Love & Disrespect: Early Release

So, since I knew she hadn't cheated on me, why was I going through with the divorce? Pretty simple, really. She'd hurt me, hurt me very badly. She stabbed me in an area she knew would inflict the most pain. Even if she hadn't actually cheated on me, why would I want to go through life with a wife like that? How could I trust her again? With those doubts in my mind, I continued.

"So you can prove you didn't cheat on me?"

"I'm not sure I can," she said quietly.

"Then sign the papers."

"No!" she pleaded, "You have to believe me!"

"Why? Weren't you the one saying you'd lied to me in order to get your way?"

Shelly looked at me silently as her tears fell.

"It's simple, Shelly," I sighed deeply. "I'm tried of being the only one fighting for this marriage. I have a sister-in-law who wants her baby sister back all to herself, a wife who thinks I'm her ball and chain and in-laws who encourage them."

"Wait a minute Todd," Brian interjected, "We never ..."

"That's right," I interrupted loudly, "you two didn't do anything! I came to both of you, expressed my concerns and asked you to intervene, but did you?"

"Son, we didn't realize it was that bad."

"What more should I have done, Brian? Screamed at the top of my lungs? Made a bigger fool of myself? What would it have taken to get your help protecting my marriage? The truth is it took that damn piece of paper for you to get off your asses and intervene!

Brian and Peggy were silent. I wasn't surprised. There wasn't much they could say, anyway.

"That begs the question," I said, looking at all of them, "if my in-laws don't give a shit about protecting my marriage and my wife sure as hell doesn't either, why should I?"

"That's not true!" Shelly cried out. "I know I might not have acted like it sometimes, but you're not the only one fighting for this marriage."

"Really?" I said calmly. "Let's see. Even though you never asked, did you ever wonder why I started demanding you stop going out with Maggie?

"It was because you thought she was a bad influence."

"Yes, but I'd told you that several months ago. So why would I have changed from not wanting you to spend so much time with her, to demanding you stop seeing her completely?"

"Because you're an asshole?" Maggie mumbled.

"Maggie!" Peggy chided.

"Hey, if the title fits," Maggie spat.

I sighed and shook my head.

"You know, I was going to filter what I'm about to say, but I can see now there's no need. Shelly, the reason I decided to make you choose was because of what I'd learned. I'd hired a private investigator to follow you two on one of you nights out."

"How dare you spy on me?" Maggie snapped. "It's none of your business!"

"It became my business, bitch, when you led my wife into your sick nightmare," I retorted.

Maggie's face showed surprise and a touch of fear. I looked over at Shelly and noticed she'd lost some of the color in her face as well.

"It was after that report I knew I had to do something. My guy had followed you to the Blue Moon, and even talked to some of the people there. What he reported back to me scared the hell out of me."

"Tell me Maggie," I sneered, "did you even know the guy's name who took you out in the parking lot?"

All four gasped.

"The guy I had watching Shelly slipped out and followed you, briefly. He made sure what was happening to you was consensual before returning to the club. There was no doubt it was consensual. As a matter of fact, after he did a little background research, he found out some very interesting things about you, Maggie."

I paused for dramatic effect. I realized Maggie was right; I can be an asshole, especially when making my point.

"I'm sorry Maggie," I said sarcastically, "I didn't get to congratulate you a few months ago on being named the Blue Moon Slut of the Month!"

"How dare you!" Maggie hissed.

"Todd," Brian interjected hotly, "I know you're hurting but you can't ..."

"Actually, Brian, I can. Especially if the title fits, isn't that right Maggie?"

I glared at Maggie and spoke slowly, my words full of venom.

"If you're going to be spit roasted, you better make sure it's by guys you can trust, not some loudmouth bartender and his friend who couldn't wait to tell everyone in the club the next night."

I looked over at Brian and saw his confusion. Peggy sat silently beside him and cried.

"Spit roasted," I explained. "It's one guy in front and the other from behind."

I watched the color drain from his face as the mental image of his daughter formed in his mind.

"It seems your oldest daughter is doing a hell of a job mentoring her little sister. You both should be so proud."

"Daddy, it wasn't like ..." Maggie said with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"By the way Maggie," I said continuing my assault, "one of those assholes snapped off a few pics with his cellphone. They're poor quality but the woman involved can be identified."

Maggie crumpled into her chair and sobbed.

"So, congratulations, Brian! Your daughter is well on her way to becoming the type of woman every father fears his little girl might become. She's letting her bastard ex-husband poison the beautiful young woman she once was. It must be comforting to know your youngest daughter is trying her best to follow in her footsteps, as well."

"I didn't do anything wrong, Todd," my wife offered up weakly.

"I guess that's in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? I know the report said at first there was a lot of laughing and such. Exactly what you'd expect from two late twenty-something women looking to have a fun night out. Naturally, with two attractive women there was a lot of male attention. Of course, I found it so very endearing when both of you constantly referred to me as 'the warden' and laughed."

I watched my wife stare at me. Her shame was evident.

"I guess in your mind, you didn't do anything wrong, but we both know your actions wouldn't pass most peoples' spouse test. How many times did you dance too close with some guy and allow him to grab your ass?"

"You..." she sobbed, "you should've told me."

"What am I," I yelled, "your chastity belt? Didn't you just tell me I was too controlling? Aren't you supposed to be an adult? Don't you know how to say no?

"And what would I have told you? That your sister was turning into a slut to prove to herself she was still desirable? Dammit, you're not stupid! You could see what she was doing. You knew better than I did when I told you she was dragging you into dangerous situations, but did you do anything about it? Hell no!

"What else could I have done, go to your parents? Then I would've had to prove to them their little angels weren't so pure by showing them the report. Do you really think it would've made a difference? They wouldn't get involved before, what makes you think would then?

"As for me reminding you, my faithful wife...

"Couldn't you figure out letting some stranger grab your ass while you're dancing wasn't okay? It's simple, the first time slap his hand, the second time knee him in the balls and leave. Better yet, you could go back to your husband and dance with him!

"But not you, right? Your husband needed to be taught a lesson! Even though you knew he had every right to be concerned! He needed to be shown if he didn't do as you wished, you'd simply replace him.

"But, Todd, I didn't sleep with anyone!" Shelly shrilled.

"Maybe... but you wanted me to believe you did and it worked. Now, I'll never be completely sure you didn't!"

"Todd..." my wife whined.

"No," I interrupted. "Even if you didn't sleep with that guy, you still decided to intentionally hurt me. For some reason you determined I needed to be punished because I'm too demanding. I guess I was wrong for not wanting my wife to put herself in a position where, if something happened out of her control, it could destroy our marriage. Apparently, I needed to pay for my fears."

"No," Shelly whimpered, "that wasn't what happened."

"Bullshit, I think that's exactly what happened," I said, more harshly than I intended. "You allowed someone who you knew was hurt and bitter towards men to convince you our love and marriage wasn't enough, that I was somehow manipulating you, like I was your warden, your albatross. At some point, you chose to believe my love was smothering you, holding you down and keeping you from something better. Somehow, in your mind, I became your enemy.

"Your fucking enemy!" I yelled, wiping away a stray tear. "For the last three years I've tried to act like your lover, your friend and your husband. Now I find out I'm some tyrant, some ball & chain?

"You hurt me, Shelly. You tore out my heart because you wanted to prove a point. You destroyed my trust in you, in us. I'm not sure how that can ever be restored. Now you're telling me you didn't cheat on me and you have the gall to ask me to believe and trust you?

"Well, I don't," I sneered. "Whether you had sex with someone that night or not, you certainly screwed me over and destroyed our marriage! So, regardless of how you feel now, you wanted your freedom; you got it!"

"But that's not what I want," my wife cried.

"Really, so what is it you do want?"

"I want you to forgive me. I want you to give me the chance to try and earn your trust back. I know what I did was cruel. I don't know how I let myself get to the point where I would ever think it was okay to do to someone I love, but I did."

She stared at me with those emerald eyes, beseeching me for another chance.

"So, what are you really willing to give up?"

She looked at me bewildered.

"Shelly, I've put in for an out of state transfer at work. It should take a month or two, but I'll be moving to California."

They all gasped.

"Oh, my god," Peggy gasped.

"Son," Brian tried to say calmly, but his voice gave away his concern. "Isn't that drastic?"

"I don't think so, Brian," I said condescendingly. "I'm getting away from this toxic family."

"So," I continued, turning my sight back to my wife, "so what are you willing to give up? Are you willing to leave the state? Are you willing to break all contact with your sister until she goes and gets professional help? Are you willing to leave your family?"

"Todd, please," Shelly whimpered, "they're my family."

"It's all right, Shelly," I snorted. "I'll never ask you to choose your husband over your family again. I did that with your sister and look what it got me. I sure did learn my lesson!

"As for choosing your spouse over your family, that's something you should've come to grips with before we got married. I thought you had, but I was wrong. Remember what we used to say, us against the world?

"But I guess it was only some foolish romantic notion, huh? No, I'd never ask you to pick me above your family because that would make me the bad guy. I'd end up being the villain again.

"No," I sighed, "it's probably better this ends now, like an early release."

"Todd, I don't want an early release."

"I don't think you understand, Shelly" I said coldly, "this divorce isn't for you... it's for me. I'm the one looking at the prison of loving someone who would take the most valuable and precious gift she'd ever given me, her love and her body, and forever ruined it, simply to show me she's in charge. It's me who gets to look forward to a lifetime of wondering when she'll feel safe enough to try this again. And if it hadn't already, would she actually go through with it for real this time.

"Will it be when we have kids and I can't easily leave? Or will she decide to hide it so it can be her little secret, her private knowledge she paid me back and that she's her own woman? Regardless if you never did it or never do it again, it'll take months, if not years, before I could learn to trust you even a little bit.

"Of course, by that time, you'll be resenting me for not completely trusting you. Added to that, I'll still be considered that monster who stole you away from your family. I'll end up being the bad guy again. You've shown me you'll do it once; I have no reason to believe it won't happen again."

"No!" she pleaded through her tears. "I promise you it won't!"

"You promise? You mean like you promised at our wedding? We vowed to love, honor and respect each other when we married. Hell, it didn't even last three years for you!"

"Please Todd," Shelly begged, "Please!"

I looked at her and my heart broke. The tears began to pour down my cheeks. I knew I still loved her, and would for a very long time, but it wasn't enough.

"I loved you, Shelly. I'm sorry that my flaws drove you away. I realize I'm hard to live with at times, but I thought you knew I loved you with everything I had. It simply wasn't enough."

"It was!" she replied. "It is! Todd, please don't do this. I know you still love me."

"You're right," I said nodding, "I still do, but not like I did before. Before, you were everything to me, but not anymore. How I feel about you is very different. It's probably closer to what your love was for me."

"No, don't say that! I do love you!"

"Maybe," I sighed, "but it's certainly different than the way I loved you. I would've never even have thought of ever hurting you like that. The thought of causing you that kind of pain would've made me ill and torn out my heart, but it didn't stop you did it? If that's your meaning of love, you can keep it."

Shelly buried her face in her hands and wept. I looked over at Maggie.

"You win, bitch," I sneered, "It looks like you got your wish; your sister's marriage is as dead as yours. She's all yours now.

"You said earlier you loved her; well, take a good look at what your love did to her. Be sure to tell her how much better off she is without this warden. Maybe she can end up like you, a bitter toxic slut who couldn't find her own happiness, so she had to destroy her sister's. I hope you get help before you destroy your daughter's life, as well."

Maggie glared at me through her tears. I turned back to Shelly's parents.

"So that's the life sentence I'm facing," I said calmly. "That paper over there is my early release. I want a wife who'll attempt to work through problems with me instead of trying to punish me because she didn't get her way. I need someone who, if they're angry with me, will still talk to me like an adult because they have some respect for me. That respect will come easily, because she'll know how much I love and respect her. She'll know I'm trying my best to give us a good marriage and make her happy. In short, I deserve a wife who'll fight for our marriage, not some spoiled little girl!

"You might not think I deserve that," I stopped and looked at everyone there, "but I sure as hell do! I think I deserve a good life with a truly loving wife, so please sign the papers and free me so I can find her."

Emotionally spent, I got up and left four stunned individuals in my wake. Was it overly dramatic? Probably, but I felt much better. I felt like I said what I needed to and could begin moving on.

****

Surprisingly, three weeks later I was on the west coast. My transfer had come through faster than anticipated. I'd had to scramble but I'd found a college friend named Ty who lived in the Long Beach area close to where I'd be working. I'd arranged to live there for a month until I could find a place of my own.

I'd talked with Shelly on the phone a couple times before I left. I confessed that I knew she hadn't slept with someone those nights. I told her my PI confirmed it the next day. I think she thought that would mean we'd forget about the divorce, but it didn't really change anything. I still didn't trust her, now, and to be very honest, I was done. I knew I still loved her, but I was tired of fighting for the marriage. When I told her I was headed out to LA the next week, she became hysterical.

I'm not sure why. I thought things were clear that night we met at her parent's house. It seemed as if she still believed we could work through this. She actually asked me to hold off looking for her replacement until we could meet face-to-face. I told her I would, since the idea of replacing her made me ill, but I didn't see much reason in us meeting. I mean, what was left to talk about? She was sorry, but I already knew that; I was, too. She said it wouldn't happen again, I didn't believe her, so that pretty much ended the conversation.

Still, now I was hustling to get back to my friend's apartment. I was trying to get it cleaned up a little before Shelly arrived, later that night. She'd called me a couple days before, and said she was coming out to LA. She said we'd talk, and then she'd hand me the signed divorce papers.

Long Beach is beautiful. The weather is fantastic and the girls are beautiful. Unfortunately, with such a scenic setting comes people... lots of people... and traffic... and smog... and a ridiculously high cost of living and... well, more people.

I was walking up the stairs to my temporary home, a second story apartment with a view. Okay, the view was more a sliver of the pier as seen between several buildings and a couple of palm trees. I smiled to myself, knowing if I was going to live here I was going to have to find a roommate, and quickly.

About half way up the stairs, I heard the scream. It sounded like a wounded animal at first, then became loud sobbing. I recognized it as Shelly's, immediately. I rushed up the remaining steps and found her leaning on the concrete walkway. She had her face buried in her hands and was crying.

"Shelly?" I said loudly, causing her to look up at me with the most pitiful stare.

"You told me you'd wait!" she sobbed.

"What?" I replied obviously confused.

She turned and looked at the apartment door. Standing there, inside the door, was a tall beautiful blonde in a white satin robe that had 'Ty' embroidered on it. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd even bothered putting the robe on, since she'd failed to tie it. She was on full display.

Her long bleached-blonde hair and big blue eyes certainly grabbed attention. However, not as much as her huge pouty lips and teeth so white they were hard to look at.

Her huge boobs were obviously fake, but still difficult not to gawk at, as was the rest of her long lean body. However, it was her shaved pussy, flushed red and glistening with recent use, which made me shake my head.

"Dammit, Tiff, you've got to stop answering the door like that!" I chuckled. "One of these days you're going to kill someone."

She looked at me as if I was speaking some ancient lost language.

All that beauty and the IQ of a blow up sex doll.

"What?" she said in her sweet little childlike voice.

"What if it'd been some old guy at the door? The sight of you like that would've given him a heart attack!"

Tiff giggled and closed her robe.

"Sorry," she smiled.

No, it wasn't an act. There really were seagulls down by the pier that had more common sense than my roommate's girlfriend. She worked the front at some restaurant, so yeah, she was an actress. Surprise.

She actually was a sweet girl, well, sort of. I'd spent the last week half expecting her to misquote a particular movie line.

"I'm not a bad girl... I've just paid a lot of money to look like one."

I turned back to Shelly and offered her my hand. She tentatively took it and wiped away a tear.

"Shelly, this is Tiffany Raye, Ty's girlfriend. Tiff, this is Shelly, my umm ..."

"His wife!" Shelly said, clearly regaining some of her composure. "At least for the time being."

"Tiff, where's Ty?" I asked avoiding any real discussion until we could get inside and not provide cheap entertainment for the neighborhood.

"Oh, he's still asleep," she giggled. "I think I wore him out."