All Comments on 'Lust and Descent Pt. 02'

interesting plot but devoid of emotion, character development, etc. try non-erotic cat maybe?

Boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets new girl before ink dry on divorce papers and lives happily ever after. There I wrote the same story in a lot less time.

The story had promise but lacked meat and heat. It was like reading a car warranty booklet.

And it really ruined the story. And honestly, what middle aged couple are going to fuck 4 or 5 times in one day for hours at a time? Trust me, it gets real old, really fucking fast.

and even more absurd than part one.

wimpy cuck shit.

This is a great story and you've done an awesome job. Don't listen to these anonymous morons who couldn't understand plot development if it fucked their wives (not that they likely have them). You've done a masterful job in really creating a selfish, evil woman in Kelly. Would love to see another chapter where she gets a savage comeuppance.

Since you don’t tell us where you’re from and since your handling of it indicates English is your first language, I’m going to make some suggestions that may not count if the way you did it is normal in your part of the world.

Let me start by saying this story isn’t nearly as bad as some suggest. Many readers have an agenda to push and many simply know nothing about creative writing. I suggest you pay close attention to any comment that says what you did wrong or what you could change to improve. All others take with a grain of salt; if they could do better, they’d have stories posted.

Now on to your stories—I’d say both rate about a 3. You have a good story line, but your writing leaves much to desire. First, drop the present tense; it’s hard to stay constant and really not as good as past tense since you are telling about something that has already happened.

Next drop the directions which I think is good in a play but not in a story. For instance:

(in his weakened voice) "Hi honey, how...how are you? Sorry I was asleep last...night."

"No, sweetie, you don't have to apologize, I didn't stay long, just wanted to see you. (smiling at Tyler's foreplay) How are you?"

I suggest something like this: “Hi Honey,” his voice was so weak Kelly could hardly hear. “How—how are you? Sorry I was asleep last night.”

“No sweetie, you don’t need to apologize. I didn’t stay long; I just wanted to see you.” It was all Kelly could do to keep from giggling at the way Tyler was playing with her pussy. “How are you?”

Anyway, that should give you the idea.

While nothing’s wrong with writing a negative heroine, and believe me, you’ve excelled in that, your story would improve with a foil to her negativity. Maybe you should try a Ch03 where Kelly and Tyler wreck because of Tyler’s drinking and Kelly winds up about the same as Nick.

Whatever you decide, keep writing and be sure to consult the excellent writer’s resources here on LIT. cd

I enjoyed both chapters...I hope you keep this story line going!

He was PHYSICALLY hurt, not psychologically damaged. How can it hurt to tell him the truth?

Kelly may be the least sympathetic character ever depicted on this site. Nice writing style, but very difficult to connect with the story.

I only gave it a three, but the general arc of the plot might be 4 ish. Despite the fact you need to fix things like CarolinaDreamer said, your writings knd of 4 ish too.

Give us another one eh? Finish the story. A little BTB would feel good, but life don't always work like that. You can however, have a consequence follow her through life, even if he doesn't do a BTB. Get creative eh,? TY for sharing it

WOW. Perfect touch to accent and enforce her skanky lower class status, she smokes. Sorry to all of you who live in places where it's kind of normal but here in CA, it's pretty lowlife.

Finish the damn story!!

can't believe this; usually, it is the children's awareness of the affair brings some sense of what she was about to throw away; fucking whore, she was happy, 20 years, it took 20 fucking years to realize, if she was this fucking brazen she should have upped and outed. Can't believe with a mental makeup like that, putting everything behind her, just to fuck around; it is not cheating per se that hurts; used the husband and found a lover. Fucking whore, someone pays the bills. No man will take it lying down. She took away his machismo; she has to fucking pay and rot in hell. She is just a brazen cheating selfish dick-seeking missile; no more, she would've spread her for any number of reasons. Unhappy marriage? Bullshit.

the wife bitch never tries to work on improving the marriage; instead goes out the easy way, blaming it all on the husband. Doesn't want to work on why she is unhappy. One advice; divorce first and fuck around. Be honest. There's to be a fucking part 3. This bitch will get her redemption; if she realizes how cruel she has been, instead of using brazen acceptance as a coping mechanism, only to get her conscience weigh easy on her bitch personality, she would one day kill herself. A mother who claims I am unhappy and so I am going to fuck around. Beyond a certain age, there's no rebound; it will never work out like the first time. Second man will always think, she is a bitch alright and will cheat and abuse her and kick her out when he finds a better model. There's so much more to marriage than just great sex. Novelty wears off within week and yes the thrill of doing it on the sly alone sustains the affair; cat is out of the bag and she's gonna realize you can't make a good husband out of an asshole and that he was only good to fuck. With ego wanting to prove, she will put up with any shit the paramour throws at her and give her loyalty to the one who least deserves it.

We have no baseline for Kelly's character or personality. So let's say she was normally a decent person then the analysis of her bahavior would be that she truly never loved him and that her pregnancy forced matters, and then the financial responsibility and caring for their child forced her to live with a man she did not love. On top of that he married very young and probably did not know how to please a woman so she had 20 years of built up resentment from there as well. So if you felt forced into a 20 year relationship with someone you did not love and who didn't give you sexual pleasure and who you felt was less than a "man" then one can understand the total resentment she exhibited towards him in the end.

Now that's assuming her baseline was of good character. The only thing we have from the story that might allude to that is the fact she stuck it out in a loveless and unhappy marriage for the sake of the daughter. Everything else in the story was, of course, that she was a complete utter waste of humanity. But again, if we had a baseline, then it would have been an interesting analysis of a character. Was so much resentment built over half her life that she truly despised her husband and had no feelings left for him. Or was she just an utter cunt and had always been.

Finish this story. Tyler and Kelly need to be put to rest. Nick and Sara can go forward in peace.

If nothing else, we have a baseline for her selfishness. She looks back on her marriage with total dissatisfaction and contempt, but she clearly had no problem using the man for 20 years, taking all he had to give and probably giving little in return. She has no right to resent anything, as the whole situation is just as much her fault as his. She should've been on the pill if she didn't want to get pregnant, or insisted he wear a condom. She doesn't get to play the victim two decades later because of her own lack of forethought.

And as for her sexual frustration, I can't help but notice a distinct lack of any effort whatsoever on her part to do anything about it. No experimentation, no exploration, no coaching, nothing. She just laid back and settled for mediocre sex, and now wants to act like she was dealt a bad hand in life and forced to play it. Nah, that's not how it works. She had options, she made choices and now wants to blame everyone but herself for the way things turned out, like none of it is her fault.

I think that's enough to label her an utter cunt at heart.

When is this going to be finished?

I hope you will consider a final chapter.

Please finish this story. It has no proper ending. Kelly has no morals at all. This should be addressed. The last couple of paragraphs seemed rushed.

Finish this story

Stop fucking putting half stories you shit head

I guess I remain in the minority in liking this story, although hating the wife. I agree to large extent with @johnadp's comments. Wife was forced into what turned into a loveless marriage. However, wife never seemed to be truly interested in solving the marriage issues. We could have used a bit more self-analysis and little less sex.

lol dirtball. women are scuzz buckets, lol no shit

There is only to hope that Tyler starts drinking again and beats that female scum in a way that nobody wants to ever look at her again.

Unfisnished story