All Comments on 'Luxury'

You did really well with the first two thirds of the story, character description, development, etc. Why then, did you rush so much for the payoff of that interaction of the actual main characters? That's the payoff for an installment of a short piece. Surely that meeting deserves as much writing time as her beating?

So Ciel's a vampire and a runaway queen or not? I agree with lokitilla. The story was fresh but it felt like it was rushed. You made me lost but I will continue reading your story, should you make another one.

Things are progressing too fast. The transition between the paragraphs can be a bit smoother.

I agree your stay does feel very rushed. Although it's a great start you ought to introduce the characters better. For example Ciel bursting in the doors and feeling all warm and she proceeds to run to Jace...try incorporating where she is or what happened when asked if she would be the future vampire queen.

But good beginning please make it more smooth.

Your story has a lot of potential. The biggest problem for me is the way that it jumps back and forth between past and present tense, even in the same sentence. That makes it very difficult to read smoothly. Also as others have said, take your time and draw out the second part of the story.

I wish there was a way of just giving a thumb on previous comments, as I totally agree with what they have already written.