All Comments on 'Hyperspermia Pt. 01 Ch. 01'

Awesome, looking forward to more chapters

This is a really fun story, and I enjoyed it.

Using the present tense isn’t done very often for a reason. It’s awkward. It makes the flow of the naritive herky jerky and makes it tiresome for the reader.

Present tense is not the best for telling a story, but not nearly as bad as first person present narrative. "I look at you." You look at me and smile. I scratch my nose and say "How are you." You reply to me "I am horny and want to jump your bones." on and on and on. It gets very tedious. Very much like the "psychotherapy" technique of "guided imagery." Gets really tedious. Keep writing. You have good ideas, but your stories need more texture and character development!

Hyperspermia actually causes hurt when the male cums. Not a lot of fun at all too some poor bastards who have this condition.

But, this is fun and I liked the tale. 3/5 thus far.

Good opening...

I'm sorry but that was funny as hell lol. It seemed like stanley was just hosing her down with nut and after she was just like wtf?

I agree with the previous posts about present tense ... it is a tad awkward,