All Comments on 'Love, Lust & Family Pt. 01: Discovery'

Great story so far. Looking forward to see how it develops

It reads like an 8th grade book report, with half a dozen clauses in each short paragraph, like a machine-gun burst of staccato sentences, and comes across about as interesting to read as a VCR manual. Since you insist on writing like a 12 year-old, I'm going to assume you are one, and give you 4/10 for effort.

And PS, there's no such word as 'unentwined', try 'untangled', and you weren't 'laying' there, you were lying there.

2 stars.

Good read so far and will be interested to see how it develops.

I think writers especially new ones deserve encouragement and generally follow the rule that if you cannot think of something good to say, its probably best to left unsaid. I hope you disregard the smart arse Anonymous comment as this is certainly not 2 star material.

If an author posts a story here on a public forum, and leaves the facility for comment open, they should reasonably expect that not all comment is going to be a 'rah-rah, we love it' type comment.

The story IS written in an almost unreadable way, in machine-gun bursts (well put, and very descriptive by the way), each short sentence seeming to be a separate thought as it occurs, with no smoothness and cohesion, just words rattled off. It would have been better if the author had read a few of the other, longer established authors here first, to get an inkling of how to perhaps better express himself and see how to make the sentence progression smoother and more readable.

Not bad for a first effort, but honestly, hand on heart, not that good either. Perhaps a conversation or two with one of the other writers here, and someone to read it back and see for himself how stop-start this is wouldn't have generated this conversation in the first place.

I'm not going to 2-star him, that would be harsh and discouraging, but I'm only giving 3 stars (which is a like, not a downgrade) because I'd like to encourage this new writer to keep going, and to do more and better next time out.

What a great and arousing story. Mariah is such a great wife and a great lover with her sisters. It's a dream for her to allow her hubby to screw her sisters. It was even hotter to find out they have all been sexually doing each other all that time as regularly as possible. Josh is certainly in one heck of a position; to be servicing 3 very hot and horny women w/o any issues among them. I hope in the next chapter all of them get together to have a weekend group session, so they all get to ride Josh and he can eat them all a few times apiece too. Thank you !!

Looking forward to the continuing chapters. Well done on a very hot story.

clever story. well done.