Living with the Lie

* * * * * *

Gerry

I love Miranda. We're happy again. Miranda loves me. I feel awful for keeping the secret about my weekend with Laci from her. It feels like I'm lying to her. Of course she never asks about it. That makes it easier. The fact if the matter though is that as much as I love Miranda. I love Laci too.

And the two of them have become as close as sisters. Laci is at my house every day. And every time I look at her, I swear something passes between us. It makes me feel guilty all over again. I'm glad that Laci's marriage is back on track and doing better than ever. I think she's going to be a great mom. And impending father-hood seems to have done wonders for Dean too.

But still the secret of my weekend with Laci lingers. Sometimes I think that I should tell Miranda. I mean she bared her soul to me and told me all of her secrets. Shouldn't I be man enough, or honest enough to do the same. There is after all a case to be made for the fact that withholding information or secrets like this can be considered a lie of omission. I hate lying.

The problem is that if I come clean, it could ruin both my marriage and Laci's. And Laci has a child to think of. Besides, I have no idea how she feels about me now. I've heard that women are even more strongly bonded to the man who gives them a baby. She's probably chalked our weekend up to just something that happened and forgotten about it.

More than anything else, I want both her and Miranda to be happy. So my punishment is to live with the lie. If living with the lie avoids hurting the two most special women in my life and avoids hurting Dean, I have no choice. I'll have to live with the lie.

* * * * * *

Laci

Every time I look at Gerry, I think about how much I love him. But I know that he loves Miranda. I have never felt the way I feel about Gerry about any other person in my life. And that includes the bastard I'm married to.

I consider the time we're living in, the second phase of my marriage. This second phase is the one where I'm more enlightened. I'm no longer the pretty but stupid girl that Dean married. That Laci wasn't a woman. She was a girl. Laci the girl, was a princess who dreamed of love. Laci the woman has found it and will do whatever she has to do to protect it.

So as soon as I got back with Dean, I got him to fuck me without a condom. It was awful. He only lasted four fuckin' minutes. He just slammed his little dick into me a few times until he squirted and started patting himself on the back. He really thought he had rung the little woman's chimes.

Oh yeah, we had sex. But this time Dean was the one who got fucked. I actually let him have me a couple of other times over the next few weeks to make it even more plausible. I made each time worse. I was almost glad when he started cheating on me again so I didn't have to fuck him anymore.

I finally understand that Dean cheating on me is a good thing. Dean is happy. I'm happy and Gerry is safe. I can still remember the night I told him about the baby. I had thought so many times about how he and Gerry have become as close as brothers. It would have been really funny to just come out and say, Dean, I'm pregnant. You're going to be an uncle.

But I didn't. I have to protect Gerry in any way that I can. I really do love being friends with Miranda. I can actually trust her. Unlike so many of the women I grew up with who claim to be my friend but are really jealous of the way I look.

But besides having a friend, there are two other benefits to the friendship. The first is that I get to see Gerry almost every day. I swear when he looks at me, I can feel that he still loves me too.

The second benefit is that with us all being this close, Gerry can be in his daughter's life from the moment she's born.

So technically, I'm no longer a princess. I guess I've graduated to being a bitch. I mean there are so many lies that I'm holding onto. I fucked Gerry and fell in love with him. Gerry got me pregnant. An even bigger secret is that I wanted him to. I knew before we even slept together that Gerry was the love of my life. With all of the guys I knew scheming and trying to get into my pants, Gerry was the one guy who treated me with so much love, so much kindness that I fell for him instantly.

So yeah, his baby was planned. Having Dean support and help me to raise Gerry's baby seems cruel doesn't it? Believe me the bastard deserves it. I'm not just talking about all the times he cheated on me for the last four years that we've been married. He deserves it for all of the times he cheated on me BEFORE we were married. He also deserves it for trapping me in this sham of a relationship and preventing me from even having a chance to meet someone else.

I can't fault Miranda for scooping Gerry up. But if I'd had my chance ... If Dean hadn't kept me locked up for most of my life, I could have been truly happy. But at least I get to see him, daily. And every time our eyes meet and we hold each other's gaze for a short time longer than we should, I get that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. Those few seconds when I remember us together, make all of the lies and bullshit, seem minor in comparison. And I see Gerry in our daughter's expressions and in her eyes. So yeah, I'll live with the lie.

The end?