All Comments on 'Maid Adventures'

I loved it.

I really enjoyed reading it, but A slave and no less, an African American slave? Although I don't think this story takes place in the U.S., given that Dustin's mom is a duchess.

sequal?

First, the bad news. This is riddled with serious mechanical errors--comma splices, misspelled words, etc. You need to learn how to write dialogue correctly. "Wherever" and "inside" are each one word. "Agents" should have been "against". There were others, but those were the ones that stood out the most.

That said, the story itself was good. You did a really good job of showing the building frustration in each of them, although this could maybe have been played up even more. The sex itself was hot, even if it was a bit predictable, and the ending was what it should have been. Get an editor to help with this and resubmit, and I will give it five stars instead of four.

...the hymen is located at the entrance of the vagina. There's no reaching it after the penis goes in a few inches. It's first thing the penis touches when a woman first has penetrative vaginal sex. That's why fingering and foreplay are important during a woman's first time; the skin of the hymen can be stretched or gently broken making for more pleasant penetration when the penis enters the vagina. Look it up.

I second the call for an editor. There are too many punctuation errors in the dialogue. This sometimes made it difficult to understand the meaning of what what being said between the characters.

Also, I would have liked to know more about their world. They live in a society where there are refrigerators, teddys and other modern lingerie, and she can wear a tight fitting shirt and short skirt to the market. These are things of post-slavery/modern times, as are Dustin and Tamera's names. It's a little weird that she never mentions missing her family or anything since she was sold away from them just eighteen months before the story began. I mean, I know this is primarily a man's fantasy, but come on, give the girl a little more personality...

Some sentence errors and the fact that he went ass to pussy without cleaning are the only issues I have.

Great story! Something to break the monotony of black man/white woman cheating this area seems to be over flooded with. Write more please, either about this couple or something else!

Its nice to see more white males writing stories involving bdsm, interracial and male dom. Keep it up! Man, you live in NC? I live in VA. Wish I knew you for real, I would love to roleplay.

Best wishes,

J

do more stories with them.

love to see some kinky bondage and other woman in your bed with her.