All Comments on 'Heather Gets A Huge Surprise'

Did I miss something? The story ends at "Park inside so no one sees your car."? Seriously? So where's the huge surprise?

This one was all over the place(s). Only in the fantasy world of Lit does every woman want sex from every man. If only! The author needs to keep better track of where his characters are and what they are doing to improve the continuity. Also the fun in the car was way too impossible to follow... I don't think the author has tried any sexy hijinks in the front seat of a car recently. We all know that even in a fantasy world we can't drive and suck face at the same time.

Story description says Heather gets fucked in the ass.

Don't exactly remember reading that part. WTF?

For the read.

This really needs work. Where's the rest of it? Your writing style is flawed. There is no real story here. You started off strong but then lost it. The ending is absolutely wrong and you need to practice writing more. Please, let someone else read it, someone you trust, before you put it into the hands of the sharks... I mean, the other writers in this community.

I like your style, but your story lines need some work. Keep at it. Try staying in the narrative if that's what you're working on, but don't switch around as much it just becomes confusing. Overall, nice job.

So, where does Heather get it in the ass?