All Comments on 'Hot Pussy Hot Temper'

Because if they could , this particular hub could light the world .

I just worry about the other erotic sites , are they missing all the crap that used to be posted there ?

Now the author needs to write the next chapter with a little more detail on his wife and her activities.

Love those dark haired sexpots. Cum good and easy. Big tits. What's not to like.

Unlike another commenter, I tend to think this story is heavily based on fact. Why would I say that? Well, it seems to me that anyone who wished to make up a story ‘from whole cloth’ would have come up with something more believable.

Now before you get all hot under the collar and tell me to go to Hell, let me finish. I’m trying to help—you do want to run up a good score, don’t you. If so please accept this in the manner it’s intended—constructive criticism.

First let me say, “You write pretty darn well, for a first story.” It’s your story telling that needs work. You don’t have a story here, you have a report, albeit a very detailed one. Try starting with more detail about the characters, why are they liked they seem to be. Tease the reader—make him care about what happens to Hubby, since he’s the one to be wronged here. Remember, buildup, aka tease, is to erotic writing what foreplay is to actual sex. Lay it on heavy.

Be sure to give us an ending, which it’s hard to do on one page, especially for a new writer. So, if you want to stick with one page and write in chapters, be sure to add “to be continued.”

Above all, try to develop a thick skin, especially if you post on LW, and keep writing if you enjoy it. Good Luck!

but the denouement left me cold. I have to admit that the first half with a different ending could make a fine BTB.

Wow, this one turned me on. I lost my load as soon as I got to the part where he lost his.

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Carolina Dreamer hurt this pussy's feelings, so he quit writing cuck shit. Thanks CD.

Enjoyed it - well written- need more