All Comments on 'Life on Another Planet Ch. 14-18'

So glad you share your talent writing tales like this!

Cars nowadays (since 1990?) have electric fuel pumps. When run out of gas, to re-pump fuel to engine, turn key to ON. Fuel pump runs for a few seconds, indicated by faint hum. Turn key to OFF, then back to ON, a couple more times. Then start engine. Running starter to re-pump fuel, as indicated in story, will work. It's just unnecessary wear on starter, since cranking the engine is not what pumps the fuel as it did with the now-obsolete mechanical fuel pumps. Some of the information I found by Googling was erroneous -- you might do better with the owner's manual.

Similarly, the glass barrel-shaped fuses (with a metal contact cap on each end) indicated in the story, are even more obsolete. Present fuses are somewhat flat and use plastic for the insulative part, with two protruding flat blades for the external electrical contacts. Google "automotive fuse, picture."

For picture of obsolete fuse, Google "glass barrel automotive fuse."

Since I made a very small amount of my living fixing vehicles (plus my own), this is of interest to me, but maybe not to most readers. Plus, it does not really make a difference to the story.

So, 5 stars.

Paul in Oklahoma

I've been working on cars since I was 12, when my uncle decided I should learn how to fix cars. That was 55 year ago. You are right on both accounts. I think coaster got his 1961 era cars mixed up with 2011 era cars... LOL

It's not nitpicking, at all, IMO. This is easily a publishable work. What sex there is, is tame enough for mainstream publishing. A publishing advance, (for research), and a real editor would work out issues such as the ones you pointed out; that's their job. In the Lit world, it's our job to point them out.

Speaking of 'our jobs', I find the dialogue is a bit formal. Real people are lazy talkers, 'do not' becomes don't.

One of the best tips I was ever given about writing was to read my work a loud at least once, during the re-write/editing process. Read as if you are reading to an audience, project your voice, modulate your volume/tone where appropriate; 'perform' the reading, if you will.

This will do, at least, two things for your work. 1. Any time you stumble, stutter or hesitate while reading, the passage needs work. 2. It will dramatically improve your character dialogue, making it much more natural sounding. As you read your characters' dialogue, you will immediately find where it is too formal.

Reading aloud takes more brain power than reading silently. Making your brain work harder while reading keeps your brain from playing tricks on you. You will see and read what you actually wrote, instead of what you wanted to write. You'll find those extra or missing words, the wrong verb tense, and see the homonym errors.

Hope that helps,

GeoD