All Comments on 'He Owns Mum and her Friends Ch. 01'

Sentences can be more than eight words long, you know; you need to combine them so that they flow more naturally. The best thing you can do is read your story out loud and feel the rhythm of the words. Best of luck with your future writing.

Thanks for the advice Genius. My advice to you is get a life you Anonymous creep

Dude why such an asshole and ingrate. That commentor was giving you constructive advice but you insulted him WTF? Dont be a diva and an asshole writing about fucking your mom and her friends. FREAK!!!!

Well, I have to jump in here and make a couple of comments.

1. I DO agree with Anonymous No. 1. Reading your story was more of a chore than it could have been because of the choppy style. But you are the writer and if this is your style, so be it. An editor would probably help you to find a better, more fluid style.

2. I DO NOT agree with your comment to Anon No. 1. This person was pointing out a flaw in your writing that needs to be fixed. A choppy style with short sentences does not read well and gets in the way of the story being told. The advice to proofread and to find an editor to help out was good.

3. I certainly do not agree with Anon No. 2. It is obvious that this person has never tried writing like this and does not have a clue about how hard it is. I have posted a story to this site and while it was short it was a ton of work. And I have several more stories that, despite my best efforts, are not yet good enough to post.

Keep the faith, though! If you keep writing you will only get better and you will get fewer raspberries.

The first paragraph should have been enough to let me know, but I carried on for another few. One of THE worst stories I've ever read

This guy writes. Which is more than what most of you pussies who can't come up with a clever criticism do. Rather less write a story which strokes the Imagination of horny ridiculousness.

Nuff said, nice job Jack!

you lost me at A senior partner at my daddies firm. oh my!!!!!!

I tried again and couldn't get into it

left even earlier

Listen, everybody is entitled to an opinion, but flipping shit isn't opinion. This story lost me when she started telling him how horny she was as soon as he got on the train and said hello. Suddenly, she was all about her swollen pussy, etc.

A little longer lead-in would have made more sense. I didn't read the rest.

It certainly isn't Earth, as nobody here speaks like these two do!

I've read a few of Jack's stories and find them both arousing and bizarre. I like how direct and perverse the women are...but wish he wouldn't get bogged down in weird minutiae like fixing people's computers or finding financing to purchase a winery.

Man, there are some mentally disturbed writers on this site. Only a deranged individual thinks “get a life you Anonymous creep” is an appropriate response to a constructive suggestion about I’m-robing your quite poor writing style. Also, you clearly don’t understand how a law firm works … senior partner at 26??

You should of taken her to swingers creampie gangbang watch her get alot sperm pumped into her cunt asshole and mouth

Who wrote this? An alien from another planet, that has been learning English & never been to earth? The sentence construction is too weird to go past the bisque clothing with crotchless underwear

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