced it with a rubber dildo, she had told me later.

While I fucked her ferociously in missionary position, I just exclaimed "You bitch, you miserable bitch!" Meanwhile I kept kissing her everywhere.

"I know. I'm... I'm so sorry."

"Yes... Yes... I... know. I know you are. I love you, Megan."

"Yes, yes, yes, fuck me, my love." She began to cry a little.

Then the talking stopped and I mentally left this world and the whole shit that had happened behind. I was just with her. Fucking her. Then calming down and making love to her. Changing my desperate strokes into a slow and gentle clit rubbing motion, wanting to please the woman I loved. Finally, after two of her climaxes and my own, we collapsed panting onto the sofa.

"Friends?" I recognized the voice immediately. Karen. Oh, no.

"Karen... I... I'm so sorry."

"Don´t be. We were never meant to last. We like each other, but there is no love. We were just friends with benefits. No worries, Curt. You did the right thing."

"Wow, you're the best. Yes, friends. Gladly."

"Good. I knew this would happen when I first saw you two together. You are made for each other."

"Thank you, Karen. You're just great."

"You deserve to have her back, Curt. You deserve to be happy and you need her for that."

"Friends?" Megan asked.

"Yes, Megan. Take good care of him. I´ll be around to watch you."

"Promised. He will be one good taken care of man. The best taken care of guy in the world probably."

"Good. Good. Hey, I´ll leave you two alone now. Enjoy each other. And I really like you both. I meant it when I said I want to be friends."

We both nodded and Karen left us alone.

"What a woman. I wish I was that strong. But I'm still glad that I could take you away from her."

"She's great, yes. You want to call Lara?"

"She's at school. But I'm sure she'll be more than happy to come here if she may."

"Certainly. We will have to get rid of your house anyway."

"What?" Megan started to tear up. "You want us to...?"

"Well... I mean... What have you expected?" I was a little confused. "I thought now that everything is clear you two will move in here. I've really missed both of you. And I want to stop missing you. We... Megan... we will have to get past this whole shitty episode. And I want to fully enjoy you making up your blunder to me."

"Oh, yes." She was very sincere now. "And I will. Forever."

I know that I should have been stronger and said something about not wanting a doormat or a slave and about the perils of unbalanced relationships. But to be honest, I felt like I had been treated in a shitty way and that I deserved to be pampered a little. Unbalanced? Hell, yeah. I was looking forward to it. It would certainly be nicer than living separated from the woman I truly loved and cultivating my anger. I had paid during these months and I wouldn´t keep myself from getting paid back in full. Selfish, surely. But it was what we both needed.

As expected, Lara was overjoyed when hearing the news that she and Megan would move in with me. I was her hero again. Like I so much enjoyed to be before this disaster. She jumped into my arms, sobbing right after returning from school and threatened never to let me go again. It felt good. Very good. I was so happy that I felt like I might explode spontaneously. I had my girls back. Everything was going to be okay.

We chatted for a while about nothing serious when we were interrupted by my doorbell. Expecting nothing bad, I opened the door in a good mood. This turned out to be short-lived as I saw the "object" standing there.