If I were a Carpenter

"Hold it still, okay?" he said as he connected the sections. "Perfect! Thanks."

"You're welcome," she said as she moved away and tried to turn around, unaware he was again right behind her.

As she did, she bumped into Axl who wasn't watching her. When she did, Monroe recoiled and backed into the guardrail he'd just secured. Just as her body made contact with it he reached out and grabbed her hand and pulled hard.

When he did she ended up chest to chest with her arms around his neck and holding on for dear life.

"I...I thought I was going over backward," she told him as the fear dissipated.

"I've got you," he said quietly.

A second later she knew she was okay but didn't let go for a couple more seconds. When she did go to slowly pull away he smiled at her and instinctively, she smiled back. When she did, her brain was trying to make sense of what he was doing as his lips moved closer then pressed against hers. She wanted to fight him off and yet she wanted him to kiss her even more, and, unable to stop, she kissed him back for a brief moment before pushing away.

"Sorry," she said nervously as they stood there on the stairs still just inches away.

"I'm not," Axl told her quietly.

Her heart was now racing and she felt both excited and afraid. Perhaps 'confused' was the better word as she told him without making eye contact, "I should get going. I have a lot to do today."

"Okay," he told her just as quietly.

"So...so I'll just go ahead and...and get started then," she said as she went to turn away.

When she did, he gently took her hand. She stopped but didn't look at him.

"Monroe? Please don't make the biggest mistake of your life."

Confusion turned to near panic as she slowly pulled her hand away.

"I...I really to go now," she said.

"I'm still not sorry I kissed you," he told her as she walked down the stairs.

Maybe ten minutes later she came back to where he was and said, "I'll be gone for a couple of hours."

"Okay," was all he said as he smiled at her when she finally made eye contact with him again.

She didn't move so Axl stood up and said, "I hope I've given you something else to think about."

"I'm not sure I feel like thinking right now," she said quietly before turning around to leave.

As she walked away he called out, "I have feelings for you, Monroe. And I know you have feelings for me. And while I can't read minds, I don't think you have them for this lawyer guy. I love being around you—and David. Does he?"

Monroe didn't answer. She just walked out to the garage and got into her car and tried as hard as she could not to cry.

By the time she got to the boutique to pick up her dress, she'd largely gotten control of herself but knew it wouldn't last. The dress was beautiful and very expensive, but it not only didn't cheer her up it made her feel worse. For the first time since she'd met Peter she felt controlled, and she didn't like feeling that way one bit. The dress was less a symbol of her newfound status as the fiancé of a successful trial lawyer than of his...ownership of her.

She thanked the man who'd made the dress and the associate who took Peter's credit card, but internally she was in more turmoil than she'd been when...the thing that had just happened at her house had taken place.

She sat with her eyes closed as her hair and nails were done unable to relax let alone 'luxuriate' in being pampered. Monroe had never wanted to be pampered and still didn't. All she wanted was to be loved and yes, to feel secure. But was security synonymous with money? Did it mean never wanting for any material thing again or was it something bigger than that? Something deeper and more meaningful?

Afraid to return home, Monroe went to a cafe she used to go to once or twice a year as a very rare treat where she'd have a cup of coffee and maybe a small pastry. Now that she could afford to buy everything on the menu, it wasn't as special as it always been. It was still a quiet refuge, but the charm it always held was gone.

Being even more afraid to ask herself why that was so, Monroe sat there sipping a cup of coffee feeling like her entire world was unraveling yet again. When David died, she was a basket case for weeks. She couldn't eat or sleep or even get out of bed for many days and even when she finally could, she only got up to shower, drink some water, and maybe eat a small bite of something. Knowing she was pregnant with their child was the only thing that got eventually got her up and going again. Well, that and Bacall's gentle but continual calls which turned to demands for her to do so.

And now here she was again after having believed her world was safe and secure feeling like it was all coming apart at the seams. Two cups later she had no more answers, her body was jittery from the caffeine, and it was time to go get David from school. She thought carefully about what she might have told him to make sure there wasn't another 'snafu' then drove to his school.

It wasn't the best school in the area by any stretch, but it was nothing like the 'war zones' she'd heard about in some inner-city schools. The first thought that helped restore a modicum of serenity was that David would be enrolled in one of the best private schools in the area.

Peter hadn't gotten around to discussing that with her yet even though she'd mentioned it several times. It didn't really matter which one he attended as they were all academically superb. She just wanted to know where he'd be during the day, and she planned to carefully bring it up yet again this evening at an appropriate. And that's when she realized she needed to be 'careful' whenever she asked Peter for anything. That had never been the case with David, and suddenly she was as resentful about that as she'd been about the gorgeous black dress she felt she had to wear.

Monroe was able to dial down the stress again once she saw her son walk out of the building. When he saw her standing there and ran toward her, she temporarily forgot about everything else as she bent down to hug him.

"Hi, Mom!" he said as he put his arms around her.

"Hi, honey! How was your day?"

"It was great! I got to talk about Pluto and why it's not a planet anymore. My teacher said I did a really good job and the other kids asked questions."

She went to tell him how proud she was of him when he said, "Is Axl at our house?"

Just the mention of his name caused her to feel like her head was spinning again.

"Yes. He's still there," she told him.

"I can't wait to tell him about school today!" David said as he got into the car. "Do you think he'll be proud of me, Mom?"

"Yes. Of course he will, honey," she told him knowing some other man wouldn't even care. He'd be annoyed at even having to listen let alone be proud.

Monroe no sooner shut off the engine than David bolted for the door. He ran in calling Axl's name and when he heard, "In here, buddy!" he took off running for the man behind the voice.

Monroe could hear him telling Axl everything he'd shared with her as she carefully carried the new dress upstairs hoping not to see her handsome handyman until she absolutely had to. She laid the dress on the bed then sat down next to it. The frustration was growing and was to the point where all she wanted to do was cry as she had no idea how to work through it and make it go away. Knowing it would ruin her makeup she willed herself not to but it wasn't easy.

And then her phone rang. When she saw it was Bacall, she felt somewhat better just knowing she had a friend she could rely on.

"Hey, there," Monroe said as she answered it.

"Hey yourself," her sister said. "Listen. I have a problem."

"What...kind of problem?" Monroe asked, her voice tentative and uncertain.

Her husband, Gary, was sick. Sick as in 'left work early' sick.

"I can't have David here and now that I've been exposed, I don't want to risk even coming over there and watching him. I know this ruins your plans, but I just can't leave Gary alone tonight. He's thrown up twice in the last hour alone so..."

"No. Um, that's okay," Monroe told her.

"I'm really sorry, Roe."

"No, it's fine. Really. Just take care of your husband," she said suddenly envious of the strong, solid marriage her sister had had for many years.

Knowing she had to go downstairs she reluctantly followed the two male voices until she found them.

"So when we sand it, we sand with the grain, okay?" she heard Axl saying as he showed David how to prep the wood for painting.

"Hey, Mom! Guess what Axl showed me?"

"I see," she told him as Axl turned around and looked at her.

"Wow. You look...stunning," he told her. She was still wearing the same clothes, but the hair and makeup were simply incredible.

She thanked him quickly then said, "David? I won't be going out tonight so you won't being going to your Aunt Bacall's. Uncle Gary is sick and she has to stay home with him."

"I hope he feels better," the boy said before asking, "so can I keep helping Axl? I got all my work done at school today so I wouldn't have any homework."

Axl put a hand on his shoulder then said, "Do you mind if I talk to your mom for just a minute? Maybe you can sand these two boards while we talk."

"Sure. I can do that!" he said as he grabbed a sanding block with a sheet of 400-grit sandpaper attached.

As soon as they stepped out in the hall Monroe said, "Axl, please. Don't say anything about what happened today, okay?"

"I wasn't going to," he told her in a gentle tone of voice. "I was going to offer to stay here and watch David for you so you could go to your event."

"No, I can't ask you to do that. Besides, I'm not sure I even want to go," she said rather quietly.

"Does that by any chance have something to do with what happened here today?" he asked just as gently.

"I...I really don't want to talk about it," she said again.

He checked to make sure his hands were clean before putting one of them on her shoulder. She didn't pull away so he said, "I think you need to go."

"How would you know what I need to do?" she asked without looking at him.

"You're upset because you're confused. And you're confused because you know you're not happy with this lawyer guy."

"His name is Peter," she said somewhat indignantly.

"Okay. Fine. Peter...isn't right for you, and you know it," he told her.

He moved a bit closer and put his other hand on her other shoulder and waited for her to look at him.

When she did he said, "Monroe. I may not be the right guy for you, either, but I have this...this gut feeling that I am, but even if I'm not, this Peter guy definitely isn't."

"You...you don't even know him, Axl. How can you possibly say something like that?"

"I don't have to know him, Monroe. I can see it in your eyes. It's written all over your face. It comes through loud and clear every time you mention his name. You're not in love with him. You might possibly respect him. I can't be sure about that. And I'm sure he's a decent guy—as far as trial lawyers go, I suppose. And you'll never want for anything if you marry him. Except, of course, for...love. I don't believe that's something he can offer you, Monroe."

"What? And you can?" she asked trying not to get snide as she broke eye contact.

"Yes," he told her then waited for her to look up him again. "I know we only just met, but I've never felt like this about anyone before. I want the opportunity to know you better and to show you I can love you. And David."

"So what? I just go there tonight and tell Peter it's over? That I fell in love with the carpenter and we're going to run off and live happily ever after?"

"No. You go there and ask him why he loves you. And when you don't get the answer you want, then you tell him that you can't marry him. I know you haven't fallen in love with me, but I also know you haven't fallen in love with him. So please. Go there tonight. Talk to him. Make him answer you. If you come back and tell me you really do love him, I'll finish this job and go away forever. But if you don't, I would very much like to have the chance to let you fall in love with me."

She was looking into his eyes as he spoke, and she could 'see' the sincerity in his voice, and she knew he just framed her dilemma perfectly. He'd put into words everything she'd been thinking for weeks and especially these last few days.

"Don't you have class tonight?" she asked, her voice softening.

"No. Not tonight. And even if I did, this is more important than any class," he told her with a gentle smile. "You're more important than any class or...anything in my life, Monroe."

"I...I could be very late," she told him.

"Take all the time you need. Just make sure when you leave there you know whether or not he really loves you, okay? And more importantly, whether or not you love him."

"Okay," she said just above a whisper.

When she went to move away he gently held onto her then said again, "I'm glad I kissed you, Monroe."

She tried to smile but couldn't. She didn't even speak. She just looked down then turned and went back in the room.

"David?" she called out.

He stopped sanding and listened.

"Axl's going to watch you tonight while I go to my event, okay?"

"Are you serious?" he said, his eyes open wide in surprise.

"Uh-huh. And I'll leave money for a pizza for dinner."

"Awesome!" he said before going back to his sanding.

Axl walked to the stairs with her then said, "I don't want your money, Monroe. I can pay for the pizza."

"But it's for my son, too," she told him.

"Yes, but let's just say I feel a real connection with him. So let me pay, okay?"

Monroe finally smiled and said, "Okay. Thank you. That's very nice of you."

When she came back down just before six, Axl was sure his jaw dropped.

"Oh...my..." he said when he saw her.

"Do I look okay?" she asked, clearly not fishing for a compliment.

"No. You look—amazing," he told her.

David came into the living room and said, "Wow! You look like a princess, Mom!"

"Thank you, honey. And you are my prince!"

"Not Peter?" he said in a voice that spoke volumes.

"Just you, sweetheart," she assured him.

The limo driver was right on time. He rang the doorbell just once then waited.

Axl walked Monroe to the foyer then said, "I meant everything I said today. If you tell me you've found your happiness with...Peter...I'll accept that. But if not..."

"I'll see you later, okay?" she said without comment as he opened the door for her and heard her say hello to the driver.

For the first time since he quit going to church he prayed.

"Dear Heavenly Father. I'm not even a Prodigal Son. I've turned my back on you and lived a worldly life. But if you really do love me, please show me that you do. I couldn't admit it to her, but You know that I've fallen in love with Monroe, and if she's the one, please bring her back to me. I know we're not supposed to ask for signs, but if You'll do this one thing for me..."

He was afraid to say anything more. For that matter, he had no idea whether or not anyone was even listening, but he couldn't help but hope there was and that this Person would show him some kind of sign, even though he knew 'seeking for signs' was considered 'evil and adulterous' according to the Bible.

"Can we have pizza now, Axl?" he heard David ask, snapping him out of his internal thoughts.

"Oh, sure. Yeah, let's go online and figure out what we want and we'll order it right off the computer, okay?"

"I already know what I want!" David informed him. "Sausage and pepperoni!"

Axl rubbed the hair on his head around and David laughed before putting his arm around his waist. For the first time since Rachel died he felt like he might tear up as he put his arm around the boy's shoulder.

Peter had stopped coming to pick her up with the limo since she'd said 'yes' to his proposal, so she sat all alone in the huge area in the back of the car. The driver opened her door and helped her out when they arrived and wished her a good evening.

"Just call or text when you're ready for me, ma'am," he told her.

She thanked him then walked inside and scanned the room for her fiancé. He was talking with two of the other senior partners, one of whom saw her and mentioned it to Peter who, in turn, smiled at her and extended his arm as she walked toward him.

"Hello, darling," he said as he pecked her on the cheek. "You look quite lovely this evening, if I may say. I believe I made a rather good choice as to the dress, don't you think?"

"Yes. It's beautiful," she told him as the other two men agreed then excused themselves.

"How are the repairs coming to that old shack?" he asked causing her anger to flare up.

"Shack? That's the home I bought and lived with David in," she said tersely.

"No offense meant, my dear. It's just rather...quaint," he said just as the managing partner walked up and asked if he could steal her fiancé for a few minutes.

Knowing she had little choice she smiled dutifully and said, "Of course."

No sooner had they walked away than Peter's accountant, Damon Feldman, walked up and after telling her lovely she looked, asked if he could have a moment of her time.

"It appears I have nothing but time," she said with a smile. "How may I help you, Damon?"

"I just had a couple of quick questions, Monroe. About David's schooling."

"Oh. Sure. By all means," she said.

"Well, I was wondering if you'll be enrolling him before or after the Holiday Break," Damon said.

"Um...I don't see any reason to rush it, so after should be fine," she told him.

"Very well. And as to transportation. I'm assuming you'd prefer to use the corporate jet?"

"I'm sorry. The corporate jet?"

"Yes. The Gulfstream," he said assuming that cleared things up.

"Why would David need a plane to get to school here in Seattle?" she asked as her concern level shot up along with her growing anger.

"Seattle?" he asked now thoroughly confused.

"Yes. Where are you thinking he's going to school?"

"Um, well, I was just going off of what Peter directed me to do. I've had to pull a lot of strings, but I've managed to secure a spot for David at Saint Albans in the Washington DC area so driving there would be quite the ordeal. It's one of the most prestigious boys' prep schools in the country and extremely difficult to get into. I just assumed the two of you had already discussed this," Damon said as it became clear they hadn't.

"So Peter told you to enroll my son in a school that isn't in the Seattle area?" she asked, her voice filled with incredulity.

"I uh, I think it might be best if you spoke to him yourself, Monroe," he said almost apologetically as he began backing away. "Just let me know what you decide, okay? And the sooner the better."

For the first time since she'd met him, Monroe was really, truly angry with Peter. She'd been hurt before and disappointed several times. But she'd never been angry.

She spun around and made a beeline for Peter who was deep in discussion with the managing partner.

"Give us a few more minutes, would you, darling?" he said patronizingly as she walked up.

"No. We're discussing this now, Peter," she said in way that caused him to raise his eyebrows.

She looked at the other man then said, "Right now. Right here and right now."

"I'm sorry," Peter told him. "My fiancé seems a bit...hysterical. Let me calm her down and we can finish this up."

Once they were alone Monroe unloaded on him.

"How dare you!" she hissed.

"Monroe. Calm down. There are other people here and we never make a scene, remember?" he said reminding her of one of the many 'talks' they'd had where he outlined his expectations for a wife.

"I don't care if the Pope himself is here, Peter. How dare you enroll my son in any school without my permission let alone one that's all the way across the country!"