All Comments on 'Manipulated by My Mom's Friend'

Don't give up any plans you might have for the future. Writing is NOT your forte'!

Your story was pretty hot with some interesting plot angles but needs to expanded with more detail. Write a Part 2 of this story - allot of potential angles like sex with Lisa with her husband or Lisa's daughter near by or creating a cuckold situation. You can highlight improvements in Jayson's confidence with Lisa or other woman as he has more sex (becoming more daring with Lisa)

For a first time writer I would have to say it was a very good effort. However I would have to 2nd the earlier comment. The story needed more description and longer paragraphs. Your grammatical format was good but did not help with the mental images. Expand your thoughts a little bit more and read your draft with the eye of your audience, we cannot see the parts in your head that make the story work for you.

Keep it up and I see your future stories getting better and better.

You did very well for your first story i liked it. Do a follow up where he might tell a few of his buddies (3 or 4 more) and bring them along without her knowledge. Show her not wanting to go there because she's afraid of her husband finding out. Also mention how big her tit's are triple 38ddd's so the boy's (young boys love BIG TiTS) get wild with her that she can't stop getting more of what she need's Young Cock of course 18 and older! Good job!

Serving as a critic is not YOUR forte.

For the read.

Not good. Inane narration, And what is your fascination with the "giggles"? That was really weird.