All Comments on 'Home for Lunch'

You'll be doing yourself a favor if you learn how to use basic punctuation. There are so many commas that should be periods, commas where none are needed, no question marks at the end of questions, missing capital letters at the start of dialogue, etc.

Who cares about technique when a story is as quick and dirty as that!

I'd usually say, slow down, take your time, but you've sold it as a quickie and it delivers. OK, next?

No doubt you'll get comments about your punctuation and grammar, but don't let that or them discourage you. You have natural talent which needs to be developed and that can only be achieved through continued writing. It would be good to learn grammar and punctuation, but you can always get an editor for that if need be. Creative writing and story telling, on the other hand, are talents that few possess. Keep writing.