All Comments on 'Impregnating a Hitchhiker'

A good premise but more build up/suspense and detail would make it better.

But far too short and lacking in the background information.

Your premise is good. The main problem is you are doing a lot of telling and not much showing. Time passes in chunks in your story and it prevents you from pulling the reader in. You need to pace your writing more slowly - but more dialogue is the main thing. If you can work on using more dialogue in your stories, the rest will come naturally. Keep at it, don't give up.

This is an awesome rough draft. Break the paragraphs away from each other and develop chapters with this! It needs more detail. I'd love to see how you can develop this into more!!! Thanks!

not bad,little heavy on unnecessary details but a good first showing all told

first story I will forgive the choppiness. Fine first effort! Keep writing and you will improve.

There's no dialogue! It's just a really long list of who is doing what to whom and when. "She sucks me. I cum." Nothing about how anyone thinks or feels about any of this. There are missing words, misspelled words, poor grammar and wrong punctuation. The 8 3/4" x 3 1/2" dick? Lose that.

Do you really think a woman doesn't know when a man has ejaculated inside her without a condom? What do you think happens to the semen? Gravity?

This is one of the most poorly-written things I've seen here and that's saying a lot.

I bet good money this happened for real.

You begin the story with "Last week I was travelling" and end it with your daughter being born.

You badly need a proofreader unless your main character has two dicks. "She soon understands me and stops resisting. I undo my pants and kick them off and I set down on the ottoman. I try to lower her onto my dicks but she complains about getting pregnant, so I put on a condom."