All Comments on 'Last Campout Ch. 01'

Where's the story? Did you forget to write something? Don't try to be cute or try to tease, if you are going ot write a story - WRITE IT!

This is just long enough to qualify as a table of contents.

Now wheres the rest of the book?

WOW, what a short story! If it got any shorter it would be a sentence!

did you post this by accident? This is not a story by any stretch of the imagination.

Please, if you submit something whatever it is, make sure it has done meat to it.

Non of this less than half a page tease. Put some backstory or something to make it a proper post.

Will look for the rest of the story soon, I hope.

TOTAL GARBAGE!!!!

good premise but way too short. should have been posted under the voyeur category cuz all the did was catch a glimpse of her naked shadow. don't bother posting chapter two unless mom gets down to some serious business with the boys.

I see this is your first attempt at getting a story onto lit but if that is what you imagine that we the readers want i suggest you hve a read of some of the otner authors here.

Your effort was not much more than a long paragraph, there was no real meat there either, I'd suggest that should you want to get any sort of rating you at least double the amount of words you write, but quadruple would be lot better.

Characters are established. Son is an over achiever who continues wprling when others stop. Mom is a an enigma however the blank slate allows you to fill her out and draw readers further into her un-willing seduction.

Phil is a boaster, Sam is an unknown, and Ian appears to be a willing participant as the hovering voyeur with not a clue of how to initiate a seduction. Ian could be developed as an imature who read adult fiction and assumes his tongue in a woman will make them his anytime conquest forever.

No mention of a father. You could bring him as a character later. A one night visit following a sexual interlude, or never mention him at all beyond existing.

I prefer a woamn have a hair festuned pussy because I don't enjoy the bald virgin aspect of seasoned sex partner.

A woman wants/needs to be seduced and rarely, very very rarely, takes her own clothes off to induce a young male into sex. She doesn't need to and wants the mental cushion of telling herself later it was a seduction. Bring it along slowly and build to a mental picture. Stay clear of the idea she will pull a train until after she has a scene with just two guys first.

Pot works better than beer considering age of boys and mom.

Good luck and I'll check you out as this goes along.

Don't take too many comments to heart, I do reserve the authors right to do the story as she/he sees fit and we as readers only have the right to say how we like to see in a story, we don't have the right to tell you how to tell it. I definitely don't agree with cowards not leaving a name, and I don't believe that public computer BS, because I've done it and still left my name. That said I know you will have you story planned and I look forward to reading it.

Too short. Please, rewrite

So far, not too much has happened, but some of the characters have been formed, and a partial theme has been set.

Perhaps the next chapter will be more productive in setting up what the story will be dealing with.

How about finishing the story before you submit it.

Yet Mom put her suitcase in the trunk?

@mrperv46.... dude... this story was not ready for publishing in the incest catagoree, maybe some voyerism section... but there has to be some kind of sexual activity. thats the whole point to this genre... ONE PAGE does not make a chapter. grammer isnt important as long as you have some incestuous activity... in this story there was no INCEST.

9th grade english class come back and try to write this story again.

The past tense of throw is threw not through which you use when you say "He threw a rock through a window" .Otherwise ?? you have my attention , but don't gamble on anyone putting up with another chapter without putting meat on the plate .

Nice intro but, don't waste a reader's time with just an intro and drag out a single story into a bunch of "chapters." One click = one story. Sequels are appropriate after you have developed characters readers like and want to read more about, you haven't done that!