Marilyn was My Wife's First

"Describe the situation Bryan. Sorry, I am not exactly following here."

"Well, what I mean. And it's going to come out awkward. But I am going to be in between relationships for a while. And you are obviously in a difficult spot taking care of Andy and his treatments."

I had a pretty clear understanding where this was going now.

"Have you ever considered searching for a...friend with benefits..?"

At first, I burst out laughing. My initial response was enough to make Bryan laugh too. But after a few seconds I was still smiling and Bryan was looking dead serious.

"Bryan...you can't mean...you're not propositioning...you're..."

"I am really not trying to offend you Marilyn. You are a strikingly beautiful woman. And, surely a faithful wife to Andy. Under any kind of normal circumstances, I know you would never actually consider anything like this."

I was starting to get annoyed. And a little overwhelmed. It had been a long time since I had been seriously propositioned at all. And certainly, never ever like this.

"Bryan, slow down. I can't even have this conversation now. You are an attractive young man, objectively still trying to recover from Shannons rejection. This will pass sooner than you think. You need to direct your energies to finding the next Mrs. Bryan Randall. Not propositioning your neighbor for some kind of tawdry friends with benefits arrangement."

Bryan's eyes sunk into his head. He looked defeated. "I, ugh, understand...Mrs. Collins...Marilyn." I am sorry if I misread the situation or made you uncomfortable in any way."

This was my opportunity to be gracious. I looked him in the eyes and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek, and placed my hands gently on his arms with a big smile. I suggested this too would remain a secret between the two of us, and I really did need to be going now.

I returned home. I needed to jump in the shower before the kids bus came. Inexplicably, my vibrator came with me. I used it to bring myself to my strongest climax in months fantasizing about taking Bryan up on his offer.

2 restless weeks passed. I was getting really horny now - the timing of discontinuing my birth control 5 months earlier and Andy's diagnosis was outright cruel and uncanny. The boys were finally out of school for the summer and off to day camp. Andy was working 14 hour days and passing out exhausted every night at home. I honestly didn't see him sustaining this pace for much longer. My usual morning workout routine was draining - it was June, it was hot, and I was sweating through multiple changes of clothing every morning and afternoon.

Once again, I saw Bryan on his back deck eating lunch. Against every possible shred of my own good judgment, I casually walked over and climbed his stairs. He looked at first surprised, and then a little bit uncomfortable to see me.

"How is the search for the next Mrs. Randall going?"

He smiled. "Not so well. Any tips to share on capturing the attention of a beautiful lady?"

I smiled back. I reached out, and turned the doorknob leading into his house. The door swung open, and I walked in, never looking back. I kept walking up the stairs and into his master bedroom. My heart was pounding and I was sweating from the heat, the sun, and the lust. I turned around and Bryan was standing in the doorway of his own bedroom, open mouthed, with sparkles in his blue eyes.

I said nothing. I pulled my baseball cap off without breaking eye contact. He took a step towards me and I took a step back, staying just out of reach. This continued a half dozen times before I stumbled into the edge of his bed.

At that moment, our lips met for the first time. Bryan's hands roamed my body. We stood and made out for maybe 10 minutes, but it seemed like seconds. Wordlessly, he stepped back and pulled off his shirt, and then his shorts. Suddenly the gym clothes were working against me, I struggled to keep up and Bryan intervened to help my sweaty, skin tight sports bra free my rock hard nipples. Within minutes, we were both completely naked, and still no words had been exchanged.

Bryan pulled back the covers of his bed. He opened the table beside the bed and produced a condom, which he expertly rolled over his erection. I actually hadn't thought of this, given Andy's earlier vasectomy and my excitement to discontinue my own hormonal birth control.

Bryan climbed into bed with me. We began to kiss again, slowly, sensually. This wasn't actually what I was expecting. I didn't actually know what I should have been expecting really, this was all so impulsive of me. Eventually I opened my legs and Bryan took the hint. He lined up his condom shrouded penis and penetrated me for the very first time.

I had not been with any man period for almost 5 months at this point. I hadn't been with any man other than Andy for 12 years. None of this mattered. My body and my pussy were completely on fire. There was no question Bryan was a smaller man in size and stature than Andy, and believe me I was noticing the difference, but I wasn't even close to caring.

Bryan was picking up the pace. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with my first orgasm. With Andy, this was always the cue to release himself. Andy never came first. Bryan never does either. But what caught me off guard was that as I climaxed, Bryan instead slowed down. We kissed again. The whole process started over, and before I knew it I was grinding through a second climax even more intense than the first. I assumed this was just pent up sexual energy though. Bryan proceeded this time to speed up his thrusting, and quickly exploded into the condom. When it was over, he seemingly couldn't contain himself, kissing and licking my face, my arms, my extremities. It was different, and kind of weird.

I asked if I could step inside his shower. I didn't suggest he join me. He did anyway. This was the first time I got a clear visual at the equipment Bryan was sporting. He was definitely smaller down there than Andy, but uncircumcised. I stared at it for a time, I had never actually been with an uncut guy before. Even though I had climaxed twice already, Bryan had only managed one time. He stood up for round 2, which wasn't exactly where my mind was headed. Regardless, he entered me, this time unprotected. I shuddered at the thought of what might be happening, and after a few short minutes his eyes got huge "Marilyn! I'm going to cummmm!" I yanked my body off in time for his penis to spurt streams of semen all over my stomach and breasts. We continued washing our bodies together, and after drying off I was treated to putting back on the sweat covered clothing I had carelessly discarded an hour before.

The Summer of Love

Instincts are a funny thing. Especially when you willfully ignore them. After our first encounter, I knew this friends with benefits arrangement would persist for a little while, at least. I really did believe Bryan would be looking for a long term, committed partner to start his family with, and our little fling would flame out. At 28, with a big house in a posh suburb, and a professional job, his odds were looking pretty strong, at least to me. It also occurred to me that I picked a rotten time to discontinue birth control. I knew the odds. Andy and I had zero trouble conceiving. Bryan used a condom our first time, but not our second, so who knows what was going to happen next time. And, there was most definitely going to be a next time.

On the other hand, I felt a little dirty going to my GYN and asking for a prescription. She was the doctor that delivered both of the boys. She knew Andy. It was his people that installed her air conditioner when Andy and I were dating, and then replaced her water heater when it spontaneously exploded and flooded her basement while I was pregnant with Harry. She likely was unaware of Andy's full medical situation, but she was well aware of my earlier decision to ditch the pills - we had celebrated Andy's vasectomy together at my annual exam appointment last spring. It would beg the obvious series of uncomfortable questions about a new partner if I turned back now.

I mean I could have found another doctor. But then I had to worry about Andy discovering the pills, and contending with the return of my constant mood swings. It would give everything away in an instant. As if trying to explain an unplanned pregnancy with my friends with benefits lover could be ever more discreet.

It wasn't like sex was happening daily. But Andy was never at home during the day. I made a point to keep the boys busy all summer for a reason. Another week of camp, time away at Grandma and Grandpas, arranged playdates with the neighborhood friends. I created plenty of chances. The fact all I had to do was hop the fence and walk next door was pretty darn convenient. I lost count of how many couplings occurred. It was never less than once or ever more than three times in a week. But as it turned out, that was enough.

I was feeling on top of the world the week the boys started school after summer break. Then the morning sickness set in. By the third morning, I knew I was in trouble. Real fucking trouble.

My instinct was pretty savage. I didn't want any more children, regardless. Andy simply couldn't ever know. That meant Bryan couldn't know, either. That meant this couldn't actually be happening. And that meant this pregnancy wasn't going to continue.

We live in an affluent, socially traditional area. Clinics aren't exactly over represented here, in fact they aren't represented at all. Oh you can find someone who will do it. But not locally. I was going to have to make an appointment to travel.

Someone was going to have to take responsibility for the boys for a day. It would have to be Andy. I needed an excuse to explain my absence. I found it in an obvious place. Harry's birthday was coming up in three weeks. I had ordered a gift. Shipping was available, but we had no place to hide it. The ruse was that I was picking up the gift during the early morning hours (only time available) and taking it directly to my parents house where it would be stored until the party would be held. I would be social for a while and return, likely just in time to get the boys off the bus.

Andy didn't ever question it. I made the appointment for Tuesday morning, the first available, and instructed Andy to take at least the morning off. I figured if things went sideways, I could always call and feign car trouble or something to have him catch the boys if I didn't make it back in time.

Tuesday came and I was out of the house at the time Andy usually leaves. I had to pull over halfway into the drive for my daily morning sickness, which I had somehow managed to keep all to myself through the previous weekend. I guess it was obvious anyway I was a little off. It happens. Our home had become a regular fucking infirmary anyway.

I arrived at the clinic early. I requested a 9AM appointment, figuring I needed the time. I was in the waiting area promptly at 7:30. These clinics are surreal places, nondescript, obviously the kind of place they want easily to be found but at the same time, to not attract any attention to itself. In the 90 minutes I had to wait, my thoughts turned away from Andy and back to Bryan. Despite our pledge to remain "friends with benefits" I have to admit, I was beginning to have real feelings for him anyway. I guess that happens when you are sleeping with someone routinely. I kept thinking about his desire for a family, his anguish when Shannon left him, her admonishment of love to find the woman that made him happy and start a family. I don't think when she said that, she was imagining the wife and mother at the neighbors house next door.

I was beginning to feel sick again. I walked into the toilet and vomited for the second time that morning. I hadn't even eaten or drank anything all day. Part of me would be happy to get this over with. I always hated the first trimester. But in the hour or so I had remaining I couldn't get Bryan out of my head. What would he do if he ever found out? What was I going to tell him anyway? We already hadn't been together for the past 6 days. He had to be expecting my presence, or wonder what was really going on.

My irrational fear would be Bryan finding out, and leaving me - or more plausibly, exposing our affair to Andy or anyone else who cared out of spite. I don't know why it was coming down to this. I mean I had this all figured out. I wasn't going to put my marriage to Andy or my spoiled wife life at risk to do anything else. God, we had enough problems all of the sudden to not have to deal with those of my making.

The nurse stepped into the waiting area. "Ms. Collins. The doctor is ready."

I stood up, turned, and walked briskly out of the door to the parking area.

The return drive was anything but peaceful. I kept telling myself that I was going back, but I needed to explain myself to Bryan first. I kept thinking about my anniversary dinner with Andy last December, and the admonishment not to make family planning decisions that could be "irreversible". Did ending an unintended pregnancy on purpose qualify? Unfortunately, nearly every alternative I could think of seemed to. I texted Andy that I was home early and pulled into my driveway at 1PM. I had 2 hours before the boys bus arrived.

I didn't even go inside. I walked straight over to Bryan's.

Bryan came to the door to greet me. "Hey Marilyn. God, I've missed seeing you." He looked outside, closed the door, and pulled off his shirt to reveal his tanned chest underneath. He took me by the hand and his eyes went to the stairs. My feet stood still.

"Uh, Bryan, we need to talk..."

A half hour later, we are wrapped in each other's arms, shaking in tears. Neither one of us has any idea what to do. If I was scared before, I am petrified now. Whatever happens, I was not prepared under any circumstances to leave Andy. Bryan seemed to have other ideas. Many ideas. Crazy ideas.

Bryan was literally on his knees in front of me, begging me to reconsider terminating my pregnancy. He was desperate to say or do anything to give our baby a chance. All along this is what I had expected, and now I knew there would be no elegant way out. I made a promise to Bryan not to return to the clinic without talking again. But I had to get away. I had to wrap my mind around what was happening if I was to have any chance of taking back control of the situation.

I could tell he wasn't convinced of my fidelity surrounding the clinic. Bryan suggested a seemingly unimaginable option before allowing me to leave.

"Carry our baby to term. I will acknowledge myself as the full biological and legal father. You can have as much or as little participation in the child's life as you want. I will care for and financially support the baby 100%. The child does not even need to know who their mother is, if you decide to not be involved after the birth."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The tears continued to flow. I needed to get home and pull myself together before the boys appeared.

Confrontation with the obvious

Every day that passed, my condition was becoming harder to conceal. Somehow I had made it through the boys school week. But by Friday, I was in bed full time. The house was completely falling apart. Piles of laundry, take out food containers, stacks of unopened mail, you name it. Moms don't get sick days.

Andy assumed I had a stomach virus. He suggested I take a trip to the urgent care. I guess I knew better. In a final act of defiance, I decided to make a run at a normal Saturday. For a while, it worked. I got the kitchen cleaned and the laundry washed, folded and put away. By the boys' dinner time, I was fading. But not quitting. I managed to get the boys to bed before barricading myself in our downstairs bathroom and dry heaving.

Andy stood outside the door. Patiently waiting for my exit. I think he was beginning to suspect something, because it wasn't like me to be sick and it definitely wasn't like me to avoid visiting the doctor. After an hour, I emerged.

"Sweetheart, you look awful. What the hell is going on?"

I stepped out of the bathroom with tears streaming down my face. Like I said, I'm a terrible liar. My eyes conveyed the guilt I had somehow managed to suppress for the last 2 weeks.

"Marilyn, oh my god."

Silence

"Maybe I should have expected something like this. I should have kno..."

"Stop it Andy. It isn't what you think."

But it was what he thought. This was entirely what he thought. It was written all over my face. He was just too distracted with his own problems to see it. In hindsight, I am amazed I concealed what was happening for so long.

Andy grabbed his hat and headed for the door. "I'm taking a walk. Need some time to cool off."

It was after 11PM when Andy finally returned. He was surprisingly calm. Definitely out of character for him, but then again so was everything these days. He locked eyes with me.

"Family room. Talk"

I shuffled meekly to a chair. For whatever reason, I felt compelled to keep my distance. I knew Andy's history and recognized the potential for an explosive blow up. What happened next shocked me.

"I thought about everything for the past 2 hours. My health, this year, our future. I guess I really was neglecting you."

I started to whimper and let out a little whiny cry "Andy, no please I am sooooo sorry..."

"Shhhhh. Let me talk. I know you didn't ask for this either. Damnit Marilyn, you are an attractive 35 year old woman and I am a sickly shadow of a 45 year old man. I don't know what the hell I was thinking that I was ever getting away with this."

I am openly bawling now. If my hormones were out of control before...

"Marilyn, stop crying. I don't have time for this shit. I want us to correct this and move on like it never even happened. I am asking, no I am telling you after this conversation I expect you to do 2 very specific things. First, you break it off with whomever I have to thank for this. It is probably better if I don't find out and you never, ever be the one to tell me. No punk is worth going back to prison over a woman, I learned my lesson before and I have so much to live for now."

I stared straight forward, emotionless, except for the tears gushing off my cheeks.

"Second, at the earliest possible opportunity, you end this pregnancy. I am not raising any other man's child under my roof."

A long period of heavy silence occurs. "Any questions? Good. I am going to bed. Our next conversation happens after you complete the 2 tasks I just assigned you."

Andy walked out of the room, no sign of emotion on his face. It took me a half hour to calm down and stop shaking. I grabbed a blanket and passed out on the couch from exhaustion. Sunday morning I woke up feeling better. Andy and the boys were in the kitchen making breakfast.

"The boys and I are heading to the amusement park for the day. Use the break to get your act together please."

An hour later, they were gone. It was my first opportunity to return to Bryan's since Tuesday.

"He knows?" Bryan looked pale. "What did he say?"

"I think he said, maybe he might even forgive me."

"Forgive you? Really?"

"Andy acknowledged the circumstances that put me in this situation. He asked just to end the affair and terminate the pregnancy. After that is over, we will discuss what happens next."

"So what do you think happens then?"

"I don't know. We pick up the pieces of our fractured marriage? What do you think it means?"

"I think it means he might still be leaving you anyway, Marilyn."

I actually hadn't dwelled on that. Andy's position and Bryan's were always going to be opposing points of view on this issue. But I had to admit, he never entirely specified what happens next. But, he was unmistakably clear that he would not suffer the indignation of becoming my lover's cuckold.