Kicked Around

"Naw, I'm not into basketball games," Erik said. "I'm a shooter kind of guy."

"I bet you are," Bret said jokingly. "Anyway, after dinner, my room... If you can make it."

"Thanks," Erik said. "I'll see if I have time."

—————

Erik waited at the bus stop in front of the dorm. When the bus arrived, Erik entered the bus and rode it to his math class. At the stop, he exited the bus and walked to his class. He sat down and waited patiently for Jessica to walk in.

And then... she did. "Damn," Erik thought to himself as Jessica entered the room in what appeared to be slow motion in Erik's head. It was the moment Erik had been waiting for since this morning. His eyes moved up and down her body, concentrating on her every movement. She wore the same blue, tight, short sleeve button up shirt with cutoff jean shorts that she wore in the morning. She had sexy legs that exemplified the same confidence in her walk as the other motions in her body, including the warm yet commanding look she gave walking toward her seat. To Erik, she owned the room when she walked through the door; all eyes were on her.

In reality, Erik was fixated on Jessica. He lusted for her whenever he saw her. Erik knew nothing about this girl, just that he couldn't stop thinking about fucking her when he looked at her. This feeling wasn't new to Erik. There were several girls that Erik became fixated on through his High school years. Erik would put these girls on a pedestal, and they became "larger than life" figures to him. He was in awe while in their presence, and he would be paralyzed with fear whenever they were near him.

Jessica took her seat in the class and faced forward. Jessica didn't look backward, and she didn't smile at Erik when she walked in. "Did I do something wrong?" Erik questioned himself. "Why won't she look at me? C'mon. Just turn around. I just want to see your smile again."

Erik's gaze was piercing. He concentrated on Jessica, trying to speak to her with his mind. "Turn around," he thought again. The class started, and Jessica continued looking ahead, concentrating on the instructor. During the entire class, she didn't look back at him once. "Does she think I'm a creep or something?" Erik said to himself.

Erik sat through class staring a hole through Jessica. He was daydreaming again, except now his daydreams weren't pleasurable. Instead, he was pleading with Jessica to give him another chance. Erik had upset Jessica in some way and Jessica was walking away from Erik. "Whatever I did," he said in his daydream. "I can fix it! I promise! I can change!."

The students stood up, shaking Erik out of his daydream. He felt in a somber mood as if he just broke up with his girlfriend. "Maybe I should try and talk to her again," Erik thought. "Maybe I can still change her mind. But what the fuck do I say? What... I just... What the fuck? I haven't even said more than ten words to her, and I don't even know if she heard them."

Erik waited at the bus stop behind Jessica, feeling like he was going to cry. The bus pulled up, everyone entered, and Erik sat across from Jessica. The bus pulled away from the stop, on its way back to the dorms. Jessica was looking at her phone and Erik was staring a hole through her, looking miserable like he was about to ball his eyes out at any second. Jessica felt the eyes on her, and she glanced up from her phone at Erik. Erik was stunned by the sudden glance. His eyes became wide, and he quickly moved his eyes and head away from her. Jessica stared at him for a second, trying to understand why he looked so sad.

Erik's eyes met Jessica's again who was still looking at him. She smiled slightly and then looked down back at her phone. The smile warmed Erik's heart. He let go of a deep sigh, looked down and smiled to himself. He wanted to look up again and stare at Jessica, but he didn't know what to do if she was looking at him again. And he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable with him. Erik thought if she saw him staring a hole through her that she might think he's creepy, so Erik kept his head down for the rest of the ride.

After dinner, Erik was working on Lara's website. Erik already made it functional the night before, but it was very rough around the edges. The website was still lacking several features that Lara wanted. It didn't look the best, and it wasn't ready for Lara to see. On top of that, there was no way to make any money from the website, so Erik was still far from completion.

Erik was trying to concentrate on what he was doing, but he couldn't. His mind kept drifting to Jessica. "I've got to block this out," he thought. So, Erik hit himself with the drug that always worked the best, porn. He started looking through Lara's videos for one that he thought would do the job. Then he took off his pants and started masturbating. "She looks so good in this one," Erik thought to himself. "But, I need more of this."

It took Erik longer this time since he had already watched this video almost ten times. But eventually, he came. He cleaned himself up, put his pants back on and then tried going back to working on the website itself. Again, Erik couldn't concentrate. He was his own worst enemy tonight. Erik's mind couldn't stay on topic. It would continuously drift to anything and everything. Thoughts of Lara, thoughts of Jessica, thoughts of TV shows, movies. Anything but the website.

Finally, Erik gave up. Erik walked out of the room and knocked on Bret's door. When he walked in, he saw Bret and Steve playing a split screen racing game. "Yo," Bret said as he saw Erik enter.

"I thought it was Basketball night," Erik said.

"Yeah, but bag of shit over here can't pull his head out of his ass, so we're playing something easier for him," Bret said.

Erik could see that the first player was navigating the track very well and was in the lead. There were ten cars on the road, and the first player was in a dogfight with two other vehicles to hold the top spot. The bottom screen showed another car that kept slamming into the sides, using the walls as a guide to continue heading in the right direction.

Erik looked at Steve. He was staring at the TV, but his eyes were heavy, and he looked like he was going to fall asleep just sitting there. Erik watched him in amazement wondering why Steve kept doing this to himself.

"Pop a squat, man," Bret said to Erik. "You can play winner. Crash Happy over here needs a break." Just then, the first player raced past the finish line and shortly after so did all the other cars, except Steve's. The game switched screens, giving Steve the automatic last place since he was the only one that hadn't crossed the finish line.

"Bedtime," Steve said slowly. Steve put the controller on the floor and carefully got up. Once he collected himself, he gave Erik the reverse head nod and walked toward the door. He exited Bret's room and went to his own.

"You know how to play this?" Bret asked.

"Yeah," Erik responded. Bret handed him the controller.

"Alright," here we go.

The game started up, and the cars sped away from the starting line. Suddenly, Bret's phone sounded with a notification. Right after the "ding" of the notification sounded, Bret paused the game.

"Hold on," Bret said, picking up his phone and responding to the text message that he received.

"OK," he said, putting down the phone and unpausing the game. A minute later, there was another notification.

"Hold on," Bret said again, pausing the game and picking up his phone. He responded to the text message.

"Alright," Bret said unpausing the game once more. A moment later, the same familiar "ding" sounded to notify Bret of another message.

"Or for fuck sake," Bret said, pausing the game and picking up the phone. Bret looked at the message. "Just shut up and say yes." Bret wrote another message and sent it.

"Ah, fuck it," Bret said throwing down the phone. He unpaused the game and the two continued racing.

"What's all that about?" Erik asked, curious about the flurry of texts that Bret received.

"This fucking girl I met yesterday," Bret responded. "I got her number and I've been trying to get her to come over, but she's acting like a tease."

"Is she just not interested?" Erik asked as he took a hard turn in the game, digging into a rail. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath.

"If she wasn't why did she give me her actual number?" Bret said.

"Are you sure she did?" Erik asked.

"Well, I'm texting her, and she said..." Bret started to say. "But... Fuck... Well, now I'm not sure. Thanks, asshole."

"Sorry," Erik said looking over at Bret briefly before returning his eyes to the race.

"I'm just fucking with you," Bret said with a smirk. "You got any girl friends, that are single?"

"I don't really have any friends that are girls," Erik responded, feeling awkward as he said it.

"So, are you gay, or something?" Bret asked.

"No," Erik said defensively.

"Bi?" Bret asked again.

"No," Erik said, less defensively.

"Confused?" Bret said jokingly.

"No," Erik said firmly. "I'm straight."

"So, what's the problem?" Bret asked. "Go talk to some girls and make some friends."

"I really don't know how," Erik responded.

"Well, you start by saying hi," Bret said. "Then, you ask them if their tits are real. Then, ask them if they do anal. Before you know it, you got yourself a girlfriend."

Erik wasn't sure what to say to Bret's statement. He thought it was kind of funny, in a stupid childish way.

"I'm fucking with you," Bret said glancing over at Erik, recognizing the conflicted look on Erik's face. "Lighten up man. You're too easy to fuck with."

Erik finally smiled and laughed to himself. The 2 played video games for an hour, talking and laughing the entire time. Erik found Bret very easy to talk to and thought he was funny. Bret always had a quick-witted joke about everything. Bret said things that Erik wasn't clever enough to think of and Erik found him amusing in a childish sort of way. Erik admired this ability: the confidence to say what was on your mind and to say in a way where it was funny and non-threatening. Erik was always afraid that his own words and thoughts would never be interpreted correctly by the people around him. This was the biggest reason that Erik stayed silent around pretty much everyone.

This fun break away from Erik's work allowed him to refocus. Erik was able to calm his mind and eventually told Bret that he should head to sleep. Bret said goodbye and Erik walked back to his room.

Then, Erik went back to work on Lara's website, with a clear head.

Chapter 7

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Wednesday morning, Erik woke up naked in bed to his alarm clock buzzing. He sat up in bed, like a zombie, and with his eyes half shut, he wrapped a towel around himself, grabbed his shower basket and walked to the bathroom. When he returned to his room from the shower, he removed the towel, sat down at his computer desk, turned on porn and masturbated until he came. Then, he put on some clothes to wear for the day and went off to class.

Again, Erik stared at Jessica all day, even though she was now talking to the same guy who walked up to her after class yesterday. Erik was red with jealousy, but he didn't know what to do. Instead of doing something, he just kept staring, hoping that she would choose to look back at Erik instead of talking to the guy next to her.

Class ended, and Erik rode the bus back to the dorms. When he took the elevator up to his floor, he could hear banging on a door. Erik looked around the corner and saw Steve pounding on a door to a room that wasn't his. Erik stared at Steve as he punched and kicked at the door.

"Steve," Erik says. Steve continues pounding on the door.

"Steve!," Erik says louder.

"Whaaa?" Steve says looking over at Erik.

"What are you doing?" Erik asks.

"Mothee Fuckas peppa ma foods and lock ma fuckun door!" Steve half mumbled, half yelled. Steve stands back and runs full speed into the door and puts his shoulder into it. The door bursts open. Steve stands in the doorway looking at the inside of the room. He's shocked as he looks around.

"Dose Fuckas!," he yells. "Ma soop is gon! Dey fuckun robbed me!"

"Who?" Erik asks.

"Dat fuckun bitch at da fron desk!" Steve yells. "Imma gonna fuck dem all up!"

"Steve," Erik said yelling. "This is not your room."

"Whaa?" Steve mumbles.

"Your room is next door," Erik says.

"Where?" Steve asks.

"Your room is the next one over, Steve," Erik says.

Steve storms past Erik out into the hallway and looks at the door to his own room. He sizes up the door and then takes a few steps back, looking like he's about to charge again to break down the door.

"Steve, wait!" Erik yells.

Steve stops and looks at Erik. Erik walks over to the door and turns the doorknob. The door opens. Steve looks at Erik and then looks at the inside of the room. Steve slowly walks inside and looks around.

The room was messy. There were clothes scattered around the room and open bags of junk food on the floor. Just to the right of the doorway, there was the standard wood dorm desk. On the desk were a closed laptop, a half-folded letter, and Steve's keys. Erik shook his head at the sight of the room keys. Then, the letter caught his eye. Erik tried to look at it. Erik could see that it had the university crest at the top of the paper, which was the official school letterhead. All Erik could read was the first line: "To Steven David Smith."

"OK," Steve says looking pained and confused. Then, he stumbles to his fridge and opens the door. He reaches inside and pulls out an unopened can of soup and stares at it. "It's fine." Steve turns around, gives Erik the reverse head nod and then climbs into bed, with the soup can.

Erik is stunned, not sure of what to make of all of this. Erik walks out of the room and closes the door behind him. Then, Erik walks over to the room next door to look at the damage that Steve caused.

Erik can see that the door looks to be solid and all the damage that Steve caused was to the metal framing on the inside of the room. The framing was severely bent and twisted, but the door itself looked unscathed. Erik tried merely closing the door, but it wouldn't latch. The door would gently creep open.

"He fucked this up pretty good," Erik thought to himself. "Still, if we can keep it closed, no one would probably find out until everyone comes back for the fall semester." Erik looked back over at Steve's room, trying to decide what he should do.

Erik was conflicted. He didn't want anyone to get into trouble, but he also didn't want to start messing with this, because if he did and someone saw him, then Erik could get blamed for the damage. After a few seconds, Erik walked back to his room.

Erik went into his closet and pulled out a small computer toolset that had some screwdrivers, pliers, hammers, electrical tape and duct tape. Then, Erik walked backed to the room with the door opened. Erik took out the pliers and started bending the frame back into shape. Then he hammered the framing structure into the wall the best he could. Finally, he took some duct tape and wrapped it, so it was double-sided. He ran it up and down the track so it would stay in place. Erik did the same on the inside of the door so that it would stick to the frame. After he was done fixing the frame, Erik shut the door, but it still opened just a crack. Erik used the electrical tape to stick the strike plate and the latch assembly together. In the end, the door looked shut entirely, same as it did before Steve touched it.

Erik gathered his tools and went back to his room. Then, he started working on Lara's website again. After several hours of work, Erik left for his next class. Erik skipped lunch because he was too engrossed in his work that he just forgot. Now the hunger was hitting him, and he knew that after class, the first thing he was going to do was go to dinner.

Math class was the same as the day before. Erik continued to stare at Jessica throughout the class, daydreaming about anything and everything. They were hanging out together, fighting, making out, playing video games, having sex, and more. Erik was so infatuated with Jessica and lost in his own dreams of her that the 2 hours of class felt like they didn't even happen.

The more Erik dreamt about Jessica, the more he felt intimidated by her. Jessica was now utterly unapproachable to Erik. After three full days of fantasy, Erik's brain would go to mush whenever he looked at her. Erik wanted those dreams to become a reality, but around Jessica, he couldn't concentrate, he couldn't talk, he couldn't do anything. The more he thought about trying to say something, the more depressed he felt for not being able to think of anything.

Class ended, and Erik rode the bus back to the dorms. Erik went straight to the cafeteria for dinner. He picked up a tray, grabbed some food and saw Steve and Bret at a nearby table. Erik walked over and sat down with them.

Steve looked exhausted. He held his head in his hands and was trying to eat, but he looked like he was going to fall asleep where he sat.

"You alright Steve," Erik asked. Steve looked up with groggy eyes and nodded slightly.

"He passed out on the shitter," Bret said. "Found him in the bathroom on my way down."

"Steve," Erik said. "Do you think maybe you should go see someone?" Steve looked up and shook his head no and looked down again. Erik thought about telling Bret about Steve's door breakdown earlier but decided to keep it to himself. "The fewer people know about it, the better," Erik thought.

Erik glanced over toward the doorway of the cafeteria and saw Jessica. Erik froze and watched his dream girl walk into the cafeteria with others behind her. Erik smiled at the sight of Jessica. As Jessica exited the line, she sat down at a nearby table and was joined by two other girls and two guys. Erik noticed that one of the guys was the same boy who Jessica would talk to in their morning class.

"What the fuck?" Erik said quietly under his breath. Bret heard Erik and looked over in the direction where Erik was staring.

"Aw, damn," Bret said. "She's got a boyfriend now. That sucks man."

Erik was fuming. He looked back at Bret who had a look of "I told you so" written all over his face. Erik looked back and saw Jessica laughing as she was conversing with her table companions.

Erik turned toward his food and put his head down.

"Dude," Bret said. "It's not the end of the world. So she's got a boyfriend, so what? Doesn't mean shit. You haven't even talked to her yet, right? You gotta grow a pair and talk to her. And if you strikeout, you won't feel so bad. You're pissed off because you haven't even tried and you think you lost. Don't do that. You gotta try first before you start coming down on yourself."

Erik looked up at Bret. "It looks like it's too late for that," Erik said sadly. Erik looked back at Jessica and smiled slightly when he saw her laughing.

"Dude," Bret said. "I'm not trying to be a dick. But you're acting like a little bitch."

Erik looked back at Bret with an angry glare.

"Seriously," Bret continued. "You stare at this chick all day long, and you say nothing. She comes in here with a guy, and you crumple up like a piece of trash. Grow a pair, have a fucking backbone and move the fuck on. You'll be better off if you don't get down on yourself for something you have no control over."

Erik knew Bret was right. He just didn't know how to accept it. Erik nodded slowly and continued eating.

"Fuck it," Bret said. "Let's talk about something else. More racing tonight?" Erik and Steve both nodded in agreement.

"Alright," Bret said. "I'm going to take you pussies to school."

After dinner, the three went outside while Bret smoked a cigarette. Then, they went back to Bret's room and played video games. During their racing game, Bret asked a question to Erik.