Letting Go Ch. 03

He helped me up and kissed me. "I love you," he said.

I kissed him back, "I love you too."

We cleaned up and went back upstairs to take a shower. It was starting to get late by the time we were all cleaned up. He began to leave, surprisingly. I stopped him at the door.

"Simon please stay over," I asked him, "we can rent a movie and order some pizza."

He looked and me and smiled, "Sorry, but not today Reggie. Gina and I were going to visit Davis, but he's not too far from here. I'll come visit tomorrow."

"Aww," I sighed. "At least let me drive you?"

"I would love to Reggie, but Gina is outside already."

I crossed my arms in disappointment. I walked him outside anyways. Surely enough, Gina was waiting outside and waved at us. "Hey guys!"

"Hi Gina!"

"We're gonna go visit Davis, if that's fine with you, Reggie. I'm sure he's dying to see me and Simon," she smiled.

"Oh, I understand," I said. My ass throbbed and felt bruised and my knees buckled a little. Gina giggled and looked at me wittingly.

"I don't even want to know," she laughed.

My face grew bright red and I immediately felt hot at the cheeks. Hopefully, Simon never told her about our amazing sex, that would've been ridiculously embarrassing. "Anyways, be safe on your way there. And tell Davis I said hi."

"Will do," Gina said. I hugged her and Simon and watched them leave in their car.

I got into the house and collapsed, I was totally spent from today, but I was glad everything went well. My dad could never spoil what Simon and I had, as long as I didn't let him. I slept on the couch with a warm feeling in my heart, and the most hopeful outlook on life I've had in a while.

**

I woke up, stretched and headed to my kitchen to make myself breakfast. It was a lazy Sunday, and I didn't intend on coming to work today because I was tired as hell. "Simon?" I called out, but there was no response. Simon had promised to come back and let himself in once he and Gina finished visiting Davis. "He must be asleep," I told myself. I decided to cook us pancakes and bacon so we had something to eat before we had our morning sex. I turned on the TV and listened to the local news. As I heated up the pan and sliced the bacon, something I heard the reporter say caught my attention.

"A fatally damaged, overturned car was reported at 11pm yesterday on interstate-56, northbound for Haletville."

I began to listen attentively. I turned off the fire and watched. This was the highway Simon and Gina were taking on the way to Davis'.

"Two victims were found at the scene, a 21 year old female and 23 old male." They displayed the photos of the driver and passenger and my heart dropped to my stomach. It was Simon and Gina.

My gut wrenched inside of me, but I continued to listen to the cursed report. "The driver, identified as Gina Gonzalez was pronounced dead at the scene. The passenger, Simon Gonzalez was taken to the hospital in fatal condition: broken ribs and a possibly collapsed lung. The cause of the crash is unknown, but investigators predict it was a hit-and-run by a drunk driver."

I threw the remote at the TV, breaking it into pieces and cracking the screen. I dropped to the floor and yelled. "WHY?" I screamed, "WHY HIM? WHY HER?"

My tears wet the tiles of the floor as my shoulders shook uncontrollably. I could barely breath between my cries. "Oh my God, fuck!" I angrily yelled. I banged the floor with my fists till my hands hurt. I felt empty and hopeless, I felt like the world was ending. I wish at had been me that died in the car crash so I would stop feeling the pain I was feeling. I thought back to what Simon had said a mere week ago, how he promised me that nothing bad would happen as long as our love was real.

I didn't understand. Our love was real, yet the universe had taken away Gina, his only sister and my only friend that understood us. I didn't even know if Simon was going to make it. 'Fatal condition' the reporter had echoed in my memory, 'broken ribs and a collapsed lung'.

I clenched my fists so tight that my nails dug into my flesh and made me bleed, my knuckles were whiter than the moon. I needed something to wake me up and release me from this trance, this terrible dream. This wasn't happening. I would wake up and be lying next to a shirtless Simon, him still safe in my arms and me happier than anything in the world.

I hastily got up, went to the sink and splashed cold water onto my face. I needed to get a grip, Simon could still be alive. No, I reassured myself, he is still alive.

I drove my pickup to the hospital, running multiple red lights and nearly killing myself in the process. My face was sticky with dried tears and my breathing was unstable. I needed to see him, I needed to see Simon. I knew Gina was in a better place now, as corny as it sounded, but she was an actual angel on earth. I had no doubt in my mind that she was somewhere up there.

"Please," I cried out to Gina hoping that she would hear me, "stay with him. Keep him safe. Guide the doctors, at least until I come."

I hastily parked my car in the disabled zone and sprinted into the hospital. I found the secretary and nearly yelled. "Where," I begged, "where is he? I need to find him."

Tears began to warm my face again and I started to freak out. She backed up in surprise and stared at me questiongly. "Where the fuck is he?" I repeated. People began to stare at me, a grown man, crying and yelling at a woman.

An old, female worker calmly held my hand and said, "Who, honey?"

"Simon, where..." I cried out.

"I'm afraid we cannot disclose that information," she said soothingly, "but believe me sir, he is in good hands. Our doctors and surgeons are some of the best here in Maryland."

"Then why haven't they fixed him yet?" I snapped. I knew I sounded ridiculous. I sounded like a little kid that didn't know anything about fatal injuries.

"I know which Simon you are talking about," she sighed, "he was admitted in yesterday. He is not in stable enough for visitors, but our doctors can work with him. He is safe. Trust me."

I sat down on the floor in defeat. My body felt numb and week, yet I pressed on. "When can I see him? What if you're lying?" I asked. I didn't know why I was expecting the worst, I didn't know why I couldn't believe her despite how much I wanted to.

"When he is in stable condition," she smiled, "you don't want to barge in and stress out the doctors in Simon, now don't you?"

I felt a little comfort in my heart. I thought about how Simon acted when he was stressed, he fidgeted with his hands and wiggled his nose. Maybe he was safe.

I stood back up and excused myself from the hospital. I tried to hold on to the little hope I had for the situation.

As I sat in the parking lot, I dialed up Paul's number. Paul was my head chef and my best work friend.

"Hello? This is Paul speaking," he answered.

I cleared my throat. "Hey Paul, it's Reggie, can I ask you a favor?"

"Anything Reggie!"

"I'm kind of... um... in an emergency, and I don't think I'll be able to work for a couple of weeks. Can you hold up Rosemary until I get back?"

"Sure boss! I hope everything gets better."

I thanked him before I hung up. I just sat in the car for what seemed like forever. I didn't know what to do while I waited for Simon to get better. All I could do was hope for the best.

**

I had been visiting the hospital for nearly two weeks and I've been getting the same responses: Sorry, not yet. Please come back tomorrow.

I knew I couldn't lose hope, but I also needed to get back to work. Paul was starting to call me more frequently because Rosemary had been holding up customers for longer times, and they were also losing some too.

I sighed as I entered the hospital for the umpteenth time. I maneuvered my way past the white hallways and fluorescent lights until I got to the west wing. I went up to the secretary and sighed. I was expecting to get rejected again. "May I visit Simon Gonzalez?"

The same secretary I saw on the first day looked up and smiled. "Today is your lucky day Mr. Harrison. The doctors have finally declared Simon in stable condition, and he can now have visitors."

I huge smile spread across my face and I nearly hugged her. I thanked her and slowly began my way to Simon's room. I was nervous- we had never been separated for this long. My heart beat faster with every step I took. How would Simon be? Did he have amnesia and forget me? Is he missing an arm? A leg?

I grew with worry until I reached his door. I sighed and turned the knob.

Soft rock music was playing from the TV, and I saw him sitting up, staring out the window in a hospital gown. "Simon?" I called out. He turned his head toward me and gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Immediately, all my worries were cast aside and all my sadness melted away.

Simon was okay.

"Reggie!" he exclaimed. I dropped my jacket and ran over to give him an embrace. I made sure not too hug him too tight because I wasn't sure if I would hurt him too much.

I cried into his gown, and he cried into my shirt. We wouldn't stop sobbing, we had missed each other so much.

He pulled off away from me and laughed through his tears, "Stop crying you big baby."

I chuckled, "Shut up." I stared at him for a minute, there weren't any major changes to his appearance. He hadn't lost too much weight, his hair was a little longer, and he still had all his limbs. I sighed in relief, "you had no idea how much I've missed you."

"Reggie, I've missed you like hell too," the minute I woke up after my operations, I thought about you and how worried you would be. I wanted to call you and tell you everything was fine, but the doctors didn't let me."

"That stuff doesn't matter anymore. You're alive," I exclaimed hugging him again.

We talked about how I had been for the last 2 weeks, and what had happened on the night of the car crash. Simon showed me the stitches that ran horizontally through his body. He had blood donated by Davis, and the doctors reinforced his ribs with medical iron rods. The only thing he would suffer from forever would be minor breathing problems from his left lung. I breathed in his scent and ruffled his hair. He was in my arms once again. He looked up at me with his vibrant eyes, "How is Gina, I haven't heard from her. Is she OK?" he asked worryingly.

My heart dropped to my stomach. I didn't want to be the deliverer of bad news, but I thought it would be best if he found out, because he would find out anyways.

I looked down at the foot of the bed. "I'm sorry Simon," I quietly said, "she passed on the scene."

I didn't want to look up to see his reaction, but he was obviously in immense agony. He let out a shrill cry that broke my heart in two. His face was twisted with pain, shock, and sadness. Tears began streaming down his face and wetting his neck and gown. "No, no, you're lying," he cried out, "this isn't true."

I sat on the edge of his bed. "I'm sorry, Simon. She didn't deserve to go."

"No! No!" he whimpered. His cries and his expression tore me into pieces. His innocent smile disappeared and his vibrant eyes grew stormy and hid between his eyelids as they poured out a continuous stream of tears. He began to hit me in disbelief. The sounds of his crying hurt me more than his blows. I cradled his head in my arms. I didn't know what to say, but I figured there was no use in lying and saying that everything was OK, because everything wasn't. I soothed and tried to console him for hours until the doctors suggested that I leave. He stopped crying by them time I left, but he wouldn't stop looking out the window. We didn't even get to say goodbye.

I thought about him as I drove home and continued to work for 5 more days.

**

Simon was being admitted out of the hospital tomorrow, and I didn't know what we would do. His mom had talked to him a day before. She had arranged a funeral and invited me to come 4 days from now.

I didn't quite understand why this had happened to Simon- he was so undeserving. He is so innocent, honest, vulnerable, and emotional, yet the universe decided to remove one the most important people of his life.

I was going to visit him until Sandra stopped me outside of the entrance. "I don't think now is a good time Reggie," she sighed. Her eyes were tired and her hair was messy. She was probably hit the hardest by grief.

"I'm sorry again, Sandra. I'll see you on Friday."

I drove back home and took a long shower. Nothing felt good. I hadn't seen Simon for nearly a week, and no one was telling me anything about him. I barely got sleep in the days that followed.

**

"Hey," I said to Simon outside of the chapel. The Maryland weather was not giving up today: a cold breeze swept in and brought out a light rain.

He hugged me and dug his head in my chest. "Hey, Reggie."

We stood there for minutes without saying a word. There was nothing to say. Simon had probably heard all the 'sorries' and all the 'get well soon's the world had to offer. All he needed was a genuine hug. "Lets go in? The service is starting soon," I asked.

We sat in the front pews of the chapel. It was small, but nearly filled up with acquaintances and relatives. I only knew Sandra and her husband, Simon, and Davis.

We began by singing hymns like Amazing Grace and stuff until it was time for the eulogies.

People that I didn't know began to go up until Sandra delivered hers.

"Gina is my only daughter," she said quietly, "I say the word 'is' because I know she is still here with us, she just has a different address." This made some of the people in the audience smile, including me. I continued to listen.

"Gina is a hard-working and honest girl. She could get a little emotional at times, but she always intends the best. She puts others before herself, and she never fails to show her care and love through her actions and words. It is unfortunate that she can't be with us in the flesh today, but her influence remains in our hearts and souls forever. Goodbye Gina. See you in the morning."

Her eulogy jerked tears from my eyes and the audience. Simon went up to deliver his. He had cut his hair a little shorter than normal, and he was wearing a black suit and red tie. His looks made me feel better.

"Gina was my only sister and best friend. She loved me more than she loved herself. She always treated me and my mom with respect, and she always knew what to say and when to say it. If you were ever feeling down, she could quote a million authors to make you feel better, if you were ever angry, she would refer to Greek and Roman idioms that would calm you down. Gina was a wise, wise woman for her age, but she never failed to help you learn something too.

As for me, I am one of Gina's best students. She has taught me almost all there is to know about humility, selflessness, care, patience, honesty, diligence. But some of the most important lessons that she has taught me were those of love: how to fight against the struggle of those who say otherwise, how to remain rooted and strong and trust your heart, what it meant to truly love someone," Simon looked deep into my eyes when he said this, "and her lessons still live on in me and in us. As long as we continue to love and car for others and ourselves, Gina will be with us forever. Goodnight Gina, see you in the morning."

The reaction of the crowd was coherent and united. Women and men alike dabbed their eyes with tissues at the beautiful words Simon had spoken. He sat down beside of me and I hugged him tightly.

**

Once everyone had said their goodbyes, it was already late at night. The rain had stopped falling, but the floor was still wet and smelled fresh. The air was clear and chilly. I waited outside for Simon as he said his last goodbyes to his mom and sister.

We looked into each others puffy eyes and tear streaked cheeks. He weakly smiled and laughed, "So what now?"

"I have no idea," I chuckled. I hugged him and kissed him on the lips. We kissed for a long time, not sexually, but romantically. We both needed each other's healing touches desperately.

As we got into my pickup and drove home, we played soft rock on the radio to lift up our spirits. Much to our surprise, "Today" by The Smashing Pumpkins began to play.

"Turn this up loud," Simon said, "for Gina."

I smiled and listened as the first verse began.

"Today is the greatest day I've ever known..." it sang.

*****That's chapter 3! I had a great time writing this chapter, and I really put a lot of heart and thought into it. Feedback and comments are greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading! Stay tuned for chapter 4.