All Comments on 'Ivory'

After three months he married Maria and four months later they had a baby. Was that premature or has he married another slut? No score pending clarification.

Sorry, but I didn't enjoy this at all. I think you need a really good editor, someone to help you with sentence construction, spelling & keeping your story in the same tense all the way through. I found it disjointed & slightly juvenile in composition. 2 **

but no more so then the sick garbage that is written by the losers that adorn this genre all in all a fun read.

Just barely 3*. He had a thing to marry widows with a child from the previous husband...Why would this woman be different from the first one? More being a liberated brazilian? The first one went to jail, but he had nothing to do with it...He never thought in suing the bank? Nor did his attorney? What kind of attorney was that? How could the judge make him pay that money if he was unemployed? No judge can get a man to be emplyed again, or it would exist unemployed people in the world!!! He being unemployed she was the one to pay him part of her pay...So barely 3* for not making him a weak man and for his real friends...

An implausible story line, cartoon villians and stiff sentence construction. But it beats the fire hose of cuck shit we have been deluged with over the last several weeks.

Boring.

It's nice that her soulmate gave her so many organisms.

But as far as this story being *erotica*... hmm, not so much. Just another hate-filled diatribe. Nothing much erotic here. Why post this on an "erotica" site?

@Oneshotone More like several months. Shirt, you basically tell which story is a cuck story by looking at the average score it received.

This was an outline not a fully fleshed story.

You had it written more like a monologue. It really dulled down the emotional impact. In fact, after the brief non-confrontation where AJ discovers his wife cheating there isn't any dialogue or real conversation, even the court appearance is muted.

In the end this story feels like you wrote out an outline and then decided "good enough." It will get a lot of high votes from the people who had cuckold stories and who come here just to vote up BTB tales, but this is a poor story.

You need to work on adding dialogue and fleshing out the characters. We barely know AJ in this tale. we know nothing of any other character really. None of them have enough of a presence to matter to most readers.

Wow you can't even spell ORGASM right. But then maybe you don't know what an orgasm is! And do yourself a favor, don't use BarnyR, he is the worst editor I have seen on this site. And not one of the 3 of you noticed ORGANISM every time it should have said orgasm. As for the rest of the story, it was stilted and utter garbage.

Need to build depth into character. As a reader, didn't feel anything for the characters. Just saying

Get a real editor and stop torturing the English language.

and deserves it. gave you a 5 and fuck you dear annony!

If he has a problem with his new wife, Brazil will screw him over worse than our court system. He would even lose his own kids if she wanted them. Remember that story on 60 minutes. A guy from Vermont couldn't get his own kid back from Brazil after the ex wife died. It took Hilary Clinton and others to move their corrupted courts to send him back. Home.

Aside from the "organism" error (should be orgasm, as others pointed out), one of the most distracting writing weaknesses was the constant mixing of past and present tense, not just within paragraphs, but also within the same sentence. Further, the plot was weakened by the repetition of a man dying in an accident and the widow getting a good settlement. We saw this with our hero's mother, his first wife, and then his second wife. The courtroom and judge did not compute. I still gave it 3 stars for effort and the lack of willing cuckoldry. Please keep writing.

The story was written in a stilted fashion flicking from one tense to another and didn't flow as well as the order of words being mixed up. Keep going though just get an editor who reads the story.

I am not native English, but I recognized the organism - orgazm. Carpanter and Barney R did -1 edition work. I gave 5***** because I am a not native English author.

They get married within 3 months of knowing each other and a kid is born 5 months after that. He's either 2 months premature or someone else's kid.

Don't sweat the grammar Nazi's . I truly enjoyed this story! 5 stars

A good editor can recognize plot holes (the last kid's months problem in Brasil) besides grammar and style (synonymouse word usage) mistakes. However I had two editors which did not discovered my months problem and I discovered before publishing my best story. From January to June there are 5 months and not 4 months.

This is a good tale. With a little more detail it could be a great tale. Short as it was, it's a wonderful thing when the good guys wins in the end and the worthless cheating cunt winds up miserable.

Consider this howler:

She pushed me onto the bed and sits on my lap. I got my first chance to see her naked up close, God what a site

So past tense and then present tense within a sentence. Then, a sight becomes a site (web?)... Huh?

This sort of error was consistent, at least.

And then there was the organism...!

What drivel...

You should learn the difference between site (a place) and sight (something one sees) if you plan to continue writing. Homonyms often give amateur writers difficulty. Also, don't change tenses either in a single sentence as you did several times or in the story unless it's dialog. Otherwise, not bad.

Constant switching from present to past tense and vice versa. Find better editors. Keep writing while trying to improve with each endeavor.

And this was edited?

Great Story - love it when the good guy in the Loving Wives category gets redemption from cheating wife by moving on & having a better life w/of her. Agree w/ a previous anonymous comment that the spelling, grammar & verb tense errors don't distract from the content. However, I don't understand how ur editors didn't correct some of the aforementioned errors. If you wish I'm available for editing in the future. I would enjoy working with you. Looking forward to future stories.

No way this was edited - so many mistakes made reading it difficult. While you had some decent plot ideas, your execution was mediocre at best. Not much emotion anywhere. And Ivy sure seemed cold and calculating right from the start. She was just looking for a meal ticket and it was too obvious. Was he really that dumb? Not fun or entertaining to read.

or to realistic. the timeline on this seamed like it was way off. no detail on their kids, other than he loved them. his wife never loved him at all and he never picks up on it. a little off topic but child support doesnt stop if you change countries. i know of some mexicans that live here in the US and they pay child support to their ex wives. their ex's have never even been to America. so if your thinking of running you better run real fucking far.

The numerous numerous errors in tense, errors in word use and punctuation make this story almost unreadable.

Agree with your point on 'site' and 'sight' BUT review its first use. Sweetie had just taken off her last piece of apparel, a thong! "What a beautiful SITE" is different BUT as appropriate as "What a beautiful SIGHT". Granted, the author's next use of that word makes it clear that the author has NO clue on basic English terms!

Sweetie's early (and frequent) betrayals are missed by a busy (but gullible) Hubby, but the tale goes downhill MUCH faster after they go to court. Hiding half-a-megabuck from a wife who fully intended to swap boats anywhere in the stream (while looting her old boat) is very unlikely. (Setting up the trust funds for Hubby's kids DID sound like a smart deal, however!)

Honestly I was going to tell you to get an editor to correct your mistakes. There are dozens of them. But you say you had two??? Unbelievable.

3 monkeys producing gibberish! Only on Lit.

2*

Thanks for sharing.

I really liked the way he handled the judge.

good story but it does need better editing. thanks for the story

The cuckold stories are the other side of the coin to these BTB stories. Both are equally idiotic in their emotional immaturity.

I'd guess that both types of stories attract the same crowd, screaming for the kind of revenge in cuckold stories that is being dished up here.

Lots of hurt in both cases.

If you are not English speaking I recommend you to use Google translator (It is not too good now in some languages) but it is useful.

1. First you should use the English----to Other language to check through translator you get that you wanted.

2. To start an Other language------to English Google translator and you should write the sentence in your own language.

3. In the third Google Translator you switch on the English-------Other language to build the final sentence.

So you avoid Sight-site problem and orgazm-organizm problems!

@ Anon The cuckold stories and the BTB stories have two distinct reader groups.

Those readers who enjoys the husbands are the winners on the cheating wives after divorce and those readers who masturbate on the hot wife cuckold husband stories how you think these two reader groups are same?

All in all "I" have it pretty good, then one day I came home early.

I like your take "you weren't suppose to find out like this" here's your clothes now get out . What's a guy to do melt down or yea leave.

Meets Maria and three months later marries her, four months after that she has a child.

She already had a bun in the oven and was looking for a sucker.

What's all the bull shit about copyright? Who'd copy a story so full of half written words and mistakes. Author's out of his skull. Cheers!

@ Tw0Cr0ws Classic plot hole, what a good editor can show to the author!

Fire your editors!

Was the bun burned??

was right knows her 3 mos. 4 mos. afterwards she has a Baby sounds like the Same Old Song and Dance.

that is, your editors are morons and your inability to use proper tenses is apalling. How about some emotion? Thanks for your effort; certainly better than all the cuck shit on this forum, but get a real editor and get more real.

Good start, with some interesting ideas. You need to keep the plot clearer and simpler. Add more descriptive information about how characters are feeling. It lacked tension because there was no suspense and little anxiety about the outcome.

Kind of weird with her boyfriend after they meet"

“I hear she is dating a new guy, and Sandy thinks they're getting serious." – How serious could they be, it’s only been three weeks, and she probably wouldn’t have had the FIRST date till the weekend after Labor Day, so it’s really only TWO weeks, not even two full weeks!

If this story was edited, you need a new editor! The story is just not readable. Tenses are all mixed up. Just terribly written. One of the worst I have read in quite sometime.

The root word in Medallion. Little thing, sure, but big to some of us. Your mingling past and present tense at random is really distracting. A cold recounting of events without any feelings. Find another hobby.

Good story line. But....... what those other guys said.

Don't give up. Get an editor and after a few more stories, you are going to get some praises. And as for Anon, ignore them.

You should know what your wife is doing, her schedule and who works with her. The better looking she is, the more important this is. Okay, he's not a knowing cuck, but it is hard to sympathize with a guy whose head is so far up his ass he hasn't realized what he's married to after ten years! I did however appreciate the decisive way he handled his divorce.

I can read almost anything if you manage to get a few letters right, but good god, how about a little effort? Still, you're head and shoulders above the cuck shit. Spend the time necessary to proof-read your stories. The effort you put into writing it, deserves it.

In addition to being unreadable, the entire divorce thread is total crap. Michigan is a No Fault divorce state. You CAN'T countersue for adultery. In addition, if you get caught hiding your cash, and in discovery a decent lawyer WILL pin your ass down, its up to the courts discretion as to whether or not you forfeit the works. Next, the court will not allow you to quit your job so that you come across as cash poor. They'll force you to return to gainful employment. Finally, threaten a court officer/judge and your ass is toast. Its a felony and you'd be unemployable.

So, in summary all your story did was prove that you: a) can't tell a story, and b) don't know diddly squat about Family Law.

"The cuckold stories and the BTB stories have two distinct reader groups."

I think not. The ones who love the BTB stories are the ones who go to the cuckold stories and post their rants against wimps, saying he should be a man and act like the heros in BTB stories.

Two sides of the same coin.

A, if he would have carried out his threat, both would still be dead, and the military we take care of are own, semper fi, knuckle head.

@ cuckold stories followup Anon It may be there are BTB story fans who go to cuck stories to write into the comment "Wimp-WAAC-Etc.". However BTB fans do not masturbate on cuck story to imagine themselves to be the cuck husband!

If the owner of the Literotica divided LW into 2 hubs the BTB fans go to their own hub!

If willing cuckhold stories, which are not about loving wives but about self emasculated girly-men who love watching their "wives" get fucked so that they can suck cum and suck cock, were posted in fetish where they belong the BTB people would not waste time on them. The way it is cucky authors post them in loving wives to grab attention for themselves and, in my opinion, to get off on the criticism to satisfy their sexual masochistic disorders.

I think cucky authors are also trying to gain acceptance for and tiny tiny tiny segment of society which is classified by the mental health communities as paraphilia and is a personality/sexual disorder which, unfortunately is untreatable.

BTB fans don't intentionally read willing cuck stories to complain, they are reacting to the dishonesty of posting fetish in loving wives and the total misogyny in the characterization of women as mindless sluts seeking the imaginary big cock that cucky authors wish they could suck and take up the ass. The women depicted are not women at all but cartoons depicting the author's and fans' sickness.

I don't care if the stuff is posted but i resent the mischaracterization on the part of the "authors" (have you ever noticed how two dimensional and underdeveloped the vast majority of stories are) and the deception of those who rely on tags (which we don't see until the end of the fetish swamp of a story) to disclaim.

The only decently written part of the entire endeavor was the disclaimer at the beginning. However, as good as the disclaimer was, you should also include in it, (hopfully there will be no 'next time')...The following copyrighted story is pure puke and the reader is likely to waste some of their valuable life reading any line of this crap.

and you're on top!! The concert doesn't bother me either asshole. Gave this story a 5

and she has a baby 4 months later, then that's not your baby!

to decide who wins and who loses. TK U MLJ LV NV

BarneyR and Brad Carpenter can not count well. The young uses computer or calculator to count so I do not wonder the months problem in Brasil.

Damn near unreadable. More of an outline than a complete story, huge plot holes,incredibly unrealistic courtroom scene, wrong words, verb tense problems, etc, etc. I hope for the reputation of your editors you did all that after they edited this.

yet never write one word of a story themselves.

Hell. BuzzCzar couldn't write a check, let alone a story.

@ Anon Am I free to write critics? I published 11 (cheating wife - husband recovers with other woman) stories in other story collection.

there are no winners.

The male character ends up on top and the slut wife ends up in prison where she should have been in the first place.

....if between the three of you, you could have maintained tense and person.

In a narrative, it is important to keep the perspective of the narrator clear. Most narrative is done in past tense. Sadly and much to my annoyance, you constantly shifted back and forth between past tense (preferred in narrative) and present tense, sometimes within the same sentence.

Oh, and the word you wanted was "sight", not "site".

I'm sure others have chided you for this, but...lest you not take it seriously, I took two stars off your score for how blatant and egregious this was. For me, it ruined the entire story.

Grammar, tense, and cadence. An editor is recommended.

Aside from these, not a bad tale.

By being out of sync with past and present tense and with a rapid fire cadence this story was a bit jarring to read.

Some events are realy unfunded and very unlikely. You give for instance no indication that she would have any reason or inclination towards criminal behaviour, like embezzlement. So why did she do it?

Not worth much more than 3 stars as it is, but as an encouragement to keep on writing I give you another one, so you get 4.

Typical engineer, can't do math or is totally oblivious to the laws of mother nature. Meets girl and in 3 months is married to her and 4 months has a son. Now let's see 3+4=7 and gestation of a human child is 9 months therefore she had a bun in the oven 2 months when he met her. Looks like he walked into it again. LOL

Barkat47 you obviously missed the point of the timeline. He met her, got her preggers right away and they had their son nine months later. It's 2+3+4=9

Good story overall but then it's always nice to see the husband come out ahead now and then.

the cheating spouse should suffer immensely.

5 stars to the wining cheated on spouse.

* * * * * * oops count do math well. and I am not an engineer

you need another editor, 2 are evidently not enough.

He met her and three (that's 3) months later he married her.

Four (that's 4) months after they got married she had a son.

3 + 4 = 7

Last time I looked human gestation is nine (that's 9) months.

7 - 9 = -2

He married a woman that was two months pregnant when he met her.

I'm sorry but your timing, your grammar, your details needs significant improvement.

hurt to read this. fucking ignorant author.

for content and effort , eat shit annony!

for content and effort. The whore of Literotica has spoken again. Wash out your filthy mouth bitch. You're not funny.

5* some are just pizzed the exwife slut lost

Some woman may have organisms in their vaginas but I think most prefer orgasms, especially when looking for a soulmate.

Met someone; 3 months later you were married and 4 months later you had a kid. So 2 months premature then, if you had sex the first day you met.

Really needs work sorry 🙏 lots of other little things made it hard to read, e.g "Ivy and I made a dinner for Saturday night". Assume you meant dinner date.

Hopefully constructive.

There was no revenge to speak of and the whore demolished the protagonist after sandbagging him.

Please choose from one of the possibly applicable tenses in the Englsh Language for this story ("Past", "Present", or "Past Perfect", with their progressive variants, since future tenses really won't work here*) and stick with the same tense for at least one paragraph! Example: "After my thirty days are finished, I was released." Should be, "After my thirty days WERE finished, I was released."; or possibly, "After my thirty days are finished, I AM released."; but the presnt tense would not work at that part of the story without revising the tenses of most of the story.

Other errrors were noted by others, the most humorous was the women having an organism.

I walked into a courtroom in Farmington Hills wearing my uniform once. I had just gotten off active duty and joined the reserves. Admin sergeant in my unit suggested it. Biiiiig mistake. Both the judge And the bailiff were veterans and just laughed at me. Postponed the hearing till the next day when I showed up in my suit. Moral of my story: your story doesn't fly in the real world. In SO many ways.

I guess I will be the odd one out and call this guy a LOSER and a Grade a pussy.

Why?

He made 2 kids and abandoned them to be raised by an amoralistic cunt because he didn't want her to have his money.

So what, he set up trust funds.. whoopdi fucking do. That does not replace a father.

Yeah yeah, I know, the author wrote in the embezzlement shit.

But, the loser had no clue that would happen. The coward pussy was all set to never see them as kids again and let her instill all her "values" on them.

Fucking "takes a village bullshit" , no, it takes a father. Especially with a mother like that.

Author has got to be an obama/hillary supporter and voter. That is the kind of shit the 2 of them would pull.

You're a fucking idiot. The tale is fiction. The author wrote what he wanted. Of course he wrote that the whore cheating skank cunt went to jail, just like the betrayed husband kept his money, found a new, faithful wife and got custody of the kids. And of course you must be a trump supporter because you haven't got a fucking clue. Now go suck the cum out of your father's ass after your mothers lover just fucked him.

Damn.

To you dumbass, chicken shit "anony-mouses" who brought politics into this. 1). The author writes in his reality--not yours. He or she creates the world, the laws, etc. THAT'S rule #1 of FICTION writing! Remember fiction? It's what you're reading. It's all fantasy made-up shit, not reality. 2). I think you're all idiots to vote for either Hillary or Trump! IMHO, There's never been a better time for "none of the above" to be included on the ballot than this presidential election, period. If either one of them wins, we should ALL leave the country! Ha ha!

Why does anyone read such a story just to criticize it? Life is too short for that. Personally, I loved this story. The good guy won. Revenge is sweet. Good job, and thank you.

and my fellow readers were too hard on you. I can easily understand what you meant, and your writing had a rhythm. to it What bothered me was the fantasy cliche's. It would have been a better story if the characters were more normal. Few men would have 5 or 6 friends who would drop everything on a work day help out. I really doubt you can get $500,000 into untracable overseas accounts quickly , nor can you reasonably hide the fact that a year ago you had that kind of cash around. The move to Brasil is fine, and an interesting turn of the plot, but you don't develope it. IMO it woud have been better for him to be a middle class guy, less upscale. I think it would be better to write characters similar to people you know fairly well.

What you wrote was pretty good, but it was also very much a fantasy piece.

chilley

and my fellow readers were too hard on you. I can easily understand what you meant, and your writing had a rhythm. to it What bothered me was the fantasy cliche's. It would have been a better story if the characters were more normal. Few men would have 5 or 6 friends who would drop everything on a work day help out. I really doubt you can get $500,000 into untracable overseas accounts quickly , nor can you reasonably hide the fact that a year ago you had that kind of cash around. The move to Brasil is fine, and an interesting turn of the plot, but you don't develope it. IMO it woud have been better for him to be a middle class guy, less upscale. I think it would be better to write characters similar to people you know fairly well.

What you wrote was pretty good, but it was also very much a fantasy piece.

chilley

Stories that don't fly in the real world are normally called fiction!

Wow, this is a fictional story about a cheating bitch. The bitch was trying to put the screws to the guy.

He fought back his out come had him on top happy with a new life.

If you want some reality watch the news you'll get plenty.

If the person wrote a fictional story shut up and enjoy the story it's ment to entertain.

If you can't separate fiction from reality you're fucked but, you already know that if you don't here's a clue.

"When people tell you you're fucked up get a clue. That's telling you that you need to start thinking with a brain not Your ASS!"

The story is good, he didn't kill her or the judge but he showed the disrespect he could have received if it was real and if it was real and he had run into a dumb asses people like you, the judge, and Ivy HE COULD use PTSD to get away with murder.

Get the clue there PTSD is being given more credibility. So you could be dead too like the other dumb asses if you wanted reality!

When she said, "Go to the kitchen and I will explain when I am done here," every man I know shouted - "BURN THE BITCH!!!" She is one very cold bitch! Yes I know of friends who will drop every thing to help a friend. Why? Have you noticed that Ivy does not go bowling with him because she's bowling some strange man.

Kevin her 1st husband gave her organisms AJ gave her orgasms AND he was a good husband and father. This bitch needed to be BURNED! A dish served cold!

So what the fuck happened to DENISE, you know the child IVY was calling out of the pool for lunch? 1* for this garbage. There ain't no way TWO editors worked on this but then one of them is BarnyR who doesn't have a clue.

Did you even read the story?

Denise, Ivy's daughter from her marriage with Kevin, decided to live with Ivy's sister in Michigan.

the Vikings had it right

the betrayal was great but the aftermath was a bit lame.

so he was her "anchor" while she chased the big ........ organisms?

You should not write, your spelling and grammar sucks horse balls. You clearly dont do any research. You portray your MC to be or wimpy cuckboys, that conveniently have all the connections to burn the slut wives, Im glad the bitch got burned in the end but it was more of a freezer burn than a scorcher. 2 stars.

Decent story line but terrible grammar and sentence construction.

Wonder who has been screwing his new wife.