Learning the Rules Ch. 08

She's nervous and her lips are dry. She licks her lips to moisten them and then continues.

"I thought to myself, I hope I can be the woman he wants, the woman he needs. I hope I don't disappoint him or myself. I don't want either of us to get hurt. I want to give into my hidden desires. I want to experience more of what we have shared. I want to be more of the woman I am when I'm with you and less of who I think I need to be."

She stretches up to kiss him.

"I thought to myself, Jamison can help me to do this, he can help me to learn how to be his submissive."

She looks intently at him, gauging his reaction to her words. His initial response is to close his eyes and take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. As he opens his eyes, he tightens his hold on her hand.

"Did you hear what I said Jamison? Did you hear what I'm asking of you?" Her voice is soft and hopeful in tone.

"Yes, Love. I heard everything you said. I heard every single word you spoke."

"Jamison, earlier today you said something to me that has been a question in my mind ever since. In my offices today, you said, 'Alexandra, you have to be ready, willing, and able. You must be willing Alexandra.' Well, I am. I am ready, willing, and able to be with you, to be part of your life, part of your lifestyle. I am ready, willing, and able to give you my submission."

She looks at him, sure in what she just said.

"Are you ready, willing, and able to accept my offer?"

Alexandra's voice is steady as she speaks. Jamison can clearly see that she means everything she has said to him. He is so proud of her and so happy with her, that he takes a moment before responding. She has tears in her eyes and he can feel her hand shaking in his as she waits for his answer.

He pulls her into his chest and wraps his arms around her. Kissing her passionately he answers her question.

"Yes, Love. I am more than ready, willing, and able to accept your submission and become your Dom. Thank you Alexandra. Thank you for gifting me with your trust. Thank you for honoring me with your submission. I will hold it and you precious and keep it safe. I will keep you safe."

He holds her in his arms as the stress from her day and her decision, overcome her. Alexandra's tears begin to flow. She rests her head on Jamison's chest and quietly allows her emotions to take over.

It's difficult for her to come to terms with everything she has been dealing with over the past few days. The relief she feels in having said those words out loud is immeasurable. She didn't know how tightly she was wound until Jamison took her in his arms and she felt the need to release her emotions. As she continues to softly cry into his chest, he tenderly strokes her back and whispers to her.

"It's ok Alexandra. You're ok, I have you."

He continues to caress her and kiss her head as he softly talks to her.

"I can't describe to you how happy you've made me Alexandra. Everything you said came from your heart. I appreciate that you were willing to share it with me. I'm so proud of you. You did more than I could have asked for, so much more."

Jamison holds her and rubs up and down her back until her tears come to an end. When he hears her sniffle back the last of her tears he kisses the top of her head and walks her to the couch. As he sits, he brings her down into his lap and continues to hold her. The stress from the day's events is released from both of them as they sit there in each other's arms, content to sit in silence for now.

~~~~~~~~~~

Almost an hour passes by before either of them speaks. Alexandra is comforted by Jamison's hold. She is content in his lap and in his arms. Jamison is happy to finally have her as his. He enjoys the knowing, the feeling, that she is part of his life, that she belongs to him and in the same sense, he belongs to her.

He knows they have more to discuss before their night can continue and no matter how much he is enjoying this moment, he realizes it can't last. He has to talk to Alexandra about expectations, limits, and goals. He also has to tell her what he wants most from her.

"Alexandra, Love are you ok now? How do you feel?" The concern is audible in his voice. Jamison is keenly aware of how difficult it is for her to speak about her feelings. He knows how much courage it took for her to be so honest and eloquent when she spoke to him.

"I'm ok. I'm fine. I was just a little overwhelmed by everything that happened today and it just came pouring out. I feel so stupid. I'm sorry." She says as she tilts her head back to look at him.

"There is nothing to be sorry for Alexandra and you are by no means stupid. I don't like when you talk like that. I don't like it at all and I don't want to hear that kind of talk from you again. Understand?" His voice is stern, but remains quiet and even in tone.

"Yes." She answers simply and quietly.

"Good. Now, we have more to discuss. Are you up to continuing our conversation?"

"Yes. I'm ready."

Alexandra straightens up from her curled position on Jamison's lap. As she moves to adjust her sitting position, she feels the beginning of arousal in Jamison. She looks at him and smiles.

"Don't look so smug." His voice is unyielding, but he smiles and winks at her. "There is a time and place for everything my Love. Until we finish some of our business, this will not be the time or place for anything for you. Do we have an understanding Alexandra?"

"Yes, you're saying it's business first, fun and games later." She smiles and licks her lips as she answers.

"I said no such thing and you know it." He reprimands.

Jamison tries to remain stern and business like, but she is too cute with her smart ass answer and damn sexy as she licks her lips. All he wants to do is strip her down and take her, bonding them and making her truly his. Instead, he calms his needs and pulls his Dom control front and center. He needs to address at least some of the more important issues with her tonight before things go any further between them.

"Alexandra, I want to explain to you the things I want from our coming together as a D/s couple. The things I want us to share in our bond together. I need you to really listen and see if you want the same things. Will you do that for me?"

"Of course. I will listen to whatever you have to say, you know that."

She kisses him as she finishes her answer. She's unable to make the kiss into anything more because Jamison is quick to move her off his lap. He realizes that being this near to her is not the best situation for him at the moment. He stands and walks to his desk. He partially sits, partially leans on his desk with his legs outstretched as he starts to speak.

"There are a few important things I would like to share. I believe in order to really have a full and complete D/s link together these are key aspects to make it work. In order to achieve our full potential as a D/s couple, I believe we both have to work hard to meet not only each other's needs, but our own needs and expectations."

Now it's Jamison's turn to see if Alexandra is hearing what he has to say. He watches her as she sits across from him intently listening. He knows now that he was smart to move away from her for this conversation. Just looking at her makes him want to strip her and lay her naked on his couch.

"This will not be a twenty-four hour bargain anymore." He watches her reaction to his words closely. "It will be a lot more intense and meaningful. This will be a full on commitment."

He's happy to see that she is unwaivered by what he said and he continues.

"By that I mean that I expect us both to be devoted to making this work. We both have to be honest with ourselves and each other."

"Jamison, tell me what you want. Tell me what you are asking from me." She stares across the room at him, watching so closely she doesn't even realize she is counting the number of times his chest rises with his breath.

"I want it all Alexandra. I want a commitment, devotion, submission, honesty. My wish is for you to come to me knowing you are willing to give yourself to me without reluctance. I want there to be no question in your mind that you are with me in this commitment."

He looks across at her and she is nodding at him.

"I not only desire your body Alexandra, I want to share in your thoughts and feelings. I want you to trust me. I want you to want to give that all to me freely. I need you to do that knowing that I will do everything in my power to ensure you and your trust in me is safe and protected."

"I want to have a relationship with you that will allow us to explore each other. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, on some level spiritually. I want a clear commitment from each of us that we will always continue to look inside ourselves and identify areas of growth and development, for ourselves, each other, and our partnership."

He looks directly into her eyes.

"I want us to explore and experiment with our deepest desires and fantasies."

Alexandra is transfixed by Jamison's stare. She doesn't even realize she is holding her breath until she feels tightness in her chest and takes a labored intake of air. Her gasp breaks the silence in the room. She is unable to move or think because she keeps hearing Jamison's words play in her mind. "I want...I want...I want..." Her inner voice starts to talk to her as she sits, still immobilized by his words.

Well, you asked for this. You asked for this from the very first time you met him. You teased, you flirted, you taunted, and now you got what you asked for. You even asked him what he wanted from you and he told you in no uncertain terms. He wants everything. He wants you. He wants control when you're together. Is that something you are willing to give? Is that something you can give? Alexandra, is that something you even know how to give? You've never faced a situation like this before. Do you want him, this, enough to give a part of you that you have never shared before?

Before her thoughts are even clear in her mind, she hears her voice echo in the quiet of the library. One word and she has sealed her fate with Jamison. One word she wasn't sure she would be able to say. Yet, it came out without hesitation.

"Yes."

As she said the word out loud, she thought, am I answering his questions or my own. She knows that she wants this, she wants him. She knows if she doesn't try, it will be the biggest regret of her life. She has to at least try to see if this will work for them. On so many levels, she knows this is what she wants, even needs in her life. On some other levels, she doubts she will be able to be everything he wants and needs in a woman. In a submissive.

Jamison doesn't move a muscle as he hears her say "Yes."

Inside, his heart is racing as is his mind. He wants to walk across the room, grab her, strip her naked and finally sink himself into her and claim her as his.

Jamison pushes off the desk with his arms and she watches as every muscle in his body comes alive. His face tightens, his chin juts outward, and his neck muscles are taut. As she moves her eyes over his body, she watches a physical and emotional transformation occur. His chest and arms seem to flex all at once and stay that way. Alexandra swears he looks taller and stronger. His abdominal muscles are tight and somehow more visible through his shirt.

His emotions seem muted. He appears almost business like in his expression. Like he is negotiating a business meeting versus talking to the woman who just said she will submit to him. A nervous chill runs through her body as he starts to move.

Jamison slowly strides across the room. In the few seconds it takes him to reach her, she is a bundle of nervous energy. She isn't sure what he is going to do or say, but she knows for the first time since she met him, he is in full Dom mode. Any little aspect of his Dom side she has previously seen is shadowed in the appearance of the man before her now. He is sexy, alluring, and magnificent. Yet at the same time he is domineering, daunting, and a little challenging to take in all at once.

As he stands in front of her, he reaches out his hand. She takes it and he pulls her to a standing position.

"Stand Alexandra."

She still isn't sure what he plans on doing to her, but he is having "that" effect on her. Her breathing picks up, her heart beat starts to race, and she can feel her sex juices start to flow simply by looking at him. When he speaks, she visibly trembles; his command voice is so fucking hot.

"I'm so happy you have decided to be with me. To join me."

Jamison brings her hand to his mouth and opens her hand, palm facing up. He then kisses the palm and runs his tongue in circles in the center. Alexandra closes her eyes because the site of his tongue tracing circles on her palm is just too much for her to watch right now.

A relatively benign act has her wetting her panties just by watching him. She feels that she will orgasm standing right there if he so much as touches her. And he does touch her.

"I promise you, you will never regret your decision."

Jamison says as he slides his hands up her arms and gently massages her shoulders. She can feel his strong fingers as they press into her tight muscles. She can feel the warmth of his hands through the material of her dress. She can feel the pain in her mouth as she bites her inner cheek to keep from crying out his name and once again beg him to take her.

It's what she wants, but she knows it is the wrong thing to say right now. Jamison watches as her face speaks volumes to him. He knows exactly what she is thinking, what she is feeling, what she is doing to hold it together. It pleases him to see how hard she is working to control her body and her smart mouth. It is impressive to know she innately understands not to give in to her wants right now.

It reassures him of what he already knows. Alexandra can do this if she tries. His independent, intelligent, strong willed, smart mouthed woman, who he wants so badly, can be submissive if she just lets herself. He knows with time and practice, and a little encouragement and punishment when required, it will come more easily to her, more naturally. It will be his pleasure to watch, teach, and assist her in her learning process.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Well now that we have most of the important things discussed, what do you think about moving this 'discussion' upstairs to the bedroom?" He knows she was half way, if not more so, to reaching orgasm just from their conversation and the closeness of their bodies.

Jamison smiles at her as he places all of the paperwork back into her file and into his desk. They have spent the last three hours going over information. Discussing hard limits and soft limits, most of which hadn't changed from their initial talks. They talked about her goals, his goals, his goals for her, and relationship goals. They discussed what his expectations of her were and what she could anticipate from him.

They discussed things like play sessions, what they entailed, and safety issues, specific acts he would want from her. Alexandra opened up and discussed some activities that she thought would be of interest.

Jamison described submissive posturing to her and when and where it would be appropriate. They talked about punishment and how punishment would always reflect the infraction. That it was to improve growth and trust. Although he admitted sometimes things would be painful but that given time, experience, and instruction, she would be able to deal with it.

When he told her he wanted her to think about and even write down her sexual fantasies, she almost fell off the edge of the couch. He laughed and told her, there was no point to a D/s relationship if they weren't going to have fun with each other.

"Fun and sex should go hand in hand most of the time. I'm not saying sex isn't serious, I'm just saying, it could be more enjoyable when it's combined with fun. Alexandra, exploring sexual fantasies is fun and we WILL be EXPLORING. TRUST me on that my Love."

He pulled her toward him and whispered in her ear.

"Besides, if you don't share your fantasies with me, then I will have to make them up for you. I have a very vivid imagination Alexandra. That's another thing you can trust me on; I have a very vivid imagination. Also, if you don't share, then we will only have mine to explore."

He gave her the sexiest wicked smile as he said "mine to explore" and it sent sparks flying from her most intimate parts.

"God this man is fucking sexy! Just take me already. Please!" was all she could think as his words echoed in her mind. Once again, she was smart enough not to let them escape from her mouth.

When they spoke, Jamison promised Alexandra that it was his responsibility to make sure she was safe and that part of that responsibility was to never give her more than he was sure she could handle or just push her limit. He explained the meaning of "pushing her limits" and what that would entail. Then they discussed the, all important, safe words.

No longer would they use her full name. They decided together to stay with the basics for now. RED means STOP immediately, YELLOW means SLOW down or take a BREAK, and GREEN means everything is GOOD and CONTINUE on as is.

He assured her there was no punishment associated with using a safe word. However, if she failed to use them when she needed to she would disappoint him and be punished, first for failing to use her safe words and putting herself in harm's way and then for disappointing him with selfish behavior.

He helped her to understand the difference between pain for pain's sake and pain to initiate pleasure. He assured her that she would find out what he meant soon enough. He told her he thought she would learn and grow to love their sessions for that reason alone, but that there would be so many more reasons to love and enjoy them.

He asked that she keep track of her thoughts and feelings. To think about what she liked, what felt good to her and what she didn't like or what made her feel less good. He let her know that it would help him to get a better understanding of her thoughts, feelings, and needs if she shared this with him. Alexandra agreed to it.

Jamison said something rather puzzling to her during their conversation and it stuck in her mind. "Alexandra, the Dom/sub relationship is as complex as it is simple. As your Dom, I'm in control of the activity, the scene, etc. In everything I do and decide on, my primary concern is for your well-being, growth, experience. I want to push your limits but not at a permanent cost to you. I respect you as a person and an individual first and foremost. I respect you as a partner and I respect you as my sub. As all of those roles and especially as my sub, I would want and hope that you share similar feelings for me."

"I do. I want this to work. I'm new to this and what seems perfectly normal to you is not to me. So I'm hoping you will give me some slack. Also, you know I'm very independent and I'm not use to being told what to do. So that will also be a learning curve for me, but I promise, I will work on it."

"I understand. I'll try to be more patient and a little gentler with what I say at times. This is different for me too. It's been awhile since I've dealt with a newbie." He laughed at her expression as he called her a "newbie."

"Oh God! What if I'm not up for this Jamison? What if I fail you miserably? Fail myself." Alexandra's voice is full of concern and worry, not for herself, but for the possibility of failing Jamison.

"You're up for it. So am I. It will just take a while before we work smoothly together. Like we said, it's a learning curve for both of us."

"Now as your Dom, I would like to test your recall of information. I would like to see just how ready you are, to be the sub of my dreams. Let's see how well you follow commands Ms. Newman."