All Comments on 'Ménage À Trois Ch. 01'

awful

It is getting in the way of the story. Also, I get what you are doing with the use of Primal, Queen, and Unicorn, but it is distracting, especially when you keep switching from Unicorn to Third. Lastly, while I understand that you are capitalizing the titles of the people involved, you should not capitalize words like “month” and “women” as you did.

Just a question: how did Unicorn know she was selected from a number of women? Were Primal’s interviews done in s group?

I almost gave up at the first car crash of a sentence, but persevered just to see how bad it could get. This is unreadable, ungrammatical word soup. You can't write.