All Comments on 'Hello Father'

I do hope you get back to this story. It has a lot of power in it and one can see many ways for it to go.

Thanks

Yes this story needs an ending but I think that it might be more interesting if you opened the story up so that other authors can try and give us their own ideas for a suitable or maybe unsuitable ending.

Very well written, I look forward to reading more of your work.

Excellent beginning. This has the makings of a tremendous tale.

No rating until it is continued

with a security level that high the wifes actions would have been monitored

FINISH it, I am so fucking tired of writers on here that leave it unfinished, those boys knew him as their father, their ONLY father and he abandons them!

Great plot, writing & characterisation, all combined to be a great start to a new series.

4 ****

Write one if you want, but it's not necessary.

some stories do best when the ending is what happens in your imagination

If you are inspired to give us an ending, then do so. I would love to read one. If not, I still rated it a "5".

Some people here have a limited imagination and need stories wrapped up in a Hollywood ending--whether the bad guys lose in the end, maybe taking some of the good guys with them, or the protagonist has to get the girl/a girl at the end, whatever.

Sometimes we readers just need to appreciate what an author is offering, in this case, a well-written, heart-rending slice of life.

Yes, it's unfortunate that he walked out on the boys, but it's not surprising that he did so: he received an incredible shock--his life was not what he thought it was, and all his hard work, which was meant to support his family, seemed cold comfort and a poor second to the family he'd thought he had.

look at all....what has happened, TK U MLJ LV NV p/s Alan Sherman

Thanks for sharing.

It is a good start and it revealed the pain a cheating wife causes her whole family. There is no excuse possible for her behavior, so perhaps there is nothing really left to be said. Whether Robert reports his fathers location or not, his father still needs to man-up and move past this shit. Big picture: he was sterile anyway so his wife did not cheat him out of having kids. She didn't love him, but then again there are many people trapped in loveless marriages. Why run? If he really loved the kids he should have stayed and done his job. ( He didn't love them as much as being a dad was part of his ego) He should have been a great dad and started cutting mom out of the picture. He could have completely pushed her to the side within a few months, all the time playing the loving husband. In the end he could have alienated the boys from their slut mother, protected his finances for the impending divorce and paid the bitch back. This whole process would have only taken a few years given the boys ages.

Think of her as a man but lacking a penis and any sense of moral reason and accountability.

..might have been someone smart, productive, likely to make something of himself but otherwise a man she could control, as indeed she did. The world is filled with brilliant folks who can't see through the fog at the end of their arm. Leaving to flee massive pain within emotional trauma doesn't mean he didn't love those boys - perhaps it was the way to prevent them from experiencing/witnessing his venting his pain on their mother - even to the point of homicide. And..what of her continuing relationships (if any) with the respective fathers, their knowledge of parenting these sons (if any), knowledge of their partners - and his need for revenge on them, as well as her. Four different fathers? Cold-blooded one, she is.

My heart goes out to him

I missed this author's first story on Lit. I'll read it next.

Did Sandy divorce him? I assume she could do that on her own because he could not be found. He owes, at a minimum, back child support.

I don't recall another Lit story in which "Dad" abandoned kids who were not his. When my former wife and I split our kids were in college. I'm 99% certain they are mine and I wonder if I could have abandoned them when they were 12-16.

This is a great story but there are so many loose ends that can be written about. I hope you or some of the other great writers on this site step up and add to this. Thanks for a different slant.

But definitely needs more. Sandy's view: closure between him and Sandy (I can't find his name anywhere in the story); after 5 years away why did Robert still not know that he was not the biological father.

I agree with the comment someone else has posted that regardless of what happened, his walking away from the children he'd raised is indefensible. I don't see how that can be justified, especially with the character portrayed here.

Developing a new jet and discussing the design in public and even pulling out drawings? Never mind military secrets, that is a big no-no even in the commercial world, (tsk, tsk). But this is fiction after all, so that's OK.

Very good. Hope you finish this.

There are many who will be very quick to judge the narrator. I agree that it IS horrible to leave those kids without a male role model. The man that they have come to depend on vanishes without a trace or explanation. That is tough, for sure. However, I think the same readers who would judge the narrator so harshly are underestimating the level of betrayal and devastation he felt at the hands of his wife. It would be hard to imagine that each of your sons have a different father and that it is NOT you. Then consider that, that fact means that your wife has cheated on you since the beginning of your marriage. Closer scrutiny then you ever had to pay before, realizes that she probably cheated on you even before you were married. This means that everything you thought you knew and believed about your life together was a lie. But this betrayal goes EVEN deeper! This is his childhood sweetheart. The ONLY person he has ever loved, since the 9th fucking grade!!! I really believe that adultery is even worse, when the betrayal comes from a childhood sweetheart. Think of it. Every family member has ALWAYS known, that they would be together. It was expected. As they grew up and matured, neither could imagine the other not being there.

(as a tip on writing further chapters, you incorporate the extreme way she took him for granted. He was always there for her, so he always would be, right, no matter what she did. However, she was wrong. She underestimated the level of betrayal, and repeatedly committed the sins NO man could forgive)

Think about it. What would hurt worse? You marry a women you just met after 6 months of courtship (yeah that would be stupid, but this is a hypothetical). Within the first year of marriage, you discover her cheating on you. This sucks, but you can almost blame yourself, for not getting to know her better first. Perhaps the divorce can even be amicable. Now compare that to discovering the betrayal, that our narrator did, of the only woman in his life since he was about 14 or so. His ENTIRE life has been a lie. Nothing that he thought was true, can be counted on. Every happy memory he EVER had, is tainted by the stink of her betrayal. If a judgmental reader can't understand how that will completely unravel the psyche of a man, and drive him to suicidal thoughts (perhaps even homicidal ones), then they didn't read the story.

"oh he shoulda done this, or that....."

Well, MAYBE. But short of getting serious psychological help, getting away from the source of it was probably the ONLY way he could cope. Were there victims? Sure. But who is to blame for it? Wisdom might suggest more than one person should accept blame. However, The point of the story is to ask these types of questions. As the point of any further chapters should provide an attempt to answer them.

Thanks for writing. Thanks for starting. I hope you finish it!

think you were allowed to write a story about anything but being a sick fuck as is in the other stories posted on this day. My thank you for posting a enjoyable tale

Not bad. Not bad at all.

An ending would be nice but not required. This could easily become a multi chapter tale.

Thx

Why does everyone need everything tied up in a pretty bow? No, the story doesn't need continued. We don't need her POV. As a matter of fact, going farther would most likely ruin the flow of the story. Take the story for what it is. A day in the so called life of a wounded man. Great story by the way. Keep up the good words.

Myhands316

I tried to hit one star and it scored five. Maybe that's how this got the score it has. It was boring with no real emotion except to say he cried all the time.Then you wasted the readers time by simply stopping the story with a lousy lilly-livered excuse for not knowing where to go. And you call yourself a writer?

It pisses me off that it automatically scored 5 stars for this two page waste of time.

I'll join those that think sequels could be a good idea. Not too interested in the wife's story, as she is just a shallow, cheating slut and who cares. The boys and possibly Margo are much more interesting as a story line. Yes, the story was written in a flat, narrative style, but it was the kind of narrative that a high IQ aircraft designer might write. He is not going to be big on emotions and revenge, so the story kept my interest and it got four stars.

Little emotion, piss-poor punctuation, flopping between tenses... Waste of time.

Though I don't think some will catch on that the guy had a complete mental breakdown. I suppose so many stories had the dude doing the same thing for shits and giggles that when someone does it for other reasons get lost. Crappy thing to do? Yes. But also something I can't hate him for.

A trilogy is not needed, not every story needs a pretty bow with two epilogues, and 17 different POVs to be a complete story like some would have you think. If you think its done, it is done.

Had potential, but not so good. Improbable.

MIT but can't spell common words.

Hugely unfinished & you tell us it will stay as such for possibly a long time.

Thanks for the effort, but please don't do it again.

But you willl soon learn that the readership gets aggravated when serials are not pre-written before posting, so that the installments can be posted consecutively. It is hard to remember a story when the next installments is posted a month or more later.

Lots of ways you can go here, would love to see how you finish it.

I'll add my vote to those wanting sequels.

I don't know if I want to know Sandy's "side".

Too many of these "loving wives" use their husbands' busting their asses to provide for their families as excuse to play around. They never think to use their time productively or tell their husbands to eas off, that they don't need so much "stuff".

Also, her disrespect in naming the kids after her lovers, trying to drive a wedge between them and their father (and, yes, he IS their father in all ways that count), and in putting down his work, makes her less than a slut in my opinion.

Please be quick to finish or continue the story so the story line is not lost.

Too good to stop now. What was Sandy's motivation to cheat? Too many loose strings.

Not that this wasn't a good start. It was. But that's all you have - a good start. By telling us that you have no second or third chapter, that is you have no ending, you have wasted our time. Nothing worse then authors posting unfinished stories. You see it all the time. And the readers let the authors know, time and again. "Please finish your stories". Or, "This story needs an ending". Good writers (JPB comes to mind) screw up time and time again by not having endings to their stories. It isn't clever. No one appreciates an unfinished story. So this story goes on the trash heap. If you can't be bothered to post a complete story, don't post it at all.

I guess I said it in the title. Loved this story, well written, completely held my interest, and had me anxious when you said chapters 2&3 had to wait. I didn't want to hear that at all. Please complete this story, I'm sure everything will fall into place so you can come up with the "Sandy" chapter. You only mentioned 2 additional chapters, but remember, you need to close it out for him (by the way, you never gave "him" a name). I'll be waiting impatiently, please post soon.

THEN DON'T POST THE FUCKING STORY

without an ending it's not a story. The writing is good, but without and ending it's not worth your publishing or our reading.

Like life, there is always another chapter and another view point. Not many writers can take a reader to the edge and let them feel good about what they have read... you accomplished it. Well done.

If you feel the need to follow this up or give the story other perspectives, please do so, but do not do it to satisfy those readers who must have an ending, happy or other wise. The story is great as it is.

Michael

At least 1 more chapter too tell how the Boys and maybe mom took the News.

And do the boys get back with their father or go after their real Fathers.

Remind me never to read one of this guys stories again. I really liked what I just read except the last paragraph. That was an asshole move so I won't read anything else written by this guy!

Would like to see it continued.Well.done

I agree with what KarenE said. For me right now there is a lot of irony in this story, as at one point in my life this could have been me (except for the becoming wealthy at the end). Well done.

What an up and coming author!

The story unfolded nicely and I wasn't uncomfortable with how he explained the early years with his wife, to her son. I was able to feel his pain, I've felt just a tiny bit of what our protagonist does.

I vote for more chapters too. I for one NEED to hear Sandy's story of why she was such a slut and showed such terrible disrespect to her husband by naming the boys with their biological fathers names. For that alone, she should be put on death row.

...just a fraction. But a good fraction... 2*/5*

Put an ending on it, even if he only hears on the news that Robert shot the cunt in the head...

I enjoyed this story but please give us an ending.

loved the tale, hated what the wife did to him. her reason for doing what she did could be

many. could be a bitch or just wanting kids any way she could get them.

While I never really understand the spouse that cheats on somebody who doesn't deserve it (not unfaithful themselves, abusive or there's an "arrangement"), it's particularly hard to fathom so early in a marriage between two people who seemed (from his perspective at least) to have had real devotion to each other (staying together through college, being supportive of each other).

So, unless the protagonists view of the "facts" is really way off, this is hard to understand. Unless he was so far off as to be essentially lying, nothing she says can even remotely justify her behavior. But his just walking away from four teenage or almost teenage boys and not talking to them for 5 years is just as hard -or harder -to justify. So maybe this guy is not such a good guy after all. He may have been -understandably -severely depressed - at first. But after a while, and certainly after he moved to San Diego and started his new lucrative business, how could he not seek out his boys. Even selfishly, why wouldn't he get divorced? California is a community property state, and as he is still legally married, half of his riches may be claimed by the cheater. Why would any reasonably intelligent person tolerate that?

So, good read, but many questions that deserve answers. The author may not know where he wants to take the story, but even the part he has told need filling in.

You've set us up well; and I'm really looking forward to the story continuing.

Hey Jeff_Thomas (DBMF), let the author finish before you make a comment; or write a story yourself if you think it's so easy. (I don't recall reading any of your stuff)

BDEarth

Nice start but you left it so up in the air that this is not ratable. If you ever get around to finishing it, I'll think about the whole story.

and you did with this nice tale. Looking forward to more.

Thanks!

Really enjoyed this one and can't wait for the next in THIS SERIES!

Great tale of human pathos at its deepest. Thanks. I'll be looking for a sequel.

As an FYI, when one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark. You wrote his story as a dialogue, not a monologue.

<P>

Lastly, "I don't know the reasons for Sandy's actions." Bullshit, if you don't. no body does. She's your creation. "I don't know" is a cop-out.

A 4.5 star effort. It doesn't need to be "finished" some of the best short stories have open or ambiguous endings.

If you have the time or inclination I think the son's side of the story would be a welcome addition.

The wife not so much.

I look forward to reading more.

Good story if you want to end it now of course you can, but I would just like to know how the wife and kids feel about the situation and the kids reaction in finding out about their Moms

affairs/cheating. Was there ever a divorce? etc.

If you can't understand that he doesn't know why Sandy did what she did- then you have never meet a cheating conniving bitch.

Great questions and I think the answer comes down to him being a weak fearful man. Despite all his success he's essentially a coward who will do anything to avoid confrontation. Clearly there were problems in the marriage he just refused to see them until it was too late. For example, his wife says he draws airplanes for a living he lets it pass and justfies it by telling himself his work is classified. Also he didn't even argue over the naming of his sons. Four of them and he didn't demand that he be allowed to name one?

Look at the way he cowers in front of the FBI agents. He's too frightened to even ask to see ID. And then instead of explaining to Al about his former TS clearence he again runs away. Avoidance his his default setting.

When he found out that his entire life was a lie running was all he could do. It's a victory for the human spirit that he did not kill himself as that would have been right in line with the pattern of his life.

Sad , but great story , well written. Thanks.

A very touching sad tale which is mote common than in the real world than people might care to believe !

Women know who the father is a duping a loving husband is an evil sin !

This is a 5 * story, but i gave just 4 *, because I'll wait for the end...I don't need the other people stories...Just what happens to the man that suffered all that pain....

5 stars and more chapters please

Good story and good writing. As critiqued by others the ending or lack thereof needs to go further. But it is what it is. Cheers!

This is one of a few stories that needs more for an ending.

Your story is extremely well written. The story flows smothly. There are no abrupt changes (nothing is more disconcerting than a story that stops and then starts).

I hope the next part is as good as this one. 5 stars+

I kept waiting for the author to mention Allan Sherman, but of course he wouldn't, in this venue. Sherman, an outstanding comedian's biggest hit single was "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh", a comic novelty in which a boy describes his summer camp experiences to the tune of Ponchielli's Dance of the Hours.

He's nothing but a low-down, double-dealing, backstabbing, larcenous perverted worm! Hanging's too good for him. Burning's too good for him! He should be torn into little bitsy pieces and buried alive!

Loved the story can't wait for the rest.

Man, do i hate when i waste my time reading a story just to be left hanging. It doesn't matter if you ever finish it someday as time will pas and i'll forget you and this story and probably never get to see how it all ends up.Would have loved to read how the bitch faced her kids when the truth came out,maybe even her confronting him also. But that will never happen because you couldn't hammer down an finish the damn thing. Hopefully any future stories you write won't be done in the same half assed manner.

Thanks for the raed,

Can't wait the read more.

I like your proposed additions to it. Please continue.

This guy was intelligent but not a worldly wise one. He went straight from school to college and then got married. He worked for one company in or near his home town. He had only seen a narrow section of life and not met wide variety of people. The revelation that his wife cheated was a shock he could not cope with and he took months to acknowledge it to himself. By then he thought it was too late to go back.

It would be interesting to read any sequel about the wife's life and sons' reactions.

I do want to point out, that there was no violence, and no retribution in it.

I also want to say that your character was every bit the victim the boys were. All of the pain and damage is on her. So this is a great story to help me point out that nothing justifies cheating in the real world when people are hurt, especially the innocent, and all of the comments by people like frontlinecaster who bag out STORIES where people give PAYBACK just goes to show that they are people without empathy or morals.

5 stars

Wow. I gave you 3*s . My error you deserve 4*s, very sad but well written!

I find it hard to believe that you only have written memos and letters previous to these 2 stories.

You had the readers sharing the pain with your protagonist. Now that's talent.

You didn't describe his emotions and that is something not everyone can do.

I look forward to the next chapter.

AMerryMan

but you have to finish it or at least add another chapter every few days or it aint goin' anywhere.

Sad, well-written (for Literotica) tale that triggers lots of feelings and emotions from the readership. Must agree the children suffered but I put most of the blame on the wife. An ending in the near future would make this a lot better, but I still give it four stars.

The reason? You did not finish the story, and you will not in the future. I hate stories that are left unfinished. The faddish thing for LW authors to say is "use you own imagination". I do, sometimes, but I did not read YOUR story to activate MY imagination. I read it in order to enjoy how a writer develops his story and how he resolves the inherent conflict. You did not do that, and I did not like your unfinished story. I can speculate why you did not, but that would accomplish nothing except to piss you off. If you are going to keep writing, learn a very simple fact. A good story has a beginning (introduces the characters and the conflict), a middle (develop characters and the crisis), and an ending (resolve crisis). Don't write stories if you cannot fashion an ending.

Finish it, please. A story like this NEEDS a finish. A week, a month, 6 months, but finish it. Spread your creative wings.

I enjoyed the story and would like to see it finished from his POV or that of the boys. No interest in sluts POV. To those who suggested he never should have left what should have done if he stayed? Say nothing and die inside? Divorce her fine but as he was not the biological dad he would not get custody or visitation. So aside from paying child support for some one else's children it serves no purpose to stay.

Usually i hate these stories where the guys been done wrong usually they are wankers/loosers "Revenge" WANKS BUT this is well done .... so good i actually finished it!

Congrats! 5

Finishing what you've started is a hallmark of success. Don't divert your attention from this story. Do yourself a favor and finish it before going elsewhere. It's good enough to have earned it.

To the story being finished, as it currently sits story is a solid 4.5* will have to see how it ends

I can understand why he left and didn't communicate with the boys, severe depression will cause that kind of reaction.

His world view had the rug yanked out from under it, the girl/woman that he had loved from the first day of high school on turned out to be a monster.

Most honest people expect those around them to be honest also, at least until they get badly burned.

Could he have stood up for himself more i.e. when she disrespected his career?

Yes, but it did not seem that he respected or liked her friends/co-workers all that much. Why care what people you don't care about think of you?

He was a nerd that went to MIT, he only "dated" one girl/woman in his life.

What social skills do you expect him to have?

When and where would he have acquired them?

Her point of view? So what?

She is either evil or insane (sociopath? psychopath?)

You really do have a talent for story telling...

For a story that is no more than a few paragraphs of mostly monologues, you've captured so much. I laughed in one instant and the next, I am in tears. The silliness of mundane things are seamlessly interspersed with a tragedy that is as inexplicable as many tragedies in life are.

The little mistakes in editing --- quotes being in the wrong places, what should or should not be put inside quotes, etc. ----- are so small and insignificant compared to the griping of the small, personal tragedy of this man and of his 4 sons.... I could easily ignore all those tiny things.

This has been one of the few stories I've read in recent memory that I wished it would continue on for a couple more pages and more...

Again, you have a knack for gripping personal tragedies.

I don't know if POVs from the boys and Sandy would be any good.

Personally, I don't think Sandy's POV would provide any clarification for this tragedy, although I would like to hear from the boys. They are, indeed, the true victims of Sandy's crimes. It is, after all, not through any of their fault that one day they woke up to having no father, whereas yesterday they had a good, nurturing, intelligent, and dependable father like their other friends from school.

You've captured everyone heart in this simple story. As a writer you have succeeded. Please don't stop now. There is so much more, just waiting for some one like you.

To learn the difference between "looser" and "loser"..

Biggest pet peeve...

That he gave on everything to his wife lead her to disrespect him to the point of putting the real father's names on the kids. I feel real sorry for all except Sandy.

I blame Sandy; I do not defend Sandy; nothing bad that happens to Sandy would trouble me (assuming of course that the protagonist's recounting of events is not wildly distorted).

BUT, he abandoned his kids. Two wrongs do not make a right. Of course he may have had a horrific attack of severe depression, but if he was functional enough to drive, find work and eat three meals a day, he was functional enough to tell a 12 year old his dad (the only dad he knew) was alive and loved him.

What do you think is worse, a man finding out his kids are not his biologically, or four kids of an impressionable age feeling abandoned and left behind? We may understand HIS feelings, but dumping his kids is TOTALLY INDEFENSIBLE.

Pretty good up to the point he ran away. He was a smart guy, with drive and determination, so running away was out of character. Anyway at that point, the description of his anguish was overly long and the story fell apart.

I'd finish it with Sally winning. She would tell his kids she knew he was shooting blanks, but they wanted kids so he gave her some space to give him some. Different fathers because she loved her husband and wanted no emotional entanglements. When Robert found out, Sally was remarried and was very happy with the new husband. Have them all Sally and the boys be moderately friendly, but not much interested in the run away father.

Robert would like his family back, but remained a bit of a stranger.

Won't get good ratings, but would be an honest, realistic story.

Chilley

,

I love it as it is, but would definitely love your suggested sequels of Robert's chapter 2 and Sandy's Chapter 3. Well done!

great story just wish it had an ending as this kind of story does require a good ending

Great start. The title pulled me in and you did a good job hooking me. The story seemed a little windy, but was ok. To be honest I don't care about Sandy's side but would love to hear about the boys after he left, and see you close out the story with, hopefully the boys and dad getting back together. Dad's been gone to the "war" for 5 years....not too long to come home and take them back under his wing. If he raised them well, they may come "home". If his wife twisted their minds, some may not roost at home, but try to fly with the training mom gave them...maybe crash and burn. Who knows...only you do.

Is not the same as defending it.

Wow a five all the way, now you got me , please send out part two soon , stop your other story. This. One is a real winner and different than any other I've read. I a sure most readers would agree. With me.

Finding out you boys. Were from 4 different men ,what the f--k. He works all his life and loves his wife and this betrayal . He was overwhelmed his brain was on fire,he could not reason rationally. Instead of killing her, beating her , commenting suicide, or other irrational act he just runs. His whole world came apart. So how can you blame home for his actions. Some readers can only see there world and never experiencing this in there wildest dreams. .

You write: "He was overwhelmed his brain was on fire,he could not reason rationally. Instead of killing her, beating her , commenting suicide, or other irrational act he just runs. His whole world came apart. So how can you blame home for his actions."

That explains the initial reaction. But he was not too irrational to work; to eat; to drive; to start a new business. He was hurt. Badly. Horribly. Justifiably. BUT - he still abandoned HIS kids. He was the only father they ever knew. He loved them and raised them. They were teenage boys and he was their dad. And he left them without a word because he was badly, horribly and justifiably hurt. And didn't EVER try to reach them. Waited five years and then the oldest sought him out.

Sorry dude, but just because Sandy was evil doesn't mean that the father wasn't a very bad guy. Destroying your four kids because of your own pain is very bad behavior.

I respect that you have a different view. I am not trying to convince you. I just totally disagree with you.

A very good story that so much needs to be continued. Please resolve it. Thank you for your effort!

Eventually he will need to move on, its not healthy holding on to the hurt, anger and confusion. I know he don't want to face the cheating wife but maybe it will start the healing process. She need to own up for her lies and deceit. He need to at least apologize to the boys for abandoning them.

He is perceived to be the bad guy and his actions of leaving can cause a negative impact on the boys like the wife caused him to run.

I can't wait to read Sandy's POV.

A truly moving story. Looking forward to more from you sir

Very good. I see at least 3-4 more chapters before you can wrap it up.

He went from heart brake a destroyed man, who gets back into his field of expertise makes partner is now super rich . In San Diego calif no less is he still married or did she divorce him. If not he is on the hook for his millions of a.community property state. We do not know her story and now we are left with an unfinished story . So the author said he is writing another story before finishing this one. That sucks leaving us in the dark! We need a finish!!