Living with the Lie

He shrugged it off, but it was Leslie who opened my eyes. Dean had fucked half of the girls in our class at one time or another. He'd fucked Leslie to be the homecoming king, but before that he'd only laughed at her because she was beneath him. Dean was too special to fuck fat girls ... Unless he needed something from them.

And for Leslie, of the twenty boys in our class there were only two or three left that she hadn't fucked. Gerry was at the top of her list. But she was sure it would never happen.

The biggest thing Leslie had told me was that my entire life was fake. I was fake. For most of my time in both high school and college, the deck had been stacked in my favor. Teachers had given me higher grades. Contests had been ruled in my favor when close. Positions and memberships had been opened for me, and a lot of other things had come my way. Not because I had earned them or deserved them, but because I was pretty and everyone wanted to be a part of the dream.

It had been the same for Dean. The big difference between Dean and I was that Dean knew about it. He knew that as long as he was the prince to my princess, referees would give him the close calls. He could get away with things on the football field unless they were blatant, because everyone wanted to see the golden boy win.

I was stunned. Leslie told me that if I thought my life was tragic; imagine how Gerry had to feel. He'd gone through our entire life always coming in second to Dean, mostly because the deck was always stacked against him.

He was the nicest boy in town. He was kind. He was sweet. He was funny. He was smart and he worked his ass off, but he was never going to win. And the one time he had the chance to, my boyfriend had fucked him out of it. A big part of it was simply because of his personality. Gerry was so good at coming in second. Everyone knew that he had the class to accept it gracefully. He never got angry no matter how hard he worked, or how strangely the points seemed to be tallied. With Gerry there would always be a cheerful acceptance.

In those small town contests, no one ever wanted to see a scene. And Dean would have showed his ASS if he ever lost. Dean would have pissed all over the floor and whined like a baby about how unfair things were. So whenever things were close, the golden boy got the prize.

There was more to the story too. Leslie told me something that only Gerry's closest friends knew. Gerry'd had a crush on me for years. He had never acted on it or even mentioned it because, I was Dean's girl and Gerry wasn't the kind of guy to hit on someone in a relationship.

I guess telling me all of that was Leslie's way of letting me know that real life wouldn't be like our school years had been. The playing field had shifted. The fantasy was over. I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. My boyfriend was a liar and a cheat. And in the new reality, being pretty and sweet no longer meant shit.

A few days later, things got even worse. Miranda came to town and everything changed. I was no longer totally alone and unrivaled atop the town's totem pole of attractiveness and appeal. It took a few days to settle in but it was apparent that while I was probably still the prettiest girl in town and the nicest. Miranda was clearly the sexiest, the best built, and the most exciting.

It was even more apparent that Dean was pissed. We were still newlyweds; we'd been married less than two weeks. People were still patting him on the back and telling him how God Damned lucky he was to have me all tied up ... And then hurricane Miranda hit our town.

Dean was used to having the best of everything. And it was apparent that between Miranda and me, Dean thought that he ended up on the losing end. I saw him comparing the two of us, although he tried to act otherwise. I saw him look to my breasts and then back to those mountains on her chest and frown.

It only took a few weeks before Miranda ended up with Gerry, and Dean got even more pissed. And for the past four years things have been going downhill for us.

It's hell knowing that your husband looks at you as being an also ran, or a consolation prize. It's even harder when your husband believes that he deserves or is entitled to the best of everything.

Of course the fact that Gerry had busted his ass both in school and outside of it meant nothing to Dean. He was constantly complaining that Gerry got a better job than his because he was sucking someone's dick. It was stupid. I kept trying to explain to him that Gerry was an engineer because he got a degree in engineering when we were in college. Dean had expected to go into football so he took only general education classes and ended up in sales.

It didn't matter to me in the least. But Dean could not handle being second best or third best in anything. And Gerry having a much better career and making a lot more money was hard on Dean.

But things were rough all over. Seeing how Gerry treated Miranda was hard on ME. One of the things I noticed as the years went on was that Gerry was like me. He was happy with what he had. He spent his time making what he had better instead of whining about what he didn't have. He treated Miranda like she was special. It quickly became obvious that she WAS special to him. I think that's what twisted Miranda. Over the years she got used to the way Gerry treated her. She also got used to the way the guys looked at her body. She began to think of herself as being something special and that she deserved the treatment she got.

"Are you even listening to me?" Dean bellowed. "Shit, I told you it didn't mean anything. I don't love her. I did it for you."

His yelling pulled me out of my thoughts and back into our latest argument. When we walked into the bar that evening, before we could even sit down at a table with our friends, I'd caught Dean exchanging knowing glances with one of the new waitresses.

It was the same old song and dance. She had big tits. She also had a big everything else, but those lumps on her chest were the main attraction. Gerry had tried to get me to have breast implants several times. I had refused. I kept telling him that if he didn't want me the way I was, to find someone else. I also had to remind him that we couldn't afford them.

I had immediately launched in on him as soon as I saw them making cow eyes at each other. "So how many times have you fucked this one?" I asked him. It had happened so many times that I couldn't work up enough tears to cry about it.

Naturally he started out denying it. And the girl, sensing that bad things were coming, was smart enough to make herself scarce.

We had been arguing and drinking since then. I was only drinking soda, but Gerry was getting drunker as we continued. He wasn't fully drunk but he was on the way when Gerry and Miranda walked in.

He was drunk enough to let go of his inhibitions though, and it wasn't a great thing for our future. It was a hot summer evening, and Miranda was dressed accordingly. Like me she wore shorts and a sleeveless top. I think half of the women in the bar were dressed that way. But most of them, including me, weren't built like Miranda.

Gerry let out a gasp as he saw her. His eyes bugged out of his head. He'd completely forgotten about our argument. "I hate that lucky bastard," he hissed.

"Why?" I asked. "Is he lucky because he worked hard for what he has? Or is he just lucky because you were locked into marrying me before SHE came to town? Tell me the truth Dean. If Miranda had moved to town before we got married, you'd have dropped me like a turd and gone after her wouldn't you?"

"Of course not," he lied. What hurt me the most was that even as he denied it, his eyes never left her tits. "Why are you defending that asshole anyway?" He asked loudly.

His eyes looked me over as if he could spot any traces of a lie by staring at me. But we had played this game too many times. He was trying to shift the focus away from our argument and onto something else.

"You're fucking him, aren't you?" He yelled. He got up so quickly he knocked his chair over. He went over to Gerry and started yelling at him. "When was the last time you fucked my wife?" He screamed at Gerry. Even as he was screaming at Gerry he was looking down Miranda's top.

The funny thing about it was the way that Gerry reacted. Unlike a lot of the people we'd grown up with, Gerry wasn't afraid of Dean. Dean was physically bigger, but the two of them had gotten into enough scrapes growing up that Gerry knew he could hold his own against Dean. And since we'd left school Gerry had actually stayed in very good shape, he hadn't just let himself go the way Dean had.

Both Gerry and Miranda had refuted Dean's accusation. She had given me the evil eye from across the room. I had no idea why Miranda didn't like me. I'd been trying to be friends with her ever since she moved to town. But for some reason, she just couldn't stand me.

Dean wandered back over to me, but he took a side trip and had a few words with that waitress with the udders. She looked at me and laughed so I knew whatever he'd said had been something derogatory about me.

I was about to leave when he sat back down. "We just got here. Where are you going?" he whined.

"I was just going to leave so you wouldn't have to worry about me keeping you from Miss Titties," I said.

"Laci what the fuck are you talking about?" he asked. "I was only flirting with her. Jeezus woman, you are no fun at all. Everybody in this whole God Damned town knows I'm married to you. I was just yanking her chain. What's the problem in having a little fun? Shit!"

Even as he slumped heavily into his seat, the waitress marched over and brought him another beer. She leaned over so far to give it to him that her boobs almost fell out of her shirt. She looked at me with a little smirk on her face, as of daring me to say or do anything about it.

Before I could respond, I heard it. Things had gotten dull in the bar and porky had gotten Gerry and his band to play a few songs. Even as I noticed the smirking waitress, the band had launched into one of my favorite songs.

"So I'm no fun, Huh, Dean," I spat. "Maybe I just need someone BETTER, to bring the fun out in me!"

Before he could answer me, I was on my way to the stage and really pissed off. Porky had two hulking bouncers who kept people away from the stage and I eased my way through them.

Just as Aaron started singing the first verse, I hit the stage, dancing my ass off.

"She loves to dance ... She loves to sing ... She does everything," sang Aaron.

I did three pirouettes and an aerial cartwheel. The crowd went crazy. I was as surprised as they were. But my surprise was over the fact that I hadn't fallen on my ass. I guess as they say it's like riding a bike. I had been a cheerleader for most of my life. I still worked out a lot, but at twenty six years old, I felt like an old lady.

I danced around the stage mostly by myself, as if I was just dancing to the radio back home in our apartment. The song - Anyway you want it, by Journey was an old chestnut that I had been dancing to since I was a kid.

The crowd in the bar had heard the band play it literally hundreds of times and they did a great version of it, but somehow seeing me dance to it added another dimension.

Everyone in the bar was rocking to the music and watching me dance. They all wondered what I would do next. When Gerry got to his guitar solo, I did what every kid in the universe has done at one time or another. I jumped right next o him and picked up my imaginary guitar and soloed along with him while shaking my ass to the music.

Again the people in the bar loved it. They ate up everything I did. My dance moves ranged from simple cheerleader style jumps and turns to hip thrusts and bootie shaking like a stripper. When the song ended everyone in the bar was on their feet clapping.

Unfortunately, there were three people in the bar that were not happy at all. One of them was Dean. Another was Miranda and the last was the manager of the band that was supposed to be playing that night.

As I stepped off of the stage with Aaron, I heard porky telling the manager to shut the fuck up or go home. His band was supposed to have been on the stage playing an hour before, so if they didn't like being upstaged, they should get to their fucking gigs on time.

Aaron and Jeff the drummer came over and hugged me and told me I could dance with them any time I wanted to. I walked over and hugged Gerry who was putting his guitar in a case. And that was when it all went to hell.

"Get your fuckin' hands off of my wife!" screamed Dean. His face was red. His eyes were bugging out of his head and the veins in his neck were standing out. His fingers were clawed as if he was about to use eagle claw Kung fu on Gerry. I should note here that Dean does not know Kung fu. He was just pissed.

Everyone there started laughing at him. One of the bouncers pointed out to Dean that Gerry wasn't touching me. He was bent over his guitar case. One of his hands was on the guitar. The other was on the case. I on the other hand had both of my arms wrapped around him. I couldn't help it. Dancing like that was exciting. It was like some kind of drug. I was happier than I'd been since my cheerleading days and I just wanted to share it with someone.

"Yeah, Dean," I said. "You said it yourself. I was just yankin' his chain. What's the problem with having a little fun?"

"Because the only person who yanks his chain or anything else is me, you stupid Bitch!" screamed Miranda. She was trying to tear her way through the people around us to get to me. A couple of the burly bouncers had grabbed her. They were holding her back so she couldn't get to me. One of them had his hand on Dean's chest, preventing him from getting any closer to Gerry or me.

"I've got your fun, right here," hissed Miranda. "As soon as I get loose I'm gonna fuck you up!"

"I think some of us have had too much fun already," said one of the bouncers. "You two can wait outside." I almost laughed as Miranda and Dean were dragged kicking and screaming out of the bar.

There were all kinds of people coming over to talk to me, but I only wanted to talk to one person. I walked over to him while he, Aaron and the other guys in the band were talking to Porky.

"Gerry, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for Dean causing all this crap tonight," I told him. He turned and looked at me with a wry smile. As our eyes met, I swear something passed between us. And suddenly I remembered what Leslie had told me years ago. I knew in that moment that she hadn't been lying or exaggerating. Gerry could barely look me in the eye.

I'd known him, man and boy for most of my life, but this was the first time he and I had ever really had a conversation. Sure we'd yelled for the same teams or handed each other the Mayo at a picnic or two. But we'd never really had the chance to connect.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt cheated. All along there had been this amazing person, right in front of me. And I had never had the chance to get to know him because I had ALWAYS been with Dean. Any and every time I had suggested going out with someone else, just to try it, Dean had flipped out. I now know that he was screwing every woman he came across, but he expected me to be faithful to him.

Before that moment, I had never considered the fact that anyone else might have been just as good for me, or perhaps better than Dean. Dean had never allowed me the chance to even consider it.

"Miranda was just as responsible for the fireworks as Dean, was" he said diplomatically. "And at least Dean was drunk. Randa was just ... Well, that's just the way she is." He shrugged his shoulders as if his wife's behavior made no sense to him either.

"Speaking of my better half," he began. "I guess I should go and find her before she gets really pissed at me." As he turned away from me, I remembered that I should probably do the same thing.

* * * * * *

Dean

I couldn't believe they threw me out of the bar. They clearly had no idea who I was. Shit! Maybe they did. There were lots of assholes around who were jealous of me. The bouncers were big guys who were my age or close to it. They were probably losers that I humiliated on the football field.

But fuck them. I could only handle one loser at a time. And right now I had to concentrate on the guy who had ALWAYS been nipping at my heels. Gerry was a permanent thorn in my side. But there were things that poor funny little Gerry didn't know.

There were so many secrets and lies going on. I had to be careful though. Gerry was always trying to catch up to me, but I was always a step ahead of him. But tonight had shown me that I couldn't let my guard down for a second where that bastard was concerned.

Tonight had been a fucking fiasco. First, Laci had started in on me as soon as I got home. Apparently someone, probably one of those bitches in our building had told her that I was cheating on her. We'd been arguing about it all evening. Finally we decided to go to the bar and that dumb assed waitress that I'd been fucking was prancing around and wouldn't leave us alone. The bitch acted like she was my girlfriend or something.

Then to make things worse, Jerry and his hot assed wife showed up. The first thing the bastard did when he walked in was to wave at my wife. Okay, she waved at him first. But that didn't mean that he had to wave back. Shit! Laci waved at everyone. But there was something about the way they waved at each other. I decided to use it to take Laci's attention off of what she thought I was doing.

I pretended to be drunker than I actually was. I went over to Gerry and accused him of sleeping with Laci. That was funny. The only person in town, who was less likely to cheat than Laci, was Gerry. But getting away from Laci for a few minutes was a good thing. It was really good when it got me a closer look at Miranda.

Even four years after arriving in town, the bitch was, if anything, even hotter. Her tits just cried out to be squeezed and sucked. Her ass was perfect. It was curvy and round without being a big sloppy ass that jiggled. The things I would love to do to that ass could fill up a phone book.

She looked at me like something she needed to scrape off the bottom of her shoe. For the past four years, the bitch had been devoted to Gerry. She was on him like a fuckin' barnacle. If you saw Gerry, you saw Miranda. She even showed up at his job two or three times a week to have lunch with him. I'm not sure if it was love, paranoia, or something else.

Gerry had somehow lucked into a cushy job in the engineering department at the auto plant one town over. From all of the local gossip, he was doing well and had been promoted several times over the last four years. That was a job that should have been mine. I had never gone into engineering because I was terrible in Math. But shit they have calculators for all of that shit now. I should have been an engineer.

Miranda, like me had a very hot temper. She was also as single minded as I was. The only difference was that she focused on one fucking thing to the exclusion of everything else. And that thing was Gerry. I was sure that she knew how many times per minute his heart beat.

And Gerry was devoted to the bitch. She had the best of everything. Her fucking car was better than mine. Their house was better than mine. They were always taking vacations and he was constantly buying her shit. It was revolting. When his little band rehearsed, she was there. She was always perched on top of his amplifier, doing something on her phone with those long sculptured legs of hers dangling to the floor.

Like most of my competitors, I knew everything there was to know about Gerry. He loved Miranda, but everyone in town knew that. The thing that almost no one knew though, was that his love for Miranda was like the parts he made out at that factory. It was manufactured. Gerry had gotten so used to losing to me for most of our lives that he developed the skill of settling. Unlike me, Gerry could take something that was second best and be happy with it. In Gerry's mind he had settled for Miranda.