All Comments on 'Lost in the Snow'

It was more MEH than bad. The grammer was good but it had the emotion of stereo instructions.

I like absurdity. This was a bit like a subpar Coen Brothers movie at its worst which is pretty darn good by Loving Wives standards. It got silly and indulgent but I saw a ypung George Clooney in role of the narrator and therefore can't conceive of rating this less then 4 stars.

Despite his words, his actions said that he was never in love with Rachel because everything was about his dead wife. It was always Julie this and Julie that, she damn near walked on water according him and Rachel should have left his sorry ass months earlier.

He held greater affection for a woman who still fucked men for money and did drugs than Rachel, so my only question is why the hell would Rachel want anything to do with this loser whose wives keep turning up dead and who really didn't like her?

Take this as "Positive" criticism and get a GOOD Editor to help with dialogue construction and to improve Your storylines flow as it seems so stilted. It's apparent that English is not your Primary language.

Good Luck & keep writing

@WilsonMeister: Sorry, your advice doesn´t help me at all. My options were to quit submitting altogether or just submit without editing. After thinking about it for quite some time, I´ve dared to do the latter, so you can probably understand why I resent reading comments like yours. It´s like giving a beggar advice to solve his problems by getting rich. Yeah, great, that really helps a lot.

I liked your new ideas. Of course I wondered if someone had a hand in Annie's overdose, and still do, but there are no such hints in the story. Nice.

Your protagonist is a widower who experienced the loss of a loving marriage. Unfortunately, he met Rachel too soon afterwards and assumed he could have a similar relationship with her. Rachel is a crazy stalker. Her actions on the "romantic" weekend were unforgivable and he appropriately cancelled the wedding. (She was not his ex-wife as you referred to her in the story.) He escaped from her, moved to a new place and was doing well when the psycho bitch tracked him down. Although he felt no love for her and didn't trust her he allows her to take over his life until he falls in love with a pregnant, junkie prostitute. Rachel disappears for 2 years while he is married to the ex-prostitute but reappears when she suddenly dies of a drug overdose. Why is there no suspicion that Rachel overdosed Anna to pick up the pieces? I read the first 2 pages and then skimmed. You have potential but need to make your characters people that your readers would find credible and/or would care about. I think you could do that but didn't in this one. 3 stars

reasonable man

I also was thinking that Rachel might have had a hand in Anna's death. Could be a great alternate ending. Story well written and left me in the dark about the how it would end until the very last page. Look forward to the next submission.

Jsh

these are not "imperfect people", your characters have the IQ of a bug. you can only suspend disbelief so much. well written, though. *

The wife dying and the former girlfriend waiting in the wings has been used a few times, but I liked how you kept the boyfriend from falling for her again after an apology. I really chuckled at the "ending" you tossed in for the skimmers. That was a clever idea. I wonder how many readers are totally confused by this story. Keep posting and don't be thin skinned when comments are unflattering. I was told the other day that I am ruining the country with my writing. I feel pretty bad about that.

I keep hoping that someday this author can write a male character who isn't a dumb pussy. Didn't happen yet.

You can clearly write that two plus two is four, but some readers will state that two killed four, that five was involved, and they know that three had something to do with it. The only way to have kept readers from wondering about Rachel killing Ann would have been to have Rachel in France in a nunnery at the time, and even then some readers will claim she put out a contract.

Hilarious 😆❗

Rachel cured him . After the episode with Danny , he never mentioned Julie again,lol. Did he take Julie's stuff to San Francisco ?

Rachel was right there when Anna O.D'ed. He never mentioned her again either. Did he keep some of her stuff ? Maybe he will open up a memorial museum, My dead wives stuff....

In colloquial German do people say "the child is sated" ? That just doesn't happen in American english.

Very funny story , gave you 3*s.

AMerryman

You write well but the story was just not believable. First some of the ghost's of his past would have been dealt with before the engagement and surely by the time the wedding was planned. Second for he to just go up to the buffet and pick up a guy that would take her back to his room and not pay attention to her fiancé sitting with them and yelling at them....the list goes on.

The second ending was a joke I assume and a play on some of the stupid story lines that get put on here.

Just write the story with one ending. Its totally sucks when an author cant make up their mind.

That extra bit had me laughing mate. Every troupe in the genre. Surprised she wasn't engulfed if flames. Yeah there were flaws in the main story but it was a good read. Thanks.

It occurs to me that Rachel murdered Anna and made it look like a suicide.

Why was he concerned about being pregnant? I've been to the doctor and never once been asked if I wanted to have a pregnancy test run, even when I was tested for VD.

I liked it a lot. I felt the emotion of his loss and the pain Rachel felt with his constant references to his first love. Rachel's reaction during the getaway weekend was beyond the pale and warranted his response. And, it should have ended there except for the need for a story. Everything from that point on was a bit of fantasy. Rachel's overbearing stalking, the one night stand that resulted in a pregnancy, and his accepting reaction were hard to believe but fun to read. He might normally have had a DNA test done. He might have hired a PI to check on a collusion between the two women. And, he might have been a little less trusting of a "former druggie and prostitute.

I still thought it was a very good story.

Thanks

So many Europeans learn British English (yes, I know it's close geographically to you), then write stories about Americans but these Americans for some unknown reason speak just like people in the UK.

If you want to write about people that speak like people in the UK, well why not have them live there too?

American children never call their mother mummy, British children do.

5 because of the last ending, liked the first part to 4+

Looks alright from at a cursory glance. Cursory because I started skimming the moment he let her back into his life.

What was Alex doing getting married to Rachel when he was still not over Julie?

What was he doing spending time with her in California when clearly he didn't consider her to be a friend? (Friends don't fuck friends over in the way she fucked him over that weekend at the spa.)

What the heck was that thing about having unprotected sex with a junkie?

Why in the name of God was he back with Rachel at the end after everything that happened?

IMHO, Alex is a pretty fucked up guy in terms of his dire need for companionship/relationship. Guess being alone scares him more than the prospect of getting fucked over by whoever he's with.

Good writing. But I rate on plot rather than on grammar or diction.

...in thinking that page 4 left open the "she murdered the 2nd wife" scenario.

Even the police dialog left the interpretation open to rational minds (rather then closing that door thoroughly). So, either that was a failure, or a clue. More details in that part of the story could have either opened or closed that door more thoroughly.

Had she killed the 2nd wife/ex-junkie/ex-prostitute, then we'd have had an altogether different kind of story emerge from one of the traditional LW scenarios. You could have gone the route of Misery...or of Fatal Attraction.

OK Steve2244 , it wasn't too bad . I actually really admire authors who post here when English isn't their first language. Just like Carnillia , I understand how difficult it has to be.

Their were a few minor issues , but nothing major and I was able to follow along quite easily.

Now the plot itself , well one kinda had to suspend logic , I mean two wives dying at an early age , although you didn't go into the cause of the first wifes demise.

The thing Rachel pulled at the resort , well that was very shitty , even if he was still hung up on his dead wife.

And Annie , well that part simply came out of left field.

But , it wasn't to bad overall , and again , much admiration to do this in a second language . More than I have done for this site.

Thank you for sharing.

4 *'s

The only sensible explanation is that Rachel killed Annie with an overdose. Fits with the obsession, the return, Annie's marriage, her being clean and happy. An ex addict overdoses much more easily.

A bit scary really but an idiot like this will be taken advantage of in this way.

Did you intend to make us thing she killed his wife to get him back?

At first I thought she hired the girl to get pregnant also.

Hard to hide a heron addiction that long.

The way its written sure looks like his new wife is a murderer.

But really you didnt write why she wanted him back.

She could not have loved him and did what she did.

Also he needed some counseling about the constant references to the deceased wife.

You wrote him as a bit insensitive.

from my favorite German Cuck author!!!

alex would have discovered a needle (or the police) and investigated and found out Rachel had invited Annie to coffee and then injected her with the heroin.

Would I have put them back together? No.

But, it is your story and you saw fit to, and since they're your characters, you know them better than I do.

I found the flow to be fine, no trouble. I look forward to seeing what other stories you have to share.

Thank you for writing.

1. No one in their right mind doesn't learn to stop using their dead wife's name.

2. No woman who is in love, about to get married, will cheat on her fiance and rub his nose in it unless she is trying to hurt him and end the relationship.

3. No man, once abused by his fiance as he was would ever have anything to do with her. His friends would be on him to stay away. There is clearly something either very sick or evil about her.

4. No way does she overcome her humiliation of being dumped, think she can make up for the cheating and chase after him.

5. Unless he was drunk, no man brings a drug addict hooker into his house. He might call the cops and an ambulance - but that's it.

6. Yes, a man might fuck an addict hooker if he woke up to a blow job.

7. He might even get her off drugs and through her pregnancy.

8. In love? Married? Maybe...Suicide after all that maybe - but no explanation? That was one of the more interesting things.

9. The cheating fiance reappears after two years, and has been celibate? She moves in and takes over as wife and mother? Maybe, a widower could be desperate.

10. Conclusion, inconsistent and unlikely to the point of pushing the reader out of the reality you were trying to create. Still, more original than most! Good work. (The alternate ending is ignored as a total waste.)

Thanks for the effort.

I understand @sugna points...but only one I think it's important: Point 8 - "Suicide after all that maybe - but no explanation?"...The story is good, maybe a little romanticized, but a good reading...3*

Liked the story.....4. Really liked the false ending....5.

Everybody is all over the place in terms of virtue, character, hate, love, sympathy, cruelty, passion, cold hearted revenge, dedication, abandonment, and love. It was a good attempt, but failed under the weight of its own complexity and contrivance. I appreciate the romance and reconciliation, and if he can't do any better after Anna's death taking Rachael back makes some sense, give how none of these characters make any sense.

Thanks for the effort.

It took a while to get over my first wife, but I never once called any future lover by her name while I was awake (no idea what I might have said dreaming, but if so, I never heard about it). Barring some drunken rebound, I don't even consider it plausible.

And while subsequent lovers were told about my late wife -- she was a part of making my who I am -- there was never any "competition." Dead is dead.

And the idea of his EVER hooking up with his cheating slut ex-fiancee ? I don't know anyone who's that big a wimp.

Believable? Maybe, Kind of, Maybe not. He let her back into his life and didn't do shit with her but keep a distance. Mixed messages? The opening of "imperfect people" was honest and true. No bitchin' 'bout that. The male lead did stay true to his core....kind of confused and a bit fucked up. (fact, not judgement) Nice effort.

I loved the troll trap at the end - hilarious. I suspect other authors will adopt that as a best practice. Twists and turns were interesting; did not see the thing with Annie coming but once she entered the equation I figured she was the sacrificial guest star.

If one can get past the forced reconciliation, it's not a bad story. But dude, you have to learn how to bring some emotion to the game. This story was about as intense as a nun taking a nap.

Second point. If Alex and Anna were married 2years,and Anna was knocked up when they were hitched, Why is Mel played off as an infant after Anna died?

Perhaps too many LW readers have next to no sense of humor or else seemed to have lost it altogether by consuming the daily output of this category.

The funny one-liner zings, and absurdist plot points?

Somehow went flying over heads higher than a kite and whizzing past them faster than a jet!

I HAVE to believe that I wasn't the only one to "get" this story. Luckily your scores, at least, DO reflect that I wasn't the only one to enjoy it!

I appreciate the hard work on this, and all of your stories. This one won't become my favorite, but is still a superb entry in its own right, and a welcome addition to your catalogue.

Thank you very much!

whether as a partner in a relationship or as an author. Being of a mixed mind always leads to an unsatisfactory ending.

It may have been too simplistic, but I thought Rachel had gone off the deep end and killed Annie/Anna (never sure which). "enough to kill an elephant"

good job with the fake out, 4*

I had pegged Rachel for murderer also. Especially as she never left the area, and admitted that she had been keeping tabs on them. Two years gave her plenty of time and opportunity to plan and dig up information and former dealers/ pimps that may have looked unkindly at Anna's "retirement" from the game.

Loved the story . . . wonderful additions, and GREAT fun with the special ending for those who skip to the end.

Really fun work from one of the most entertaining writers on LW!!

alt. ending was the only thing that saved this.

was a complete prick and got all he deserved! Interesting story though!

Interesting story and characters. I do not see how anything in the story eliminates the possibility that Rachel murdered Anna.....

What i find interesting in the whole story is that Julie seemed to have disappeared after the breakup. Not once is she mentioned after the breakup. Poof, gone for good. I find nothing likeable in Alex at all. If Rachel had called out another mans name in the heat of passion, he would have dropped her immediately. Oh well, one * for effort.

...and I suspect those were due to post editing meddling by the author. Anyone that writes understands the drive to 'fix' little things before letting it go. It is the biggest post-editing problem I see. In some cases, like yours, the change is immediately discernible. Or, something was ignored by the editors, in which case, shame, shame!

I thought the story was well into the "unlikely, tending to impossibly silly" zone. The principal character Alex, changed character (far more than attitude) several times.....almost like he was bi-polar. Rachael's insane dedication to the notion of "getting him back" was...just weird...almost stalker-y. It leaves me wondering if maybe she was the architect and cause of Anne's relapse and overdose (as in murder, most fowl).

I felt the police explanation of her ongoing part time prostitution and of her relapse into heroine abuse very weak.

First, a married couple are too intimate for him to miss the inevitable needle tracks and behavioral lapses for that long. After all, he stuck it out with her through her getting clean, he would have seen the evidence of her drug habit all over her body, and being intimate, would have seen something, eventually. No mention was made of that.

Second, for her to be out hooking, she would have have had an extensive second wardrobe for her "dates", would have had to be gone for long hours at a time, usually in the evenings or days, but then, only if she was working the hotels...and the police would have had records he could request, showing her history of arrests and bail or jail time (Oops, honey, I'll be home in a year. I have a little time to play out at club "Steel Bars"!). If she had managed to go long enough to marry and continue a year or two without a single arrest, without Alex noticing a single odd thing, odd behavior, or evidence of heroine abuse, it would only be because she had a very, very, sly and careful pimp or Madame.

Those would have also been in plentiful evidence along the way, as pimps and Madames are both extremely controlling and manipulative to their girls. Again, there would have been ample evidence that something wasn't right, with calls at odd hours and demands to be away at odd times and for extended periods to include whole nights and weekends away, followed by long days of exhausted sleep, mated to a general disregard for husband and child....and the inevitable crash, after a night or weekend of hard partying, marathon fucking and mixed drug abuse.

There was nothing in the story hinting, and Anne never seemed to demonstrate any realistic "druggy" behavior after she dried out and married Alex. It is extremely rare for a married woman to double as a prostitute and manage a her drug addictions for very long without the obvious signs.

Alex. Boy, was he a piece of work. Beyond probably being bipolar, he came off pretty stupid or very gullible.

So, sorry, this is a long critique, but again, it is your job to either make it credible and sensible to readers, or to give us something to allow us to suspend our natural incredulity. Sadly, in this case, you did neither.

Please keep trying. You have stories to tell, you just need to straighten them out before releasing them. The editing and writing mechanics are getting better, but still have some distance to go.

Alex has problems and all but Rachels over the top revenge for being called Julie was too crule IMO for them to have any realistic chance to succeed as couple and shows that she doesn't love him because how can you do something like that to someon who you love.

... until the alternate ending. Genius and hilarious.

Gave it a 3 for entertaining writing but only on a comedy level.

This story can in no way be considered seriously.

Rachel was at the very least seriously mentally unstable and possibly insane. For this story to be taken seriously, she would have had to undergo intense therapy and get help for a year at least from a mental health professional.

Alex seemed far too disconnected to be taken as a serious character but was amusing to read about.

Absolutely trash as a serious story but kind of a fun ride as a comedy.

I checked and you do write about totally insane women and the men who are disconnected from reality enough to take them back without a clean bill of mental health.

Your writing really is improving. Your insane female characters are still not believable in the slightest and your male character was still far too passive for serious consideration but this story was better than you have done before.

I'm with HDK. (read below)(for avoidance of doubt, I enjoyed it greatly).

The flash ending is hilarious.

Why do so many tell you what REALLY happened? It's a story, and not theirs.

Unbelievable? Have they read any Shakespeare? I guess not, but if the odd one or two did, do they really believe King Lear?

I don't agree or understand your comments. I think most readers are willing to suspend some belief when reading a story but while reading we work with what is given to see if it internally makes sense. In this story Rachel picks up a stranger in front of her fiancee because he talked about his dead wife. She acted like he was a ghost when he begged her to stop and completely ignored him. She returned to him to tell him that she was going to continue to be with the weekend. After Alex cancels the wedding she then stalks him. Rachel helps with Anna's rehab and acts like she is her friend too. Rachel drops out of the picture when Anna marries Alex but tells Alex that she will wait for him and calls Anna a druggie. When Anna dies of a drug overdo with no hint of relapse Rachel shows up with bags packed to take over Alex's life.

I wasn't the only commenter who wondered why Alex or the police didn't suspect Rachel in the story. This is a plot hole. I thought most of the comments to this story were thoughtful. You are a good writer but these characters were too implausible. I have to chuckle at robinhod who wrote 3 chapters about someone else's story lecturin us that this is fiction.

reasonable man

Glad i skipped to the ending from pp2.

She was insane. So getting him back cured that? Ha, a frequent and often fatal mistake men make. Everyone thinks they have the ability to heal a nutcase.

Haven't you ever been told not to write something readers will skip through? And you really needed an editor to see the grammar mistakes? You couldn't see them yourself?

Glad they finally made it, and Alex got over Julie. Showing true remorse and selfless love was a nice redemption for Rachael

Holes, what holes? Rachel overdosed her, right? Come on. Read and enjoy, or don't read at all. Some of you can't get out of your own way and your sense of superiority and insightfulness. To the author, thanks for the story, and I'll look forward to your next offering. Nobody knows how to paint a bitch for a fiance or wife like you do short of having them commit a criminal act, and to then somehow redeem them in at least an acceptable manner.

stupid second ending writers!!!

How the police would suspect of a ordinary woman against a well-known drug junkie?

I think it lacked explanation of Rachel past behaviour BEFORE that craziness. Despite the incredulity of the things, I saw a situation like that in real life.The wife made a "revenge for cheating" against her husband(he really didn't cheat, but she only discovered that after her deed...).But she was a woman with a temper you don't want to mess, six feet tall beauty Irish.Her husband forgive her after FIVE years of her trying.

I enjoyed it. There was a strange spot where the man had an STD and Pregnancy test, must have been left over from something else (Or things are stranger over in Europe than we are led to believe!)

I liked the alternate ending better than the actual story. <---- a joke. The actual story was better the alternate was hilarious though. Keep up the good work! :)

I will always try and offer honest and/or constructive criticism but I have not posted a story here either.

Despite your totally insane females and the men who take them back, your stories are very entertaining and readable.

You are also improving and the language barrier is a killer. Well done and I will read anything you write because I know I will be entertained.

I love Shakespeare, BTW, because he also wrote about insane people doing crappy things in crazy situations. There were always repercussions though. Usually, everyone got killed.

to red herrings and false endings: cheers.

Loved it, then read it from the beginning. What on earth!

Haha just kidding, it's okay

In my humble opinion the story as written pretty much has to lead the reader with the feeling that the bitch had his second wife murdered. Face it, that was the only way she was ever going to get him back in her clutches. The death was just too suspicious. As written ii think even the cops were suspicious that she was murdered.

Well it was an entertaing read. The story certainly done without the alternate ending.

You should have flushed this story rather than submit it to LW.

Did not like the alternate ending.

Even though old Alex was quite the wimp. Especially at the lodge during the snow

storm. He really should have broken Danny boy's face, at least a little, for screwing around with his fiancé. Even if it meant taking an ass-whipping, he would have made his point. And by the way, stev2244, no need to apologize for your grammar, English or otherwise. It was almost impeccable.

Wait!! Wait!! Wait. So they go to a resort or whatever. Now The author doesn.t mention the days So I figure they got there Friday. Rachel has sex with Danny that first day they got there. Next day they´ve moved her stuff to Dannys room And Alex leaves that day. Now lets say he spent one day Quitting his job and making arrangements to move to San Franscisco. On the second day on the road Rachel calls to ask if he can pick her there. Which means she´s still at the resort. Now I count six days that she´s been with Danny Boy. From the first day she went with him till Alex has been on the road for two days. And she had sex with Danny one time!!? Do you believe Danny is going to sit there with her for six days and not get anything? I bet he would have kicked her out of his room the first time she said no. This is where the author messes up by not taking the sequence of events and justifying them with the story. Did she call him Wednesday? Thursday? or when? Doesn´t say. Any way this is the second time i´ve read this story and I liked it better now than the first time. I know I am coming back to read it again.

Except for the alternate ending those detract.

It was a strange situation and , she put in unrequited effort to regain trust . He could trust her and just needed to decide if he wanted her for a spouse.

I'ts one of the few times you could see a person with some backbone and inner srength take someone like that back.

Good writing. Too bad when you did such a good job of reconciliation , one that is strong for a change you had to make an alternate ending to go along with it.

Telling everyone and their brother where he's going and not expecting them to show up? Come on!

The alternative ending was a great satire of the cliché story lines on this site. The real story was well done as well. I was OK with the RAAC ending as she earned it.

Your alternate ending had me laughing.

not always a fan of reconcilliaton, its not easily done without making the guy "wimpy" but i think you did it! probably by not "bulling" the guy up too much and not making him an overly "macho asshole" which is more than can be said for, shall we say? some of the more revered writers on here.

a good deep betrayal and a regular guy slowly drags himself out of the hole he's in. loving wives tales don't get any better than that.

I've got to. Be more careful when writing on the tablet, it was supposed to be 4 stars, not one.

He did a couple bone headed things, like announcing to everyone where he was taking the new job, but I did not see this as a Reconciliation At All Costs. Rachel really had to earn the trust back and it took time.

The Alternative ending seemed like a longer version of Vandorn's jokes and was a good poke at the cliches of LW.

The title says it all. Great work, well done. I enjoyed it.

I'm afraid I'm not buying it. There was no reason for Annie to commit suicide, but there was plenty of reason for Rachel to give her a lethal dose of heroin. I'm not saying that's what happened, but it's more believable. And then, early in the story, the guy had backbone — even if he lacked the sense to realize that re-creating a special time with his former wife was really, really, really stupid — but by the end his spine has become a soggy noodle and he just goes with the flow, welcoming Rachel back without really addressiing the issues raised by her earlier behavior.

My intent is not to to criticize, but simply to let the author know how the story hit One of his readers.

You write well. Please keep writing.

Worse than "Losing Katy," especially where I don't buy the suicide. Rachel murdered her, got away with it and got what she wanted.

Gained a star for the alternate ending, though!

I could accept her lunch with Danny, though even then I would have dump their plates either on their laps or heads!

I definitely would have had my suspicions, and might even have shared them with the cops!

five stars. I hate cheating like any other normal person,but Rachel deserves second chance for sure.

I LOVE the addition of the alternate ending, especially the part about the mustang! I know there are far too many stories on this site preoccupied with that overrated garbage of a vehicle.... heehheee

The alternative I thought you would go with was that Rachel had been behind the rehooking of Annie onto drugs and the side prostitution... I saw full fledged deceit on her part (so goes the story lines on this site). I really didn't expect him to allow her to catch him again, but who's to say I couldn't be wrong?

Nice job actually.

Smokepole

I know what other people comment about your stories, and they are right that some of them are RAAC, But this is not the case. I truly enjoyed it. You're an amazing writer (The mermit, and Watching the clouds, and even Mismatched prove it) and I hope you keep doing writing.

Do not inhabit enjoyable stories.

I feel sorry for the kids.

Obviously Rachael had been stalking Anna and gave her a heroin overdose to kill her when she realized after 2 years that she was never going to get Alex back. Perfect murder a addict and a herion overdose, however would have thought the cops would realize after 2 years being supossedly clean that she would kill herself. Makes no sense.

I saw a different spin coming, that Rachel put Annie up to camping at his door and jumping Mel's bones during the night. Rachel had Anne OD'ed to gain an opening to get back into Mel's life. The story totally fell apart with Anne shooting up for two years behind Mel's back just did not fit - Mel would have seen the tracks and changes in her physically/mentally. Mel could not be that blind not to see her mood swings or physical changes to what he had cold-turkey'ed. It was written as a loving family so Anne's convenient suicide did not fit - unless she was murdered/setup.

The alt ending was a good fast BTB, to appease some, but the prime story just had too big a hole to make it what it was. Oh no way a SEAL would be that out of touch with himself or his emotions - those men are very confident/focused or they die. x-FTC

The main story was good and retained my interest. You carried me along with the tale and I didn't question if it was plausible or not apart from the heroin overdose.

I would have thought that Anna would have known not to overdose, especially since she was a mother, and my initial thought was that she had become ashamed at cheating on Alex by prostituting herself and had decided to end her life. However, this didn't really seem right and there's nothing in the story to indicate this (for example, no "sorry" note left for Alex), so yeah, the overdose seemed a little unrealistic, as did an apparently happily-married mother getting back into "the game".

The alternative ending had me laughing my arse off. A tremendous parody of many of the stories in the Loving Wives genre! Well done, and thanks for a great read.

5 stars.

Seems outright retarded to have anything at all to do with Rachel. He should have gotten a restraining order instead.

Overall pretty contrived story.

Hasn't improved since the first time. Not sure if I commented then but will do so now. I really struggled with how dumb, stupid or just plain idiots your characters were. None of them had many saving graces except perhaps Rachel & her only one seemed to be persistence. As for your alternative ending, you managed to take a fairly poor story & make it worse, well done you. I originally gave it a 2 but have just read a really good tale , prior to this re read, that I scored 5 & in comparison this one would be a minus 1. Keep your day job.

I got into the second page but just couldn't take any more of the nauseating drivel that you were foisting onto your supposedly stupid readers. Not all of us are.

What man with a smidgen of pride would let that skank anywhere near him again, after what she pulled? He had the balls to pack up and boogie from the lodge and then cancel HER wedding extravaganza. Not only that but he has the video evidence in his phone of what she truly is so why should anyone who's capable of logical thinking believe that he's ever going to let her anywhere near his heart again?

I have no #$%*ing use for lowlife cuckold peddlers who pass themselves off as authors or for anyone who buys into their crud.

Two stars because one star doesn't register and won't affect the rating.

That second ending wasn't real right? I actually liked the story and then that wtf alt ending came out of nowhere at the end lol.

Rachel went all in and helped Alex get over Julie; however, because she was the rebound while he got out of his funk she was too connected to Julie so he kept on bringing her up and not completely get over her. Rachel had every right to feel like he was with two people, especially at the lodge where he was reenacting the same experience.

Second part of the Greek tragedy is that she tries to shake him up and let him realize what he was doing by her bringing Danny into the picture. Now it became a Greek Tragedy because if she just flirted with him, did the restaurant part, maybe even went into his room or went to another room making him think she was spending the night with Danny (later letting him know that she spent the night alone with proof of course), then maybe that would have been enough to shake Alex up and make him realize what he was doing by not letting go of Julie and how that was effecting his relationship with Rachel. So the tragedy was her hurt and trying to make a point goes too far and costs them years. Interestingly, what she did worked as Julie never came up again in the story, even when when he was recounting how his life was fucked up.

Anna was a tragic character to start with but on top of that she was his rebound for Rachel. She was his distraction while I'm sure he had feelings for her, not enough for him to be involved with her enough to realize she was doing heroine again. I mean that's not like she is smoking a couple of cigarretes while he is at work. There is no way to hide habitual heroine use.

So you have tragic characters who are not self-aware enough to pull back and get out of their funk, heal themselves before involving other people into their lives. And for those that put so much blame on Rachel, what she did was awful and cannot believe as intelligent as thoughtful a character the author portrayed she wouldn't realize that screwing Danny would kill her relationship, Alex was much more to blame, if there is need to asign blame in this story. For months he made Rachel feel seem like secondary to a dead wife that she had no way to compete with. And later on Alex goes along to help and do the right thing for Anna because Rachel makes the decision for him. And even then he uses Anna as his rebound and is not loving enough towards her to realize she is using heroine again.

But overall I don't see this to be where anyone is to blame. These are just tragic people hit with awful circumstances and trying to deal with them and meanwhile hurting the people closest to them without even realizing it or intending it.

Alternate ending made me totally crack up out loud . All the BTB references wrapped up in one final little bit of copy. Very funny.

I prefer the original full story and original ending. Nicely done!

Your writing is better than that of many native English speakers; ignore the complainers and keep writing.

It is pretty obvious that Rachael, who was working out and planning, injected Anne with a needle full of heroin to get her out of the way.

I'm shocked the author didn't notice that. Because Anne wasn't suicidal. She had a kid and a husband and a future.

I am shocked we didn't get that reveal.

But there were some nice subtle bits in the writing. Good work.

The joke ending made an almost equal amount of sense to the real ending, and was more fun.

One of your better reconciliation stories. She made a mistake out of proportion to her legitimate reasons for doubting her relationship, but the reconciliation took time and happened after another woman. It was also made better by the protagonist not being flawless. Boy, did he have issues.

says his crazy ex fiance gave his wife the overdose.

Again, I don't know ANY guy who would put up with that shit for five minutes. Any guy I know would have been gone or worse about the time she sat down at the table for two. Is that just me, or just Texas or just what? Seriously, I'm asking. Does anyone know a guy who would put up with that shit and or take her back under ANY circumstances?

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a better story than this