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She leaned up to look outside. "Shit, already." She fumbled for her purse and pulled out a small box. When she pressed the button the garage door began to open. "Park inside so no one sees your car."
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoI like your style, but your story lines need some work. Keep at it. Try staying in the narrative if that's what you're working on, but don't switch around as much it just becomes confusing. Overall, nice job.
Anonymousabout 10 years agoThis really needs work. Where's the rest of it? Your writing style is flawed. There is no real story here. You started off strong but then lost it. The ending is absolutely wrong and you need to practice writing more. Please, let someone else read it, someone you trust, before you put it into the hands of the sharks... I mean, the other writers in this community.
Anonymousabout 10 years agoStory description says Heather gets fucked in the ass.
Don't exactly remember reading that part. WTF?
Hamsterabout 10 years agoThis one was all over the place(s). Only in the fantasy world of Lit does every woman want sex from every man. If only! The author needs to keep better track of where his characters are and what they are doing to improve the continuity. Also the fun in the car was way too impossible to follow... I don't think the author has tried any sexy hijinks in the front seat of a car recently. We all know that even in a fantasy world we can't drive and suck face at the same time.
Anonymousabout 10 years agoDid I miss something? The story ends at "Park inside so no one sees your car."? Seriously? So where's the huge surprise?
