Ivy Pt 02 (aka Jasmine)

Jasmine placed her hands upon mine and nodded. She closed her eyes and I could hear her take a deep breath.

The timer for the salmon went off.

She smiled. "Saved by the bell." She walked back into the kitchen. I couldn't help but stare at her ass as she walked away.

"Why don't you come help me if you're so worried about me? You can set the table. Don't even think about touching the food though; I'm still gonna do the cooking. You'd find a way to burn the milk if I left you alone in here."

I almost slapped her ass out of habit when she said that. It took everything I had to resist. I was a tormented man. "Tell you what. I'll set the table if you get some clothes on, young lady."

"Not gonna happen. I'm more comfortable this way. You DO want me to be more comfortable after everything I've been through, don't you?" She dramatized every last word and batted her eyelashes at me. I was putty in her hands but I didn't want to let her know.

She was killing me. I bit my lip and turned away from her to set the table. I could have sworn I heard a very quiet, short giggle behind me. If I couldn't have her, then I'd be spending some serious solo time upstairs with myself tonight.

*****

"So what about boyfriends?"

She cut the silence like a knife with the question I knew she would eventually ask, I just wasn't ready for it. Nor was I expecting it on a quiet night like this as we both sat in front of the fireplace.

Inside I was freaking out, even though I tried to remain calm on the outside. I was thinking the worst, was she lonely? Was she thinking it was time to look for a boyfriend? I felt ill.

I had one arm over her shoulder and we both sat on the floor in front of the couch. I casually looked over at her to see what she was thinking as she pulled the soft fur blanket up to her neck and tucked her knees in. I could see her staring at the fire dancing in the fireplace, the light reflected off of her eyes. She was deep in thought. I had begun to learn that quiet moments like these were when she would really do a lot of soul searching and try to remember anything that she had forgotten about her past, especially since the last several years were a complete blank.

"Well, you really didn't have any, at least that I know of." That was technically true, she had a husband. "You were busy with college and work. I think, I think you were at a place in your life where you were looking for the right guy." That was mostly true. What I said was the past tense version of her reality; i.e. she FOUND the right guy versus LOOKING for the right guy.

She nodded slowly. She leaned her head onto my shoulder; I heard her sniffle a little. "You don't know how hard it is to not be able to remember a thing. It's like the last few years never happened, like I was frozen in time. And I don't mean just the coma."

I held her tighter and tried to listen. I wanted to interrupt her and tell her everything would be ok, but I knew Jazz. She just wanted to vent right now and process everything that had been going on in her life.

She was quiet for a moment. "Do you know something? I haven't told anyone this, but I do remember something over the last few years. It's not like I remember a specific event or anything, but," She trailed off.

My heart froze. I calmly asked her, "What do you remember?"

Thinking about her words before she spoke, still gazing at the hypnotic rhythm of the flames, Jasmine said, "I remember being happy. In general, I mean. I know, it's not much to work with, but I just remember my life really turned around and I was the happiest I had ever been, like, I had just started the 'happily ever after' part of a princess fairy tale. And I can't REMEMBER why." She burst out in tears, and I held her tighter. "Did I have a boyfriend that made me happy? I know you said I didn't, but it feels like I did. If I did, why wasn't he there for me? Why isn't he here for me now?"

I so badly wanted to pour my heart and soul out to her and tell her everything, especially hearing about the joy that she had. I was going to call the therapists first thing in the morning and tell them I couldn't do this anymore. I had to know what they thought of Jasmine and if she was ready for the truth. I know I was getting impatient, but the thought that her memory might never return frightened me.

She leaped up. "I can't remember a fucking thing! Do you have any idea what that's like?" By the tone in her voice, I could tell her crying and sorrow was quickly turning into a type of lamenting anger. I knew she wasn't angry with me, but I had never seen her come unglued like this.

I stood up and lightly touched her shoulders. "I, I can't answer that, Jazz. But whatever happens, I'll be here for you, every step of the way. I'll help you get through this, ok? I'll do whatever it takes for you to find that happiness again." I meant that.

Jazzi immediately fell into my arms and began weeping like a baby. I could feel myself misting up, too. I just wanted to make everything alright for her. With or without me by her side, I'd make sure she finds the joy that she once had and now couldn't remember. No matter what it took!

*****

It was a rare occasion for her to have meltdowns, but they did happen. No one could blame her given everything she had been through. Most of the time, she was still her regular joyful self, a bit more cautious in the world, but for the most part she was the same Jazz I remember. We went slow and took each step day by day.

It was surprising what Jazz had picked up, and what she hadn't. Some of the more difficult things that I thought she'd never be able to do again she had already mastered, and some of the simple things that I took for granted in everyday life became a challenge to her. For example, she could walk and jog which stunned even the doctors, but she still had difficulties tying her own shoes. It was the easy things that she got the most frustrated with. I was floored when she took her expensive Asics and in a fit of rage threw them in the trash.

That same night, Jazz got a babysitter so we could take the Mustang out and go shopping for a pair of Velcro cross trainers. I bit my tongue knowing it would take us forever to find a pair and certainly wasn't looking forward to that shopping trip, but I still had to tease her just a little.

"Velcro shoes? Are the 80's coming back? We can swing by Verizon on the way home and see if they have one of those fat old school brick cell phones for you, I hear they're the next biggest thing..."

She punched me in the arm. Hard.

"Ow... hey!"

I saw her give a slight smile as she grabbed the car keys from me and walked out the door. "Come on, you big baby. I'm driving."

The soreness from the punch that landed outside of my stomach was immediately forgotten and replaced with a feeling of sickness inside my stomach. I had flashes of the red Mustang getting crushed by a semi all over again.

"Whoa whoa whoa... I don't think that's such a good idea," I said chasing after her.

She stopped, turned around, and gave me an icy glare that could have frozen a bonfire.

I put my hand on her hand, the one that was holding the car keys. I took in a deep breath as she looked at me, just daring me to say something stupid.

"Wait, I'm not saying you can't. I just want to make sure you're ready. Why don't we get this cleared with the medical staff first?"

"I'm ready, Tim. It might take a little bit of trial and error, but I've been practicing. A couple of times a week after my jogs I'd grab your car keys and sit in the Mustang, practicing how to start the car, how to shift, even how to adjust the seats. With you sitting shotgun, you can coach me and make sure I don't get into any trouble. I trust you.I know you'll always bail me out."

All I could think about was her accident. I admired her spirit, and maybe she was ready for it, but I certainly wasn't. Besides, the last time she sat behind the wheel, I didn't bail her out. I wish I could have, but I didn't. And it killed me knowing that I didn't.

I bit my lip. "Jazzi, I don't even know if it's legal for you to drive after your accident. We haven't even begun to cross that bridge yet. Besides, you at least have to let me warm up to this, after what happened last time. Jazz, please." I held out my hand for the keys, holding my breath.

She rolled her eyes, slammed the keys into my hand and turned to walk to the Mustang, this time heading for the passenger side. "Fine, you win, but tomorrow we talk to the doctors so they can clear me. I told you I'm ready. That means I'm ready."

I was relieved, even though I felt bad for her. The victory did seem a little too easy, too. That got me to thinking. Wives usually win arguments like that. And she caved, which is something very rare for her to do. Maybe we were taking a step backwards; maybe she caved because she viewed me as her father still.

Then again, she did call me Tim. Maybe we were on the right track after all.

Oh, and five hours and six stores later, we did actually find her shoes. The things I do for that girl.

*****

It felt like I could do back flips and cartwheels. The sky was blue, the birds were singing, and I had just left the office of one of Jasmines therapists. It was the best therapy session ever! Well, that being said, Jazz actually wasn't with us so maybe it didn't count as best therapy session ever. I did have to use a little deception, which I felt bad about. I told Jazz that I was going to work like any other regular day but I took it off in order to have a private and lengthy conversation about her.

The therapist had told me that Jasmine and I needed to find a babysitter and spend some time together somewhere, just the two of us on a vacation. Her hope was that Jasmine might warm up to me in an intimate nature if we were in a much more stress-free environment without the worries of her day to day physical therapy, watching over Ivy and Ivan, and all of the regular house chores. By this time, she had even resumed her old job as my assistant, albeit on a part time basis and working from home. It still kept her busy, which was exactly what she wanted.

Of course I nodded my head in excitement, but the therapist warned me to continue to remain neutral. Don't be a father, and don't be a husband. Let Jazz decide. In fact, she told me to take her to the same place where we had our honeymoon, if possible, in hopes that our previous experience on our honeymoon might help her memory to return. This would be our best shot.

So needless to say, the both of us were excited when I told her to pack her bags because we were heading for a cabin up by the lake.

"Just me and you, Jazz. I think we've both earned the right for a little R&R."

Jazz replied, "Oh, I can't wait! But what about Ivy and Ivan?"

"Don't worry, I've got that covered," I told her. "Your grandmother is coming to watch them; she'll be here in the next hour or so. Besides, we'll only be gone for about five days, so it isn't like Ivy and Ivan will forget you. You're practically their mother." I smiled at the irony of that statement. If only she knew. Besides, it didn't hurt to plant a few seeds in her brain. Maybe it would contribute to her memory returning some day.

She ran up and threw her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. "This will be so nice! Let me start packing."

It was funny how Jazz had even changed my driving style. Her accident honestly didn't affect the way I drove when I was by myself (I generally stuck to the +20% rule; in other words, if the speed limit was 70 I would take 20% of 70, which was 14, and add it to achieve my maximum speed, 84 in this example. Hey, I'm a mathematician in case you forgot). However, whenever I would take her out I found myself driving the speed limit. This was a first for me, ever.

"Holy shit, you're killing me Tim. You're driving like you're in a Gremlin. Did you forget the fast moving horsey on the side of the car? Think of the power you're wasting right about now. It's almost a crime. By the time we get to the cabin it will be time to go home."

I gave her a wicked look to let her know I was not amused -- something I rarely did. She just smiled and shook her head. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help letting a smile creep up on my face as well. Her smile was contagious. I tried not to let her see, but I did bump up the speed by five miles per hour.

We made it up to the lake before evening, despite Jasmine harassing me that we would have traveled backwards in time if we went any slower. We stopped by a nice restaurant in the small lake town before arriving at the cabin.

It was exhilarating to be back at the very same log cabin we spent our honeymoon in, only a stone's throw from the lake. As I stepped through the cabin doors with our luggage everything came back to me. I remember the rustic look as if we were there only yesterday. I wanted to drop the luggage, pick up Jazzi, and run to the bedroom right then and there. It was so close to being the perfect moment, but I also knew I was being selfish. Really, we were here for Jazz, in an attempt to get her memory back and de-stress her as much as possible at the same time.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She asked me.

I didn't realize it, but I had stopped in the doorway and my eyes had misted up a little.

I tried to pick at my eye a little, doing the old 'I had something in my eye' trick, but I knew I wouldn't fool her.

She moved up behind me, stood up on her tiptoes, and put her arms around my shoulders. She kissed my cheek. "You miss your wife, don't you?"

I was stunned she said that, and caught completely off guard. Not thinking clearly, I nodded a little, instantly regretting it. Once again, I let her know too much. If only she knew.

"It's ok. I know you don't like to talk about her, and I really don't know if she passed on or you two divorced or what. And you still don't have to tell me if you aren't comfortable with it. But I'll be here for you, you know. It's not the same, but still."

I smiled softly and took her hand in mine. "There's no one I'd rather be here with Jasmine. You need to know that."

She squeezed me a little tighter after I said that.

"Besides, how did you know I was thinking of her, my wife, I mean?"

Jasmine answered, "I know my memory hasn't returned all the way, but I know you. I remember you when I was young, and I remember how you've been treating me the last several months. We've spent a lot of time together, and well, I just know how to read you. I can't explain it, really, but I can tell when you are thinking about her. Just by the sadness and sorrow on your face when I catch you in certain moments, like now, for instance. I'm sure you were with her at one time in a place just like this and your memories of her are returning."

I turned to face her, still in her arms. I could now see that she was misting up as well. "Jazzi, honey," I said, trying to find the right words. "All of that is in the past. Right now, I'm looking to the future. And I meant what I said. There is no one on earth that I'd rather be with right now. Believe it or not, but even though I've been by your side the last several crazy months, you've been by mine too, even if you didn't know it." I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and kiss her then and there. I settled for softly brushing a few strands of hair out of her face. I would take what I could get.

*****

It took me a while to fall asleep in my room, but I was comfortable in the log cabin bed. The sound of the rain on the roof was enough to slightly wake me out of a deep sleep, but it was peaceful.

I heard the door to my room slightly creak as it was being opened, followed by sniffling. Before my brain had fully registered what was going on, Jasmine lay down in the bed next to me. She slid close to me and curled up in a ball against my chest.

"J...Jasmine, what's wrong?" I said, slowly starting to awaken. She wasn't full-out crying, but I could tell she was holding back. She didn't answer.

"Jazzi, it's ok. You can talk to me if you want." I wrapped my arm around her waist and brought her closer to me. As my vision slowly started to adjust, I realized that was probably a mistake. She was wearing a thin -- probably see through -- baby doll nightie. And her tight little panties were well within my vision. I immediately started to harden. I still held her but had to roll more towards my back and away from the spooning position so she wouldn't notice. With my free hand, I started to stroke her hair.

"I had that nightmare again. It was all fuzzy and a lot of it didn't make sense, like most dreams but it ended the same. I was driving down the highway when the last thing I saw was the grill on the semi before it smashed me." She sniffled a little more. "Every time I have that dream, it becomes more real than the last time."

I held her tighter. I started to think taking her to the cabin might have been a bad idea after all. She had the same reoccurring nightmare at least once a week, sometimes every other week. The doctors told her it was good because it was her mind's way of processing the accident and trying to remember details that she previously had forgotten. I wasn't so sure. To me, it seemed like it only brought pain to her.

I asked, "Do you want me to carry you back to your room?" She shook her head no.

"Do you want to stay in here with me?" She nodded, pushing back against me even more. I slid her from on top of the comforter to underneath and wrapped the blanket over her shoulders. Her head started to nuzzle against my hand. She stopped sobbing even though her face was still wet. Her warm body started to relax. Long after that, she was asleep in my arms.

As much as I loved holding her, it was almost physically painful for me to resist doing anything beyond holding her through the night. But I loved holding her, and loved the fact that she was asleep again and seemingly having pleasant dreams. It took me a while to fall asleep also, but eventually I drifted off listening to the falling rain...

*****

When I woke up, I was still holding Jasmine in my arms. She was still asleep; at least it looked like she was.

Instead of facing away, she was facing me with her head against my chest and her legs intertwined in mine. I was still hard. It was pressed up against her thighs. My first reaction was to jump up out of bed, but for once I decided to be a little selfish. I took at least a full five minutes to enjoy being in that position before sliding out of bed. I seriously pondered staying like that for as long as I possibly could get away with it. After all, it might be the last time I ever held her that way.

I went downstairs to make breakfast since she was still asleep. My cell phone rang; I had forgotten to turn it off. I grumbled a little as I looked at the phone to see who was calling. It was Rose.

I picked it up. "Good morning, Rose. You're lucky I picked up the phone. If anyone else called other than you or Michael, I probably wouldn't have answered."

"Hey Tim! Sorry, I know it's kinda early to call. You know my time clock is always messed up with the swing shifts at the hospital anyway. I just couldn't help myself; I wanted to see how things were going with you two lovebirds."

Walking to the fridge, I pulled out some eggs and bacon. I held the cell phone between my ear and shoulder as I pulled them out and brought them to the stove. "Well, it's going, strange, as always." I laughed. "Strange, but wonderful. I'll be honest, I'm not sure if her memory will ever come back, but just being with Jazzi is amazing. She needed the time up here to relax if nothing else."

Rose tried to comfort me. "You both needed the time up there. I still think you should have taken at least two full weeks, not just five days. You two should do it again next month, especially if it goes well."