All Comments on 'Guys Next Door Ch. 01'

I'm a swinger? When did this happen? The dumbest thing a writer can do is write in second person. One star for that.

You should take some writing classes.

Please keep writing, I liked the outfit descriptions.

I have yet to read a single story on this site that works well when written in the second person.

It. Just. Does. Not. Work!

Readers don't like being projected into the story.

1*

Horrible way to tell a story. 2*

so you are so fat and ugly that you no longer turn on your wife!

she has to go next door, or think about it, to get excited

when do you become irrelevant for anything but money?

hell make the cuckies happy, have her leave him but he has to keep paying the bills

I came to your story via the Public Feedback Portal, as it was No.2 on the comments list. I skimmed rather than read the story because, as others have said, it is near impossible to write a good second-person story with erotic content.

The reader usually can't relate to the story. For example, how can a female reader relate to "You can feel yourself getting close, the sexy talk and the mental image of your wife stroking their hard-ons through their pants as she's being felt up herself."? I don't have a wife. "Your wife" doesn't relate.

And most male readers probably can't imagine themselves in that situation either. They are probably arguing with you in their minds as they read the story. "No, I can't feel myself getting close".

Despite that, from my quick skim, it seemed to me to be competently written. Dialogue was fine and descriptions seemed reasonable. Your biography note suggests more stories to come, and new authors should be encouraged. (Not that you will get much encouragement from the Loving Wives commentariat. You need a thick skin to cope with the Moral Brigade.)

First or third person is the way to go, FlyingFish, and don't be discouraged by the baying anonymice. At least you submitted a story, which is more than they have done.

Lue

Why?

That's it. Simply, why?

Your wife sounds fun, naughty, and playful.... There's nothing like seeing your wife in some sexy little revealing outfit. is just all clean adult fun that it will enhance your home sex.

My wife Debbie and I give it 5 stars. Looking forward to part 2

Hopefully your wife will be like the girl in the porno movie and it will turn into a gang bang....

keep writing more stories

Just a question for you about what you said about anonymice: "At least you submitted a story, which is more than they have done."...How you know this for sure if they are anonymice? They could be anyone, even writers with a long list of bad or very good stories...

I wasn't going to comment this bad text (not a story), but with @luedon comment here is what I thought: Was this a true email that the writer received in his emailbox and decided to sent it to LW, pretending it wasn't about his wife? 1*

Yikes!

But how would I know?

It may well be that lurking among the ten anonymous comments to this story are some of the Legends of LW. So it's only logical that somebody would respond to my comment as you and Anonymouse have done.

Although I would have thought that if an author considered that his or her own contributions were worthy, then it would add to the credibility of the critique to comment under that name.

But since I haven't seen Anonymous listed as an author to any of the stories I have read, unless they are identified in some way I simply assume they are all undifferentiated anonymice.

Lue

Put the crack pipe down, luedon, no one cares. Flyingfish33 wanted to write in second person, you whined about it along with everyone else. Cope.

As the husband of a hot wife I found the story to be extremely hot.

Gimme More!! Xoxo

Thanks for all the feedback, I'm glad some of you liked it, and I've taken on board the comments about second person.

Chapter 2 is coming, I would have submitted it earlier but wanted to tweak a few things to hopefully make it more interesting and flow better. Should be up in a week or two. Thanks

My hot wife is hotter after she goes out and flirts in the bars. Good story. Will she ever bring one home? The next chapter.

Not erotic, doesn't matter what.person it is written in.

What his wife is doing.

The omniscient story teller did not tell an interesting story.

1*

Just another writer disguising the stupidity of making your wife a slut This isn’t an open marriage this is a story trying to sell the joys of being a cuckold. Wonder how this plays out as wife becomes a greater whore and hubby ends up jerking off alone. Sad

5 stars

Did not like the way you took weeks to get her doing anything.

This was so hot and arousing. I'm wet down there. The build up of this story is so amazing. Loved the tensing and slowly getting comfortable of the wife with the guys. 5 Stars