All Comments on 'Kinetic'

A bit of a long read, but still an amazing story. Well worth the read though.

Love and Sci/Fi combined in one of the best and entertaining stories ever. This is the way literature and literotica should be! GREAT!!!!

This took me most of the afternoon to read, popping in and out... but it was worth every minute. This was a fantastic read, and I hope that you take your writing as far as you can go. This was, with no doubt, the best thing I have read here. One of the better pieces of writing I have encountered, period.

Well done.

I was amazed by your story. The man as superman has been worked on before, you handled it in an original fashion. Keep on writing, please, you are too good to stop. I will admit the science went right over my head, but that is not to hard to do anymore. Thanks

The use of superlatives would be insufficient; simply the best effort I have seen on the Literotica site.

If you have not tried to get a book deal or engaged a literary agent, by all means do so. Ya got SOME talent. Some editorial work and clean up is in order but a very worthy effort.

The reference to the Heinlein short story, "The Menace from Earth" (flying on the Moon) was particularly appropriate. I was struck by some parallels in prose style to RAH even in the early parts of the novella; you capture pillow talk between characters beautifully as did he.

I hope that you will grace us with additional product but I would stipulate that you should go professional. You have an sparkling perspective on the temptations of power; there is a lot of fertile ground to be explored in that regard.

I chomped this down in one sitting; my eyes will probably never forgive me. I think I will go draw a bowl of warm Visine now. Bonne chance.

I loved it, loved it, loved it... I want more. I always wished as a child to be like supergirl and you have me thinking that it could be a possibility. Isn't that what great writing is about. *claps* to you, ITS GREAT! This is so crazy I actually enjoyed the physics explanations more than the actual romance story going on. And I hate physics. This is the best story I've ever read here or maybe anywhere. Thanks for writing.

It's a great story, hope you have more up your sleeve.

I really enjoyed this story. It's a nice fantasy and its real nice to see a situation where a person uses the unexpected superpowers for the greater good while expessing at least some anxiety over the ethics of the power. For that alone it deserves full marks.

Another thing I found real interesting was the dynamic between Eric and Melanie. At times I noted a subtext that, despite Eric's powers, Melanie was the dominant member of the pairing. In a lot of ways, Eric seems to be dependent on her in ways she is not dependent on him.

Maybe it was the result of the twisted family and the power games that she grew up in, but you do portray her as having a manipulative and controlling streak. In particular, some of the sex scenes seem to have a slight D/S context.

I think this twist added to the complexity of the story. Melanie liking the control and the dominance but with a subtext of fear over the level of his power. It's like the guy who has a Tiger or wolf as a pet. There is a satisfaction in having dominance over a powerful creature, but there's always the fear that the control will break.

It certainly provides a context to the two year period where they are apart.

Absolutely the most engrossing short story I have ever read here. Please continue to write!

Great story. Handled badly, writing about such a large-scaled super ability/power could have been a disaster. But you kept it in proportion and it read really well - top marks.

Absolutely the best story that I have read here. Kudos!!!!

Keep up the superb work.

Your knowledge of the physical sciences, quantum physics, natural sciences, nuclear physics, celestial mechanics, climatology, the medical sciences, astronomy, and every other science I can think of is impressive. I am in awe. What do you do for work?

There is one detail that you missed, while you gave humanity a replacement for the moon, you took away the Lagrange points. L4 and L5 are no longer stable. By changing the mass ratios between the earth and its new moon, L4 and L5 became unstable. If you do not know what I speak, look up Gerald Oneil's book "The High Frontier". Given your knowledge of the sciences, I cannot concieve of you not knowing about the restricted three body problem and it's limits. When the mass of second body reaches 4% of the mass of the main body, points L4 and L5 become unstable.

I thought the story was really good. I hated the anal sex however. I just do not understand how anyone could derive pleasure from sodomy. Especially the one on the receiving end.

From all the stories in literotica, this is the best i've ever read yet. I really read it through the end in one sitting. The story is just so interesting and makes me want to study sciences. Your story is an inspiration to my academic life and my spiritual life. Kudos and 10 thumbs-up. A real inspiration.

Wonderful in scope and fantastic character development. There are so many ways this story could have gone wrong (and similar stories have in other hands). The writing was excellent, easily readable and compelling. I had to tear myself away to make a birthday party and couldn't wait to come back and finish.

Science fiction has always been my favorite genre. This is, for this kind of format (free and not-readily appreciated), very well written. Indeed, very ambitious.

Indeed, this IS THE FIRST SCIENCE FICTION I've ever read here, because I saw the tremendous work put into it...

So, yes, first and foremost, congratulations, author.

Now, on to the story-criticism. First, on one of the last things towards the very end of the story (because it still is fresh in my mind):

For a "God-"like figure --- someone who could zap around, mentally, physically, who cares! --- to be doing penny stock picking, buying at 1.7 cents a share, selling at $3.50 or so a share, it's utterly ridiculous!

It makes no sense.

Similarly, for someone, some power, who's able to build, destroy, or move/rearranged celestial objects and their gravitationally driven trajectories ---- it is ridiculous they would have a need to speed read Buddhism, science, medicine, as well as doing penny stock trading.

For someone that powerful, that omnipotent, obliterating cancerous cells from a dying boy or girl's body is not even that important or needed!

For someone, some power that omnipotent, with that kind of mental/supernatural power ---- they could easily go through the DNA's of all homo sapiens and "straighten out" the tiny genetic "defects" that will eventually give them sickness,,,, assumning cancerous cellular activity is an inherently negative phenomenon, having no unadvertent benefits in all of its permutations, which can be easily mapped out by such a mind in the first place,,,,

If you could move celestial bodies in the heavens, essentially what you are able to do is to MANIPULATE GRAVITY, the STRONG and WEAK forces, and ELECTRO MAGNETISM --- and possibly other natural phenomenal which humans, at this infancy state of their development, have not been able to deduce --- like we today are able to manipulate ELECTRICITY, to make it "work for us" so we don't have to carry everyting on our backs.

In fact, that comparison (that analogy) ought to be utterly silly! There actually should be NO RELEVANT comparisons, which that kind of power/knowledge/ability!

For that kind of power/knowledge/ability, one --- if they are still aware of thesmlves as being a "person" --- ought to be in the process of transforming and manipulating space-time, building "worm holes" across the vast distances across both known and unknown universes, answering questions about the beginning and end of space-time and beyond, terraforming thousands of planets, and transporting any and every group of conflicting human beings to wherever the hell they wanna go, to live by themselves, with all the space, raw material, and beauty they ever want, with NO COMPETITION WHATSOEVER from NOBODY, within light years!

That is, as little "side projects."

Again, with that kind of power/knowledge/ability, why play penny stocks?, which are total nonsense.

I love good science fiction --- and this is a decent one, for this format --- but more comprehensive pictures have to be painted.

You can't be traveling acorss light years in distance in the universe, stoping planetary movements and spinning them in reverse, etc., and THEN tell us you have a broken toe-nail and, it hurts like hell, because you've forgotten to cut it; or that there's no lady in the office who's been giving you the eye and she has a killer body! They don't ain't gonna go together!

When or if you're that powerful, that knowledgeable, that omnipotent ---- power and knowledge and ability which are NOT LEARNED but simply manifest in your being for NO APPARENT reason but which you are able to control --- again, why bother with penny stock trading, with jealousy, loneliness, hunger, Buddhism, medicine?,,,,, when ALL are really, utterly irrelevant,,,

Anyway, again, don't take offence.

I love good science fiction; and this one is very decent and the amount of time invested in it is very commendable! I'm simply saying don't count DUST in a room, even if you had speed of light or beyond, when you could be terraforming 1,000 planets the size of Jupiter or engineering a "ring world" around a mighty sun, which will never go supernovae, because you've taken care of its thermal nuclear processes!

Last word: Science fiction needs to be more like SCIENCE and less like MAGIC. For example, when some very power individual, like the character here, says they are able to stop planetary perturbations, change rotational axes of moons and planets, etc., I like them to EXPLAN the MECHANISM to me and not just say, "Oh, I wave a magic and they all full into places"!

Mentioning a few techincal words and phrases like newtons, kilo-newtons, etc., and how many giga-newton (power) it takes to move a celestial the size of the Earth's moon, is NO EXPLANATION! Such figures are easily done --- in reality, with no more than a few punch in a $5.00 calculator, that is, with a few ridiculous suspensions of beliefs.

If you gonna tell me you can cancel out gravitational effects, move mighty celestial objects, etc. I want you to explain to me how far off, or how close they are, 21st century theoretical physicists are about things like, say, the HIGGSFIELD and how it play (or does not play) a part in the very construction of what we call, perhaps naively, "the fabric of reality," etc., etc., etc.....

Thanks to all for your interest and comments. I'd like to reply to one point several have raised. With all his abilities, why did Eric bother to maintain an unassuming identity within his society? The answer to this is the main theme of the story, that all the force and power in the universe (cleverly represented in the story by Newtons and Watts, lol), can not solve the problems at the frontier of the human soul. There is no substitute for acceptance.

that was a really long story there! took me 3 hrs to read it all carefully.

i like the plot a lot. nice going!

-lw

I really liked your story!

Very very nice job. Well worth the read.

man i loved and enjoyed the thinking u did and how used ursknowledgeto do it. It was no random shit every thing got a base for it .....

I loved everything about your story, and I honestly wish and beg you to write more about these characters and Eric's abilities as a god.

this is one of the best stories on here passonate with a twist long but with a story line very good over all bravo!! plz continue to write such fantastic stories!!

What a great read! It flows so well I couldn't stop until I finished the whole thing. Very thought provoking personal relationships and fascinating science (which was a little deep) I am amazed to find such talented writing on this site and hope you continue.

Absolutely brilliant! There are some wonderful stories on here, but this is absolutely the best I have ever read on this site. The perfect mix of everything. The story is so thoughtful and provoking. I do hope we'll be reading a sequel to this sometime in the future. With the ending you gave, the possibilities are limitless!

An excellent story. Well crafted and told. Thank you.

The one problem with the story was the ending. I am not for drugs, and anything to help people with their problem is great. Unfortunately you have just destroyed dentistry (Novocaine is a cocaine derivative) and I don't believe that any morphine derivatives have been synthesized (codeine among others). So your world is literally going to feel a lot of pain about his stand on drugs.

Other than that a fine job. I'll keep an eye on your work.

this story makes me want to go to university and study physics... but i think i'll just stick to the guitar. absolutely superb writing! loved it. took me two nights... but couldn't keep my mind from it. you could get that shit published!

jamie.

Superb writing. Publishable. Just can't help wondering why you posted it on a web site dedicated to sex stories. Very little sex in it.

what the hell are you doing writing this on literotica?!?

i couldnt stop reading!!

if you flesh this out, you've got a NYTimes Bestseller here

seriously, this is INCREDIBLE

Wow, you've amazed me again. I don't know what to say except what the heck are you doing writing this here?! You must get published, your stories are amazing. I think the fact that I've spent 4 hours reading this speaks for it's self.

Love this story, and it's exploration of "power corrupts".

50+ years of reading SF and studying science continues to point out our need for HERO's to wisely use what is being discovered. Literotica has a lot of examples of "anything goes"; I very much enjoy the stories with love and respect between the charactors, Thank you for this great story.

I once had the chance of reading this story on Eroticstories.com, but never got the courage (or time) to post before the story got sealed away in the archives. This is one of the best romance stories I have ever read in my entire life. It has a great amount of detail on the scientific quotient. If you made the story a little less racy, and fleshed it out more, you could get this published pretty easily. Granted, this might not fit the standard Science Fiction story guidelines for getting published, and what with the dates in it being a little, you know, dated, that might be a little difficult without changing the story around. But like I said, an excellent story, I would suggest this to just about everyone (even me grandmum, even though she wouldn't like the sex part of it.)

I started reading this story last night at around 7pm. I read until 10pm then went to bed. I then got up extra early (530am) to finish it. This is one of the best stories I have read in years. I agree with some of the other posters you should be published this would make an awesome novel. Great story!!!

I truly enjoyed this novel. This goes way beyond erotica. Truly in a class by itself.

Cheers.

well first off you really should publish this, its amazing that a story on a site dedicated to erotic stories would have me siting eyes glued to the screen for the better part of 2 hours. heck i even have a kink in my neck oww.

while i'm not a regular to this site, i have come across two stories this night that are extremely fascinating. i wish to applaud you for this brilliant piece of literature.

Saphine.

With a little nerdiness built in for the rest of us.

It is great how all your characters are well defined. I see this as a mini series on prime time tv. I have already recomended it to a number of people in the industry to look at. Start working on your 5 minute pitch.

Wow!!!! i love this story...... wonderfull... any sequal????

Thanx,

Words absolutely fail me to capture how amazing this story is. It was incredible to finally see something other than mindless sex - real people with souls and minds who actually stop to think about the ramifications of their actions (or who grieve and reflect when they neglect to stop and think). The growth and development the characters underwent, the twisting and healing of their natures... You must have suffered yourself to understand and capture it so well. And yet, as I have learned, suffering can produce a beauty that unmarred perfection can never attain. Thank you for writing this. I feel like a piece of my soul has been healed or rediscoverd. Truly, thank you.

Words alone cannot describe how real that story was to me.....You made it seem like it was actually posible....maybe it is, somehow, someway. Pure genious. Thank you, it was truely a pleasure reading it.

Absolutely wonderful story!! It took me three days to finish because, of course life, got in the way lol. You have given me a lot to think about, and some seriuos question that I need to ask and answer of myself. Thank you so much.

I'm lost for words. Not only is this a remarkably hot story with arousing love scenes and imagery, but a great story that kept me reading for Four hours straight. I love this story will probably lose several more hours reading it again.

I've read many stories on Literotica, and this is by far the best. I'm surprised to see this quite low on the Top Sci-Fi/Fantasy toplists, i would have expected it within the top 5 at the worst. Keep writing!

wow, i cant believe that i found a piece of erotic literature this fascinating and well written. You could make a career with writing.

Absolutely EPIC story! Sex, tech and Trek - what more could you want?!

Long as it was, it was very enjoyable - erotic without being sex-driven, geeky without being too mindblowing, happy and sad - brilliant!

completely epic! not quite as good as your countries/tessaract/justice trilogy, but still extremely good! It also potentially opens up for the story of planet X and what happened 8000 years ago to the last 'kinetic'.

and yes, i know my '1337' in the title is kinda corny. sorry.

Thank you so much for giving us this story. It's gripping, thought provoking and sexy; everything erotic fiction should be, and easily the best I have ever read.

You have no idea how long I've spent trawling different sites for interesting stories.

In terms of personal preference I would have preferred Eric to be a bit freer with his sexual explorations... but I can see why you wrote it the way you did.

Thanks again.

amazing! i'm getting of sick of reading poorly-written, plotless stories on literotica, this really was a pleasant surprise. the ending though, while still good, isn't the same high standard as the rest. after all that time having the characters act cautiously and consider their actions, it felt a little like you ended the story as you did for the sake of going out with a bang. "What the hell" as explanation for swapping the moon with two other planets? the ending was also a little difficult to understand... by all this i don't mean to pick holes in the story, it really is a fantastic work and you should think about publishing. but think about re-working the ending a little if you do?

This is one of most interesting scifi stories I've read. I love how you explain his abilities in terms of the physics involved. (I love physics!) The story was really good too. Great job!

I am very serious. I have read your other stories too and they are great just like this one.

I only have one criticism. You are obviously very intelligent, and yet, the " global warming " farce still has you baffled. Plants breath carbon. We are made of carbon. The planet produces carbon. I hate to bring real world issues to a literotica post, but I feel it needed to be said. Please don't take offense. All in all, a GREAT, well thought out story with amazing quality of structure.

A bir heavy on the "al gore - the world is in dee8p carbon"... but this is scifi. Good work, keep it up!

wOOt this is undoubtably one of the best stories i've read all year, even including published books etc :) you're talented at writing, but your themes struck a chord in me. i particularly loved how you explored the relationship between Eric and Melanie; it was very inspiring and touching. very refreshing compared to most literature on this website.

the development of eric's abilities was just the awesomest thing ever :) and very intelligently and maturely dealt with.

i look forward to reading more of your writing!

You truly are a great author. Your erotic sections are good, but your storytelling is what's truly captivating. Thanks for sharing your gift.

... this entire story, but it was a finely written piece. Smart people should definitely give this story a shot.

You should seriously consider publishing this, after a bit of hard editing, in the mainstream SF area. Analog magazine maybe.

Nice blend of a solid storyline and incredible sex!

I had to read the whole story in one shot

Very well done!

thank You

Every story has it's strengths and weakness' and what is perceived as a weakness will vary from reader to reader.

To ME the weakness of this story was the moralistic whining over the death of three despicable human rats. Sorry, but Hammingbyrd wrote them as human rats and it's no challenge to believe they deserved death.

@ KublaiKhanIII: Shame, shame. After insulting the author's intent to keep his main character morally based and have him pursue small interests for the only the joy of it, discrediting his intent for the character to remain human and become involved with emotional triviolities, screaming your objections in ALL CAPS, that you DARE to say "take no offense?" This is one occassion where I wish anonymity were not permissible and I can deliver a well-deserved *smack* to your head.

That being said, I want to thank the author. I will be a fan for many years to come. I'm a bookworm and never have I been so enthralled by literary talent. Your stories, err... books, are written with more imagination and honesty than most in the world. I read "The Preacher Man" prior to this piece. With my busy work schedule, it took more than a week to read. I will never regret a moment of it.

Please, consider publishing your pieces and create a mailing list so your many fans will be prepared to storm the bookstores when the moment arrives.

If I start publishing on Literotica, my username will be PewterRose (or jbblue48089). I may as well register now, before someone else has the chance.

I start off looking for a cheap thrill, but you completely surprised me with this work of art. I thoroughly enjoyed the content of this story and hope that your others are as enjoyable if not moreso.

I could have done with a few less technical terms,but on the whole,one of the Best stories,bar none, that I've ever read.

Please continue to grace us with your literary Genius!!!

Loved it! The geeky calculations and measurements, as well as other scientific details were a great touch :)

a few notes though:

The thing with the copy of the Solar system and turning Earth and Mars into binaries got a tad confusing though....

And having Milkyway only having two human level civilizations, with one of them already gone, was kinda a downer, and not even traces of previous life in Mars? I would expect at least a few more civilizations, even if they aren't there anymore and all thas left is dim garbled radio or a few ruins...

Btw, why did he not even try to evaluate the possibility his sphere also extended in time (seeing past and/or future and influencing things there) ?

Oh, and another thing, billions of years? He didn't even considerd the real guy named Jesus about 2 thousand years ago might have had a similar gift, perhaps with a different rate of evolution of each aspect?

i forgot to say this on my comment; though it was a strong emotion fuelled reaction, making people just blink out of existence was quite a bland punishment, if i was in his place i might have done things that make the worse scenes in the Hellraiser movies look like saturday morning Disney cartoons

MAKE A EPOILOG

I'm glad you had the character take the high road for self preservation. Personally after taking a blow like that I would never have be able to return to earth and probably winked out of existance in half a year. However I did find that after two years that came back together so quickly it was rather had to believe. Over all excellent story and I nominate as well again you should have your entire collection of short stories published it would make a fantastic book.

Just found this and had to read it in one sitting. A great read, wish it continued.

Simply Amazing. Huge potential for a novel there (would have to scale down on the sex of course)

It rambles in the middle but finishes perfectly and succinctly, yet with feeling. I love the story, and, I am a huge fan. ;-]

I wish that you would continue the story.

Well this is the second of your stories I've read, after Preacher Man, and I have to say, you deliver the best plots I've read on this site. The sheer detail and creativity of your stories is astounding. Having said that, my biggest criticism is your characterisation and sex scenes.

I'll start with the sex scenes. It may just be a matter of wording, but your sex scenes always come off as very awkward and clinical. You do a LOT of tell and very little show. For example, you have your characters describe their actions as sexy instead of just leaving it to the reader's imagination. I noticed this in Preacher Man as well.

Your characterisation is also a bit of a disappointment. At no time did I feel either Melanie or Eric were 'real'. Their interaction felt very artificial. I think this is a consequence of the plot heavy style you have though. Your stories are primarily about their plot and as such, you spend too little time actually developing the character. Ultimately, they come off as robotic and clunky.

Overall, an excellent story, but, as with Preacher Man, I felt it was let down by the above flaws.

This was truly a great work of fiction. The complexity and detail in the plot is honestly levels beyond what most writers of short stories here or elsewhere can hope to match. Read it all in one sitting, and only had minor qualms with the story, my biggest being how easily Eric went back to Melanie. I understand on some level how its a love story, and people would be disappointed not to see them together to the end. Also most writers on Literotica have an unhealthy infatuation with happy endings (I've read many stories, but only a small handful have tragic or shocking plots, and even less stick with that theme to the end). But yours was too well written for me to be seriously distressed over it. Thanks for the fantastic read, I think i'll tackle The Preacher Man next, though probably not in one sitting as I did with this one.

Maybe I'm just thick and missed the reason her parents hated her. What happened when Patty was four years old. Did her parents set Patty up with the shop lifting thing? This was a good story and I quite enjoyed it but, I hate unanswered questions.

This is by far the best story I have ever read. If u ever become an author, I'm buying ur books. If u have no plans to become an author, I'd advise u to reconsider. Excellent.

started reading this story somewhere around 1900 MEST, now it is 0330, just couldn't stop reading, I only can repeat one comment: consider to become a full-time author. Even if you left some blanks and unexplained threads in the story, it was amazing and wonderfully detailed. I only can agree, it definitely is one of the best stories here at lit if not the best.

Thank you so much for this brilliant story and hopefully there will be more similar ones over the time

This is one of my all-time favorite stories but I just have to mention the final page or so where Eric cancelled out the psychotropic and other such effects of plants saying "Earth's lunatic days are over..." I think Mars and the moon suddenly disappearing to be replaced with Earth-like planets in the blink of an eye would cause more crazy than any amount of crack or meth.

kept waiting for it to get better. Wish I hadn't wasted my time now =(

Since I was unable to understand Statistics but enjoyable reading. I think you could publish, too. Of course, I thought it was too long but only because I could not understand it. Melanie's parents got what they deserved.

and selling at $3.50 looks like an ideal way to have documentation for having an extra $3 million in your possession. He is sitting on a lot of value that needs to be legitimized

what is your point with literotica whe your stories match up to the best of books i have read...

and that is ALOT

J.K. Rowling is not even up to your standards ad se is famous because she actually published i am afraid someone will steal your works should you not fully solidify them in the great classics of science fiction

not everyone reads here and keeping your work here is like eric letting the world stay like it is dirty and dying

it is almost selfish even you must see thesecomments for i have seen your replies

the few things anyone can pick out that are wrong with it are minor details or manners of preference which do not truly effect a story like this and could be changed without even disrupting the plot

I don't know how many times I've read this. I've read it a few years back and I'm still (re-)reading it today. This story is one of the most... wait, the best story I have ever read. There were moments when I wanted more conflict in the story but, eventually, when I'm done reading - the amount of conflict is just right. Also, I wished it was longer and, though depth had no problem, I wanted it longer and deeper. I hope you can make this into a short story book - no revisions, no edits, just a few typographical errors (counted less than five, which is an excellent amount of errors and better than anything I've read [read a lot] ) EXCELLENT READ. And I know, in a few months, I'll be reading this story again. Your story never expires.

but I doubt if you will mind if I add to the accolades :) Damn good job bud. It is nice to read some real science fiction for a change. Reminds me a little of Doc Smith and the Lensmen.

Thanks, Lynn

An extremely well constructed story - very publishable.

A few spelling mistakes but easily editable.

I found myself skipping the technical details of the 'upgrades' in his abilities, I feel you may have gone too far with these.

It seemed you may have got bored by the end as there was no reason given as to why he decided to replace the moon with another earth, the last tow sections seemed rushed.

A 'god' should care about individuals so medical treatments for individuals is important. As is share transactions that justify a large influx of funds.

Robert Heinlen is very comparable.

hammingbyrd, I've read a few of your stories here on literotica, and the one thing that really stays with me is the narrowness of your approach to writing. A few basic themes which I have encountered and expect to encounter should I read more of your work are 1) theoretical science in which our current science--the only science we have any conclusive evidence in support of at this time--is hypothetically trampled on, 2) a focus on limited perspectives--such as in this story, it occurs that it might have been produced a nice and thought-provoking ending to switch perspectives to the other people of Earth; 3) a combination of what seems to be a strong faith in one God, and yet a continued (unexplained and, as I think, unjustified) bias against "religious extremists," which I will admit irks me personally as well as on a intelligent level. Beyond common themes, however, there is the routine treatment of your characters. Yes, there are differences, but to me they are all seeming as the same type of person--perhaps comparable to having your foils be similar to your protagonists, and as to your villains--well, rarely do I get the idea that they are human, that they are dynamic (not that this is necessarily a bad thing).

Thus much said, this was an interesting story to read, but (despite, I think, the numbers and technical details) it seems more like a pure flight of fancy than hard science fiction.

I do not know how this is going to look to you should you read this. I consciously hope to give you my honest opinion and evaluation; I hope that you can use my criticism to improve your work. Thanks,

-A previous commenter and interested party

I'm also curious--why would such power be latent within humans? It seems to be an important question that you didn't answer.

Superb story! I couldn't pull myself away until I finished reading it.

As for Mr. Khan's comment, Even Superman has his Clark Kent because he can't just interact with everyone as Superman all the time, plus Eric needed money he could explain for mortgage, tuitions, etc., so why not penny stocks? After all, you can't expect people to believe you're lucky enough to find old coins all the time, now can you? My take on the penny stock was that he bought the cheapest stock he could find, then "salted" the mine, which made it LOOK like he was extremely lucky but was actually an act of philanthropy that made a lot of other people besides him rich. Am I right?

"Am I playing God?" No... you're just a democrat!

doesn't get better than this. fascinating story. started this morning and read straight through to the end. thanks!

There is something to be said about a man that holds tremendous God-like power, yet he himself lacks any kind of real strength of character. And I am NOT talking about his reluctance to use his powers for personal gain, though that in itself is an indirect indicator. Your character is, plain and simple, a wimp. And something like that does NOT go hand in hand with God-like powers.

Oh, don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with a man professing his undying love to a woman. But doing it in such a way that it seems almost theatrical time and time again, and again, is something I have never encountered in any man, and quite frankly, is pathetic. Take, for instance, the scene when he confessed to Melanie that her sister showed herself (near) naked to him, after which Melanie took it out on him later that night by brutally jerking him off. And what did he do? He behaved like a submissive. He allowed her to do it, all the while feeling both physical pain and shame. And in the end? He whimpered.

And that's when we come to the sex. There is also something to be said about an erotic story in which main protagonists profess their undying love to each other, promise to wait on each other, only for the scene of their first sex encounter to be completely skipped. Interesting. Considering the fact that this story took quite a bit of time (including both pages of the story, and the passing years within the plot) to get to the sex scenes, I had expected that it would be some kind of wild "finally" kind of sex adventure. Like I said - quite disappointed. But I suppose it was to be expected, considering the personality weakness of the main character. I just don't understand how I couldn't foresee it earlier as I was reading. I guess that the scientific part was the thing that kept me entertained enough to disregard it.

And yes, when it comes to scientific part, there is also something to be said about that. Though I did not come here to undermine any of the theories, or scientific fictional theories in this story, I will say that people DON'T like to read of physics formulas for kinetic energy and power. Even I don't like to read of it, and I am an engineer. Are you aware that people don't have any idea what you're writing about, and that they certainly don't care? What I say is true. You figure if you wan't to do something about it and improve.

[Sigh] I'm sorry to see that an idea with much potential was lost to numerous failings, the greatest of them all being your main character. I am glad that I've happened upon a comment from another reader who said that he has read most of your works and that your characters tend to be similar; now I know I won't be reading any of those stories. So if I won't read them, why this long rant, you wonder? Well, read the first sentence of this last paragraph again. Yeah. That.

Is there a way to terra-form Venus, with god like powers? If you can create planets, you should be able to put a sun light filter in place for Venus. Or I suppose a Dyson ring or sphere for earths orbit around the sun

i liked it a lot. but I kept wondering will they ever have kids of there own like there sister patricia.

there is nothing wrong with a man loving his woman or being submissive to her once in a while

in my opinion relationships should be about equality not about one dominating the other

Relationships are about respecting one-another and being truthful

I really appreciate the effort of the author

the story is pretty good

Had me rubbing my lobes in desire and fancy!

Great effort, kept me engaged and entertained. Were there things I'd have done differently?... Sure, but I have to give kudos for the level of effort and imagination that went into this. I'm often stunned by the amount of anonymous comments sniveling over petty little shit. IT'S FREE PEOPLE!! If you don't like it, go buy a fu*ckin book! Awesome work H... really.

This is a good story and it was a good read

What if god had an autistic disorder :-). I enjoyed this story and enjoyed dreaming about such power

A God that can do anything he wants and he does nothing. Why even make this story, there is no conflict, no action and no reason for existence. It's a bundle of science, shitty dialogue and a main character with no ambition. It's a nerds power fantasy, but the nerd is too much of a pussy to even think outside of the box. I mean seriously, a God that is so obsessed with a single girl. A being that explores the cosmos and can understand every single thing that goes on in the world and he is still obsessed with a single girl and sex. Words can't even describe how painfully bad this story is, I kept skimming for conflict but nothing came up. This story is a joke and so are the people praising it.

Loved the story. Haven't been able to stop reading all day.

Very creative with many interesting conflicts.

Second story I've read from you, really good.

(From another anon who didn't write the previous comment)

Seriously, how can you know so much about almost everything? I'm also in the med school, and this is the first time I am seeing someone mentioning tumor lysis syndrome, and a pretty accurate description of scleroderma in their fiction. From the level of detailing, I'm guessing you are an engineer/physics major with an interest in medicine or probably of those biophysics guys. Anyways, the amount of background research you've done, cudos man!!

The fiction and the quality of the writing is great too. Though I think the romantic conversation became a bit repetitive after a while. Also, the ending seemed a little forced, like the characters went out of your hand and started living their own life, and you wanted to finish this already massive(in a literotica standard) work of fiction. My advice is, get a good editor, touch up this work a little, and publish in amazon before someone else does. Wish you a great future ahead.

As all climate sciemce seems to be nased on co2 content, earth would go ice age from that change right?

And I couldn't finish it, I got about halfway, the exact line was, "I nodded. We cried together. Eventually we started licking up each other's tears, and our moods turned playful." I just thought WTF am I reading, licking up each others tears?, it wasn't the first time I thought that either, I think the writer showed his age in his writing of Eric, no 16-18 is comfortable exploring his "emotional love" with the hottest girl in school, it's a less believable element of the story than his powers, I loved the Sci-fi elements with Eric's powers but I just hate the characters and the story with them, I'm shocked I managed to read this the first time, I even gave it a 5*, I would have given it 2* this time round.