All Comments on 'Homecoming Ch. 01'

You have a very good story going hope to see more soon. Thanks for the great read .

Hope to to be able to read the next chapter soon.

You have a done a great job with the story line. Looking forward to how it grows

Amazing. Great story and very hot sex. I can't wait to read more.

From a technical standpoint, get a better editor. Manors are homes, manners was what you obviously meant. Unless you’re writing on Notepad, Word should tell you when a sentence is a fragment. You have a lot of them and they’re glaringly obvious, i.e. “Just as she neared the top.” “Raising her into the air freeing her of any pressure against her limbs.”

The ‘i’ in I’m should always be capitalized. Do some research on commas and other punctuation especially look into ellipses as they could certainly help. “What the actual fuck James.” This is a question; ergo a question mark would be appropriate.

Overall, you have an interesting premise that could do with some serious refining. More description (of character's physical attributes, the sex itself), a back-story for each of your characters, and a little more world building would go a long way into making this something worthwhile. I wish you the best of luck.

I'd love to read more

I read this yesterday in one sitting... some errors here and there, but the story kept me hooked. I was okay with the Janet joining in and I was hard until page 5 when I read this:

"I bet she would look fucking amazing filled to the brim with many cocks."

Boner killer. Please, please don't pimp out the mom. You've got a great series building here, don't ruin it.

I gave this 5 stars.

There is absolutely no way that I want to believe that you read this, had an "editor" read it, and then posted it, thinking it was good. This is notably below par grammar wise.

more we need more

You need to find another editor.

I agree with the no pimping out the women or even the while bdsm dom sub crap either. What you already had in this was enough to last a several chapters. Your editor needs an editor with as many mistakes they let go by.

Even though the premise is ancient and hackneyed you give the 'genie in a bottle' theme an interesting twist. This submission is full of sparkling gems and nuggets of gold but they are scattered amongst a landscape of often incoherent grammar, spelling, phrasing and incorrect word usage. I think you might be in over your head on this one. Get an editor who will also help you with concepts, focus and direction. This could be really good, even great if you do it right.

The people criticizing your few grammatical errors is retarded. I think your story, your name, and imagination are fantastic! Keep up the good work and don't let the asshats get you down.

I prefer to read grammatical errors over stunting your lovely imagination. Please continue this story with haste (even at the expense of a few negative comments for grammar).

This story is great. It is a new favorite of mine. I'm going to be very upset if a second chapter isn't released. Keep up the good work.

I had a huge erection and it's quite painful. Reading porn discreetly with everyone in the house makes up for tight underwear and build up in the balls. I loved the first chapter.

Just finished this and went to read chapter 2...only to discover you haven't posted/written it. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Please write the next chapter