All Comments on 'Kitty's Problem Ch. 03'

This wasn't even close to being good with all the mistakes. And what's the deal with some of the narrative being written like a movie(?) script, because that's the way it read. Maybe they will like your style in Sci-Fi, but it did not work for me here.

Sure, tyler could use an editor to clean up the little glitches. But let's keep our eyes on the main point. He has a real talent for hot stories of big brothers fucking the living shit out of their kid sisters, as big hunky Phoenix does to sweet baby sister Kitty. Man, that kid sure knows how to use that power tool between his legs, the fat 9-incher that nature gave him. He's made Kitty into a woman, she's not only in lust with her big brother, she's deeply in love with him as well. The siblings have an beautiful easy-going connection, based on their knowledge that Phoenix's big cock is for his sis just as Kitty's cute cunt is for her bro. I guess it's prudent for the boy to blow his balls all over her body to avoid the baby problem. But I gotta admit I'd have loved to see Phoenix just shoot his brotherly semen right up Kitty's tight little twat, flood it till the creamy sperm from those big balls of his runs like a river down her legs and ass. Tyler's going on to other genres, maybe sci-fi. Here's a humble suggestion. He's got a gift for tales of hot family fucking. How about trying his hand at a story of the best kind of family fucking, of the best kind of fucking altogether--motherfucking?

Take chapters 1,2,3 read them in one sitting and identify continuity issues; correct misspellings, storyline issues, continuity issues. let it sit on the "printer for a week, reread, reedit then publish as one story rather than three short pieces.

While I obviously enjoyed the story (hey, finished it and gave it four stars!) quite a bit, you really need to work on remembering to proofread before you upload! That and look up stuff if you don't know something.

First misspelled word was in the second line in this chapter, lol! Things like going from past tense to present in the middle of a paragraph. How about not knowing where the g-spot is.

Not saying you'd catch everything, but your story would be a more enjoyable read than it already is if you remember to proofread!

Thanks!

Craigslist ad: guy looking for female volunteers for g-spot finding and stimulating research and practice for stories I am writing, striving to be anatomically correct and knowledgeable of the written orgasmic experience. I can leave my clothes on if you like. (though you're welcome to change your mind). Oh, will happily throw in some nice oral sex as an ice breaking gift. A warm-up if you like! I may need to repeat both a few times to get a good feel for it and be faithful to my writing art, if slightly less so with my wife.