All Comments on 'Helen and the Bus Driver'

After many days, finally something really worth reading, something well written and not reeking with anger or sickness (talking about both sides of the LW war here). Yes she cheated. Not good but sometimes good people do bad things. Only in the middle eastern radical Islamic countries do women get killed for this. Yes he forgave her after struggling with the decision to do so. Does this make him a wimp or a cuckold? No. Sometimes bad things happen in basically good marriages. In great marriages where real love thrives, the couple find a way to work through the problem together and keep their loving marriage alive. Good job. I will read more of your stories and gave this one 5 stars.

Your author's note at the beginning asked the commentariat to be kind as it is your first story. That's a valiant hope for a story submitted in the Loving Wives category. The comments can be ferocious, although no commentator has attacked you as yet.

And it's a story in which a wife commits adultery and is forgiven by her husband. There are many among the moral brigade who demand severe punishment for behaviour such as hers. They will call the husband a wimp for tolerating her behaviour.

Freewheel, as author you not only entered the lion's den that is LW, but you as a male author wrote in female first-person voice. I thought you did it quite well, and certainly better than some other authors who try it.

One thing that I felt was missing in your story was more of the actual seduction scene. In one long paragraph you had your wandering wife character being plied with alcohol and rather readily submitting to her seducer's advances. There was little about her feelings while it was happening, no doubts on her part, no feeling of doing something naughty, and so on.

But overall, I thought it went well.

Lue

So the fucking thing wasn't a betrayal of trust but the getting pregnant thing was? Please, please tell me I've missed something.

Still, you restore my faith with your epilogue.

80% of the story is wrapped around a cheating bitch and the first 10% is trying to justify it, while the last 10% is a forgiving husband with no character development who looks like a real wimp who doesn't mind his wife taking on lovers as long as she lies about how often she screws them and manages not to miss her cycle? Did I miss the part where her husband is a real man and that they made the same committments at the wedding? Is the next chapter about the "Lunch lady " who teaches him how to run around on his "faithful wife" and then compensates him for the next 39 years.. She didn't really learn anything from her experience it ppears so how are we to believe that she and Ben never got back together... Oh Yeah, I forgot we have her word for that.

She cheated lied and had absolutely no remorse, and in real life would have done it again, she and Ben are not very likeable and nothing about the wimp she is married to so that kills the turn on for me. Just a sad tale.

Fairly written...The plot had some potential, but the characters weren't the best: 1st - she cheated for a week (she cheated at the first night some hours after leaving her wonderful husband's side), no remorse at all because she cheated all the following days (more than once each day)!!! 2nd - The husband: was he so stupid to not understand that all the new moves his wife had learnt couldn't come from only a drunken fuck on the backseat of the bus? Or did he pretended to believe her? Did he never lost his trust in her? 3rd - as a comment says: To him it was acceptable for her to cheat around, but the limit was that she wouldn't get pregnant?

What bullshit these comments were. The respondents read the story in fair part to get excited by the illicitness of the sex but then proclaim selves more moral than the narrator, who seems to me to have a fair share of moral force. Also, the writing is superior to most of what one sees on this site and the negative responses to it again underscores the ignorance and hypocrisy of the dopes who wrote it. Since I was a literature professor for 35 years at a major American university--a full professor for the last 16 -who has published three very well-received critical, booklength studies of major 20th century American fictionwriters, my response should count for a bit more than their blatherings.

It would be be nice if there were a Cheaters Punished section for those who can't abide a story where the cheater isn't. Although those of us who enjoy a little suspense as to the outcome might be cheated.

How about a part 2 where the "sweet lovable husband" realizes she is a lier and goes and enjoys some strange (many times over many days) as well, just make sure he lies all about it to her to get the same effect. And then live happily ever after. Do you have the spine?

I hope that the comments here were all you received and you didn't delete the nasty ones. There were a few there that I hope you might find helpful. (It's a pity that LordSlamdawgg hasn't commented. His are often quite useful.)

Impo comes across as a gentle soul in that he doesn't descend into name-calling or denigration of authors or other commentators, but he is typical of the moral brigade who judge the morality of the characters more than how well the story describes the characters and the situation they are in.

If you have a wandering wife in your story she will be criticised by the moral brigade. There shall be no adultery performed by wives in stories within the LW category. It's even worse if she doesn't suffer destruction, disease or death as a result of her infidelity. And if her husband accepts her behaviour, he is as bad as she is. Those are the rules.

I hope you keep writing and providing more reasons for the moral brigade to upset themselves. I thought this story was a good start. As others have said, a bit more discussion of the wife and husband characters and their motivations and feelings would improve the story.

Lue

You said it right: I never attack personally a writer!!! But I'm not a gentle soul...And I'm not always in favour to destroy the cheaters (men or women)...That happens when a cheater show real repentance...And in this story that wasn't the case...why not if she never cheated again? Because she didn't assumed all her cheating, and on the top the cheating she lied shamelessly to her husband...to save her marriage? Why didn't she thought about it after the first time she cheated and resisted to the voice of lust from then on? In my comment I didn't comment about the other teachers that should have been blind about what was happening...

Freewheel, you asked for advice, so here goes. Carefully read each paragraph slowly and aloud before you submit. You’ll be amazed at the errors you’ll find. I’m working on my 17th, I think, and had proofed it many times on the monitor by simply reading it like I did your story. It was ready for submission, I thought, I printed and read it aloud from the printed copy, The amount of red on the printout was shocking.

ALWAYS CONSIDER COMMENTS BY SUCH AS SHARED SIGNE, LUDON AND SWINGERJOE VERY SERIOUSLY. There are many others, but I can’t recall their user names as I write this. Ignore those who offer no constructive criticism. They have an agenda, but I promised one of them I would try not to tell new writers what to expect, so I won’t. At least not this time.

You have a good story that would benefit by some fleshing out of the characters. Refer to swingerjoe’s comments. Most of all—don’t stop writing. You show more talent than many first timers. (BTW check the first sentence of the second paragraph for the type of errors you missed.)

Who cares if they get divorced or live happily ever after? Their marriage is so shallow, and the wife is so stupid that they probably deserve each other. The wife fucked around because she had the opportunity, and continued fucking around because it was fun, and she thought she wouldn't get caught. Her husband will do the same thing some day if a similar opportunity presents itself. And why shouldn't he? So we really have two mediocre fuck buddies who went through a marriage ceremony that means little or nothing to either one. If they last forever, or are divorced within the next few years, who could claim to be surprised either way? When cheating and reconciliation are this casual its makes the whole relationship boring. But thanks for trying. Better luck with future stories.

You should check yourself. It's you, sharedsigne, swingerjoe (in all his usernames, yeah we know who you are) and your cadre that do all the name calling. Calling Impo "Impotent," who did that? Calling people who disagree with you the "morality brigade," who was that? Oh, that would be you. It's very ironic that you and your ilk are constantly accusing other people of what you are guilty of doing yourself. Grow up, get a life, quit cheating on your husband. Maybe you could talk to some seagulls.

by means listen to swingerjoe and luedon and thecarolinadreamer.

If you love condescension, arrogance, puffery, and narcissism by all means listen to the cuck crowd above. For quality stories, well developed characters, and stories without rationalization of betrayal, lying, deceit, and with men who have not been total emasculated, look somewhere else.

BTB is not the only alternative to the RAAC and narcissism espoused by the above, though they will attempt to tar those who depict consequences, responsibility, regret for betrayal, and word to restore relationships to balance and harmony as neanderthal knuckle dragging mouth breathing unenlightened unevolved louts. Nothing could be further for the truth.

First off, Congratulations on posting. I remember how scary it was when I put something on here for the first time. I had never let anyone but my wife read my stuff so I was a nervous wreck. I am going to offer some advice as a newer author also trying to find his way.

1st.- Loving Wives is the toughest subset to write in. Get a thick skin quickly and you will be good. Don't take anything personally. At the end of the day you are still drinking your beer and petting your dog no matter what anyone says here.

2nd - You can't please all the people all the time so don't try. Write what you want to write and let the chips fall where they may. That being said, make sure what ever you write is good. Follow the rules of grammar as best you can and get an editor. You know you are doing better when people start attacking you for your content rather than your syntax.

3rd - Read. Find authors you like and see what makes their stuff appealing to you. Chances are if you like it, someone else will.

4th. - Have fun. You aren't getting paid and you are putting something of yourself out to the universe. Enjoy the experience.

Now for my thoughts on the story itself.

I personally prefer a moderate to a lot of character development and I didn't quite get there with this story. So for me personally it left me hanging a bit. However i see a lot of potential in your work and I hope you keep writing. Even if what you write isn't my cup of tea, the fact that you are writing it is awesome!

-Ahaz

I find it highly funny that SharedSigne and Luedon comment on the "Moral Brigade" when they themselves are judging the morals of this "Moral Brigade".

First of all, the novel setting ( snooty private English school ) and time period ( the tumultuous 70's ) were totally underdeveloped in favor of one furtive bump and grind after another. The bus driver was basically a walking phallus with zero attention to what qualities he owned that made for amazing carnal chemistry. The chance to mix in sweet memories of fledgling, incidniary, sapphic tryst by narrator was ignored.

They got away with multiple trysts in compressed time period with nary a close call or hint of potentially ruinous suspicion. When the narrator confessed to staid husband - his non-reaction was bleh. He is described as ' a good man ' but this aspect was fallow in terms of description as well. This could have been modern update riffing off of Lady Chatterly theme. It wasn't. Read a bit of DH. Lawrence , see how he mixed backdrops, erotic but doomed coupling, staid and libertine souls portraits and try again. Good luck.

You are right, Anonymous, about judging a different morality.

The difference is that I say my morality is OK for me. I defend it for me, but I don't say others have to share it. I accept that the moral brigade's morality is OK for them.

But the moral brigade does say my morality is not only not OK for them, it is not OK for everybody. They say my moral stance is not OK for me. I end up in a position of constantly defending against being told that I am wrong in believing what I believe.

Lue

For writing.

The thing is Lue, when you think of comments, or asking for feedback, by that alone your asking people to past judgement, to tell you what they think, and people base these judgements on their morals, what they feel is wrong and right. Once you release something into the world your asking for it to be judged, if you were not, you would keep it to yourself. Morality is essential in a civilized work, if there was no common morality, anarchy would ensue.

The stories in this category will be both loved and hated. Find the target audience that you want to engage and take THEIR critiques to heart. They are the ones who can best tell you how to develop your stories in the way that will true to your goal.

There is no certain group who is more knowledgeable than the rest. All just have different tastes. People look for different things in the stories that they enjoy. There are people who I listen to for different reasons. You will probably have an entire different panel of people who help you.

Most importantly, have fun. This is what we are all here for. Worrying about pleasing all of the people here will make things more wretching than it should be. You will find things more enjoyable when you find your target audience, and become immune to the people who aren't. Always challenge yourself to try different concepts that make the writing process more fun. The more fun you have writing it, the better it will come out.

Good luck.

Sorry I spelled your name wrong in my previous comment. Lol. My bad.

Congratulations. It takes nerve and thick skin to post in LW. I think Javmor and Azhura gave pretty good advice. I suggest you take it into consideration.

There's a subset of commenters here that don't judge your story on writing, plot, character development, etc. They tend to judge on their own particular moral stance and rate stories based on that alone. Everyone else whose morality is different than theirs is, of course, wrong. Stick to writing what you enjoy and would like to read.

one of the best stories on here. Great read. Eat shit anony

For the information of all involved, I selected the authors because of their habit of trying to help new writers. I don’t recall a time where either of them condemned any writer on the basis of story morality. If I’m wrong, let me know and I’ll apologize.

Those of you who are so set against the RAAC stories may change some hearts and minds if you would give some examples of people who encourage new writers who submitted BTB stories. I can only bring to mind those who try to tear down anyone who tries. Once again I could be wrong, but without examples I’ll continue to think I’m right on.

Yes, I have written cuckold stories with the husband being humiliated. Just like you, I hate those damn things, but each one was written at the request of a reader. Since you hide behind the cloak of anonymity I guess you have never gotten such request, but I can tell you it gives a writer an ego boost to have someone like their work enough to request a special story. Of course you may have a hundred stories to your credit and know exactly what I’m speaking of, but until you make it public we still have to question your qualifications.

I'm a little late to the game, and others have done a terrific job of giving you constructive criticism, so I have little more to add. From a technical aspect, I have two clitiques beyond the grammatical errors that others mentioned: 1) Watch your paragraph size. A few of them were far too lengthy, which made this story difficult to read (especially on a phone.) 2) There is no need to delineate your story by the day unless you are leading us toward some specific date that has some relevance to the story. (Think of the movie version of The Shining as an example.)

As for the story itself, I think you missed a couple of opportunities. First, we needed more insight into the wife's character to explain why she did what she did. It's understandable for a woman to get caught up in the heat of the moment and act spontaneously. But then, as soon as that moment is over, there is usually tremendous guilt and regret. This wife showed little remorse, and did it several times again -- not spontaneously.

Secondly, when the husband discovered the affair, that was a prime opportunity to let the readers become a fly on the wall and witness the painful conversation that took place. You skipped over that part, unfortunately.

In all, it's not a bad first effort. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.

I would of been divorced ASAP

And you would have missed out on almost 40 years of happy marriage after husband and wife had worked through their situation.

Instead you would have had the emotional agony and financial horrors of going through divorce. Sometimes putting a bit of hard work into a relationship rather than rushing to the divorce court can lead to very satisfying results.

Lue

Ps: Correct English says "I would have been divorced", not "would of".

stop promoting your whorish life-style. swinging is the way, we get it, just stop repeating it over and over.

Sure, it could have used some editing. But it was a solid story. Earned four stars. (Well, all right, five stars given that it's a first story.)

Thanks for writing.

I'm with you!

Why do those who espouse reconciliation accuse those who aren't in favor of being BTB?

You don't have to go all BTB just because you can't tolerate her cheating.

As I've said before, I do LEAN towards BTB, but I mean that as opposed to RAAC.

I tend to reserve BTB for wives like the one in "A Joke", where the wife, whether or not she actually fucked the "friend", went out of her way to embarrass and humiliate her husband.

I am TOTALLY opposed to RAAC (Reconciliation At All Costs), believing that there should be SOME cost for reconciliation, and that ANY reconciliation must be EARNED!

But no sympathetic characters.

The husband didn't really do a hell of a lot.

The wife was still lying through her teeth which doesn't make for a strong marriage in any universe and the asshole she cheated with went untouched.

Very shallow and unsatisfying unless this is a short cuck and whore fantasy.

Since you love RAAC, check out Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com. Married to 3rd husband over 20 years. Cheated on him entire time. Numerous affairs often more than one concurrently. He knows. Has broken down sobbing when talking about it. Info on FB profile cost her position as college instructor in Helena Montana.

The husband should have met up with Ben and given him what he deserved and if Ben was still alive at least his big dick would have been utterly destroyed. Don't leave this with a cuckold husband without retribution on the seducer!

Stop writing stories you stupid CUNT ..go hanh yourself...

HATE IT. ..N ALL YOUR STORIES...

1*

Why are all the stories about super sex with a new person? Of course it's going to be super when you're doing it with someone new.

My summary of the trip was a four day Fuck Fest and Helen starred in it! The story was good but not good if you get,my drift Thanks for sharing this Fantastic Story with us! ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Sweet as Chocolate Biscuits (Cookies) or Peaches and Cream ice cream ( Love em )

Story is Not Bad " Moral to the story....Most Women will commit Adultery " ★★★★★ WOOF!

5 stars.

Pathetic. But even more pathetic is the "big dick" trope in so many of these stories. The British Journal of Urology published a peer reviewed study of penis size involving over 15k male subjects. Principal findings: 1. The average cock is 5.17" long, and 80% of all men are within 4/5 inches of the average. For the math challenged, that means that guys just under 6" are in the 90th percentile. 90th percentile sounds impressive until you realize it represents a difference that won't make a difference to any woman. About one man in 100 has 7", and your chances of encountering a functioning, non-diseased 9" cock with the diameter of a beer can attached to someone who isn't too young or too old, decent looking, and with a suitable IQ and personality are better than winning the Power Ball, but not much. The average girth is about 4.5" or 4.75" (I forget which). The variance among men regarding girth is also quite small. 2. The size of a man and the size of his cock do NOT correlate. A guy who is 7' tall and 300 lbs of muscle is no more likely to have a giant cock than a guy who is 5' tall and 130 lbs, and there are equally likely to have a 3" cock. 3. Among whites, blacks, and South Asians, cock size does NOT correlate with race. The BBC trope is pure nonsense. Given that blacks have higher incidence of stds, diabetes, and cardiovascular problems (it's easy to check the facts), realism would demand writing about DBC (diseased black cock) and LBC (limp black cock). So, even if you find the rare BBC, it's more likely to be non-functional or something you wouldn't want to touch. Remember, these are facts that anyone can ascertain. As a personal observation, it's absolutely clear that the further over 6" you are, the more often you are going to find that it is easy to hurt your partner. Being "big" is mostly a liability. Vaginas are actually quite small and will stretch to accommodate a cock, but what makes women orgasm is a combination of mental things and nerve stimulation. The relevant nerves are in the clit and the G-spot, which is about 2" inside. Smaller than average can often do the job better than significantly larger than average because the smaller cock is more comfortable. Finally, vaginas are elastic. They do NOT get loose because someone is extra big and goes on for hours. In fact, if you have a lot of stamina and go on for a prolonged time, no matter what your size, the woman's vagina is going to get swollen and sore. So, "loose pussies" as a "tell" indicating an affair are ridiculous plot devices. If anything, the "tell" ought to be that she was tighter than normal. I wish authors didn't lard these stories with urban legends and had more experience with women.

You have some pretty good stories, but this surely ain't one of them.

Lowlife bitch.

She should get hers

I hoped she was pregnant

Interesting story but i have to admit the unfaithfulness was a turnoff. I hate to see couples being sneaky, and i definitely hate to see a man forgive an unfaithful whore. And she wasnt even truthful to him.

Plot is OK but full of holes as usual with this writer.

First, if a hubby noticed wife's new "knowledge" the admission of one drunken romp at the back of a bus would not placate him. There would be a hell to pay further because you don't "learn" from a one romp in drunk state. He would be pressing further, probably including some type of confrontation with the driver. There is no way the slut would get a freedom to go back to workplace where she would be able to meet the same guy. How can you be so stupid to write such a hole in your plot.

Think about this - your wife fucks a co-worker and tells you that. You forgive her and let her work in the same place with the same coworker? Does that makes any sense to you?

Second problem, as somebody pointed out, is that hubby is with 7 inches girth penis (the average is below 5) and "Ben" penis is 8 inches length (the average is below 6). So this woman had sex with two men in her life and both are with porn star size penis? You think that is believable?

Indeed this nonsense with big and thick dicks on LW is really designed for fools. Why not just go for 10 inch or 12 inch as it is often done in LW?

Sucked! No score.

Ben should have gotten his ass kicked

This writer has an overarching theme running through their stories. The woman is always really, really stupid and weak willed, while the husband forgives pretty much anything.

I am sorry I would not have forgiven the slut.