In Dreams

Jeff was silent for a moment and then said, "Do what you need to do to donate the house to the county for that purpose. Then write them a check for $25,000 to support the program. I give you authority to sign my name for this."

"Mr. McDaniel, this is the county attorney. Thank you very much for both donations. These will go a long way towards bringing this project into being. I will see that you get the appropriate donation receipts for your taxes."

"Thank you. Give them to Hannah; without her, I would lose them. Anything else Hannah? I need to run for a meeting?"

"Nope; I think you just brightened their day. I'll be in touch." The phone went dead.

The attorney said, "Miss Bell, I can have the papers drawn up for your signature by Monday. Will you be in the area?"

"Actually, I will be about seventy-five miles away visiting my parents. I will be back Monday morning and bring the check for the donation."

"Excellent. Say, ten o'clock?"

"That will be perfect." They all shook hands.

That Jeff donated the house and the money came as no surprise to Hannah. It only made her wonder more deeply what the depth of his memories and feelings were of his early home. She now knew a couple of things about his youth and they did not surprise her. She had known many shy people who blossomed later in life. Most of them however, had found and even sought avenues to some degree of fame in some field. She wasn't sure why Jeff had sought success but shunned the limelight.

Hannah spent a relaxing weekend with her parents. While there, she idly asked them about people who shunned the limelight without mentioning who she referred to. Both her mother and father gave different answers that shed some possible light on the issue but not a definitive one. Her mother suggested that many people felt that notoriety invaded their privacy and therefore they avoided it. Hannah could acknowledge that this might be true. Her father suggested something slightly different that lingered in her mind. He had told her about a couple of people he had known at work who avoided recognition because of a fear of failure. If they became known for doing some things well, people would be disappointed in them if they did not live up to their history. They downplayed their successes so that the failures would not be magnified. That lingered in her mind because Jeff had mentioned several times about the details getting in the way of what he wanted to do. There was a possible connection in that train of thought.

She felt bright and refreshed when she returned to Jeff's hometown on Monday morning. As she entered the courthouse, she found Ms. Cushman standing in front of the car registration window trying to talk to the clerk. "I don't know for sure, John. The car was delivered to my house Saturday morning with only this note. I don't know who paid for it. The guy who delivered it simply said that they were specifically told to deliver the car and note to me on Saturday morning. I know none of the other details."

Hannah's ears perked up and went up to the counselor. "I couldn't help but overhear. Is there a problem, Ms. Cushman?"

"Thank you, Ms. Bell. A car was delivered to me Saturday morning. All there was a note that said, 'I never thanked you for all you did for me.' It was signed JBM. It appears to have come from Europe. I don't know anyone in Europe. I have no proof of purchase or anything to document that the car is legal."

"May I see the note?" The counselor handed her a piece of paper. Sure enough, the stationary was for a hotel in Hanover where Jeff was staying and even though the note was faxed to the dealer, the handwriting was unmistakable. She looked at the clerk and said, "Please ask the county attorney to come help settle this."

He looked surprised but called the attorney's office. A moment later the man walked out and seemed to be surprised to find Hannah next to an almost crying counselor. "What seems to be the problem?"

Ms. Cushman poured out her story as before and restated that she had no idea who might have done this. The attorney looked at Hannah who motioned him aside. They stepped away and Hannah quietly said, "I can't verify this for certain until I get on my computer but this note is in Jeff McDaniel's handwriting from the place where he is staying. I think that this is his way of saying thanks to her."

The attorney raised his eyebrow and replied, "Any other time I would want further confirmation but I will take your word for it that this is genuine. McDaniel must be a very generous man."

Hannah simply replied, "He is so much more than that. I will tell Ms. Cushman."

He nodded and turned back to the clerk and said, "I am assured that this is legitimate. Go ahead and register it for Martha. Martha, you are a lucky woman today." He turned to Hannah and said, "Come into my office when you are finished here. Everything is ready."

She nodded as the clerk began doing his paperwork. She gently took the counselor's arm and pulled her aside. The older woman looked at her with questions in her eyes. "Ms. Cushman, Jeff said to say 'hi.' I think that he also wanted to say thanks to you personally. This was his way of doing that."

"Jeff McDaniel? He did this?"

"Yes. I can't tell you anything else because I don't know anything but that is his handwriting and initials. He is staying at that hotel."

Ms. Cushman finally broke down in tears, not believing that something like this happened to a small-town school counselor. Hannah patted her on the shoulder and led her back to the clerk who was ready for her to sign the registration papers in several places. Hannah quietly took her leave with a smile on her face as she went to sign the donation papers on the house and hand over a check to help insure that the sports program got off the ground.

The drive home was pleasant as she had been part of Jeff's generousness. Now she just needed to find more about this elusive personality. She doubted that she could find out much about his naval career but she would give it a try when she got home.

She knew that he had a concert the previous night and she didn't expect to hear from him until much later or tomorrow but he called at 10 her time. "Hi. How did everything go?"

"Everything went fine and you made one school counselor very happy although I needed to help the process a little."

"Really! What happened?"

"She went to the courthouse to see about registering it. But they needed some paperwork to verify that it was a legal transfer. All she had was the note you faxed. I got the county attorney to accept that and my word as verification that it was a real gift to her."

"Damn it! The dealer said that they would send all of the appropriate papers."

"Knowing a little about car dealerships, they probably put them all in the mail; they will arrive later this week and the county can put them together. Everything is fine."

"Good; thank you. I got to thinking;" (he paused for a moment) "when I get back, we need to take a trip down there. I need to go back I guess."

"Good idea. And yes, I will go with you and hold your hand."

"With that attitude, I might trade you to them for a used car salesman and a second-grade teacher." He laughed.

"Think bigger; you should be able to get at least a third or fourth-grade teacher for me."

"They don't have a teacher that is worth what you are worth. Anything else?"

"Lots of things. Tell me about this tour with the Navy."

He paused before replying, "Not much to tell really. I spent four years in the bowels of an aircraft carrier cooking. Yes, I was a Navy cook. In my off time, I read and then began to write. I wrote my first book while in the Navy and started on the second one. They decided they had enough cooks after four years and turned me loose."

"That's it? No excitement or anything?"

"Not much; I did get the see the world or at least most of the Navy ports. I also used the opportunity to start taking college classes on-line. The Navy has a good program for sailors who took advantage of it. I left with two full years of college under my belt."

Without thinking, she teased, "And a woman in every port." She immediately regretting saying that when Jeff started stuttering. She quickly added, "Forget I said that. I wasn't thinking." But Jeff had gone silent and Hannah knew that the phone call was just about over. "Jeff. Jeff! Dammit, talk to me. I screwed up."

He quietly replied, "Hannah, you didn't screw up. You are fine. I am just...just wrestling with some old feelings. Be patient with me on this."

Hannah finally let out a slow breath in relief. "Jeff, I will be as patient with you as you need; I just sometimes say things without thinking."

"Ok, let me wrestle with this and then perhaps I can try to explain it to you that makes some sort of sense. Ok?"

"More than ok; much more. Jeff, whatever you are wrestling with is old business. The Jeff I know today is perfectly fine."

"Thank you. I am going to get some sleep. I'll call you in the morning."

Hannah put her phone down and broke into a serious cry. When the tears stopped flowing and she regained her composure, she made a couple of decisions. Jeff's return from Europe was on a Sunday a week later. While it was a couple of days early for their anniversary date, Hannah sent him a text that simply said, "Meet me at our restaurant at 6 when you get in." She had decided that it was time for her to step up in a couple of areas and this was going to be the start.

She arrived at 5:30 and settled in the quiet area in back and waited for his arrival. While waiting, she reviewed that things she wanted to say to him. The more she thought about it, the more nervous she became. She knew him well enough to know that jumping right into his privacy would be the wrong way to approach him. She needed to gently ask entrance to his soul and even that would not be a guaranteed success but she felt that she needed to try. The glass of wine seemed to help her calm her nerves.

Shortly after six, a taxi pulled up and her tall boss stepped out. She knew that he would still be six hours ahead of local time and wouldn't rush him. This time it was she who rose with a smile to greet him. The look on his face told her that he did recognize the potential role reversal and grinned. For the first time when they greeted each other, he leaned forward and gave her a hug and her heart almost exploded.

All she could think to say was, "Welcome home. How are things?"

"Now that I am here and with you, everything is almost perfect. Thank you."

"Good; actually, better than good. First we eat and then we talk."

"A woman after my own heart. Um...I had Steak Diane last night; tonight, I think I will have the salmon."

She grinned, "And I am having the Steak Diane. I want to see why you are so addicted to it." They both grinned.

As usual, they ate quietly with only casual talk about non-business things until coffee was poured and they were ready to talk. Per usual, Hannah began. "So how is Europe and what do I need to know?" She had discovered that he often needed a prod to get him on track to get the discussion started.

"Europe is fine and...and I think that it is time for us to consider structuring things over there and over here."

"Oh?"

"Hannah, I have been spending a lot of time there building our base and getting the program started. I guess we have been successful. The musicians are happy and the audiences seem to love what we are doing. So much so that the requests for concerts next year have more than doubled. We did six this year and right now have requests for twenty-three for next year. We can't do that many and do it justice the way we are doing it. Physically, it is easier in Europe than here because the distances are not as far apart but the potential to lose the freshness and burn people out rises very quickly."

"And...?"

"And I am burning out a little. I need a break to refresh myself."

"Ok. That is where we start from. We have a meeting with the European core group next month, what do you want to propose?"

He paused and thought carefully before he spoke. "I am not sure. I think that this may need to be your call. I am sort of thinking of a centralized administration and support function but leaving the independence of the musicians alone. How can we do that?"

Hannah thought for a moment and started slowly. "Actually, I have sort of been thinking along those lines already, mostly about the US groups. In fact, I have sort of created a phantom organization and overlaid it over the existing one. It works fairly well on paper but I'm not certain about Europe because they are countries rather than states and the labor laws are different."

"Explain that last part."

"Here, every state has different labor laws. Some are strong union states and others aren't. In California, we have to have a union stage manager. In Texas, we don't. If we had a central organization that works on the details, we could supply a union or non-union stage manager as needed. From our point of view, it would make no difference because we pay them the same. We would set our standard that they would all trained to meet. Then it just becomes planning to put the right people for the right places. I am not sure how that would work in Europe though."

He reached in his pocket and took out a business card to hand to her. "Next week after we get back from our trip south, go see this man. He will be expecting your call. He is excited about the potential of Miles de Musica in Europe and can probably answer many of your questions."

Hannah grinned and replied, "I look forward to it. Now about this trip south...?" For the first time, he had opened the door to his past rather than her having to probe into it.

"I have been thinking a lot about that. In the past, it was something vague and something to be done some time. The death of my aunt kind of forced me to face it now." He paused and she waited patiently. "It has taken me a long time to come to grips with a lot of things about that period. I don't have all of the answers and probably never will but I owe a lot to the people and areas down there. Understand, that after the death of my parents, I was kind of lost. I was always tall but also very skinny. I was not athletic at all and seemed to have no natural talents. My parents were both musical but even though I tried, nothing seemed to work for me. Other kids could pick up the piano easily and I could never get the rhythm right. I got very self-conscious of that and pulled away. I was extremely shy and didn't make friends easily. The ones I made often moved away and I was alone again." He paused for several minutes as he sipped his wine.

Hannah felt that he was talking as much to himself as much as he was to her and there was nothing short of an earthquake that would let her break this moment. She sipped her wine quietly and waited for him to finish.

"This continued into high school except that my parents were gone and I lived with an aunt who did what needed to be done for me but who was distant and didn't like to talk about life or things that I needed to talk about. I did ok at school but I didn't really fit in anywhere; so, I got a job and worked after school. I had dreams and questions but no one to talk to about them. Mrs. Cushman would often call me in to see how I was doing but I never found the words to say or ask what I needed to know. She was responsible for over 300 kids and I couldn't believe that she really cared about me even though I desperately wanted to believe that she did. Like I told you, when I graduated, my aunt gave me thousand dollars and told me to leave because there was no opportunity for me there. She suggested the military which Mrs. Cushman had also talked about. So that is what I did."

He stopped again but Hannah felt that he wasn't finished. She waited.

"I now realize that the Navy was very important to me although at the time, I felt like it wasn't. I started putting on a little weight; I gained physical strength through the PT; but more importantly, I began to be able to put things together. In school, everything was separate. I did ok in math but when I got the science class, the things I learned in math didn't apply. In the Navy, things began to click. I also began reading a lot. That was when I discovered a couple of things about me and learning. First, I was and am an introvert. I like people but don't relate to them very well socially. My mind is always busy thinking about something and that distracts me from being social. The other thing is that people learn in different ways and different rates. I was one of those who could hear and retain information but the ability to apply it broadly was delayed until I began to mature as an adult."

This time Hannah felt the urge to say something but something else held her back. A moment later, she discovered that her patience was rewarded.

He took a deep breath before he continued but almost in a whisper. "In my senior year of high school, I thought I was madly in love with one of the girls. She was beautiful and popular but most importantly, she wasn't one of the ones who ignored me. She would smile and say 'hi.' It took me weeks to talk myself into asking her to the senior prom. She smiled and said 'thanks for thinking about me but I am going with my boyfriend. He is going to college and has a bright future. I want to marry him to have a good life.' That destroyed me. She essentially dismissed me as a guy who would never be someone or have a future." Hannah saw the tear in his eye before he pulled himself back and continued, "In the Navy, some of the guys would fix me up with a date. More often than not, my lack of social skills and introversion ruined those. One even told me that she wanted to date a partier not a thinker. More than once, I went out with someone and came home alone because she hooked up with someone else who was more fun. Needless to say, my social self-esteem just disappeared. So, no; there wasn't a woman in any port; just a lonely guy trying to figure out his place in the world. It got a little better when I got out of the Navy and went to college. I didn't date but was friends with a lot of girls. I helped them with their classwork and listened to their tales of woe. But I was an old man of 22 and a Navy veteran and they were bright-eyed 18 year olds who fell in and out of love daily. So, a social life wasn't in the cards. By now, I had figured out that I needed to focus on my work and my career. And that is what I have done."

Now when he fell silent, she knew that this was the end of the talk. He was spent. She took his hand and held it gently. He didn't pull away. Oddly, his words caused her to reflect on her own past. She hadn't had to face the traumas that he had but her path was none-the-less very similar. Perhaps this was the bond that brought them together and made them a good team. That was the first time she thought of them as a team but it felt right to think that way.

She paid the bill and led him to her car. He was asleep before they left the city limits. The next morning, they were back to their usual routine and spent some more time talking about his dream for both the European and American versions of Miles of Music.

Over the next two weeks, three things happened that Hannah wasn't prepared for. The first was smaller but no less significant. She was scheduled to leave for her European trip on Sunday. On Thursday, Jeff quietly asked, "Tomorrow, why don't we drive down south and let me take a look around?"

She hadn't forgotten words at dinner but they had taken a backseat to the business things. "Sure. Let's do that."

The drive was pleasant as he drove and she got a chance to see the scenery from the passenger seat. Once there, he drove slowly through town and pointed out places to her including the store where his aunt had worked and the plumbing supply place where he worked after school. Then he drove to the cemetery. He knew exactly where his parent's graves were and parked just feet away from them and the fresh pile of dirt under which his aunt lay. She watched in awe as he spent several silent minutes standing in front of his parent's grave and she felt that he was silently saying a prayer or talking to them. She had never seen him behave this way but was pleased. When he finished, he stepped to the fresh grave and said out loud, "Thank you, Aunt Janette; you did your best and I thank you for that." Then he turned and they got back in the car.