All Comments on 'I Meet the Perfect Young Lady'

Para 1: taut, not taught.

Para 2: wrong tense.

Para 5: "I am a really good looking guy." Ah, yes, I remember now, you're the juvenile (probably spotty and bespectacled) nerd with immature ideas about how relationships work. So not worth reading any further.

Thank you for the grammatical points. Give me your email and I'll be sure to run my stories by you before submitting them.

I enjoyed this highly unrealistic version of events ;). Sometimes it's fun to use your imagination and make a fantasy that is totally unrealistic. This totally did it for me, thank you!

Thanks Anonymous,

Your comments do not go unappreciated!

Swerve

Wham bam! I actually take your commentary seriously and I will make the effort to set the stage a bit more in the future. I love the critique!

This is total crap! No cues for the imagination whatsoever. You tell it with now flow, no progress, no emotion.

A mere stating of... Stuff? A mindless description like the way one might describe a roof tile breaking off the roof of an abandoned, derelict house in the wind, the weed-filled pond caring none the more.

Complete with dictive form, nevertheless the previous sentence- as weak and banal as it is - has done more in the teader’s mind than the sum of all your words.

Imagine yourself there in the cold white space of your setting? Now what if you felt something? Smelled something? Made a mistake?

What if in real life you were being raped? With the story you tell would the cop believe you? If a woman grabbed your crotch in a public place you would actually go along with it? Of course the cop would laugh you off or ignore you. Of course the “crowd” would ignore you. Make a plot, paint the setting so the readers feel themselves on the bench nearby the overfilled trash can reeking of soiled diapers and discarded coffee - out of place in this highly-curated hall.

It’s only visual in the mind if it reflects real life. It’s only a story if it could really happen. It’s only real to the reader if they feel like they’re first-person in the setting. People only relate if the writer gives them the chance to “remember” having been there or experience the event(s) unfolding before them.

What were you on when you wrote this? LSD?

The opening was okay, but it quickly went totally downhill...descending into the depths of psychotic behavior.

The opening was similar to the pilot for Dharma & Greg. But it quickly turned into a nightmare. 😕 1/5