All Comments on 'Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 56'

Your writing has improved immeasurably. I was wary of reading this instalment because of the usually unnecessary tendency towards over explanation and repetition but this was way better. A good editor would still help to reduce the desire to overexplain things the reader already knows. One final point is to please resist the overuse of the same types of adjectives/adjectival clauses around the words, nasty, doting and tender. There are heaps more words in the English language! Well done though. This chapter was great!

She wiped off her make up.... but then her face looked ravaged lipstick smeared everywhere... thank you

I went back and read the first chapter. You used to be more concise. Stop repeating yourself. Even if the feeling is that they're so in love the feelings are overwhelming and then they have to repeat themselves to get the words out, it's still too much. Use it sporadically.

This is constructive, because I'm still here after 50+ chapters. You are a good writer, you just need a lesson in brevity :)

Wasn’t the brother’s girlfriend’s name Melissa?