Love of Autism Ch. 15

'How long has she been here...and why is she here?'

He continued to look around getting his bearings.

'Dammit. I'm still alive.'

He let out a long breath coming to the realization that he is indeed very much alive. Looking down, he tried to figure out what happened and what went wrong with his plan. There were no holes in it as he could figure.

Several minutes later Katie started to stir as she slowly woke up, lifting her head and seeing that Scott was awake. "You're awake," she said with a genuine smile.

Scott looked at her and saw her big smile. "Why are you here?"

Katie put her other hand around his hand she was already holding and tightly squeezed it. "Because I love you and I want to be here for you."

Scott looked down again, feeling ashamed. "I don't deserve your love...or anyone else's." Katie didn't react to what he said, but instead lifted up his hand and kissed it. "Why did you do that?"

"Because you are deserving of my love, no matter what you believe. I will always love you."

"I don't feel like I'm worth it."

Katie kissed Scott's hand again. "It will take some time."

"How would you know?" Scott asked, not understanding where she was coming from.

"I know it's not the same, but after you showed me Jack cheating on me I felt like I wasn't worth loving either, even after you were being so nice to me at Homecoming. Even after we started dating, I didn't always feel worthy of your love."

"So what changed?"

"Thanksgiving with your family and your grandpa standing up for me and my mom to the rest of your family. Knowing the he was willing to put the past in the past and accept me for who I am...made me feel loved and worth being loved again."

Scott shrugged his shoulders. "My grandpa is a very forgiving man."

"Yes, and so is your dad and so are you."

"I guess."

A knock came at the door and it slowly opened a second later with Stacy popping her head through the door. "I see someone is awake," she said happily.

"Hi Aunt Stacy."

Stacy walked in and closed the door. "Everyone is going to be happy to hear that you're awake."

"Are you still working?" Katie asked

Stacy shook her head. "No, my shift just ended. I just wanted to check in on Scott. Looks like he is doing well."

"Not really," Scott countered.

Stacy walked up to the end of his bed. "I know. You should talk to your dad when you get out of here."

"I know he was suicidal before and nearly drank himself to death."

Stacy debated within herself for a second before looking over at Katie. "I need to talk to Scott alone for a few minutes."

Katie nodded her head in understanding. "I'll be just outside the room." She got up and left the room. When Stacy saw the door close and heard the click she looked directly at Scott.

"Your father didn't nearly drink himself into death from alcohol poisoning. He also hit himself that night as well and it wasn't just once."

*********************************************

"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" Liz asked Katie.

"I'm sure," Katie said with a smile that wasn't convincing Liz at all.

"I promise you won't be a third wheel and Steve would more than love for you to join us."

Katie put her blanket over her legs and grabbed her tablet. "Go. You and Steve don't have to worry about Scott for the first time on a Friday in a long time and deserve to have a date night."

Liz still wasn't convinced that Katie didn't want to come, but didn't see a need to press her to join. "If you change your mind, you know where we'll be at."

Katie rolled her eyes. "Yes, Tower Inn, now go! Enjoy your date."

Liz waved her hand goodbye and left their dorm room. When the door closed, Katie turned on the tablet and selected a story she had started earlier in the week to read. She had been reading it for about an hour when a knock came to her door. "Who is it?" she called out.

"Scott. Can I please come in?"

Katie shoved her blanket off, jumped out of her bed and went to the door. When she opened it she saw Scott, but he didn't look well. "Are you okay?"

Scott's body was shaking as he shook his head. "I'm not used to not..." he didn't know if he wanted to say it out loud but he knew he needed to, "I'm so used to drinking on a Friday night that my mind and body..."

Katie gave Scott a look up and down for a few seconds before guiding him into her dorm room. "Can I get you anything?"

Scott shook his head. "I don't know. I just feel so lost and...I'm scared Katie."

Katie grabbed a fruit punch Gatorade bottle that she had, opened it and handed it to Scott. "Drink this. It should help."

Scott took the bottle and chugged a huge amount of it. When he stopped drinking it, he felt himself relax a little. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

A thought then occurred to Scott. "You and Liz don't drink Gatorade so why did you have one here?"

Katie turned her body side to side, nervous to tell Scott the truth. "I was actually going to try to see if we could hang out tomorrow and give you that. I remember you liked to drink it and that fruit punch was the only flavor you liked."

Scott was speechless for a few seconds. "You...remembered." Katie nodded her head. "Thank you." Scott started to rock his body back and forth, feeling very anxious.

"Drink the rest of the bottle and sit with me on my bed."

Scott did as he was told and finished the rest of the bottle. He then sat on Katie's bed as she sat next to him and wrapped her arms around him. They sat there for several minutes in silence, Scott still rocking back and forth.

"Have you been doing alright since your miscarriage?" Scott asked breaking the silence.

"What?" asked Katie, not expecting that question from him.

"I mean...I know losing a baby can be rough and I just wanted to make sure you are doing okay."

Katie looked at Scott in shock. Here he was only a week after his suicide attempt, having a breakdown because he was refusing to go out and drink and he asked her if she was doing well after her miscarriage. "It's been rough," she admitted, "but I've...where is this coming from?"

Scott shrugged his shoulders. "I just want to know if you're alright."

Katie couldn't comprehend what was going on right in front of her. "Scott, you have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now and you really want to make sure I'm alright?"

"Yeah," he answered, looking down at the floor, still rocking his body.

Katie couldn't help but squeeze him hard with her arms. "You are so weird and I wouldn't want you to change anything about you."

As Katie squeezed him tighter he felt his body start to relax and he rocked slower. He took the first deep, long breath of that night and also started to feel his body relax even more. "Keep squeezing me tight. It's helping a lot." She continued to apply pressure until she couldn't anymore.

"Did that help?"

"More than you realize," Scott responded as he finally stopped rocking his body. They again sat there in silence for several minutes.

"Since my miscarriage," Katie began, "I've been very depressed and feeling empty. Nothing I used to enjoy makes me happy anymore."

"Seems like we both have a lot we need to work on," Scott commented.

"Yeah," Katie agreed, "we do."

Scott put an arm around Katie and they began to cuddle. "Do you think we," he began, pausing to think of how to best word what he wanted to say, "could possibly still be friends?"

Katie smiled when she heard the question. "I hope so. I would like to get back together at some point if you want to."

"Honestly Katie...I don't know if and when I'll be ready to date again and...I know this is going to suck to hear, but right now I don't know if I could see myself dating you again."

Katie hated hearing that, but also knew Scott was being honest with her and that was at least something. "Well at least we'll always be friends."

Scott could hear that sadness in her voice when she said that and gave her a small kiss on side of her head. "After everything we've been through, the last thing I want to do is lose you as a friend."

To be continued...