Joe Tom Ch. 02

Archie Loomis and Lester Harper, two guys in our dorm were in the hall headed to breakfast and heard Joe Tom.

"You tell him, Aronoff. Taylor has a wicked streak a mile wide," Lester said. "His last roommate Randy was always trying to rope him into church."

He and Archie laughed together.

"He does need to spend some time on his knees in the chapel every day," Archie giggled.

I was locking the room door and I turned on the two of them.

"Screw you both," I said. "You two have calluses on your knees from kneeling and sucking each other's dicks every chance you get. The two of you probably drilled that hole in the partition in the library. I'll ask for religious advice from you two when the pope starts praying to Buddha."

I was joking and I knew there was no one else in hearing distance of my comment. Archie and Lester were two more non-Baptists in the dorm and always seemed on the borderline of getting expelled for one infraction or another. The problem for administration was the simple fact that everyone knew where there was mischief and mayhem Archie and Lester could be counted on to be involved. But absolutely no one ever admitted seeing anything or would testify against them. I'd partied with them in their room on several occasions with the door locked. Archie always seemed to have some marijuana to lighten the mood. They had a couple of pedestal fans to draw smoking odors out of their room through the window.

"You can see why Randy left school to go to the Peace Corps and do good works, Joe Tom," Archie rolled his eye heavenward. "He said he needed to purge himself of the evil one here. You've only been here a few days so you haven't had the opportunity to experience the depth of his sins. According to Randy, Taylor here broke the Guinness Book of World Records for masturbation. Randy said Taylor seems hopelessly addicted to the sin of Onan."

"You're so full of shit your eyes are brown, Archie. That weasel Randy had the sin of Onan on his fucking brain so bad he couldn't get an erection. I think the boy has talked himself into complete erectile dysfunction that no amount of Viagra can cure." I slapped Archie on the back of the head.

"Ouch," he whined.

"Shut up or I'll hit you again, cum rag," I grinned. "I was just trying to shake loose the cobwebs in your head so you can perform at your best in Bible class this morning. You do have Dr. Fernandez's eight o'clock class, don't ya?"

"We both do," Lester said. "It's enough to totally fuck up your day but like I told Archie, I'd rather make it the first class in the morning than dread it all day. Dr. Fernandez asked me yesterday to name three things that I am thankful to God for everyday."

Archie hooted laughing. "You know what this jackass told Fernandez? He said he was thankful to God that this college only requires one Bible class; that he's able to get it over early in the morning; and most of all he's thankful he doesn't have to take it from Dr. Hester. I thought Fernandez was going to have a seizure when everyone started laughing but that old cat started laughing himself. He told Lester that it'd do him good to take a religion class every semester and not to worry, one day God will seize hold of him and turn him into Oral Roberts. Dr. Fernandez said he'd pray for that."

We all were laughing.

Lester said, "I told Dr. Fernandez that if it's all the same to him I'd rather that he pray that I get turned in to Hugh Hefner instead of Oral Roberts. Now we're getting a test on Luke today."

"I guess you spent all night trying to understand the gospel of Luke," I laughed. "You don't stand much chance of learning that one overnight."

"I didn't have to," Lester said. "My Mama dragged me to church every time the doors opened while I was growing up. I've spent more time studying the scriptures than half these teachers here. Mama is a good Assembly of God member and those people don't do much of anything other than eating, praying, working, and sleeping. All my life entertainment in our house was listening to taped sermons."

"Ye Gods, Lester," Joe Tom said, "how come you're not a ministerial student with such a background?"

"Hormones, Mr. Aronoff, hormones," Lester replied. "My dick's too active to let my soul meditate on prayer, my son, unless the prayer book is balanced between two sweet 38 D tits."

We arrived at the cafeteria and went through the line. Today we all chose milk and cereal and went to a window table. It was fun to sit with Archie and Lester.

Louise, one of the cooks came over with some packets of sugar. I liked her. She was probably in her early forties and looked at SBNG with jaundiced eyes. This was obviously just a job to pay her bills, not a religious calling although she toed the line carefully to avoid the wrath of Mrs. Guinn, the cafeteria director, a woman definitely on a mission from above.

"Well, what have we here?" Louise spoke quietly, "It's the four horsemen of the Apocalypse all in the dining room at the same time."

We all broke up laughing.

"There'll probably be a prayer service in here after you guys leave to exorcise the demons. Old lady Guinn says the four of you should be thrown out of this school before you can infect anyone else. I think she gets a little crazier every day."

"Hold on, Louise," Joe Tom said. "This is my fourth day here. How can she decide I need to be thrown out when she doesn't even know me? I'm insulted."

Louise laughed. "Don't get your knickers in wad, pretty boy. Dean Wilson told us you're a Jew so she wrote you off instantly. She thinks anyone that's not Southern Baptist is corrupting the world, particularly Jews and Catholics. And she's going to be all over my ass for talking to you four."

"Tell her we had some questions for you about the upcoming supper menus," Lester said. "Tell her that I asked for her fix some Chinese food for a change – lemon chicken, egg drop soup, egg rolls and vegetable fried rice."

Louise giggled. "Oh, I can really see that happening, boys. The most foreign thing on Guinn's menu is Boston crème pie and she calls it Atlanta style Boston crème pie. Let me get out of here before she sends someone over for me."

Louise left as Rebecca Knowles and four other girls of her set walked into the dining room. Rebecca looked over to me and Joe Tom with an imperious shit eating smile.

"I guess Mother Superior Knowles has not yet heard that her fetish for black dick has made the campus hotline," Archie laughed.

"What?" I asked shocked that the news had already reached Archie and Lester.

"Oh, yes, boys," Lester sneered, wagging his finger at Joe Tom and me. "Don't play coy and innocent with us. The word on the vine is that prick Wilson hauled the two of you into his office yesterday after chapel. He was trying to get Joe Tom for cursing in front of Sister Knowles and you delivered the revelation she groped pretty boy's cock through his pants right here outside the student center." Lester pretended to be shocked out of his mind.

Archie started beating his head on the window saying over and over, "What are we going to do, Dorothy? What are we going to do, Dorothy?"

Joe Tom started laughing so loudly others started to stare at us.

"We need to get out of here before they call the police," I said. "If the four of us are sitting together and laughing the staff here probably think we've placed a bomb somewhere on campus."

We headed for class.

Lester and Archie were taking bets on how long it would be before Rebel Ho got the word that her loving black dick was common gossip. The two of them figured maybe noon today. I guessed maybe even be as late as tomorrow.

"Remember, guys, the good sister is truly formidable and not many people are going to approach her with the news."

Lester raised his hand toward the sky frantically. "I volunteer! I volunteer!" he yelled.

"I'd leave it alone if I were you, Lester," I said. "Dean Wilson's pissing his pants trying to find someone who'll testify it was you two that put sugar in the gas tank of his F150. That little stunt's gonna cost him thousands of dollars. Lecky said Wilson told him Monday he was looking to just sell the truck at a loss for parts and get another vehicle. Lecky also said he'd never met anyone who called themselves a Christian that looked like he was capable of killing whoever did it with his bare hands."

"I'm innocent," Lester said. "Watch my lips. I did not violate that truck. Do you hear me? I did not violate that truck." Lester was a good mimic and he sounded just like Bill Clinton.

Archie snorted. "Well, no one cares if you stuck your dick in the tailpipe and fucked it. What they care about is did you pour ten pounds of sugar in the gas tank."

Lester smiled. "My good man, how would you know the weight of the sugar bag unless you yourself did the evil deed? Take care with your accusations, Sherlock. There are those that might look to you as the culprit."

Joe Tom laughed. "Or more likely he held the bag for you while you poured the sugar in the tank."

"Careful, Joe Tom," Lester said, "people who are too smart sometimes lock themselves into jail cells of their own making. Surely you don't think people in the know on this campus are really going to think Rebel Ho grabbed your dick, do you? Everyone who knows what a slut she is also knows she ain't grabbing nothing but black dick."

"I hate to break up this hen festival," I interrupted. "Rebecca Knowles is known to pinch waiters' asses over at the pizzeria regardless of color. The girl seriously needs to be fucked with a cock two feet long and a foot wide. Then again, that might be too small for her."

"Has she ever pinched your ass?" Archie asked.

"Yeah, she has," I answered. "She could have sucked my dick right there in the restaurant for the kind of tips she drops. Her parents must have plenty of money to give her the kind of allowance to buy meals at Lecky's three or four times a week and drop tips that are sometimes almost as much as the total bill."

"Then why would she go to the dean and report you two for engaging in a vulgar conversation? If she likes you and gives you big tips why would she try to get you in trouble?" Lester asked.

"Truthfully, I think the girl has some serious mood swings. Maybe it's her monthly period. She's a vicious bitch all the time but periodically she's like a panther with fangs and claws. Lynn Eliopoulos despises her and would stomp her ass in the ground if she didn't give the restaurant such good business. One day, though, she is going catch Lynn on one of her 'on the rag' bad days and when does, Lynn'll beat the living shit out of her."

"Man, I'd pay to see that fight," Archie said. "So would probably most of the people here. But Lynn's a sweet girl, Marc. Rebecca's a bitch on wheels. It'll never happen. I just can't see Lynn doing it and since the accident where that kid got killed I think Lynn's gonna be even more unlikely to go after Rebecca."

"Who the hell knows, guys," I said, "you never know what women are going to do when it comes to violence but I do know that last semester Lynn came in with a black eye and scratches from a fight she had with another girl she caught fucking her boyfriend. She beat the pure hell out of the girl and the only reason she didn't get arrested was because they both ended up in the hospital emergency room getting treated for their injuries. Lynn had a black eye but the other girl had a broken nose and jaw."

We came to where we had to part to go to class. I arranged to meet Joe Tom for lunch in the cafeteria.

The morning was uneventful but lunch made up for the lull. Joe Tom and I were sitting at our table by the window when Rebecca Knowles started yelling at her table. I had sort of thought she might start crying and be afraid when she heard what was being said about her. I was wrong. She started cursing like a drunken sailor and marched over to our table screaming at us. She lit into Joe Tom.

"You lying motherfucking queer faced son of a bitch! You know goddamn well I never groped your little monkey dick! You fucking WISH I had groped your tiny weenie! You're a fucking liar and a piece of shit and everyone knows if you're hanging around with Marc Taylor he's fucking your ass!

Joe Tom laughed at her. "And how would you know about my little monkey dick if you hadn't touched it?"

Rebecca reared back and slapped Joe Tom so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. Then she took his food tray and hit him over the head with it. Before I could even move, she grabbed my food tray and smashed it into my face, then turned and hit Joe Tom over the head with it. I looked around the dining room. People sat in stunned silence. Dean Wilson was sitting with Dr. Fernandez and he looked paralyzed. The ladies of the cafeteria crew totally stopped serving. When Rebecca stepped back to hit Joe Tom again suddenly Archie and Lester seemed to appear out of nowhere and each boy grabbed one of her arms and threw her to the floor roughly.

"Woman, I think you missed your Midol pills this morning," Lester said laughing. "You need to settle down before you do some damage."

Rebecca started screaming and trying to get up. Archie kicked her hard in her side. "Stay down on the floor, fatso, or I'm gonna hurt you."

Lester took his cell phone out and called 911. He asked for armed police and for an ambulance. That was all it took to end Dean Wilson's paralysis. He jumped up and started yelling this could be resolved without the interference of the police.

"I don't think so," Archie replied. "Can't you see Joe Tom's bleeding on his face and so is Marc. I've got a scratch on my arm from this wild cat on the floor and you can bet I'm going to demand a tetanus shot. I may even need rabies shots. I demand she get tested for AIDS and hepatitis. She's probably got both from all that black cock she takes."

Rebecca grabbed at Archie's leg and tried to get up again. When he pushed her, she sank her teeth into his leg. Archie screamed and Lester kicked Rebecca hard in the stomach. She started to panic. Lester had kicked her so hard he'd knocked all her breath out and she couldn't breathe. About that time the police and EMT's arrived. Two EMT's administered oxygen to Rebecca and Joe Tom, Archie, and I were put in the back of an ambulance and taken to the hospital emergency room.

In the emergency room, we were seen and evaluated. Our cuts were superficial and there were no concussions for either Joe Tom or me. We laughed because Archie really did get a tetanus shot and a complete blood panel was drawn from him and Rebecca Knowles. After the doctors were through we were interviewed by the police. We kept our stories short and sweet, direct and to the point. I told Joe Tom it'd do no good to exclude our part in telling Dean Wilson about Rebecca because I had no doubt the dean had already told the story himself trying to pass the blame onto us.

We were released by two o'clock that afternoon with clear instructions from the doctors – we were to go back to the dorm and rest the remainder of the day and all of the next day. Since the next day was Friday, the doctors told us to rest over the weekend and not return to class or exert ourselves until Monday. There was concern that although there was no apparent concussion, we'd both received sharp blows to the head and it required a waiting period to make sure we were safe. We were given a couple of medications and told if we developed any headaches, blurred vision, or difficulty in hearing we were to come to the emergency room immediately. Lester drove us back to the dorm, joking with us all the way and telling us about the chaos that had ensued in the student center after we left. Dean Wilson had gotten smarmy about Rebecca and the police accused him of covering up for her since he seemed to be the only person in the dining room who didn't want to discuss her behavior and attack on us. The police made it clear they would be visiting the president of the college. As it turned out, we didn't miss our afternoon classes because the college cancelled all afternoon classes on campus. It seemed half the student body and about 75% of the faculty and staff was being interviewed by the police. An announcement was made that a decision would be made before five o'clock about whether or not the Friday classes would be cancelled. After being treated at the hospital for three broken ribs, Rebecca was arrested and guarded by two police officers in her hospital room.

We got back to our dorm room to find a message from Joe Tom's father. His maternal grandmother had died that morning. Jewish funerals are done as quickly as possible after death. Joe Tom was to come home at once.

"I'm so sorry, man."

I patted him on the shoulder trying to be comforting. He grasped my hand in his.

"Thanks, Marc. Granny was a really special lady. She was old but she was in good health. None of us expected this to happen so soon.

I could tell he was depressed over her death. He busied himself packing a quick bag. Like me, I knew he had plenty of clothes and personal items at home. Not a lot was required. He suddenly laughed and turned to me.

"In every cloud there is a silver lining, right?"

I looked at him uncertain of where this was leading.

"I've got a DVD player in my bedroom. When I come back, I'm bringing it with me and I'm gonna bring the trunk from under my bed. It locks and has my porn stash in it. We're gonna have a fuck party!"

He laughed and I just shook my head. Grief affects people differently.

END OF CHAPTER TWO