In a Class of His Own Ch. 04

- "It's OK, Moe."

- "It's not! If I was 19 or 20, Chris, I'd be crazy about you. The way you put me first ... the way you're always looking for some new way to make me happy ..."

- "Isn't that what it's all about?" I asked.

- "Don't be all ... rational with me. This is hard enough as it is." she said. "Look - you're going to school for one more year, right? And then what? You'll start looking for a job."

"I have a couple of friends who went into teaching. One's in Northern Manitoba, and the other is in Quebec, near James Bay. That's how far they had to go, just to find work. There are no jobs here, Chris."

- "I know." I said. "But it goes in cycles. Things will change. And it's what I want to do, Moe. I think I'll be good at it."

- "Of course you'll be good at it. If I had kids, I'd want them to have you for a teacher."

- "Thank you."

- "I'm getting off track." said Moe. Her eyes were misting. "Here's the thing: what if you get a job far away? What am I supposed to do? Go with you, to Timbuktu, or wherever?"

"Or stay here, and wait? Hoping that after a few years, you'll be able to move back? My family are here, Chris. My friends. My job."

- "Moe - it's OK."

- "Let me finish - please." She was crying, now. "Every time you look at me, the way you do, I'm terrified - that you're going to say 'I love you'. Because then ... I wouldn't know what to say."

I have no idea why I wasn't crushed, at that moment. It should have been one of the lowest points of my life. Instead, I was in awe of her courage - what must it have cost her, to say that? Moe had always been brutally honest. But she could have just dumped me, mouthed a few platitudes - We can still be friends, etc - and got it over with.

Instead, she was doing it the hard way.

- "Why aren't you upset?" she asked. "Why am I the one crying, and you're patting my hand and telling me it's OK?"

- "Well, this is so much nicer than when Carol dumped me. I've never been the one doing the ... dumping - but if I was, I would want to be honest. The way you're treating me. With respect. You could've done it lots of easier ways."

- "You're not angry at me? Why aren't you angry?" Moe realized that her voice sounded funny. Her nose was running. I sprang up, and went to get her a tissue.

"It's OK." she said. "I have some." I sat back down while she blew her nose - loudly.

"See. I'm the one breaking up with you, and you're jumping up to get me a kleenex."

- "I'm not angry at you, Moe." That set off a fresh flow of tears.

"I want you to be happy. Ideally, with me - but if it's got to be with someone else, then ... that's the way it's got to be. I don't think I could ever hate you. It's not like you were cheating on me, or lying to me."

- "I wouldn't do that." she said.

- "I know."

She hugged me then, and cried on my shoulder for a while.

- "This wasn't how I imagined it going." she said.

- "Could've been worse." I said.

- "How can you be so calm? Aren't you a little bit upset?"

- "I'm going to miss you, Moe. I enjoyed all of the time I spent with you. I'm very ... sad. But not upset. You did what you had to do - and you did it honestly."

- "You're so weird."

We talked for a while longer, and then I left. I was almost home before I started to cry.

***

One friend of mine, when I described the way Moe had dumped me, and my reaction, said: "Fuck that! She'd be dead to me, if she pulled that kind of shit."

I couldn't understand that. How can you love someone, and then hate them, with the flick of a switch? Steve says that love and hate are like two sides of a coin, two intense feelings that have a lot in common.

But if I turned around and hated Moe, then I would never see her again. That seemed too high a price to pay for my wounded pride.

Two weeks later, classes started at Teachers college.

Within a few days, I was feeling quite let down. I started hanging around with a group of student teachers who shared my cynicism.

For one thing, our Profs were far from the 'Master' teachers I had expected. They lectured us about the need to vary our lesson delivery - but never did that themselves. How had they even gotten these jobs, we wondered?

Also, most of what they 'taught' us was garbage. I had to force myself to take notes, but it was difficult, since so little of what they said sounded like anything I would do in a classroom.

Finally - they wouldn't answer any of our serious questions. If you're considering a career in teaching, you have to wonder what will happen when you're in a room with 30 to 35 kids - or teenagers. We had a million questions.

What do I do if a fight breaks out? If a kid tells me to fuck off? If a student pulls a knife? They answered us like politicians - which is to say that they never answered us.

So I wrote letters in class. I wrote to Celine, on the anniversary of the day I had met her in Barcelona. And, of course, I wrote to Nina - even though I was going to see her in a few weeks.

***

- "It sounds like you're schizophrenic" said Steve. It was a 1300 km (800 mile) drive, so we had plenty of time to go into detail.

"Like you were living two lives. How do you keep them apart?"

- "I don't know. I fell in love with Nina when I met her. But I don't think that either of us expected any future. I'm not even sure how that happened."

- "You spent a fortune on stamps." said Steve. "You do realize, you're a bit of a maniac when it comes to writing letters."

"How are you going to handle this?"

- "What do you mean?" I asked.

- "Are you going to ... sleep with her?"

That was the question I was asking myself. Did Nina want me, in that way? Would she have invited us to Chicago if she didn't?

- "I don't know." I said. "It depends on Nina."

It was a long, long drive. We left at 3:00 on Friday morning - and got to Chicago roughly 15 hours later. Crossing the border was ridiculously easy in those days. We stopped a few times to gas up, and to eat.

Nina had given me directions to her friends' apartment - two friends: one was away, and the other would be hanging out with us. We found the place easily enough, and rang the doorbell.

Nina answered it. I had thought about her, and dreamed about her, for over a year - and when the moment came, I couldn't speak.

Her dark brown hair was shoulder length. There were those big brown eyes, and her small nose. Full lips, dimples - and then she wrapped her arms around me.

- "Chris! I'm so glad ...". She squeezed me tight. Then she released me. "You must be Steve. Welcome. Thank you for coming. I'm so glad to meet you."

- "Me too." said Steve. "You're even prettier than in those photos."

- "Which photos?" she asked.

- "The one of you two at Lake Windermere. The one he keeps on his desk, in his room. And the one of you at the Cliffs of Moher." said Steve. "He keeps that one in his wallet." Nina and I both blushed.

Inside the apartment, Nina introduced us to her friend Jennifer, a plump blonde. We exchanged greetings, and the girls quickly offered us a beer.

- "You must be exhausted." said Nina. "Or are you more hungry than tired? There's a place near here that's pretty good, if you want to eat."

- "We're at your disposal." I said. Steve was right - Nina was even prettier than I remembered. She had lost a few pounds, but she was still much bigger than Moe - taller, heavier, and bustier. I had seriously underestimated how her exotic looks would affect me.

Nina and Jen took us to a roadhouse-type restaurant, where we ordered many pounds of wings, and several pitchers of beer. Jen was obviously a good friend to Nina, and we thanked her profusely for letting us stay at her place.

- "It's no problem." she said. "Nina got me a ticket to the Bears game - I'm going with you."

Since she had raised the subject, we tried to find out what the tickets had cost. We wanted to pay Nina back - but she was having none of it.

- "You're my guests." she said. "It's my treat - and that's the end of it." There was no arguing her out of it. Naturally, Steve and I pulled a fast one, and paid our tab at the roadhouse. The girls complained, but we pretended to be deaf.

Jennifer turned out to be a really sweet girl. I didn't get to know her very well, but she did me an enormous favour: she got Steve involved in a conversation, which allowed Nina and me to slip out onto her balcony.

- "I can't believe we're actually here." I said.

- "I've been looking forward to this for a long time." she said.

- "Do you ever ..." I faltered. I wasn't sure how to begin. So I told her what Steve had said, about living two lives. And then - I have no idea why - I told her about Moe.

Nina nodded. "Chris - we haven't seen each other in over a year. I wasn't even sure that you would ever come this way. Of course we both carried on with our lives. I was seeing a guy - Jeff - in the fall. We broke up after Christmas."

I can't explain it. I felt a wave of completely irrational anger - jealousy, really.

- "I should have told you about Moe." I said.

- "You could have." said Nina. "You can always tell me the truth, Chris. It won't hurt our ... friendship. After all of your letters, I feel like we're friends, first. How could I expect that you wouldn't have a relationship, at home? You can't sit around doing nothing, waiting for me. That's crazy. We're so far apart. And I'm thrilled that you're here - but when will see each other again?"

- "It just feels ... strange." I tried to explain my feelings for her. Nina got it, immediately.

- "I feel the same way." she said. "Listen: I expect an invitation to your wedding, whenever that may be. And you'll definitely be at mine. Guest of honour."

I wanted to kiss her, then. But she said "You must be exhausted. And we have a big day planned for you guys. Let's get you settled, so you can get some sleep."

***

We got a tour of Chicago. The architecture was impressive - I remember that much. But I was in la-la land. My memories of that day don't match Steve's at all.

Jennifer drove us around, and took charge. She took over the role of tour guide, and kept up a pretty steady stream of information. Steve rode shotgun, and asked questions.

Nina and I sat in the back. Holding hands.

We didn't have to say anything. There was no need to 'catch up' - we knew so much about each other, from our letters. I kept turning my head, to look at her. Once or twice, I saw the magical girl from the Cliffs of Moher. But Nina also seemed different, somehow. She still looked like the beautiful woman who had shared a blanket with me, in the Lake District, yet there was more to her, now.

What had happened to me? Where was the confident guy who had teased Moe in her car? I felt like a tongue-tied teenager. But Nina just smiled and squeezed my hand.

I floated through the day. Jennifer and Steve were awesome. They kept each other occupied, and entertained, and frequently contrived to give Nina and me some privacy. It wasn't always subtle, but we appreciated their efforts.

The girls took us out for dinner, to a sports bar / eatery with huge TV screens, featuring all of the major sports, and some you wouldn't expect. Yeah - I know - no big deal, now. But this was a long time ago, when you couldn't find places like that on every corner.

Back at Jennifer's apartment, we had another drink, and then she earned my lifelong gratitude.

- "I need a smoke." she said. "Steve - have you seen the view from our balcony, at night?"

- "No." he said, on cue. They left us alone.

- "Aren't they awesome?" said Nina. "Both of them."

- "They deserve a medal." I said.

- "I wanted to tell you something." she said.

- "You can tell me anything." I said.

- "You have no idea, Chris, how important your letters have been for me. When I got home from Europe, and found your letter waiting ... and then the second one arrived ... I felt so special. Like a princess. You made me feel warm ... and wanted."

"I haven't had much self-esteem, for most of my life." she confessed.

I didn't know what to say, but I took her hand, and held it.

"Every letter, you made me feel connected to you. You never failed to remind me of how much our time together meant to you. Well ... it meant just as much to me."

"I had a rough stretch at school, in September. My roommate situation was a bit of a disaster. And just when I was at my lowest - a letter from you arrived. I can't explain how much better I felt, after reading it. And answering it helped, too."

- "I'm glad." I said.

- "You've been a ... presence, in my life, this past year. I told you that I dated a guy, for a while - our break-up was nasty, and I was feeling low. Then your letter arrived, and I remembered that you care about me. You've been a friend. Supportive. It's so great to have you in my corner."

- "That's wonderful, Nina." I said. "Writing to you makes me feel good. But if it makes you feel good, too ... I couldn't be happier."

Nina blushed, and lowered her head.

- "I've been looking forward to seeing you again, for so long." she said. Then she raised her head, and looked me in the eye.

"I went on the pill. I want you ... to make love to me."

Nina didn't wait for an answer. She stood up, and held out her hand. I took it, and followed her to one of the bedrooms.

"We have to be quiet." she said, as she closed the door.

It wasn't her room, so I didn't pay any attention to it. How could I, when Nina switched on a small table lamp, and turned to me. She was as nervous as I was, but also determined. She undid her top button.

I let her continue. She undid a second button.

- "You're so beautiful." I said. It was true - but I also wanted to encourage her to continue.

Nina held a finger to her lips, and pointed to the closed door. I nodded.

I don't think that Nina was a practiced seductress. She was a little hesitant, unwilling to break eye contact. She undid another button. Under her shirt, she had on a purple bra, with little ribbons and embroidered trim. I forgot to breathe.

She saw the intensity of my gaze, and blushed. "I wanted to wear something nice for you." she whispered.

I was in awe. Impromptu sex is great, and so is surprise sex. But when she plans it, in advance - there's nothing more arousing. Nina put on that lingerie in the morning, thinking about - or planning - to have sex with me. In a way, she had been planning this very moment for months. That was an incredible turn-on, for me.

- "Do ... do the bottoms match?" I whispered.

Nina undid her jeans, and pushed them down far enough so that I could see. They did match.

I closed the distance between us, and took her in my arms. Our kiss was warm, and tender. I tried to keep my urgency under control, but she could sense it. We kissed for a while, as I put my hands on her waist. Her skin was soft, and warm.

Nina let me lead. I think that she had already pushed her boundaries, that she had been more aggressive and obvious with me than she was accustomed to be. From here on, I would have to take charge.

I caressed her warm back, and the backs of her shoulders. My fingers found the clasp of her bra, and undid it. I helped her take her shirt off, and then the bra, until she stood topless in the circle of my arms.

- "Wow." I couldn't help it. Her breasts were even bigger than I remembered. Full, and heavy, and just a little too much to encompass with my hand. They were natural, and utterly delightful. I fondled them, held one in each hand, and then lowered my lips to her nipples. Nina cradled my head as I licked and tongued her.

I knelt, and helped get her shoes and jeans off. Reverently, I peeled those pretty panties over her hips, and down her legs. Once they were off, I reached around to cup her surprisingly slender ass cheeks. I pulled her pussy towards my face ...

- "No." she whispered, putting her hands on my shoulders. "We've done that." She pulled me to my feet. "And I hope we can do it again. But tonight ... I want to make love with you."

She turned down the bed as I pulled my clothes off. I enjoyed the sight of her, completely naked. She was a big girl - tall, and solidly built, but perfectly proportioned.

We lay side by side on the bed, and I tried to arouse her as much as I could before lower nature took over. I caressed her breasts, and kissed her nipples, while my other hand spread her pussy lips, and I slid a finger inside her.

- "Uhh." she grunted. She was wet, and shockingly hot. Nina was pulling at my shoulders, trying to maneuver me into position. I stopped resisting, and knelt between her legs. I kissed her, but she reached down between our bodies, and grabbed hold of my erection. She tugged, pulling me towards her centre. I felt the very tip of my penis touch her outer lips.

I gave in, and thrust forward.

It was the first time I had ever had intercourse without a condom. The sensation was almost overpowering. I penetrated a few inches, then pulled back, and slid forward again. On the third stroke, we were completely joined. I gasped at the incredible feeling.

- "Oh God." she moaned.

I had to agree. When I looked into her eyes, I saw the same wonder, the same amazement, that it could feel so good, on so many levels. Physically, of course - but emotionally, too. Oh ... if only we could have done this on the edge of Lake Windermere ... and then every day afterwards.

We made love. The term was an accurate description, for once. I propped myself up on my hands, and settled comfortably into a position from which I could thrust into her. I watched her eyes as I slid back and forth, my naked penis sheathed in her moist, hot vagina.

I tried to make it last as long as I could, to bring her to orgasm. I don't think that I did. But when I groaned, and every muscle in my body seemed to seize up, she wrapped her arms around me. I came them, and pumped multiple jets of sperm into her. Nina held me tight, and completely spoiled my balance, so that I collapsed on top of her.

In the aftermath of my orgasm - I wasn't sure she had come - she kissed me, and smiled.

- "That was ..." I couldn't find the word.

- "Just what I hoped it would it be." she said.

We fell asleep. At least, I did. I have a vague recollection of Steve and Jennifer talking, in the living room. I could hear their voices, but couldn't quite make out the words. I'm sure I planned to make love to Nina again - I just didn't wake up.

***

The Bears won.

***

OK - I'm just fucking around. If you really don't care, just skip forward to the next break (***). But I have to say, that particular Sept 29th was amazing.

Remember: Steve was a Bears fan. And I'm going to date myself here. That particular Sept 29th was in 1985. That's right - before the internet, before everyone had a PC.

I did manage to catch Steve alone for a minute, after breakfast.

- "Thanks, man." I said. He knew exactly what I meant.

- "No sweat." he said.

- "What happened with Jen?" I asked.

- "Ah - she's been through a rough time. We just cuddled on the couch. Necked a bit. Nice girl."

Nina and Jennifer made us breakfast, and then took us to the stadium. I found a moment to take Nina in my arms, and kiss her.

- "I didn't know ... that anything could be better than Lake Windermere." I said.

- "Shush." she said.

We got to Soldier Field early. Our seats were pretty high up, but that had an unexpected benefit: we had a great view of downtown Chicago. It was pretty spectacular. Steve had his mouth open the whole time.

The Bears were 3-0 at that point, and the visitors were the Washington Redskins - led by Joe Theismann, John Riggins, and Art Monk. They had won the Super Bowl in 1982 (strike-shortened season), then made it to the next Super Bowl, only to be hammered by the Raiders, 38-9.