Love Knows No Color Pt. 20

Before we fell asleep, cuddled against Shavonda's naked bosom, I apologized to her. "Baby, I am so sorry for the way I've acted these past few days. I don't know why Grandma's death has hit me so hard, but I feel like somebody knocked the wind out of me."

"Shhhh," Shavonda whispered. "It's ok. Actually, I think it's kind of sexy seeing your vulnerable side. Let me take care of you for a change. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to hold it against you. I love you Jason Waite. I need you, and if that means I have to pick up the pieces when you're broken I will do that."

The next morning, I awoke to an empty bed, and the sound of Shavonda singing. Creeping downstairs on blistered feet, I found her happily making breakfast for my family, while singing Macy Gray.

I try to say goodbye and I choke

Try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not here

Goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not here

I felt bad. I knew the hard times I was going through were affecting her, but now I understood just how deeply. Watching me fall apart was hurting her deeply. If she could, she'd take away my pain, but all she could do was watch helplessly as I unraveled. Lord knows, I didn't want to hurt her. But I was. And I needed to get a handle on things as soon as possible. It wasn't that I feared she'd leave me. I knew that wasn't going to happen. We were mated for life. But it wasn't fair of me to inflict my pain on her. And even though I didn't mean to, that was exactly what I was doing.

I came up behind her and gave her a hug. "I knew you were there," she said with a smile. "The steps creak. You can't sneak up on me in this house."

Soon, the rest of the family was gathered around the kitchen table, devouring the pancakes, eggs and bacon my queen had so thoughtfully made. Dad had stayed home from work, not wanting to chance the roads. And Jamie wasn't going to take Grandpap home until she was sure the roads were clear and the creeks had gone down.

Jamie was telling us about the school they assigned her to, in Konnarock. The school was near the base of Mount Rogers, the highest point in Virginia. "I hear the mountain has a herd of wild horses living on it," she said.

Shavonda turned to me, excitement in her eyes. "Jason, how far is it from here? Can we go see them?"

"Not that far," I replied. "Maybe a couple hours' drive. But there are no roads on the mountain. We'd have to park the car and hike miles to see them. It'd be an all-day hike."

"I don't care," Shavonda insisted. "I've hiked with you before. I want to go see them."

"What about the kids? I don't think they'd handle a 10-mile hike very well. I'm not trying to talk you out of seeing the horses, but we need to consider Brittany and Ethan. Miracle we can carry in her sling. Whoever doesn't have her will have the day pack, and we can switch when we need to. But the kids are too big to carry."

"I'd be willing to watch them for the day if you bring me back pictures," Mom said. That problem was solved.

After breakfast, Grandpap wanted to talk to me alone. I asked him if Shavonda could sit in, but he said he didn't want to accidentally insult her. So we talked on the porch, just the two of us, while Shavonda waited inside.

"You don't have to worry about Von taking offense to anything you say," I told him. "She'll understand what you wanted to say, and not hold it against you if you slip. She likes you, you know."

"Well, I like her too. She's very respectful, and she has a good heart."

"She's been on her best behavior around you," I said. "She has a classy side, but she has an earthy side as well. That is what Nora saw. Nora came in here with an attitude and assumptions as to who and what Von was, and Von did things we knew would set Nora off because she wouldn't leave us alone. Finally, when Von's mother arrived she put her foot down and Nora shut up."

"Von definitely wasn't what I expected," Grandpap said. "She's nothing like you see on TV."

"And yet," I said, "She's pretty typical of her family. They are good, hardworking people. They'd welcome you with open arms. But they will fight for family if need be. But Von had the opportunity to make her own way, and she took it. Most people never get that opportunity. I often wonder how many Vons there are out there that never got the chance to do great things."

"All I know is that she worships the ground you walk on. Jefferson, you're hurting right now. We all are. But you have somebody there who you can lean on. She will pick up the pieces for you. I know you. Your whole life you've tried to power through the things that upset you. You have a very good woman there. She will help you with your burden, if you just let her. Don't try to shut her out." He was right. Shavonda would be there to support me no matter what. She'd already proven that. All I had to do was let go. Why was that so hard for me to do?

"I know she will, Grandpap," I replied. "But I'm supposed to be strong, and right now I am not. And I feel bad about dumping my grief and other problems on her. She doesn't deserve that."

"She will take good care of you if you take good care of her. You don't want to let her get away. By the way, you can bring her out now."

When Shavonda and Jamie were seated on the porch, Grandpap told us the gory details.

"When Nora told us about you, she said not only did he marry a negro, but that he purposely picked the darkest one he could find."

"NEEgro?" Shavonda laughed. "Been a while since I been called THAT. But I AM dark, can't deny that. Not many darker than me. Jason? Did you pick me because I was dark?"

"Yup," I joked. "You reminded me of a Hershey bar, and I wanted to see if you tasted as sweet." Grandpap was smiling as I deadpanned.

"Well, was I that sweet?"

"Even sweeter," I laughed, then turned to Grandpap. "That's her earthy side. She has a wicked sense of humor. But in all seriousness, we were friends long before we ever met in person. Our relationship developed out of that friendship. But once we met it was love at first sight. Nothing else mattered. I knew that I'd see where things took us rather than risk losing her as a friend. We quickly got to the point where we couldn't stand being apart. So we got married. It was the only reasonable thing to do."

"I think he'd have dated me even if I were purple and orange with pink polka dots," Shavonda joked. "I know I would have dated him anyway. He treated me with nothing but respect. Plus, he's a lot of fun to be around. Remember what I said a couple days ago about respect being given, and trust earned? He gave me respect without question. My family loves him to pieces." Shavonda had taken my hand in hers and was rubbing it gently.

"You know," Grandpap said, "Things have changed so much in my lifetime. Sometimes it's hard to adapt. I spent my life in the Post Office, eventually becoming postmaster. Change was something we fought. That mindset carried over into my personal life as well. Jefferson was always the one around this family who did things his own way, so it shouldn't have surprised us that he married you, Von. But it did. And we had a hard time accepting it. But now that I've met you, I understand why Jason did what he did. He's always done what he felt was best for him, and not cared what others thought. I can see you're the same way. You two have an instinctive bond. Julia was telling me about it, now I see it. Most people never have that kind of bond."

"I don't think any of you know this, but Von is Icelandic for hope," I said. "And that's what she's given me: hope for a brighter future. You and Grandma had over 50 years together. I hope Von and I have the same. That's my goal." Shavonda smiled as I said it. The apprehension that had shadowed her the past few days was gone. She was comfortable with Mom's side of the family.

All too soon, Jamie and Grandpap left to head back. Jamie was off for the summer, and had left her home to help care for Grandpap during the summer. Before he left, he gave each of the kids a five-dollar bill. Then he held his hand out to Von. Instead of taking it, she said, "In my family, we hug. And you're part of that family now." She pulled him into her embrace, and kissed him on the cheek, then did the same with Jamie. "We'll be back down here in another month, I hope we'll see you then."

Grandpap said warmly, "I'd like that. Now you take good care of my grandson. Don't let him drive you crazy." Jamie helped him down the front steps and into her car. We watched in silence as they drove off into the misty mountains.

"You know," Mom said, "Don't let that man intimidate you, Von. He really likes you. I think you stole his heart."

"You really think so?" Shavonda asked. She smiled, that ear to ear grin that looked so beautiful on her. The one I first saw when I introduced her to Brittany and Ethan so long ago. The grin that melted my heart every time I saw it. "Well tell him I like him too."

To be continued...

*****

Author's Note:

This was a very difficult story for me to write. It wasn't that the words refused to come, but that they came from a place i'd buried deep within me. This account is a fictionalized account of my own maternal grandmother's passing some years ago. That side of the family did not approve of interracial dating, and neither of my maternal grandparents got to meet my queen before they died. In the fictional version, Grandpap did come around to acceptance of us, something he never did in real life, though he'd told my Mom before he passed that his objection to my relationship was based more on stereotype than my actual situation. I'd like to think that if he'd gotten to know her, he would have accepted us in much the same way he does here...