All Comments on 'Injustice'

While I can sympathize, and sorry you had such horrible experiences, I have to disagree that BC is a repressive part of the "patriarchy". The problem with a lot of BC, is well, lack of information, doctors being pimped one thing or another thus they recommend that stuff to their patients etc.. I've heard a lot of bad things about Depo from women I know and others, such that I'm surprised many even think about using it. Heck, I remember being a teen in the mid 90s in health class, a girl was on a panel talking about BC and the "shot". She'd had it twice or whatever and ended up having 2 kids. Not a ringing endorsement, but I digress.

To my mind, BC gives most control to women when it comes to reproductive rights. Its not perfect but its definately better than "rhythm/hope n pray", abstinince and rubbers, at least as far as options go which is only what men have. I'm sorry you had bad run-ins with arseholes who didn't care/are stupid. I hate them as much as you do, I'm sure but I've met women who act very much like them. Men, at that point, don't have any options but to pay up for a kid they didn't want or were tricked into having. Sadly, its a societal issue of selfish people and a lack of education I think.

not that this matters, since, as you proved the last time I commented on one of your essays, you delete any comments critical of what you have to say, so I expect this to be gone by morning.

*Not* ask if you're on birth control?

You've met a person you like. You'd like to get intimate. So would your partner. You *don't*, jointly, discuss BC? Seems rather reckless, no? How would a guy know whether or not to used condoms (although in this day and age I would recommend them no matter what.)

I'm afraid I have to disagree with your premise that BC is a patriachal oppression of women. Having lived through a time when BC was not readily available to women I doubt that most women would like to go back to relying on the rhythm method.

I'm sorry your body has such a difficult time with the current chemical methods of BC but I think that being forced to care for an unwanted child for 18 years is not a burden the majority of women would willingly risk.

You are so right. Let's just fuck and forget about that horrible birth control thing.

I think you are pretty much lost in the dark.

I agree, and sympathize, with many of your observations; but I disagree with (what seems to be) the thesis of your argument. Or rather I should say, I think you just missed the mark a little bit.

Female birth control, in itself, isn't the problem. Because, as you pointed out -- in a relationship where there's good dialogue and shared BC responsibility, BC can work out just fine for both partners.

But you seem to be asserting that BC is somehow the cause (or causes a rise in) male patriarcy? I would disagree with that. Male patriarchy existed long before BC, and BC coming along didn't change that. BC does give women more choices and more power. The technologies aren't perfect, and some of them may not work so well for you, but they do work well for many couples.

The problems you're pointing out aren't so much problems with the technology as they are problems with the way males view their role in reproductive responsibility overall -- not just in BC planning, but even after conception and birth. That's where the real dialogue should be placed.

Birth Control is not an issue for me. I'm not sure why, I do enjoy loving a woman and attending to her needs, but for some reason women in general do not want anything to do with me other than being close friends without sex. I have a low sperm count and do not use condoms/rubbers and prefer barebacked fucking. My fishies do not impregnate, yet women seem to want to have to take that chance, or provide their own birth control.

As a woman who was also a victim of almost every side effect of Depo-Provera, provided by a Depo- pushing "healthcare provider", I can sympathize with you. I too have had loser men who don't want to wear a condom push me to get chemical birth control methods, especially my ex-fiance, who was obsessed with impregnating me, but at the same time all for the Depo shots due to the fact that to him, the loss of sexual satisfaction meant he could just go for it with no foreplay and finsih when he wanted to. I mean, after alll, it wasn't like I was going to be able to enjoy it anyway. Thankfully, I am now rid of him, as well as the chemical birth control that I have been convinced to destroy my body with for the past 8 years of my life. I am also finally rid of the side effects of Depo-Provera, except for the extreme weight gain, which I am working on. Depo-Provera should be outlawed and also any man who wants to have intimate relations with me needs to use a condom, because I am done absolving men of their reproductive responsibility. And I don't care if they "can't feel it" because they'll "feel it" even less if I won't even be with them!

As a woman who was also a victim of almost every side effect of Depo-Provera, provided by a Depo- pushing "healthcare provider", I can sympathize with you. I too have had loser men who don't want to wear a condom push me to get chemical birth control methods, especially my ex-fiance, who was obsessed with impregnating me, but at the same time all for the Depo shots due to the fact that to him, the loss of sexual satisfaction meant he could just go for it with no foreplay and finsih when he wanted to. I mean, after alll, it wasn't like I was going to be able to enjoy it anyway. Thankfully, I am now rid of him, as well as the chemical birth control that I have been convinced to destroy my body with for the past 8 years of my life. I am also finally rid of the side effects of Depo-Provera, except for the extreme weight gain, which I am working on. Depo-Provera should be outlawed and also any man who wants to have intimate relations with me needs to use a condom, because I am done absolving men of their reproductive responsibility. And I don't care if they "can't feel it" because they'll "feel it" even less if I won't even be with them!

A few comments to make here;

Relying totally on condoms for birth control is not a very good idea at all, as anyone should know. They are not totally reliable.

As for taking a Depo Provera shot; you were warned about the massive possible side effects beforehand, yet you still chose to go that route. The pill is generally considered a safe form of BC; many women take it to help with cramps, etc., as opposed to actually even using it for BC. Yet, you yourself have found it to create problems with your body, proving indeed that "1 size fits all" is very much not the case. So now you take the Depo shot, have problems, and it's a case of men repressing women? Sorry, that doesn't work. Most men, and IMO by far the vast majority, don't want their female partner to have an unplanned pregnancy. If there were a safe, reliable method of male birth control, god knows I would be on it, as well as all of my single friends and most of my friends who were married or in relationships, as well.

Pharmaceutical companies are spending hundreds of millions of dollars on research for safe, effective forms of BC for both men and women, as they know that if they do indeed discover such a thing, they'll make billions.

So if you can't find a form of BC that works for you, and don't want a pregnancy, your options will obviously be narrowed. Condoms, the rhythm method, discussing BC with your partner, abstinence, etc. Of course, you can always just blame "the Man for keeping you down", as that's easier than taking personal responsibility, I guess.

Okay... setting aside the typos (like the posting of the date rape encounter twice)...

Your assertation - that contraceptives are part of a "patriarchy of oppression," not only attempts to force men into the role of evil enemy, but does so largely in order to make you the innocent victim. Let's look at your points, one by one:

With your first boyfriend, you not only chose to take that particular pill... but you also chose to be sexually active, period. You did not have to engage in any form of sexual intimacy with which you were uncomfortable, and that includes mutual masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex, none of which carry even the slightest possibility of impregnation.

Your second boyfriend sounded like a winner - sharing responsibility for your SHARED future family possibilities. He sounds especially praiseworthy in light of the fact that men have been repeatedly told by N.O.W. that pregnancy IS solely the responsibility of the woman. After decades of being told that he had no choice - if you wanted to abort HIS child he had no recourse, while if you wanted to keep the baby he HAD to pay child support - to be perfectly frank, he was assuming far more responsibility than the feminist movement had ever encouraged him to do.

Your date rape encounter - you chose to go back to this male(I won't dignify him with the title of man, anymore than you seem to qualify as an adult woman)'s apartment, and his bedroom. You did not choose to give him a clear refusal and leave the intimate setting when his advances proved to be undesired, and chose to sleep in the bed of a male who had already shown himself to be less than trustworthy in such intimate settings.

You then proceed to insist that this awesome male conspiracy which persecutes you at every turn would consider a woman's inability to experience sexual pleasure to be a desirable end. Not one man that I have ever met - not even the slimy ones that try to trick women into bed - enjoy the idea of a woman being unable to achieve orgasm. Rather, they take pride in their ability to give pleasure.

Lastly, you complain that women at feminist events ALSO victimize you, by blaming you for the consequences of your own choices. And your statement about modern birth control methods being sexist...? They've been working on a MALE form of contraceptive that involves using testosterone injections to shut off testicular activity - which produces both testosterone and sperm. And of course there's always the diaphragm... the morning after pill... and my personal favorite - not having sex with someone you're not willing to combine your genetic coding with...

Although i do not have to revert to BC between myself and my partner, (I've had the snip, and she's had a hysterectomy), we do have a teenage daughter who's sexually active, now i know little if nothing at all about the depo jab, but we have insisted she go on the pill. and that she uses condoms with her b/f, mainly the condoms are for protection against STD's, and she's quite happy about this.

I respect each woman's choice, and know from past experience's, (I have 2 younger sister's), that even the pill is not suitable for all women.

All Men should assume that a new partner is NOT on BC unless told otherwise, and have the courtesy to use condoms.

Sex, whether as part of a long-term relationship or a one-off, should always involve trust and respect. Ideally, those involved should also be aware of ALL possible consequences and act responsible (its easier to enjoy yourself when you don't have niggling little worries in the back of your mind). Before having sex, you should discuss not only (1) birth control (contraception) but also (2) STDs. Remember – some people lie - and it’s not worth risking your life and/or future happiness for a quick roll in the hay. Condoms do an excellent job of preventing both disease transmission and pregnancy. You and your partner(s) can get screened at your doctor’s office or local clinic.

For unbiased advice and information about both contraception and STDs, you can consult reliable websites from agencies such as: Health Canada, the Canadian Health Network, the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologist of Canada. (I don’t have enough experience with foreign resources to recommend any). If you think that your own doctor is in the pay of the pharmaceutical companies or has an agenda that does not match yours, consider changing doctors.

(1) There are other forms of birth control that you might wish to investigate, including IUDs (intra-uterine device, AKA “coil”). There is a newer one that contains a very small amount of hormone but most IUDs don't. Once inserted, it should have few side effects - if any - and can be worn for several years. They have a respectable contraceptive rate (99% effective) and I don't believe that they have any long-term fertility effects. The only down-side that I know of is that they may raise your susceptibility to some STDs but if you and your partner(s) get tested and take precautions...

(2) What about STDs (sexually transmitted diseases)??? Do not underestimate them. Sure, some can be cured, but many cannot and only the symptoms can be managed. Syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV & AIDS, genital herpes, Human Papilloma virus (HPV), Hepatitis B Virus, Trichomoniasis. NOTE: HPV infection can lead to cervical cancer.

I have had many a problems with birth control myself but never once have I went so low as to blame men for the problem. I am just one of the unlucky ones. Birth control is control for women, so the don't have to worry about WHAT IF THE CONDOM BREAKS. Yes men to love it because it also takes pressure off of them. Men who want to become dads will go for no birth control. And society readily accepts women having babies out of wedlock, they say it is because men don't want to be responsible. I say it is because women are selfish and want to have control of everything. If you can't take the chemical birth control there are over the control things women can use. DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND STOP BLAMING MEN FOR ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. I am a woman that hates feminist because it is always someone else responsiblity, fault and problem. Take responsability for yourself and quit complaining.

It is hard not recognize the inherent truth in your article. "Sexual liberation" through the use of birth control and morning after pills... does indeed put both the responsibility and health risk for avoiding pregnancy solely on the woman. So it just doesn’t seem very liberating, and it doesn’t seem fair.

But neither is pregnancy. The responsibility for having the child and all attendant health risks (which I assume are still far greater than those associated with birth control) are born(sic) solely by the female. And so it goes.. Doesn't it seem rational that the responsibility for avoiding pregnancy should also be with the woman? (How loudly can you say "No!".. lol)

I liked your example of cooperative birth control, but...

as we all learn with each election, there is nothing more helpful in simplifying difficult issues than an apocryphal testimonial... so here is mine. A long time ago, a couple of close friends of mine were in a committed relationship. They determined not have children so he had a vasectomy. Naturally within two years she was pregnant and their relationship had ended. All it did was keep him from being the father... it did not keep her from getting pregnant!

Now as it happens, I currently am in this conundrum myself. At 57, I am having an affair with a 24 year old woman. Neither of us are at all interested in having children together, but our sex is great (at least for me!). Except... that we have had a series of condom failures (you name it, it has happened) which, on at least one occasion, required a "morning after" pill for her. What to do? Which is worse, "Morning after" or birth control? For her or me?

Please set aside the disease issue.... broken condoms aren't much of a help with that either!

But hey! I really liked your article. I just wish the answers were all that apparent.

Well you're right. There are men like that. But we're not all like that. It's nice to have a counter-point to the normal birth-control arguments. It's horrible to see what happened to you. Things like that should NEVER happen again.

Yeah, for a lot of women, some chemical birth control isn't that nice it causes some health problems. For some it alleviates. Equal responsibility for this should be a priority. Watch one episode of "maury" and you'll know.

I think that you do present your side well. But people should be aware that things aren't ALWAYS so bad. But yeah, sadly these conditions do exist.

1. Of course men shouldn't just assume a woman is on BC. Not to mention STD's. That guy's behavior was just horrible.

2. However, the basic problem is that we're biologically different. Women get pregnant, and men don't. Women get most of the consequences. So what are you going to do? Do you really want men to be the only ones responsible for BC? Then they could just get you pregnant without consent. Not good. Of course shared responsibility is best, but unless you have a partner you've been with for a long time and talked to about everything, you can't just assume that. Assuming a man you're having sex with for the first time will be nice and responsible is just unsafe. So either be on BC, or be prepared to say NO and go for the groin if necessary. I symphatize about the unpleasant experience, but you have to be able to deal with these things...

3. The first BC pills I took made me nauseous too. I talked to my doctor and got a different brand, which was fine. Then I switched to a cheaper one, which turned out to slightly impair my sex life, so I switched back. They're not all the same - you may well find one that works if you experiment a bit.

4. I do wish they came out with male chemical contraception... But condoms I just don't like, mostly because of the bother of dealing with them. Personal preference.

And anyway, how can you simultaneously complain that Depo or pills make your sex less pleasurable, and dismiss the fact that condoms do the same for at least some men?

I have had many feelings on the same issue. Not only do you get ugly looks and questions about buying condoms (since your guy doesnt want to buy them any more because you should be on the pill) but even birth control you get dirty looks. When I see men doing the same for condoms, lube, or whatever, it's not even a funny glance. I buy condoms at a female owned sex store now to avoid the glares and enjoy being sexually liberated. The pill made me very sick as well, and I actually needed it for medical reasons (ovarian cysts) but I quit because it caused more pain then helped. Thank you for sharing your story and I am sorry this has happpened to you.

That was disgusting, the way your ex raped you. Did you call the police? It was assholish of your other ex to dump you when you said you weren't on the pill. But it wasn't the fault of the birth control itself. I think birth control is great, and there should be more of it, not less. Meaning, instead of getting rid of women's b/c, they should make birth control for men. And obviously, anything that effects your body should not be compulsory.

I would like to address one of the reviewer's comments that I found disagreeable. "that's life" by anonymous. First of all, does anonymous think that being raped is just a normal part of life? Just deal with it?

"Do you really want men to be the only ones responsible for BC?"

Obviously, MissO has clearly implied that she wants men and women to share the burden of BC. Never has she stated that she thinks men should be the only ones responsible. Which makes your next point moot.

" Assuming a man you're having sex with for the first time will be nice and responsible is just unsafe. So either be on BC, or be prepared to say NO and go for the groin if necessary."

So what you are suggesting, anonymous, is that women have to assume that every man they're going out with is a potential rapist? Why would anyone want to go out with a rapist? Should weak heterosexual women just not date at all? Maybe they should stay out of remote places, or better yet, just stay home. (Sarcasm.)

"They're not all the same - you may well find one that works if you experiment a bit."

Maybe I don't want to unnecessarily experiment with my health. What then?

And finally, the most illogical, stupid phrase of the whole post. The punchline:

"And anyway, how can you simultaneously complain that Depo or pills make your sex less pleasurable, and dismiss the fact that condoms do the same for at least some men?"

Does anonymous understand what she's saying? She is saying that putting foreign chemicals in your bloodstream is the equivalent of putting a piece of plastic around your dick. Let the readers judge.

Thank you for sharing your story and, for what it's worth, you have my support. The sad fact is that it is human nature to try to push responsibility off onto another person. There is no pill that can take care of that. The egregious side-effect of the pill is that it is almost expected of women that they should take it, or some other form of birth control. Some liberation. I don't know how long it's been since the article was written, but here is to hoping things have turned better.

and now it carry's over into playtime, TK U MLJ LV NV

I don't know how far back your story dates, but you seem to overlook the fact that *feminists* campaign(ed) for alternative male BC *not* to be researched and/or produced, as that would take away the right that women (and women only) have (with chemicals) to choose when to get pregnant or not.

It is also ironic that *feminists* (and please, don't tell me they are not the 'true' feminists) essentially forced several laboratories to release on the market female drugs (BC, drugs against frigidity...) that were considered to be both inefficient and to have important side-effects - because "Women deserve it! We are free!". But of course the great evil of patriarchy must have forced them to do that too.

Please, do research what you are talking about, you'll only be seen as a whiny child otherwise.

I apologise for any language mistakes as English is not my mother tongue.