All Comments on 'I'm A Good Girl'

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Thanks,

Tearz

It seems as though you write from a true sub-space.

I feel as if this was hurried a bit and could have been drawn out more.

Please tell us what happens when your Master returns.

I made my sub read this out loud and critique the scene.

As I have never left her waiting like this before, she suggested it might make for a very Powerful scene.

Thanks for a Great story and a wonderfully teasing time for my babygirl.

Daddy Ray

The ratings aren't marked 'how well written was it?' They are marked with levels of like or dislike. This is well written from a techical standpoint. No problem there. You seemed to be going for edginess. What I got from it was a jerk of a dom. It opens with her hands so numb she no longer feels the pain of the cuffs and shoulder issues. Threshold of damage. Then we find out this is part of punishment for being too eager for his cock. What? What guy doesn't want that? Yes, let's train her to want your cock less via pain and isolation. I get it; he wants her to have more control. This doesn't seem the way to do it. The ending bothers me as he appears ready to leave her bound and alone for a prolonged time. Bottom line, I didn't like your dom.

As the story starts is the telling part. If a Dom leaves a sub long that the cuffs have been on so long that the sub has lost feeling in her hands for quite some time, her shoulders are sore from being extended for so long, and edges of things are getting blurry, not to mention that this started prior to starting a meal or earlier as she had just come home from shopping and it is dark and she is very drowsy he is an idiot. This is supposed to be punishment but is bordering if not already crossing the line to damaging his sub.

As the story starts out it is telling. If a Dom leaves a sub in cuffs long enough that she has lost feeling in her hands for quite some time, her shoulders are sore from being extended too long, things are becoming blurry for her and she is now becoming drowsy, he is an idiot. This was supposed to be punishment, but it started out when she came home from shopping so it started out well before dark and it is dark now. This is bordering if not already crossing the line to damaging the sub.

...you have a good style, but like many others I take issues with the dom in this story.

A sub should not be left alone in an unsafe position, and never bound for such a period that they start to lose feeling or hurt. An ache might be acceptable as some positions require strength, but losing feeling generally means that the blood flow has stopped or is struggling. If that continues, a person can easily lose the bound part as the tissue begins to decay.

If you intend for the power aspect to remain in the "leaving", perhaps it would give him more credibility for the submissive to show she has an easy way out, but not take it. If there is no general sense of...... bond..... portrayed by the ultimate knowledge that all is well beneath the moments of nervous excitement and struggle, it becomes hard to fall into the story because there is the worry of abuse or misplaced trust.

I'd be happy to work further with you in developing this if you would like. Just shoot me a message through my profile; I tend to check my email daily.