Just a Game Ch. 04

"No, I wasn't a virgin. But don't ask me the other guys' names, I'd fear for their safety. Neither of them are as experienced as Gabe at fighting."

Aaron rolled his eyes and shook his head, but she saw a little more of the tension drain from his body and moved back to the couch to sit next to him. Her face burned again as she tried to figure out what words she could possibly use to explain the situation so her brother would understand. She couldn't come up with them, so she said the closest thing she could think of.

"He didn't do anything I didn't want him to do."

"It doesn't matter. I know how he is with women."

"I don't think you do. I don't think you've ever tried to understand how he is with women and you should. You could learn a thing or two from him." Aaron sneered and was about to speak but Cass cut him off, determined to make him hear what she had to say. "What do you think I learned growing up watching you with your girlfriends?"

"Apparently not enough if you didn't know better than to get charmed into bed by someone who has no intention of getting involved in a relationship with you."

"I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like the ones you have. Do you think I never noticed the way you treat your girlfriends one way to their face, but talk about them completely different when they aren't around? Or the way you're always complaining about them, downplaying your feelings, acting like you have to stay a step ahead of them like it's all a big game and you're determined to come out the winner. Think about it, Aaron. Would you want a guy treating me the way you treated Shelly?"

Aaron looked absolutely dumbfounded. His mouth opened and closed like he couldn't decide what to say. Finally he got a determined look on his face and spoke. "And how did I treat Shelly?"

"Like shit until she decided to leave on her own. And all because you didn't want to come off looking like the bad guy for breaking up with her. If you really cared about her feelings you'd have had the balls to tell her you didn't want her around anymore instead of running her off just so you could look back and say SHE was the one that left YOU."

"Fine," he said through clenched teeth. "I'm not the perfect boyfriend. But at least I don't go around sniffing out girls who just want to fuck so I don't have to commit to anyone."

"At least Gabe has enough respect for women to be honest about his intentions."

"Respect? Honesty?" He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Are you sure you're still talking about Gabe?"

"Gabe treated me with more respect than any other guy I've ever known. Including you." He looked truly surprised at that and Cass thought maybe she was actually getting through to him. "I'm not a little girl anymore, Aaron. I don't need you to protect me from the big bad world."

He looked away, staring into the Christmas tree again for a long moment. "You're my little sister. It's my job to protect you."

"I know, but at some point you have to respect me enough to let me make my own decisions even if you think I'm making a mistake." She could see he was struggling with what she was telling him and almost felt bad, but she knew he needed to hear it. "I needed someone this week and Gabe was there for me. He made me feel better about myself without patronizing me or telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. He showed me that I deserve way more than what I've been settling for."

Aaron shook his head and looked up at her, doubt and hesitation etched on his face as he stared into her eyes. "He's gonna break your heart, Cass."

"Maybe." Her heart thumped painfully in her chest and she looked down at her hands clasped in her lap to hide the pain in her eyes from her brother. "Probably," she whispered, knowing full well the damage had already been done. She looked back up and shrugged with a wry smile. "My eyes were open the whole time."

He shook his head again and she could see that it wasn't a good time to try to push him to apologize. "Come on, let's get lunch ready. Mom and Dad will be home soon and if they don't get their cabbage and black eyed peas on New Year's Day they're gonna be poor and unlucky all year long. I don't want to be responsible for that." She was rewarded with a brief chuckle and stood to head to the kitchen, surprised when he pulled her into a tight hug.

"I love you, Cass."

"I love you, too."

Aaron started lunch while Cass did a final run through of the house, picking up a few stray red plastic cups and airing out the garage. When their parents got home they spent a relatively pleasant afternoon relaxing as a family. She and Aaron did a respectable job of covering up any lingering tension and her parents didn't appear to have picked up on anything out of the ordinary.

That evening they all hung out in the living room together and made fun of a cheesy New Year's special on television, but through it all Cass couldn't ignore the heavy lump that seemed to be lodged in her throat.

He was leaving tomorrow.

She didn't know how she'd expected this...thing, for lack of a better word, to end between them, but it wasn't like this. It just felt wrong walking away with no resolution. Not that she'd expected declarations of love or tearful farewells or anything, but a quiet moment together would have been nice; a moment that didn't involve an irate brother and a potential concussion.

After a while she excused herself and went up to hide in her bedroom. She turned some music on her laptop and Al Green started playing as she flopped back onto her bed. Crap, she was NOT going to cry. She refused to let herself cry.

She rolled to her stomach and felt a lump under the sheets so she shoved her hand under them angrily to dislodge whatever it was. It turned out to be Gabe's plaid button up. Instinctively she brought it up to her face and breathed deeply, smelling him on the shirt.

The tears fell.

She knew all along what the end result would be regardless of the way they said goodbye. So why did she feel so bad about it? Why did she have the overwhelming need to see him again, make sure he was okay, make sure there wasn't anything else that needed to be said between them? Why did the whole thing feel so...unfinished?

Her phone lay on the bed within arms reach and she longed to reach for it. She could do it. Call him. Or send him a text. She could say she just wanted to ask if his jaw was okay.

No. She shook her head at herself. The last thing she wanted was to be another one of those girls begging him to fill her slot. It was over and she just needed to find a way to let it go. It hurt now, but maybe once she was back at school it would get easier. At least there would be plenty to distract her.

She sighed and closed her eyes, clutching his shirt tight to her chest as the tears dried on her cheeks.

...

Gabe sat on the top step of the back porch and stared out at the darkening backyard, not really seeing it. He felt like shit physically and emotionally. There was a dull ache emanating from his jaw into the back of his skull, but that wasn't what he was fixating on. He was too busy going back and forth between feeling despondent that his best friend of almost twenty years never wanted to see him again and feeling heartbroken that his best friend's sister didn't want anything more from him than some lessons in how to get off.

He couldn't blame her, they both said from the beginning that was all it was about between them, but somewhere along the way he'd gotten completely tangled up in her. The last two days he'd forced himself to leave her alone, give her space to think about what she really wanted, but the unintended result had been that he'd had space to think about what he really wanted. Once the urgency of his physical desire for her was removed from the equation, he realized that it wasn't what was driving him.

He didn't just want her body, he wanted all of her. He wanted her sweet smiles and her embarrassed giggles and her fiery temper and her teasing jibes. He wanted her to be his and he wanted everyone to know it.

The very idea of it scared the shit out of him. He tried to tell himself he was confusing lust and long-time friendship with...well, something else and he'd almost convinced himself it was true until last night. He couldn't say for sure it was the kiss that tipped him over the edge, but some time during the course of the night he'd given in completely.

Last night after she asked him to stay he'd found himself lying in her bed just watching her sleep. His chest ached at the sight of her auburn lashes lying against her creamy white cheeks, her lips red and puffy from his kisses. Those same lips were curled into a relaxed, satisfied smile and his heart swelled with the knowledge that he was the one who put that smile on her face.

"Fine, I admit it," he whispered to himself. "I love her."

The words echoed in his mind, not nearly as surprising as they should have been. If he thought about it, the signs had been there from the very beginning. It had never really felt like a game to him. Once he allowed himself to acknowledge it a sense of peace settled on him. Holding her like that, their bodies twined together, it seemed so natural; so right.

He'd been relatively confident she felt something for him too, until this morning. Her comments to Aaron about seducing him and getting all she wanted from him had caught him by surprise. And then his clumsy attempts to feel her out had not gone the way he expected when she came right out and told him she didn't want anything more from him. Her words had cut him like a knife and he'd shut himself off so she wouldn't see that she'd hurt him.

Still, even now he couldn't help but wonder whether that whole conversation might have gone differently if it hadn't come on the heels of their confrontation with Aaron. His tirade had left them both angry and defensive, and in Gabe's case, fuzzy headed and in pain. Maybe if they'd woken slowly with the rising sun, still wrapped in each other's arms, she'd have seen what he felt in his eyes and he never would have had to struggle to find the words to tell her...

It didn't matter now; he just needed to find some way to let it go. Hopefully it wouldn't be too hard. Work would keep him busy enough and unless he found some way to fix things with Aaron, which didn't seem likely at the moment, he wouldn't have to worry about running into her.

He couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Right now it definitely felt like a bad thing, since the only person in the world he wanted to see was her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair so he could smell her. He wanted to hear her tell him that everything was going to be okay and feel her hands soothing the tense muscles of his back. More than anything he wanted to kiss her again. Damn it, why hadn't he at least kissed her again?

He laid his head gingerly in his hands and heaved a sigh. The screen door opened behind him and he smelled his mother's perfume before he heard the creak of the stairs as she sat down next to him.

"You and Aaron haven't gotten in an actual fight since you were fourteen and Sensei told you he'd kick you both out if you ever touched each other in anger again."

Gabe chuckled humorlessly. "Ironically enough, that fight was about a girl too."

"I told you not to tell him you thought his girlfriend was obnoxious."

"I didn't." There was no point trying to keep it quiet, his mother would have weaseled the story out of him eventually. She was good at that. "He caught me with Cassie." When he looked up at her he was surprised not to see an expression of shock on her face.

"You probably should have said something to him before you asked her out," she said matter-of-factly.

"I didn't exactly ask her out..."

"Oh, Gabe-"

"Don't start, Mom. I feel bad enough, okay? Believe me, I couldn't feel more like a pile of shit right now. My best friend, the person who knows me better than anyone else in the goddamn world, thinks I'm not good enough for his sister."

"Watch your language. I'm sure that's not true. He just doesn't want to see get Cassie hurt. Did you tell him you have feelings for her?"

"He didn't give me the chance, but it doesn't matter anyway."

"What does that mean?"

"It doesn't matter what Aaron thinks about it because Cassie doesn't want me."

"That's ridiculous. She's been mooning over you since she was a little girl."

"Yeah well, she's not a little girl anymore."

"Took you long enough to figure that out."

"You're really not helping here, Mom."

"I'm sorry honey. I know it hurts right now and it seems like everything is messed up, but you'll sort it out."

"I don't know about that. I may have actually screwed this one up beyond repair. I just didn't...I didn't realize..." He trailed off, unsure what he was even trying to say. Finally he gave up trying to figure it out and shrugged again. "And now it's too late."

They were both silent for a while and then his mother sighed and put her hand on his arm. "I didn't provide you with a very good example of how relationships should work. No, don't argue, it's true. I wasted too many years sacrificing all the wrong things trying to hang on to relationships that were obviously not good for me. Or for you. My priorities were all messed up. I wanted so badly to be loved that I was willing to settle for anything that vaguely resembled it."

"You did the best you could Mom, I know that."

"No I didn't. I could have...I should have done better. And I'm sorry that I didn't. But I want you to know how proud I am of the man you've become despite the series of assholes I paraded in front of you."

Gabe wanted to say something, but the lump in his throat prevented him.

"It doesn't matter one bit what Aaron or anyone else thinks of you because the truth is that you have a good heart and you want to treat women right. And even if you don't always know the best way to go about that yet, you're miles ahead of most men twice your age because you care enough to make an effort. The right woman will value that in you no matter what mistakes you make."

"Thanks mom," he said, his voice tight with emotion.

"You're welcome." She patted his arm again. "Now come inside and take some more ibuprofen. I can tell you're hurting."

"Hey mom." He stopped her with a hand on her arm. "I like Jim. He seems like a really good guy and I'm glad you found someone who deserves you."

"Thanks honey. He is a good guy. And I'm glad you like him; that means a lot to me. Take it as proof, it's never too late."

...

Cass slung her backpack over her shoulder and walked toward her dorm. A call had come in an hour ago, but she'd been in the middle of dance practice and this was the first chance she'd had to look at her phone. She was so surprised to see Aaron's number that she called him back immediately; slightly worried that something was wrong.

"Hey Cass, how's it going?" His casual tone set her mind at ease.

"I'm alright, how are you? Is Emory kicking your butt yet?"

"Not for lack of trying. I'm doing alright so far, though. I just had to give up hoping for anything resembling a social life."

"Turning into a bookworm already?"

"Pretty much. A couple weeks ago was the first time I went anywhere other than class or the library. I ran into Avery and she made me go out to dinner with her."

"That sounds cool," Cass said, trying not to let the smile show in her voice. Avery had sent her an effusive series of texts letting her know about the dinner as it was happening, but she wasn't going to give her friend away.

"It was. Avery's a trip, we had a good time. But look, I was calling because I wanted to ask you a favor."

"What's that?"

"I have to go to a wedding at home the weekend of the fourteenth and I thought you might want to go with me."

"Seriously? The great and powerful Aaron Carson can't get a date to a wedding?"

"I told you I have no life. Please? I figured you might like an excuse to come home for the weekend. I'll even come pick you up if you need a ride."

"Fine. Wait, which weekend? The fourteenth? That's Valentine's Day."

"Yeah, so? You got big plans or something?"

"No, but you could pretend to think it's a possibility just to make me feel better."

He laughed and the sound brought a bright grin to her face. It felt like they were finally getting back to normal after the craziness of the holiday break. She wondered if he and Gabe had made their peace yet, but didn't want to give the impression she was milking him for information.

"Alright, so assuming you don't get a hot date in the meantime I'll see you weekend after next?"

"Yeah, sounds good. I'll call you about the ride."

"Cool. Thanks Cass, I owe you."

"Yeah you do. Bye Aaron."

As the weekend approached Cass had mixed feelings. She was looking forward to seeing her family, but spending Valentine's Day as her brother's date seemed kind of lame. Not that Valentine's Day was all that big a deal for her usually, but this year she was feeling particularly lonely and vulnerable. She hadn't had enough time to get over what had happened with Gabe and her emotions were still a little raw.

She was beginning to wonder if there would ever be enough time to get over him. She'd finally put his shirt away in a drawer, once she realized that she was creeping herself out by continuing to sleep with it. She drew the line at washing it though, that would get rid of his smell.

Once word got out in their circle of friends that she and Trey had split up she'd been asked out several times. She'd even gone on a couple of dates and had fun, but it never went further than that. Despite her efforts she couldn't help comparing the guys to Gabe and they just didn't measure up. It didn't seem fair to herself or them to keep seeing them when she knew she wasn't really into them.

At any rate, when she thought about Valentine's Day, if she thought about it at all, it wasn't to pine over not having someone to buy her chocolate and roses. If she wanted that she could have it at any time. But she didn't just want someone, she wanted Gabe. Chocolate and roses she could take or leave.

Since that wasn't going to happen she made up her mind to forget about Valentine's Day and just try to enjoy being with her family for the weekend. Luckily one of her girlfriends was driving to Atlanta and gave her a ride to Aaron's new apartment so they could ride home together. The drive was relaxing and she felt the remnants of the discomfort between them melt away as the miles passed. At one point she felt herself drifting off and sat up straighter, searching for something to talk about to wake herself up.

"So who's getting married? Anyone I know?"

"Yeah actually, it's Ms. Sanders and her boyfriend Jim. Or I guess technically he's her fiancé now."

Cass froze, staring at him in disbelief. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I know it happened kind of fast, but she says at their age there's no point in waiting. They thought Valentine's Day would be a cute anniversary." Aaron's eyes kept darting over to her nervously, completely ruining his attempt at feigned nonchalance.

"Aaron, I swear to god if you weren't driving I would murder you right this second."

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" She could hear her voice getting shrill and tried to calm herself. It didn't matter. She didn't have to go to the wedding. Aaron would just have to show up dateless.

"You didn't ask."

"I didn't realize I needed to. And I don't know what you thought was going to happen once I found out, but I am not going to that wedding with you."

"Come on, Cass. Don't act like that. I'm trying to do you a favor here."

"What, by throwing it in my face? Rubbing some salt and lemon juice in my wounds to make sure I learned my lesson and I'm not getting off too easy?"