All Comments on 'Lunchtime Nap'

This is my debut story. Comments / feedback are appreciated so that I can make my future stories better. Thank you for taking the time to read it!

Was a very fun short story. You could easily make a series out of this

You’re not related to Amberrenard are you.

I say this because you both have an uncanny knack for terrible writing.

Mundane and formulistic equals boring

...on Literotica?

Don't listen to the detractors. It's a very good story. Honest. Simply and clearly written. The only thing I would comment on is you have to be careful to stay in character. Words like "perky tits" would not likely come from the mouth of a woman with a knife at her throat, no matter how turned on she was.

I enjoyed reading it. Well written too

I hope you keep writing.

You have good premises, just Hope your writing gets better. Missing details, a bit rushed and correct, "perky tits" comment above.

Not great, but Not bad for a debut story

as I've read a recent story, much improved.

Agreed, "perky tits", I had to give only 3 stars fir that and other overly descriptive things. There were a few other items in there as well, too much description of a thing, e.g., my "long blonde" hair. Long hair or just hair would have been perfect, that way you give the reader something to imagine.