Know Thyself Ch. 07

It's all my fault. Why did I start anything? He never had my number until I texted him on the train last weekend. It was a mistake, but at least I was trying to do the right thing. That counts for something, right?

I made the right decision. Nothing happened between us and I was there to end it, whatever "it" was. I did the right thing.

I battle with this all the way home and almost miss my stop. Luckily at the last second I realize the doors are open at my stop and I spring up and run out of the train just as they start to close. What an awful night. I make my way home and walk in without saying anything to anyone. My mom tries to say something but I don't hear it as I go to my room and close the door.

What kind of person ruins a marriage?

It's not my fault.

But it is my fault.

But it's not. Right?

I lay down on my bed and look up at the ceiling. What a shitty day.

You did get Alana back as a friend.

This is true. I guess it's not all bad. Tomorrow I'll get to see my mom again, my real mom. I didn't realize how much I missed her until the Fountain Man brought her up. I've gotten so wrapped up in Ashley's life that I forgot about my old one. I can tell my dad (Greg) how much I admire him. He is a good man, despite his nature while I was growing up. Jack as been raving about him ever since he got that job. Not to mention how he looked when I asked him about my mom in Bryant Park. Maybe that's the trick to finding true love. You have to lose the person first in order to value them. I can tell if he reconnected with my mom in this life, there'd be real love there. As opposed to my other life where they were together and he took her for granted.

It's probably more complicated than that.

No relationship can be explained logically. Maybe I'll never know why the spark disappeared between my parents in my old life. Hell, I can't even figure out my own relationships let alone my parents'.

I look down at my body. Tomorrow I'm going to have a penis again. And I'm not going to have these breasts anymore.

I can still tell the Fountain Man I've made a final decision before I go to bed.

I guess the problem is I don't know what I want right now. Especially after going through what I just did.

"Ashley?!" I hear my mom calling for me from the hallway.

I get up and poke my head out of the door. She's standing at the front door, holding it open.

"It's for you," she says, and she walks back to the living room.

Someone's here for me? Shit, I hope that woman didn't follow me home.

I walk down the hallway to the front door and when I see who it is, my heart skips a beat.

It's Wendy.

Wendy is standing in the doorway. She looks a mess, it's clear she's been crying. We both stand there for what feels like forever, not saying anything. She wipes away a tear and finally breaks the silence.

"Prove it," she says.

With just those two little words I know exactly what she means. All at once my mind goes blank and my heart starts pounding. It's like every nerve in my body is short-circuiting. I can't even comprehend that she's here.

Prove it.

I know what she means but how? Prove that I'm into girls and it's not just a fling. Prove that I'll be true to myself and not hide from who I am. Prove that I deserve her. How can I prove all that while I'm standing in my doorway?

Then it hits me.

I grab her hand and pull her into the apartment. The door closes behind us and I walk her into the living room where my mom, dad, and Jack are sitting. I stand her right next to me and I don't let go of her hand.

"Mom, dad," I say. "I have something I need to tell you."

I turn my head to look at Wendy. She looks shocked and I can tell she's holding her breath. I smile at her and return to my parents.

"I'm a lesbian. And I love Wendy."

For once, Jack looks shocked. He already knows, although I didn't tell him I was in love with Wendy. My parents look shocked as well. I can't tell if it's because they don't approve or it's just because this all kind of happened out of no where.

I look to Wendy again and she smiles back at me, a tear falling down her cheek.

It's my dad who speaks first.

"Well, Wendy is a fine girl." The awkwardness in his voice is thick and I can tell he was just fishing for something to say.

Jack lets out a laugh, trying to hide his face knowing the seriousness of the situation.

I'm sure I'll find what my dad said funny too. 'Wendy is a fine girl'?

I look to my mom.

The look of shock on her face finally subsides and I can tell she's regained control of herself. She nods her head.

"I'm glad you told us," is all she says. For a moment I'm worried that she's mad or upset or something. I think she can tell I'm confused, so she stands up and walks to me and gives me a kiss on the forehead. She leans in and speaks softly to me.

"I love you Ashley. I certainly hope you don't think this would change anything?" She smiles at me and now I finally lose it as tears start to fill my eyes.

My mom turns to Wendy and gives her a hug.

"How's school going, Wendy?"

Wendy lets out a laugh as does my mom. I'm speechless. I look to Jack. He nods and I can tell what he means.

I did good.

"We'll be back," I say as I pull Wendy to the door. We leave the apartment and start hopping down the stairs until we're outside. Wendy pulls me in just as I'm about to do the same to her.

"I don't believe you did that!" She yells at me.

"I don't believe you're here! What are you doing here?"

We both wipe tears from our faces.

"I was so upset after you left," she says. "I didn't want to let things stay like that between us, and I couldn't tell you that over the phone."

"What about class?" I ask.

"Fuck class. This is more important."

"What about Talia?"

"Talia and I weren't together. I kinda lied about that to make you jealous. She wants to be with me but I'm not into her. We had a talk about it. I told her the truth."

"Which is what?"

She puts a hand on my cheek. "That I'm in love with you."

At the same time the two of us lean in and kiss right out in the open on the sidewalk. It's a kiss like I've never felt before.

This is the first time in my life someone has told me they love me.

I've never felt this before. I love her and she loves me.

The kiss ends and we touch foreheads. She whispers to me.

"Want to spend the night at my place?"

"Yes," I say and then kiss her again.

We're so eager to get to her apartment we hail a taxi. A green borough taxi stops just as we put our hand up in the air to signal for it. She gives the cabbie her address and we're off. We make out the entire time, and luckily the driver doesn't say anything. When we get to her place, we find out no one is there.

"I guess my parents are having another one of their date nights," she says.

"Did they know you were coming home?"

She shakes her head. "I came straight to your place when I got off the train."

We look at each other, both of us probably thinking the same thing. Why aren't we kissing yet? At the same time we pounce on each other. I push her up against the wall as my hands explore her body. Our lips caress each other and our tongues massage the other. She starts to pull me down the hall to her bedroom. Once we're there, she closes the door and locks it, then lifts her shirt over her head. She's wearing a black bra but soon that comes off as well. Her breasts are the same size as mine, though her nipples are larger. Not to mention they're rock hard at the moment.

I take my shirt off as well and toss it at her, pretending to give her a striptease. My bra comes off as well and before I can say anything, she pushes me on the bed and jumps on top of me. Instead of kissing me, she goes lower to my breasts. I start to rub the back of her head while her tongue begins to flick my nipples back and forth. She moves to the other nipple and starts to suck on that one. I thrust my pussy into her, trying to make our bodies one.

"Oh Wendy," I breath out.

My voice seems to drive her crazy and she sucks on my nipple harder. I grab a handful of her hair and hold her face tight onto my breast. She lifts her head up and starts to slide my pants off.

"I love you, Ashley," she says as she tosses them aside.

"I love you too, Wendy," I say as my panties are tossed away as well.

She leans down and kisses my stomach, then runs her tongue along my skin until she gets right above my pussy. She circles around it, her tongue going down my right thigh. I've never had anyone kiss me there before and a shiver runs through me. She switches to my left thigh and runs her tongue up now.

She's teasing me and it's totally working!

She gets back to where she started and now she goes down, down to my clit. I can feel her warm breath on my pussy as I get wetter and wetter. She runs her tongue from the bottom of my pussy up to my clit and I thrust up from the pleasure.

"I want to taste you too," I say while panting.

With a big smile, she starts to take her pants off and then her panties. She tosses them on top of mine and it almost looks like our clothes are having sex as well. She turns her body around and lifts one leg over my head. Her pussy lowers onto my face and I'm engulfed by her beautiful smell. My tongue reaches for her and soon her taste fills my mouth. I start to massage her clit with my tongue and then she lowers herself back on top of me. With my face buried in her pussy, I can feel her tongue on mine again and we both start to eat each other out at the same time. The smell of her juices drives me crazy, as if it were meant for me. I find her spot and feel her body tense, so I start to flick it back and forth with my tongue. I can hear her moaning into my pussy, calling my name as I bury my face deeper into her. I hold her tightly on top of me and soon she finds my spot. Now we're both licking and moaning into each other. I cup my hands around her butt as I push her pussy down on me harder. She sits up and starts riding my tongue, rubbing her pussy back and forth against my stationary tongue.

She swings her leg over and turns her body around. On her knees, she pulls my pussy close to hers.

"Roll on your side," she tells me.

I do and she intertwines our legs so that both of our pussies are touching. We start to rub into each other and the feeling is magical. We look eye to eye as we see the pleasure the other is causing. Both of our warm juices soak the other and now both of our thighs are slick with our wet passion.

"Oh fuck," I call out, throwing my head back.

We rub together faster and faster, her soft body feeling as beautiful as she looks.

"I'm going to cum," she squeaks.

"Me too," I pant in return.

It's a good thing no one is home because we're not even trying to keep it down anymore. Our moans are loud as the explosion builds in both of us. I can't hold it in any longer.

"Ready?" She asks, out of breath.

"Yes! Yes!"

And then we both cum, loud and wet with our bodies so intertwined it's hard to tell who is who anymore. My body begins to pulsate as the orgasm erupts. We're both out of breath and panting while we gaze at each other.

"Oh my God," she manages to breath out.

"Yeah," I say in between two deep breaths. "That was amazing." My body spasms as I say it.

She leans over and kisses me. "I love you."

"I-"spasm-"love you too."

We kiss again, our pussies still touching and my body still pulsing slightly. We finally untwine our legs and look at the damage on the bed. The wet spot is enormous.

"I might need a new blanket tonight," she jokes.

I laugh, still looking into her eyes.

"You're really hot when you cum," she says.

"You're just really hot," I say.

She makes a face and kisses me again. We lay down on the bed, wet spot and all, and hold each other close.

"I have to go back tomorrow morning," she whispers.

"I know." I figured as much. It's not like she's going to drop out of school.

"But I don't want to."

"I don't want you to either, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here, waiting for you."

That's when I remember. When I go to sleep, I'm going to change back into Ben.

I have to find the Fountain Man and tell him not to change me back. Not yet. I've finally found love, I can't change back now. I also don't want to leave Wendy right now to go to the fountain. If I don't go to sleep tonight, I can't change back. Then in the morning, I'll go to the fountain and tell him I don't want to change.

"What's wrong?" She asks me. "You seem distant."

"Sorry. I was just thinking about when we can see each other again."

"Well, next month is Thanksgiving. And we can maybe do some weekend trips before then."

I give her a kiss. "That sounds great."

We actually stay like this the rest of the night. It doesn't sound like her parents ever come home. We lay together naked the whole night. Eventually she drifts off to sleep and I lay there awake, determined not to fall asleep. She's so beautiful while she sleeps. It almost looks like she doesn't have a care in the world, she looks so peaceful. Maybe she's dreaming about what I'm thinking about right now.

Having sex with her was the best experience I've ever had. She's the best I've ever had.

I yawn and start to feel my eyelids get heavy. I shake my head to keep myself awake. The night seems to drag on and on as I do my best to fight sleep. Soon I start to see the first bits of morning shine through the window. Her alarm goes off at five o'clock. She flutters awake and smiles when she sees me.

"Good morning Ms. Beautiful," she says.

"Good morning to you, Ms...Beautiful." I couldn't think of anything good to say. She laughs.

"I'm not taking a shower or anything. My train leaves at six. Is that okay?"

I nod. "Of course. I'll take one at my place."

We both get dressed, fighting the urge to pounce on each other once again.

"Your parents never came home," I say.

She shakes her head and I realize I actually don't know much about her parents. It seems like something about them is bothering her but I have no idea what.

"Who knows with them," is all she says.

We eventually make our way outside and I walk her to the subway.

"You sure you don't want to stop at home first," she asks me.

If I was going home, I'd take the subway uptown. I told her I'm taking the crosstown bus to the Four or Five train.

"I have to go straight to school. I have an eight o'clock class." I'm not lying, I do have an eight o'clock class today. What I'm not saying is I have no intention of going to it. Instead I'm going straight to the Bethesda Fountain to tell the Fountain Man not to change me back into Ben.

"Okay," she says. "I'm so glad I got to see you."

"I can't believe you came down here. You're amazing."

"You're amazing," she flirts back, and we give each other one last kiss. "Call me tonight."

I nod.

"Love you," she says.

"Love you too."

And with that, she turns and walks down the stairs. I turn and walk to the bus stop.

God I'm tired.

It's just a little bit more. Soon I'm getting off the bus and walking down into the subway station. The Five train shows up first, so I take that one. I find an end seat and sit down, resting my head on the railing. The train starts to move.

See, no time at all. You'll be there any minute now.

I just have to stay awake.

Stay awake.

My eyes start to get heavy. I'll just close them for one second. One moment.

I close them and open them again.

See, no harm.

Except it didn't do anything. I'm just as sleepy and my eyes are just as heavy. The vibration of the train starts to sooth my body and my eyes become too heavy. I think I'm keeping them open but now they're fully closed.

Don't fall asleep. Not yet.

I'm awake. My eyes are closed but I'm awake. I'm not falling asleep.

That's the last thought I have before sleep overtakes me.

*************

My head hurts. I wake up with a headache and a pounding sense of grogginess. I don't want to get out of bed. My eyes start to open and I look up at the ceiling. I look to my side and see an oddly familiar bedside table. I sit up and look around the room. It looks familiar but distant, like from a memory long ago. Then I remember.

I fell asleep!

I look down at my body and realize the worst. I no longer have breasts. I put my hand in my pants and feel between my legs.

I have a penis.

I jump out of bed and look around. Then I remember where I am.

I'm in my old room at my parents' house.

I see a small mirror sitting face down on the dresser, so I grab it and hold it up. Sure enough, I see what I feared I would see. That familiar face staring back at me. No longer the Fountain Man but me.

I'm Ben.

###