If I were a Carpenter

"Gorgeous? Ha! Please. I'm nowhere near gorgeous."

"They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I behold true beauty in you, Monroe. But if it didn't go deeper inside, it wouldn't mean much to me. There are all kinds of truly gorgeous women—on the outside—that I wouldn't want to spend two minutes with because they're either self-centered or shallow. I'd call you gorgeous because you're obviously very physically attractive, but your beauty goes much deeper and that only adds to your overall appeal. So if your fiancé doesn't see you like that, I'll say again he's not worthy of your love."

"You have quite the way with words, Axl," she told him as his words hit hard and sank deep into her soul.

"I hope I haven't said something offensive."

"No. Not at all. On the contrary, everything you've said has been very enlightening. I just wish I had your grasp on things, that's all. I have to admit I didn't understand much of anything you said about the design topic. It sounded interesting, I just didn't get it. Maybe that makes me one of those shallow women you were talking about."

"No. That's not what I meant at all, Monroe. I'm not talking about people who aren't familiar with a certain topic. I'm referring to those who have no interest in talking about anything beyond nail polish or clothes. You're very willing to talk about things even if you're not an expert, and that's a very big difference."

"Well, I wish I could at least discuss this design thing with you, but this is the first I've ever heard of it," she told him.

"Oh, right. Yeah, that's a topic which, just like politics, will set a lot of people off, so I tend to avoid bringing it up, but since you caught me reading a book on it, I didn't dodge the question. People tend to arrive at a conclusion then stick to it come hell or high water. That's why conservatives and liberals are endlessly arguing about what's best for the country when their ideas are diametrically opposed. The same is true with those who believe in a higher power. They argue endlessly among themselves and all argue against those who don't believe at all."

"Neither topic offends me. I just don't give much thought to either one," Monroe said as she finished up their sandwiches.

"I think Rachel's sudden death made me stop and really ask questions, you know? As a kid, I believed everything my Baptist parents told me. Then as an older teenager, I started questioning it and later stopped believing it. Not to be cool or to fit in, but because the whole idea of things like 'answered prayer' seemed ludicrous when studies show prayer gets 'answered' at about the same rate as random chance. And why would this Being who supposedly wants a loving relationship with us go to such lengths to stay so completely hidden? Why would He allow thousands Christian denominations to spring up when only one of them could be fully right? All of them could be wrong, along with Islam, Judaism, and every other theistic belief, but only one could be right. And yet everyone in every denomination thinks they're the one that got it right."

"So how do you find out? Which one is right, I mean?"

"And that is what my late grandfather called 'The $64,000 question'. I honestly don't know, but I'm giving this Intelligent Design thing a shot because all of the traditional paths I've heard about for finding God are just so much hocus-pocus. Well, for me, anyway. Maybe I really am lacking sincerity or maybe God is so far above me I can't understand His plan. I don't think those things are true, but what do I know, right?"

"Why is it so important to you?" she asked as she sliced the sandwiches in half on the diagonal.

"We all die, right? They say the only sure things in life are death and taxes, but I'd say death is the only thing we know with absolute certainty. So if life continues after death, it would seem to indicate the existence of God or some kind of powerful being, and who wouldn't want to keep on living? So while I'm not sure I'll find any answers, I'm enjoying learning about new concepts like 'irreducible complexity' and how the most simple cell on earth is like a little city that can repair itself and even self-replicate. It may well be all of that happened by chance, but it could be there's a supernatural realm and a Designer that um...designed everything. Or maybe that realm exists and we simply can't investigate it, and we have to accept it by faith. And yet, to me, faith seems like the reason people give when there's no good reason to believe something. If there was, they'd give that reason rather than say 'by faith'. Sorry. I'm rambling—again."

She set the sandwiches down, smiled, then said, "You really are a very interesting guy, Axl. I love hearing you talk even when I don't understand it all."

She went to get the soup when Axl asked another pointed question.

"Does what you just said imply your fiancé...what's his name again?"

"Peter. Peter Bentley."

"Does that mean Peter doesn't talk to you?"

Monroe thought about it for a moment then said, "No, he talks to me. He can go on and on about the law or some case forever. I'm even more lost when he does that than when you talk about design, but he does talk to me."

She set the bowls down and Axl thanked her and waited for her to sit down, too.

"I have no idea what you talk about with him, but if I may, and this is probably none of my business, I'd like to ask whether he talks with you or just...to you."

"I'm not sure I understand the difference," she told him before taking a first taste of the soup.

"Do you contribute to the conversation? Does he value your opinion? Does he ask how what he's talking about makes you feel? Or does he just drone on because he's in love with the sound of his own voice?"

Monroe was taking a second spoonful of soup when what he said made her laugh so hard she spewed the liquid in her mouth causing her to further spill her bowl when she shrieked and hit it with her hand after spewing.

"Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry, Axl! Did I...did I get you?" she asked, recoiling in horror.

He was already laughing loudly and shook his head.

"No. Not at all. I wasn't in 'the line fire', but that was quite the trick!"

"Well, that was just so funny I couldn't help it. I've never heard someone say that before."

He laughed again then said, "Some people really are in love with the sound of their voices. I think sometimes they talk just to hear themselves speak."

He smiled then looked right at her and said, "There's always a grain of truth in all humor. Did I maybe cause you to see some truth?"

Monroe was busy trying to clean up her mess, but knew what he just said was true. Peter did love to talk. And now that she thought about it, she realized she couldn't remember a single time when he'd asked her what she thought on any subject from the law to what he wanted her to wear.

She threw the wet napkin in the trash then grabbed another before sitting back down.

"Once again, you've made me think," she told him.

Sensing her discomfort, Axl said, "Tell you what. How about we move on to something else? I'd like to learn more about you, Monroe. And your son."

"Oh, I'm not all that interesting," she told him. "But David is a very sweet boy. He's so thoughtful and caring, and he's always doing little things for me."

Axl watched her as she grew quiet then after a moment or two said, "Just like his father."

"I hope I get the chance to meet him," Axl told her. "I love kids. Rachel and I had talked about having one or two, but well, I guess that wasn't in the plan."

"If there's a plan, right?" Monroe said causing Axl to smile.

"You see. You're not giving yourself nearly enough credit, Monroe. You do get it."

"What about you, Axl? What are you goals or longterm plans?" she asked.

"I dropped out of college when Rachel died. I couldn't even think let alone focus. I went back to working for my uncle who taught me how to be a carpenter and a general-purpose handyman, but I'm back in school again now. I work during the day then go in the evenings three nights a week and two weekends a month."

"Oh, that's wonderful. What are you majoring in?" Monroe asked as she very carefully sipped her soup.

"Oh, not college," he said. "I'm taking underwater welding classes."

"Really? I didn't realize you could weld under the water. Just one more example of how much of a ditz I am, right?"

Monroe smiled when she said that, but Axl didn't like hearing it.

"I wish you wouldn't say things like that," he said quietly.

When he spoke, she felt the kind of concern she'd always felt whenever David spoke to her, and she also became aware she never felt like that when Peter talked with her. No, when he talked to her. She always felt either lost or small or most often—both.

"Sorry. I guess it's become a habit. But please go on. I want to hear more."

Axl spent a few minutes explaining what underwater welding was all about, the kinds of jobs that were available, and a range of what it paid.

"Not that I'm all about money. But someday I really do hope to meet someone as wonderful as Rachel, and when I do, I'm hoping to having children, and I want to be able to provide for them. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy carpentry and home repair, but it's really hard to make enough money to raise a family on. It tends to be seasonal, too, and especially around here, that can make having a steady income really tough."

"You're so...focused," she told him. "I had no focus when I was younger. It was all about having fun. I grew up so poor that I never cared much for money, either, as long as I had enough to go out and party. Well, actually, I tended to rely on the guys I dated to have the money, but you know what I mean, right?" she said almost apologetically.

"Someone once said it's a pity youth is squandered on the young. I can't remember if it was Will Rogers, Mark Twain or George Bernard Shaw, but it was one them. What's more important is the truth that pithy little saying contains."

This time, Monroe wasn't taking a sip, and she wouldn't have spewed anyway, but she realized that was true and marveled at how much more this young man knew about life than her and at such an early age.

"Can I ask you something else?" Monroe said.

"Sure."

"Do you think it makes sense to want, say...security...over true love?"

"Wow. Tough question," he replied. "And deep."

Monroe smiled when he smiled at her, and found herself enjoying their talk even more.

"I can't answer that for anyone but myself, because I can't weigh all the variables the way other people might weight them. To me, security matters, and that's why I'm learning a new trade. I also enjoy it a lot, and that helps, but we'll probably always need welders, and most of the earth is covered in water so..."

He smiled again then got a bit more serious.

"In other cultures, marriages are arranged. Love isn't considered important. Sometimes love blossoms later on, and sometimes it never does. For me, a marriage without love, without real, true, romantic love, would be like signing a contract or...taking a job. Maybe I'm naive or old fashioned or just too simpleminded, but I think I'd rather remain single than marry for just security. Not that it's alway an either/or, mind you. Maybe in some cases it's 60% security and 40% love. That could work, I suppose. But if it was say...80% security and 20% love or even worse...that wouldn't."

"I wasn't married long enough for it to happen, but what about when the romantic love fades?" she asked. "Isn't that always the case?"

"Words like 'always' and 'never' are tricky, and I try to avoid them whenever possible," Axl told her. "But in general, yes, I'm sure it does fade. But I believe a relationship really needs that early on to solidify it. Then, hopefully, it transitions into a more mature partnership based on trust and shared goals and interests like raising children more than romantic love, but I'd want to always do my best to make sure romantic love survived. Not in the honeymoon sense, of course, but why stop dating just because you'er married? Why stop saying and doing nice things after the honeymoon?"

"Even if your wife is no longer attractive to you?" she asked either having forgotten his earlier response or needing to hear it again.

"That won't happen. Not physically anyway. I suppose if the woman I married became mean, nasty, and spiteful, I could fall out of love with her, but it's a given she's going to gain weight when she gets pregnant, and I'm going to love her through um...thick and through thin."

Monroe laughed again before Axl said, "And as I said, we all get older so any man who isn't aware of that should never get married if he's not 100% sure he won't stop loving his wife for something she can't control or change."

"And the same goes for her, too," Monroe added.

"I would hope so," Axl told her with a smile.

"But you're still so young it can't be a concern to you yet. I mean, you're not just young, you're...gorgeous. Sorry for stealing your word, but it's true. I'm the one who needs to be concerned about such things."

"First of all, thank you for being so kind. And second, there's no need to worry if you've got the right man."

He waited for a second then said, "You do, right?"

Of all the things he'd said so far that one hit home harder than anything else. Rather than reply, she looked at their food and asked, "Is everything okay? Would you like anything else?"

Axl understood that sometimes a non-answer was itself an answer, so he didn't say anything. Instead he told her that everything was just fine.

For the next several minutes they talked about her son. His age, what grade he was in, what he liked to do, etc., and Monroe's mood lightened and brightened significantly. It was very clear she was a loving, devoted mom who wanted the very best for her boy.

"I really would like to meet him," Axl said again.

"Well, he was supposed to take the bus to my sister's house to stay out of your way while you're working, but I could go pick him up and bring him home. I mean, if you'd really like to..."

"Absolutely. He won't be in the way, and if you wouldn't mind, I could show him how to do a few things he might enjoy."

"Oh, trust me. He'd love that! I feel so bad for him never having had a father around, you know? My brother Dean is the closest thing he has, but he's busy working all the time, so it's usually just David and I here alone."

"It must be nice to have Peter in your life then. Do he and David do a lot of things together?" Axl asked hitting an even sorer spot than before.

"No, not really," Monroe said quietly, her smile fading again, knowing they never really did anything together. Peter had bought him a video game console and pretty much every game that went with it to include some rated PG-13 and R without consulting her first, but as far as spending time with David, that didn't happen. Then again, he didn't really spend that much time with her, either, so...

"Oh, well, I'm sure he's a very busy man," Axl said hoping to move on.

"I think I'm about full," Monroe said having eaten most of her soup and a couple bites of half of her sandwich.

"So that's how you stay so small?" Axl teased.

"Small? I used to be a size 4, but I've never been able to get back below an 8 since David was born."

"Wow. You look amazing now. I can't imagine you getting any smaller and still looking, um...healthy."

Monroe laughed again then said, "Take your time. I'm gonna go ahead and put these away," as she picked up her dishes.

She worried about 'all the added weight' she still carried which was maybe seven or eight pounds. To anyone else, she looked thin and fit, and no one would ever think she was 'fat' or even overweight. But just those few pounds made her feel huge and only added to her insecurities. Why then, did what Axl had just said to her, make her feel so good about herself?

Axl wolfed down the rest of his sandwich in two quick bites and said, " I'm done!" and handed her his plate.

One of his cheeks was stuffed with food, and Monroe couldn't help but laugh again at the handsome 'chipmunk' sitting at her table holding the empty plate.

She tried not to laugh as she took it, but he was just too cute, so she not only laughed, she shook her head as he gave her a, "What?" kind of look knowing full well he was the reason she was laughing. What she didn't know was how much he enjoyed seeing her laugh.

Around 2 o'clock she told him she was going to pick up David and added, "I should be back by 2:30 or so."

"Okay. See you then," he told her as he continued to work on replacing a wooden window frame that had all but rotted out in the master bedroom.

It was just after 2:30 when Axl heard a young voice call out, "Mom! I'm home!" causing him to stop work and go find its source.

When the boy saw the man he froze in his tracks from fear as a strange man stood there looking at him inside his own house.

"You must be David. Don't worry. It's okay. I'm here working on your mom's house. I thought she'd be with you."

"Uh-uh," he said quietly. "She said I was riding the bus today."

"Well, she should be back soon. What do you usually do when you get home?"

"I have a snack then do my homework then play video games," he said still obviously very uncomfortable.

"Tell you what. Let's get you a snack then if you'd like, you can help me out. But only if you want to."

"Really?" he asked, his face showing first signs of an emotion other than fear.

"Sure. I could use some help."

"I'm not really hungry," David told him as his voice perked up.

"All right. How about you follow me then and I'll teach you how to be a carpenter."

"Cool!" David said as he followed the stranger to the bedroom.

"My name is Axl, by the way. Like an axle in a car only not spelled that way."

"There's an axel in figure skating, too," the boy informed him.

"Why, yes there is. Most people don't know that."

"I used to watch TV every day before I got a PS4 and I saw some people skating and the announcer guy kept talking about axels and lutzes and other stuff I didn't understand. Now I hardly ever watch TV."

"I see," Axl said as they got to the 'job site'. "Okay, you ready to get to work here, Bob the Builder?"

"I know who that is!" David announced proudly.

"Can you sing Can We Fix It?" Axl asked, referring to the kid's show's theme song.

David began singing it, and was right on tune. Axl joined in and started making funny faces as he sang until David had to stop and laugh.

"Nice!" he said asking for a high five. "You've got a really good voice, David."

The boy smiled for the first time and said, "Thanks. So do you."

"I do okay," Axl said. "All right, let me show you what we're doing here."

Axl showed him where the wood had been rotted out and how he'd removed it.

"Now we need to reframe the window so we're going to measure around the it then cut some boards to stick back in there. You in?"

"Oh, yeah!" David said as Axl grabbed a chair to let him stand on so he could show him how to read a tape measure.

"I don't really know fractions yet," David said when a measurement came out be 36 3/8 inches."

"No problem. You just have to make the mark in the right place. So when we do that, use the exact same spot you used on the tape measure and we'll be good. Come on. I'll show you how."

As David was adjusting his table saw in the garage, he said, "So your mom tells me you guys are gonna be moving. Are you excited about your new house?"

David's smile disappeared completely as he said, "I guess."

"Is your new house nice?" Axl asked.

"It's really, really big. I'll have my own room and it's like twice as big as the one I have now," David told him but without any enthusiasm.