Hard Choices Ch. 02

She sat back and looked at me. It must have hit her that she had been touching me. Without warning, she hurled again. She tried to cover her mouth, but the liquid squeezed between her fingers and dropped onto her sweatshirt and pants. She bent over and heaved a couple more times.

When she settled down, she slowly sat back against the back of the couch.

"Just fucking great," she said. "I come over here to do what, well, I'm not sure. Maybe confront you and tell you to back off from Christa. So, what do I do? Get drunk, pass out and puke in your living room. I'm on top of my game."

Trying to lighten the mood, Jess said, "Don't forget the part about fingering Susan."

I glared at her. Sometimes, Jess didn't know the difference between humor and inappropriate comments.

If possible, Brigid turned even paler. I thought she was going to lose it again.

"I have to get out of here," she moaned.

"Brigid, you are in no condition to drive. I can take you somewhere, but I think you need to clean up. You've got, well, you know, in your hair."

"What a total fucking loser I am," she said and teared up once more.

"Honey, take a shower. We'll find something to put on and we can wash your clothes. Then you can go. But, don't go out like this. You will hate yourself later."

"You mean hate myself more than humiliating myself in front of you two. More than having the person I hate most in the world take care of me. More than, more than, oh, fuck, I just wanna die."

"You can die later," said Jess. "First, get cleaned up. Nobody wants a funky corpse."

I thought Jess pushed it too far again. Instead Brigid, laughed.

"Yeah, why not?" she said. "Where's the bathroom?"

Jess held her hand out to help her up. Brigid looked at the vomit on her fingers and shook her head.

"Give me a push, Susan?"

I leaned so I could get behind her. I tried pushing her back, but got no leverage. I next placed my hands on her butt and shoved. She stood, teetered and followed Jess toward the bathroom.

"Brigid, you can figure out the shower," Jess said. "Get undressed and hand your clothes out to me. I'll get you a clean towel."

Jess returned in a minute and knocked on the door. Brigid opened it a crack and handed her the jeans and sweatshirt.

Jess handed her the towel. "I can do your undies, too."

"I ran out of the house so fast this morning, I didn't wear any." Brigid smiled weakly and made the "L" sign on her forehead.

"You're not a loser, Brigid. Shit, I hardly ever wear underwear."

"Thanks," said Brigid, "Not what I wanted to hear." She closed the door.

"What?" Jess asked as she turned to me.

"Probably imagined Christa ripping your clothes off to find you commando underneath. Oh, wait, that's what actually happened."

Jess wrinkled her nose. She then made up a full load by grabbing a pile of her clothes and some of mine. She headed down to the basement where the building's laundry was.

I know I didn't have anything that would fit Brigid. I scrounged around and came across a long-sleeved tee shirt of Jerrod's I had laundered it and shoved it in the back of a dresser drawer. I figured she could fit into a pair of my panties and made sure I picked a clean and modestly cut pair. My bras would not do anything for her except make her feel worse.

When I heard the water stop, I knocked. "Brigid, it's me, Susan. I have something for you to wear."

She opened the door, holding a towel in front of her. She looked so vulnerable and incredibly sexy.

"Shit, you've seen me naked so many times, I don't know why I bother with this stupid towel."

She dropped it and stood naked in front of me.

"Now, take a look and then you can go to your room and have a good laugh."

Her skin was all pink from the hot shower. Long dark strands clung to her head and draped over her shoulders. Her eyes blazed and her mouth was apart a bit. The rest of her body held me in a grip I can't explain. True, I had seen her unclothed many times. Right now, the effect her nakedness has having on me bordered on pure lust. Her breasts were still damp and the nipples extended. A long waist flared a little at her hips to the tops of her firm thighs complemented by long calves. Her dark bush was neatly trimmed and stood in stark contrast to the white skin and pale pink of her pussy.

"Jesus, Susan, stop staring. I know what I must look like to you. Just give me those things and go have your chuckle."

"Brigid, right now you are one of the most stunning women I have ever seen. I wish you could see how attractive you are."

I handed her the tee shirt and panties. "You can wear these until yours are dry. I don't think we have any pants that could fit those amazing legs. I'm going to fix us some food. We all need it."

I turned to go when Brigid called me.

"For real, you think I'm attractive?"

"For real, Brigid. Definitely, for real."

I made some grilled cheese sandwiches and grabbed a couple Diet Cokes. The caffeine might be able to help her hangover which would now be settling in. I also put a bottle of Advil on the table.

Brigid appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. Jerrod's shirt hung half-way down her thighs. Her hair was still damp and was tussled.

"Do you have a brush?"

I told her to sit and eat and I would get a brush.

When I returned, Brigid was pouring two Advil into her palm. She washed them down with a long drink of Coke.

"Eat, Brigid, you need something in your stomach."

"Thanks. I didn't have anything since last night."

"Ah, then I guess screwdrivers on an empty stomach probably was not a good idea," I said. "I'll brush your hair while you eat."

"No. I can do it."

"Eat, Brigid. It will make me feel like I'm doing something useful for you."

"Why would you want to feel like that?" she asked.

"Because I now feel like a total shit." I picked up the brush and began to work on the tangles. It felt like she used some conditioner in the shower, because the brush began to move gently through her hair. I scooped big handfuls of the dark, luscious mane and let it slide through my fingers. I held it and brushed it gently. There is something so sensual about touching a woman's head and letting your fingers work into her hair.

Brigid ate one and a half sandwiches and finished her Coke.

"Damn it, Susan, this is all wrong."

"What?"

"I want to hate you so bad," she said. "But, all I can do is like love the feel of your hands. Plus, you've been totally nice to me. I guess I'll have to settle on hating that I can't hate you."

As jokes go, it wasn't much. But, I felt relieved that Brigid tried to be funny.

"Thanks, Brigid, I would seriously hate it if you hated me, but I think I can deal with the fact that you only hate not hating me. I hate to think I was wrong about that, though."

Brigid laughed for the first time. She put one hand on top of mine that was stroking her hair. "Thanks, Susan."

I surprised myself by bending and kissing the top of her head. "It's ok, Brigid, it's ok."

"Uh, bad timing?"

I turned to see Jess standing there with a laundry basket filled with clean clothes.

"No, come in," I said. "Brigid was just declaring her lack of total hate for me. But, I bet she could still find some for you, bitch-girl."

"Who you calling a bitch, bitch?"

"Well, it must be you, 'cause you the onliest bitch standing there."

This routine was one of our favorites. The funniest part was having two white girls trying to sound tough and urban.

"Hah! I'm standing here 'cause I'm looking at a bitch who don't know nothing about nothing 'cept being a bitch."

"Ok, I give, you win."

"Damn straight," said Jess and we both cracked up.

Even Brigid chuckled at our banter.

Jess set the basket down and eyed the half of a grilled cheese sandwich on Brigid's plate.

"You going to eat that?"

"No, you can have it," Brigid said.

"Thanks," said Jess. "I'm so hungry I could eat the crotch out of a skunk." This was one of Jess's many homespun sayings she brought with her from Missouri.

"Did you say skank?" asked Brigid. "Figures, bitch."

We completely lost it. Jess spit the bite of sandwich into her hands and I bent over double. Brigid laughed so hard snot bubbles were coming out of her nose. When Jess saw that, she howled and pushed her hand between her legs. "God, I'm peeing myself."

Jess ran from the room. We heard the bathroom door slam.

Brigid and I were trying to get ourselves back into control. I think it was the intense emotional atmosphere of the entire morning that contributed to getting this silly. Brigid looked up at me.

"It really pisses me off that I can't hate you. What's even worse, I think I might even like you," she said and smiled.

"Brigid, let's go have that talk." I held out my hand and she grabbed it and stood. I looked up into her blue eyes now brimming with uncertainty. Taking a deep breath, I opened my arms.

Brigid stood fixed to the floor and stared at me. Slowly, she inched forward. I moved toward her and wrapped my arms around her. My head only came up to her shoulder, but I held her tight.

"I'm so sorry you've been hurt, Brigid."

She squeezed me back. "Thanks," she whispered.

We broke apart and went back into the living room. I carried the laundry basket and set it by the couch.

"I can help fold," she said.

"Not necessary," I replied.

"Really, I want to. It'll give me something to do with my hands other than fidget." I dumped the basket between us on the couch and we started grabbing clothes. Brigid held up a pair of my panties. Unfortunately, it was a red thong with sheer lace covering the crotch. She folded it into a wad that fit entirely in her palm.

"Sexy," she said.

"Just wear them to church on Sundays," I declared.

We smiled and kept folding. She took her jeans and sweatshirt and put them aside. When we finished, we packed the basket and set it aside.

"Do you want to talk now?" I asked her.

She nodded. I caught a glimpse of Jess crossing from the bathroom to her bedroom.

"Do you want to change back into your clothes?"

"I'm comfy right now. Let's just talk."

"Ok, let me get Jess, because I think this situation really involves all of us."

I took the basket and pushed open Jess's door. She was pulling on a clean pair of underpants. I enjoyed seeing her naked butt as she adjusted the underwear.

"Can you join us, Jess?"

"Are you sure you want me?"

"I think we all need to talk with each other."

As she pushed her legs into a clean pair of jeans, she said she'd be right out. With the three of us back in our original places, I decided to take the lead.

"Brigid, tell us what happened between you and Christa that upset you so much."

"I think you guys know what happened," she said.

"No, not that. Tell us what happened between you and Christa?"

Brigid pulled her legs up and stretched the tee shirt over her knees, covering herself. She hugged her knees and then looked back and forth from Jess to me.

"Last night Christa said that she didn't want to date exclusively any more. She wanted to be free to see other people."

I recalled our conversations with Christa. She seemed open about wanting to date men and women. I wondered if Brigid knew about that.

"So, you and Christa never discussed if it would be all right to date other people?"

Brigid looked away, not able to hold my eyes. "Well, she mentioned that she was like bi and still might want to see a guy now and then."

"That was ok with you?" asked Jess.

"I didn't care too much. She promised that if she had sex with a guy that she'd use protection. So, yeah, it was ok."

I didn't believe her. Her body language, voice and even the words she use led me to think that it did bother her that Christa dated men. And, I think it bothered her a lot.

"Did you ever date a guy?" I asked.

"No. Never."

"Christa is your first girlfriend?" asked Jess.

"Yes."

"I take it you fell in love with Christa," I said.

The tears were back in the corner of her eyes. She could only nod in reply.

"Brigid, honey, I don't want to make you feel bad, but I have to ask. You really didn't mind having the woman you love, the only woman you ever loved, have sex with a guy?"

Brigid reached for the tissues and wiped at her eyes and cheeks. Her face was blotchy and her breath became ragged once again.

"Maybe, a little," she said in a voice so soft I could barely hear her.

"Did you tell her it bothered you?" I asked.

"No," she said quickly. "I was afraid...I was afraid she would leave me if I made her think I wasn't ok with it. I didn't want to lose her. Christa's like my only friend. If I didn't have her, I would be like totally alone. Well, I guess I should say that you, Susan, were always so nice to me. I felt like you cared about me and thought maybe we could have been friends. That's kinda ironic now."

I nodded and began to see a little deeper into Brigid and her insecurities. I was overcome once more with this urge to protect her, to shield her from the hurt she's experiencing. Hearing that Brigid liked me and maybe we could have developed a nice relationship caught me by surprise.

"Brigid, do you consider yourself gay?"

"Well, I have sex with Christa," she offered as an answer.

"No, tell me, Brigid. Do you consider yourself gay?"

"Yes. I'm gay. I never even thought about what I was before. But, now I'm pretty sure I'm gay."

"Never wanted to see what sex would be like with a man?" prodded Jess.

"No, never. I just want Christa."

"Christa or a woman?" I asked.

"Christa," she said. "Mostly, I guess. I mean I don't know about another woman."

"Have you ever been attracted to another woman," Jess asked.

Brigid shot a glance at me and then looked back at her toes sticking out under the long tee shirt.

I felt like I'd been hit with a rock. Did she just give away that she was attracted to me? I wanted to dig deeper and make her tell me what that look she gave me meant. But, I could see her shrinking back inside her shell. Maybe, she felt she gave herself away. Maybe Jess and I were asking too many questions and putting her on the defensive. I decided to try another approach.

"Tell us about your first date with Christa."

I could see her relax as she felt she was getting back on safer ground.

"After she and I started hanging out together, we discovered it was so much fun. Pretty soon like all our free time we spent with each other. We'd go get something to eat or to a movie, stuff like that. One night after we saw some chick flic, we were walking back to my dorm. We were cutting through that tunnel-like alley that goes between the Common and the dorms. There was no one there and Christa pulled me to a stop. She smiled and then kissed me.

"I thought I'd melt. Christa was kissing me. Her lips felt so soft and so good. I didn't know what to do. She asked me if I liked it. I could only nod. She asked me if I wanted her to kiss me again. I smiled. This time she pulled me close and kissed me. Wow, I think I must have had my first orgasm. My knees bent and I felt warm all over. It was beautiful."

Brigid was smiling at this recollection. She licked her lips as she must have remembered the sensation.

"We like made out right there in that tunnel. God, I couldn't get enough of her kisses. I felt so, so good."

"Was it just the kissing or that it was Christa?" Jess asked her.

"God, right then I didn't know. I mean it felt so good, but in my mind I'm like screaming 'I'm making out with freaking Christa'. It was unreal. Anyway, I'd never kissed another girl like this, so I guess I can't say how it would feel."

"What happened next?" I asked.

Brigid told us that Christa led her back to her sorority, holding her hand the entire way. They went into Christa's room and kissed some more. She said that Christa told her she wanted to make love. Brigid laughed as she told us she wanted to do it but had no clue as to what that meant. Soon they had undressed each other. Brigid admitted that she was reluctant to remove her bra, but Christa insisted.

"When I took my bra off, I immediately covered my boobs with my hands," Brigid explained. "Christa kissed me and took my hands. She pulled them away telling me she wanted to see me. I closed my eyes and was afraid she would make me leave after seeing my chest. When I opened them, I saw Christa staring at my boobs. The look on her face was something I'll never forget. She was staring with desire. She asked if she could kiss them. Of course I said yes. That was the most exquisite feeling I've ever had when her lips touched my boobs for the first time. I think it was at that moment that I knew I was in love."

I reached out and grabbed her big toe and squeezed. Jess rose and went to her. She kissed her cheek and stroked her arm. Brigid smiled at us. Jess sat on the floor next to Brigid on the couch and I moved close enough so that her toes now rested underneath my thigh. Without speaking to each other, Jess and I wanted to let Brigid know we cared for her.

Without going into explicit detail, Brigid explained that she made love for the first time in her life. As she and Christa lay together, Brigid couldn't stop smiling. If what she had when Christa first kissed her was an orgasm, what she experienced as Christa made love to her entire body was beyond words. Brigid retold the story as if it were a fairy tale, and she was the one who snared the prince.

"How long ago was this," I asked her.

"Just toward the end of my first semester, so not quite a year."

"And the two of you have been together since?" asked Jess.

"Yes."

I didn't doubt that Brigid fell in love with Christa. Since it was her first love, her first sexual experience, her feelings were more powerful because she gave her virginity to Christa. This relationship with Christa also served to allow Brigid to recognize her own sexuality and to recognize that she was gay. I could understand why she now felt so abandoned and why she needed to blame someone for taking Christa away. Funny, I felt a pang of envy that Christa was the first person to bring this beautiful girl to bloom.

"Brigid, before you and Christa became lovers, were you attracted to women?" I asked.

Brigid pushed her toes farther under my thighs. She kept her head down and spoke.

"I guess I never thought about sex too much. I was busy with getting used to college, classes and playing ball. Plus, I could always hear my parents' voice in my head telling me to be a good girl, be moral, save myself for marriage, all that stuff. When Christa and I started hanging out together, I really just loved being with her."

"You didn't fantasize about having sex with her?" asked Jess.

"Guys, listen. I never had sex. I didn't have a freaking clue what sex was or what it felt like. I just knew that I really liked being with Christa. When she kissed me, it was like my world turned upside down."

"Well, did you think about Christa when you masturbated?" asked Jess.

Brigid's head shot up. Her eyes met mine and I could see the fear.

"Brigid," I said, "You do masturbate, don't you?"

Slowly, she shook her head no.

"So before you and Christa...you never gave yourself an orgasm?"

Another shake of her head.

"Wow," I said. "No wonder your first time was so powerful. And, yes, Brigid, Jess and I know what it's like to have sex with Christa. So, let's talk about that."

Surprisingly, Brigid did not start crying again. She also kept her feet firmly attached to my thigh. She must be getting some reassurance from this physical contact.

I explained how Jess knew Christa from class. I told her the story of how my recently dumped boyfriend had behaved in the locker room.

"He really has a big you-know-what?" asked Brigid.

"Cock," I said. "Yes, he has a huge cock. And, he was being totally disgusting with Christa when she tried to interview him. After we found out from Jerrod who the woman reporter was, Jess spoke to her in class. Christa invited us to a party at her sorority. That was like three weeks ago. How come you weren't there?"