Honor Thy Mother & Thy Father Ch. 28

"Bullshit, all men talk to each other about is sex and sports. If it's not those two subjects, they stand mute."

"That's not true, we also talk about work."

Callie said, "I have to use the little girls' room. Where are they?"

Payne replied, "There are five of them, come with me I'll point them out to you."

A little speaker said, "Time for round two."

"Dycke, you are going to wind up in in early grave if they catch you."

Both women were washing their hands in the bathrooms, when bubbles started pouring out of the sink, showers, and bathtubs. Water was flowing from everywhere and the bubbles were growing higher and higher, quicker than they could be controlled. The girls tried everything to turn the water off. The bubbles kept getting higher. They decided they had to get out of the bathrooms. They tried to open the doors, but the handles came off. They screamed for Harold to help them.

He searched the huge apartment and finally found Payne. He pressed on the door handle, but it would not budge. He told Payne to back away from the door and he would break it open. After three hard kicks, the door gave way, and Payne emerged covered with bubbles from her head to her toes.

Harold called out, "Callie where are you?"

She yelled, "It doesn't matter, I can't let anyone see me like this."

"Let me get you out of the bathroom. I just can't figure out what room you are in. They all look alike when they are empty."

"Look for the one with bubbles coming out from under the doorway."

"It was easier to follow your voice babe. The lock on your door is frozen, just as Payne's was. Please step away from the door, while I kick it in."

With one powerful kick, Harold put his foot through the door. He was stuck. Payne held him on one side and Callie removed his shoe on the other. As he pulled his foot back out of the door, he was able to reach the locking mechanism and maneuver it, until it popped open.

Harold opened the bathroom door, and a flood of bubbles poured out of the bathroom. They could not see Callie.

Worried, Harold called out, "Callie, come to me. Let me help you and get you into dry clothes."

"You can never tell anyone what I look like."

"Callie, to me you will always be an angel."

Callie walked slowly out of the bathroom, covered by tiny bubbles. She did not look the same. Her coloring was wrong. She did not return to flesh tone when the bubbles popped. As she entered the light, she was ash grey, from the tip of her blonde hair to the bottom of her painted red toenails.

She saw the shocked look on Harold's face and cried, "You don't love me anymore."

"Nonsense Callie, you are under there somewhere; I think. We just have to figure out how to get you back."

Lights, microphones, and cameras emerged from the ceiling, and the concrete pillars that supported the building. Music started playing, and the men and women carrying this high-tech equipment, were talking about the quality of the video they had just shot.

Payne yelled, "I knew it was him."

A man who was issuing orders asked, "Knew it was whom mam?"

"My husband, Dycke Schneider."

"We received permission, from a holding company, to use this apartment to film this segment of, "Caught in The Act," because it was empty. As far as a Mister Schneider is concerned, I've never met the man. Aren't you the actors from the 'Screen Time Talent Agency we hired?"

"No, Callie and I live here. This is our apartment."

"Are you Mister Chase? They informed us that you were on your honeymoon, and had no plans to come to the East Coast for some time. Sir, I apologize for myself and my crew. We can get this cleaned up in a matter of days. We will put you up in the Ritz-Carlton, in Charleston. Anything you need will be paid for by our company. I am terribly sorry for this inconvenience."

"Look what you have done to my wife. I'm going to sue you out of existence."

"Sir that is a movie cosmetic. We will spray her with liquid soap, wait fifteen seconds, and have her shower. It will come off like sand."

Callie asked if they could start now.

The director called two women make-up artists, and introduced them to Callie They took her into the master bathroom, and had her undress. The women sprayed her with this soapy substance, and massaged it into her hair. They turned on the shower to bring the water up to a warm temperature. When it was ready, they asked her to step into the warm spray. Like magic, her body turned from an ash grey to pink, and her hair returned to its golden blonde color.

After she dressed, they took her into the living room, put her in a chair, styled her hair, and did her makeup. When they were finished, she looked like a movie star.

When she returned to Harold, he said, "I told you Callie, you always look like an angel to me."

She became misty eyed, and Payne yelled at her. "Don't you dare cry; you will ruin the makeup."

That was all Callie could take. The faucet controlling her tear ducts opened and she began to cry crocodile tears. She put her face into Harold's shoulder, and he held her tight.

"Payne, this is normal. The pregnancy is driving her hormones bananas. One minute she is fine, the next minute she is off the wall. You should have seen her on the trip down to Antarctica. The loadmaster and his crew could not believe the way she acted from one minute to the next. They made a bed for and she slept for hours."

"I did not sleep the whole time; someone fucked me to sleep."

"I had to think of something to calm you down. You were driving everyone crazy. A little cuddling and a lot of sex will put a woman into a peaceful state of mind every time. At least it did for you."

"Yes Harold, I have to ask Dycke what book he had you read. Maybe I could learn some tricks from it."

"Callie, with all your worldly experience, you could write a book about sex. You don't need to read about anyone else's experiences."

"Do you really think I could make money if I write a book?"

"If you add naked pictures, it will be a best seller."

Harold started running for his life as Callie screamed and chased after him.

Payne smiled brightly. "Keep going Callie, keep him running. I may win that bet with Dycke yet."

Dycke snuck up behind her, and grabbed her breasts. He kissed her behind her ear and said, "Do you really think Harold is going to lose all that weight in one year?"

"Mister Schneider, we are in a public place. If you do not on unhand my breasts, you will be missing both of them."

"Mrs. Schneider, they became my property when you said the words 'I Do.'

He spun her around, and kissed her. She

Harold came running by and yelled, "Would you two get a room."

The next time Harold came around, Dycke said, "We are going upstairs. We will see you in an hour or so. You are running very well Harold. The only problem is; Callie isn't chasing you anymore."

"Dycke, you asshole. I wanted to see how long it would take him to figure out I wasn't behind him."

"Sorry Callie, I didn't want him to have a heart attack on his first real day of training."

Harold was huffing and puffing, while holding onto his knees trying to catch his breath. "You know both of you are going to die."

"I guess I could call your personal trainer, since you are going to be here for a while. It would be easy for her to train you a few hours every day, 7 days a week. She told you she loves tubbies."

"I am not fat; I am just a little round around the edges."

Callie looked at him menacingly. "What edges?"

"Don't you look at me that way Callie."

"What way, Harold? I love you dearly. You are 37 years old, at least 40 pounds overweight, and sedentary. I was just wondering when you are going to have a major heart attack, and I am going to inherit all your money."

"I will put it in trust for our baby."

"That's fine with me. I still get to use it as the custodial parent. I will live in Arizona, but his pediatrician will be in Paris. His ear nose and throat she doctor will be in Tokyo, and his shoe store will be in Rio. His clothes have to be made, by hand, in Milan. All of this will require an airplane. As you know, we already have one plane on order, but we will need another one for long-range flights. I will need a helicopter to take him to school, because the roads by us are so dangerous and congested. And..."

"I get the message Callie; I promise I will lose the weight."

"Thank you Harold. Do you know what that means for you Payne? You will win your bet with your husband."

Payne growled. "If I knew you could be so convincing, I would have bet something more important against this twerp."

"Upstairs wife, the paddles are waiting. What time would you two like dinner?"

"Is 9 o'clock good for you two?"

"It will be cutting it a little close for Payne, but I'll bring a cushion so she will be able to sit down."

She smacked him. "I hate you when you are so smug."

"Yes, I know, but you love what happens before, and afterwards."

"Bastard."

"I have told you over and over again; 'Don't talk about my mother that way.'"

"I am not talking about your mother."

"Bed!

"Children?"

"Your mother's house!"

"Bastard, you think of everything."

"You are a bad girl. I am going to remind you who is in charge."

"Like hell you are. I'm going to resist."

"I was hoping you would say that. Woman go upstairs, and get into bed, now."

"Yes daddy."

"Harold, dinner may be a little late."

"Have fun children, I am going to take it out on my wife."

"Like hell you are."

"I was hoping you would say that. Wife get to bed."

Callie jumped up and down, like a high school cheerleader and yelled, "Oh Goody."

*********

121. The Wedding Bell Blues

Fred yelled, "Hide everyone, she's coming."

"Fred if you don't stop that shit, I'm going to cut your head off."

"Why do you think I have everyone hiding, because you've been so pleasant lately?"

"Give it a rest Fred, or your voice will be changing to a higher pitch."

"Girls, I think we should eat our meals at restaurants from now on. There may be some suspect ingredients in our food at home that may kill us."

"Fred, you are dead man."

She took off after him on a dead run. He looked over his shoulder and said, "Please don't hurt our girls. You can kill me, but not them."

He ran out the front door, with Sharon 10 feet behind him and closing. He ran down the driveway, then back towards the corner of the house. He put on a burst of speed, but she was very fast, and was still very close to him as he turned into the backyard. When Sharon made the same turn, she was hit, full force, by water from two garden hoses, held by her daughters.

Sharon screamed. She was pissed. She didn't catch Fred, and her turncoat daughters were spraying her with ice-cold water. Not only that, but they had the nerve to laugh at her while they were doing it. She would kill each one of them, very slowly, later.

She heard Fred say, "I think she's cooled off girls. Turn off the water, wind up the hoses, and go inside before you get your death of cold."

Sandy said, "Dad you are too evil, and to funny. Who else would have thought to cool off mom this way."

Sharon screamed, "I'm going to warm you up young lady, but in a very different way."

"All bark no bite mom. You won't remember this in twenty minutes. You are totally out of control."

Fred picked Sharon up and carried her to the side entrance to the house, and into the garage. He stripped her bare; as she stood there defeated. He dried her, with big fluffy towels, put her into her warm robe and slippers, and put a towel around her hair.

"Mister Hastings, this does not make us even."

"Of course not dear, I'm one up on you."

"Remember you obnoxious bastard, we have to go through the kitchen when we get into the house. There are knives in the kitchen, knives of many shapes and lengths."

"Yes, and my body has the scars to prove I am familiar with knives. Now, what can I do to make you start acting like a normal human being?"

"Can we elope, tonight."

"Is that all this is all about? You're worried about the wedding?"

"Aren't you?"

"Hell no, I've got my lines down pat. I take a deep breath in, breathe out slowly, and say, "I do." After that, it's party time."

"How can you be so cavalier about something so important?"

"Sharon, how many times do I have to tell you that you are the love of my life. I told you before that I never thought I would have a chance to meet and love someone as special as you. I couldn't be happier if China gave me all the US dollars they have in their vaults."

"Fred, you always make me feel special, and I'm not."

"Don't you ever say that to me again. You are the most special woman I know, and I have known many. I thank God for letting me meet you. I know we met under the strangest circumstances, and we are living under the strangest rules any house could live by, but it is you that makes everything work. I knew it moment I saw you. I knew I never wanted you to leave me. I would have been crushed if you said no. I love you Sharon Williams. I will love only you for the rest of my breathing days."

"Fred stop it or I will start to cry."

"Please cry, I have a bet the girls that I can bring you into the house crying."

She threw a roundhouse right that connected just behind his ear. She screamed, "God dammit Fred you have a hard head."

"That's why the bullet didn't go in. I'm going to lock you out here in the garage because you hit me, and I want you to freeze to death."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Bet me."

She charge towards him as he opened the door to the laundry room, and closed it quickly behind him. She heard the audible click that locked the door. "Fred, you are monster in the disguise of a man."

She pounded on the door for minutes, screaming and yelling obscenities at him, until the door opened without a sound.

Sandy asked her mother, "Why didn't you turn the handle mom. Fred didn't lock the door."

"I heard him lock this door."

"No mom, he fixed the lock for my door and tested it. Then he went upstairs to install."

"Where is he now?"

"He's probably still working on the door to my room."

"The two of you are to stay down here. There may be gunshots, and I don't want you to be witnesses."

"Mom wouldn't you like to stay down here while you cool off?"

"I am cool, and now I'm going to kill him."

"Aren't you being a little overdramatic?"

"I'll let you know after he's lying on the floor, dead."

"Mom, think about New Jersey."

"I am, and I'm thankful that you are grown young women, able to take care of yourselves. I will be back soon to start making dinner. Set the table for five, Fred will not be joining us."

She entered the master bedroom, and found Fred naked on their bed.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Waiting to make love to my fiancée."

"Like hell you are, I'm going to kill you for what you did to me."

"What did I do to you that was so heinous?"

"You tricked me into thinking the door to the house was locked. I pounded on it, until Sandy opened it for me, and told me what you had done."

"Did you try the handle, or did you just think it was locked?"

"I heard the click of the lock. I assumed you locked me in the garage."

"You know what they say about the word 'assume' my dear."

"Don't you fuck with me Fred. I am pissed off at you."

"Can I ask you a few questions before you kill me? Why are you angry with the girls? You treat them like they've committed a felony. All they have done for the past week is treat you with kid gloves. They don't know which way to run because of your moods. They all did fantastic on their finals. Even Danni got straight A's, which surprised the heck out of me. She swore she did not cheat by channeling in to Debbie. What more could you want from them?"

"I don't know what's going on Fred. All I know is I'm frightened."

"Would you like to go back on the pill? We don't have to have a child of our own. It's perfectly fine with me. I never believed I would have a family of my own. I have four beautiful daughters. Soon, I will have the most beautiful wife I could have hoped for. I am happy with the way things are between us now. If you would like it to stay this way, just say so."

"Are you sure, Fred? You won't be disappointed in me."

"I was not supposed to be a free man, until I was fifty. More than likely they would have killed me soon afterwards, because I was no longer an asset, and I knew too much. How could I possibly be disappointed in someone as beautiful, and as wonderful as you."

"Fred, I never came off the pill. How was I supposed to explain to you that I never became pregnant. I couldn't keep up that act forever. Sooner or later, I would have had to make a decision to tell you, or to come off them, and have a child I did not want."

"Young woman that is either an octuplet misdemeanor, or a felony. Our wedding is a week from Saturday, take your choice."

"Eight misdemeanors, are you out of your mind? I won't be able to walk down the aisle, or sit down at the dais. 8×20 = 160 smacks on my ass. I'll take the felony, and live with it."

"You are absolutely sure you can live with it?"

"Yes, ANYTHING but being hit that many times."

"ANYTHING, you said ANYTHING, did I hear you correctly?"

"Yes, Fred, ANYTHING you want, I can live with it."

Fred got out of bed, kissed Sharon, and opened the bedroom door.

"ANYTHING!"

"For God's sakes Fred, yes, ANYTHING."

"Girls, we are all going to Barbados!"

Sharon screamed, "No, you wouldn't do that to me."

"Correct me if I am wrong, but you did say ANYTHING."

"You are bastard Fred."

Two girls charged up the stairs, and looked at their parents.

"Really," Sandy said, "We are going to Barbados with you?"

"You can thank your mother for this. She asked me for something special, and I gave her this wish."

Her two oldest daughters surrounded her, and thanked their mother by nearly crushing her to death.

Cindy said, "Mom, you are too cool. We won't be any bother at all. We will find boys our own age, and hang around with them. What is the drinking age in Barbados?"

Sharon sighed, "Oh God, I am going to kill him. There goes my honeymoon."

"Babe, I think you should call your uncle and tell him he's not babysitting our four reprobates. He may want to make other plans after he makes the announcement of his resignation as Attorney General."

Debbie asked, "Do you mean I won the pool?"

If Sandy said, "Dad, you're naked."

"Excellent observation, you'll never guess why?"

"You and mom were going to make love."

"Incorrect, I didn't want to ruin any of my clothes when your mother shot me. She could replace the sheets, and the mattress protector, at minimal cost. However, I wanted my clothes in good condition so she could donate them to a worthy cause."

"Dad, you are full of shit."

"Sandy that's one."

"I hate when you do that to me. You always catch me off guard."

"Why else would you call me 'The Evil Genius.' I will meet you here after dinner."

"I think I just lost my appetite."

"That's okay Sandy, mine just doubled."

"I hate you dad."

"That's okay too, because I love you double. Now, both of you disappear, I have unfinished business to attend to with your mother."

"Mom, do you want us to put the roast in?"

"Yes please; 350° for 2 ½ hours, use the timer. If he's not done with me by then, call the paramedics."

"Sharon listen to this."

Fred closed the door, and turned the locking mechanism until it clicked. He said, "Does that sound familiar to you?"

He ducked just in time to have her right hand go over his head

She screamed as he picked her up, threw her over his left shoulder, and smacked her ass.

"Did you have to rub it in Fred?"