Hard Choices Ch. 02

"We had a road tournament and stayed overnight 'cause we also played on Sunday."

"Well, we all had a blast that night." I said.

I described how I found out that Jerrod was cheating on me and that I called him out in front of everyone at the party. When I described how the little cheerleader seemed to be having trouble walking after having anal sex with Jerrod, Brigid's eyes widened. Jess piped in that I almost got beaten to a pulp and had to be saved by a couple other football players.

Brigid listened with her mouth hanging open.

"You mean people really do that? Have sex in the back?"

"Yep," I said.

"Jesus, I never even imagined something like that," she said. "Sounds disgusting."

"Not as disgusting as you might think," said Jess. "Girls do it with each other, too."

Brigid's head shot around to look at Jess. "No way. Now, you're messing with me. Besides girls don't have a thing."

"No, but girls have fingers and tongues," said Jess with a grin. "And, there is always a strap-on."

At this last statement, Brigid turned pale and rested her head on her knees. "God, there is so much I don't know. You guys must think I'm an idiot."

I touched her cheek. "Brigid, we don't think that. All of us have to learn. It's no shame that there are still things that you need to discover."

"I'm nineteen," she said. "I think maybe I should know more than I obviously do."

"Not a big deal, believe me," I said.

"Ok, but be honest with me," she said. "Girls really use their tongues on other girl's backsides?"

"Sure do," said Jess.

"I guess I have to believe you," said Brigid. "I just hope you aren't punking me and then I mention it and everyone laughs at me. Who am I kidding? I'll never be able to talk about sex like that with anyone."

"You might someday," I said and patted her knee. Brigid smiled and put her hand on top of mine and squeezed it.

"Tell me about the three of you," she said.

"Brigid, I am not going to discuss what happened in any detail. You could ask Christa for that. Let me say that we all found each other attractive. Christa came over for dinner and, well, one thing led to another. Jess and I were really, really horny. We did have sex with each other."

"Like you and Jess, too?"

"Not all the way," said Jess. "Susie and I are still kinda working out the friend versus lover thing. We kissed and touched each other, but we didn't go all the way."

"But both of you went like all the way with Christa?"

Jess and I shared a look. "Yes," I answered. "But, honest, Brigid, we did not know about you."

"Christa never mentioned me?"

"No," I said. "Oh, wait, when I told her I was the trainer for your team, she asked if I knew you. I said I did and that you were really good and really pretty."

"Bullshit! You told her you thought I was pretty?"

"Yes. It's true," I said.

Brigid just shook her head. "What did Christa say?"

"She definitely agreed with me."

"But, she didn't say I was her girlfriend?"

"No."

Brigid sat and thought about what Jess and I had said. She must be trying to rearrange the bits and pieces of her life and love into a new framework. She came here hating us and wanting to blame us for what she saw as taking Christa from her. Now, she understood that relationships are complex things.

"Brigid, can I ask you something. You don't have to answer, but it may help you sort out some things." I looked at her and waited for her answer.

"Ok. What do you want to know?"

"Can you tell me exactly what Christa said to you about your relationship?"

"I told you already. She wants to dump me."

"Tell me exactly what she said."

"Whatever. It doesn't make any difference. She wants you guys and not me."

"See, Brigid, I know that's not true," I said. "We all had great sex, but we also knew it was just sex. We weren't starting a new relationship. So, try to remember the words she used. Tell me exactly what she said."

"Uh, well, we were like sitting in her room. We hang out there a lot 'cause I have a roommate and we can't, you know, get sexy with each other if my roommate is around. So, we were in her room. I wanted to like cuddle and stuff, but she was all 'let's talk' and shit."

I nodded and rubbed her leg still covered by the long tee shirt.

"So, she tells me that it's like all over between us and..."

"Brigid, use her words," I said with more force than before.

"Well, let's see. She said she loved me. Right!"

"Brigid, Christa said she loved you? So, accept that for now," I encouraged her.

"Anyway, then she said that I made her happy."

"Those were her words?"

"Yeah, she said that the time with me was the happiest of her life. Of course, I was feeling great and didn't see the freaking truck coming down the highway. Then she says I wasn't enough for her. I guess she meant I was a lousy lay or she just couldn't stand my boobs any more."

"Goddamn it, Brigid," I screamed. "Let's get something clear. You have great boobs. Ok, they are not huge, but they are beautiful. I love them. I get turned on looking at them. So, stop the poor little me and my boobs shit."

Both Brigid and Jess looked at me with their mouths open. Jess said, "Turned on?"

I blushed, giggled and nodded.

"Ok, moving on, I want you to tell me what Christa said, not what you think she meant. Did she really say you were not enough for her or that you were a lousy lay?"

I think I scared Brigid with my outburst and she answered my question directly.

"Christa said that she felt that each of us was kinda young and that we need to experience other things. She said she really loved when we were together and that I made her feel good."

"So how does that translate into you thinking she thought you were a lousy lay?"

"Well, I figured she was just saying that so she wouldn't hurt my feelings."

"Brigid, she said that because it's true. She knew she was going to hurt your feelings by talking about experiencing other things. If she wanted to spare your feelings, she wouldn't have talked to you at all."

"I never thought about it that way," Brigid said.

"Ok, go on," I urged her.

"Well, she reminded me that she did like to sleep with a guy once in a while. She also said maybe she might want to be with a different woman, too. She said I should think about that, as well."

"What did you think about that?" Jess asked.

"I thought it was her way of saying bye-bye. So, I asked her if she had been with another woman. She didn't want to answer, but I really pushed her. She admitted about having sex with you guys. That flipped me out."

"Why? Was it that she slept with someone else or was it who she slept with?" Jess asked.

"Uh, I don't know."

"I think you do, Brigid," Jess said. "I think you were hurt because she did have sex with someone else. I think you were even more hurt because one of those people was Susan."

"What! That's bullshit," she said.

"What's bullshit," said Jess, "is that you are attracted to Susan and are afraid to admit it."

Brigid could not look at me. Her face was once again red and she buried her head in her hands resting on top of her knees.

I was shocked at what Jess just said. I looked at my roommate and she smiled.

"God, a person would have to be blind not to see the heat between the two of you. I mean it's clear as day."

Brigid raised her head enough to let one eye focus on me.

"Is that true, Brigid?" I asked.

"This is so fucked," she said. "I gotta go."

"You are not going anywhere until you answer me," I said. "Are you attracted to me?"

The agony in her face touched me. "Listen, just so you know, I am attracted to you" I told her.

Her head sprung up. Blue eyes shone through her tears. She cracked a faint smile.

"Honest?"

"Yeah, honest. I think you are so sweet and so pretty. And, so freaking hot it's killing me."

"So that's why you came over today, isn't it?" said Jess. "You were pissed that Christa slept with other women, but you were also freaked out that one of them was Susie. I think you love Christa, for sure. I also think you have a serious crush on Susie. You wanted to come here and drive Susie away from Christa so that it would take the temptation from you. If you had Christa back, she wouldn't be with Susie, whom you were falling in love with. Jesus, just saying all that even has me confused. It's like some demented soap opera."

"But, you love Susan," said Brigid.

"I do. I love her more than anyone I know. But, you know what, ever since that night with Christa, I think I've come to understand that my love for Susie is not based on sex. Not that she isn't insanely sexy, it's just that I want more from her than a good screw. I want, no, I need her as my best friend."

"This is all insane," said Brigid. "I came over here to tell you guys to keep away from Christa. I had myself convinced I hated both of you. Now, I'm being taken care of by the two of you. I feel like I'm with my best friends. This is not working out the way I wanted."

"Maybe it's not working out the way you planned," said Jess. "But, maybe it may be working out the way you wanted."

"What? You're saying I came over here to like hook-up with Susan?"

"I'm saying, Brigid, that you are confused. I'm saying that you're trying to resolve a pretty deep conflict. I would bet everything on you thinking that you might like to see where a relationship with Susan might go."

"You're crazy. You know that?" Brigid couldn't remain still and her motions became spastic. Normally she possessed a grace of motion, but now she was flailing all over.

"I think we need to have Christa join us," said Jess.

"No way," screamed Brigid. "She doesn't know I'm here."

"She's going to find out," Jess said.

"No, she isn't. I'm not going to tell her."

"I am," said Jess. "I'll be right back."

"Please don't call her," Brigid said.

"Right now, Brigid, this whole thing goes beyond just you and Christa. All of us are involved and I want all of us talking with each other. I'll be up front with you. I am interested in seeing what could develop between Christa and me."

Jess looked at me seeking my reaction.

"So, you are giving up on men?" I asked.

"What's to give up," she said. "I haven't had a date in ages. The best sex I ever had was with a woman. My biggest worry is that I can't hold on to you as my friend, if I'm involved exclusively with women."

Brigid snorted, "Women! I think you mean one woman. My girlfriend."

"Brigid, that's why all of us need to be together to talk," Jess said. "I am totally confused about everything right now."

"Jess, I love you. Gay, straight, bi, doesn't make any difference," I said and hugged her.

"But, I sorta felt you liked Christa, too," Jess said.

"I like Christa a lot," I said. Brigid's face fell. "No, Brigid, I didn't mean I want to be her girlfriend. I meant I like her. She's fun to be with. I am not planning to hook up with her again, but I would like to be able to do things with her—and with you, and with Jess. Shit, Jess, you're right, this is making my mind run in circles. See if Christa can come over."

Jess went to her bedroom to make the call.

I saw the distress on Brigid's face. "She's right. We need to talk about this," I said.

"She's going to totally hate me. God, she will never talk to me again."

"Brigid, give her some credit. She's smart and sensitive. I think she knew something like this would happen once she told you what occurred with the three of us. She had to know that once she told you about us that things were not going to stay the same with any of us."

Brigid started pacing around the room. Her long legs extending below the hem of the tee shirt were distracting me. "Brigid, why don't you get dressed?"

She looked down and seemed to suddenly realize what she was wearing. Picking up her jeans and sweatshirt, she went into the bathroom. While she was there, Jess returned.

"So?"

"She's on her way," Jess informed me.

"Did she seem surprised?"

"No," Jess said. "I think she was relieved. I got the feeling she didn't want to have to deal with all this by herself."

I laughed. "Whatever all this is."

"Susie, I'm sorry the way everything sorta just came out. I wanted to be able to talk with you about my feelings for Christa."

"It's ok, Jess. I mean the sex with her was...well, it was the best. I've fantasized about it. Would I want that kind of sex again? Oh yeah! But, honestly, I never thought of having a relationship, you know girlfriend type of thing, with her. If you think there might be something between the two of you, go for it. You'll always be my best friend."

Jess pulled me to her. "I love you so much, Susie. You are the best."

"Love you, too."

We kissed and held each other tightly. Jess spoke into my ear. "So, you and Brigid?"

"God, I'm so fucked up right now, I can't give you an answer. But, keep this as a secret, I think she's been in my dreams."

"No way!"

I stepped back and looked Jess in the eyes. "Yeah, I kept getting these fleeting images of someone with black hair, but could never bring her into focus. Seeing her today, I think it was Brigid in my dreams."

"Too freaking weird," she said.

"All of that, Jess, all of that."

"We're gonna need something to eat," Jess said. "I have a feeling it could take a while and I don't want a repeat of this morning. I'm going to run down to the store and pick up a couple things."

"When will Christa get here? I don't want it to be just Brigid and me when she comes."

"Hey, as long as you too don't have your tongues down each other's throats, it should be ok."

"You're gross," I said and slapped her bottom.

"Tell me you don't want to smother that cute face with a thousand kisses," she said.

"Just go to the store and hurry back. Get a couple of their pasta salads and some French bread. I'll dig out some wine."

When Brigid came in after changing, I filled her in on what was about to happen. She started to have another panic attach. I made her sit on the couch.

"Brigid, we have to talk about this at some point. Let's do it now and get it over with. I think it will work out with all of us being together."

"But, what's going to happen?"

"I have no clue," I said, "but let's just talk."

"Was all what you said about me true?"

"That I think you are attractive and sexy?"

She nodded, and then added, "And I sorta turn you on."

I laughed and her face fell. "No, Brigid, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because you more than 'sorta' turn me on."

I felt like she was going to say something, when the door opened. Jess walked in carrying two bags.

"Guess who I ran into," she said.

Christa appeared in the doorway.

"Hi, guys," she said.

To be continued...