Meretrix Augusta

"You no doubt heard of the various depravities of the previous emperor Caligula? Well, I can tell you they do not begin to touch on the many wonders he did. Looking back now he was definitely not like us, but perhaps a male version of Lilitu, if there is one. He was so beautiful, angelic in his features.

"He first took a liking to me the moment my mother introduced me. It was not long before he took my virginity. Eventually he married me to the hesitant Claudius where I obediently bore him two sons. Not long after that he began prostituting me along with many other roman wives, seeming to find the whole idea funny, he even did this to his own sisters. Unlike many, however, I did not obey with tears but took great delight in this. It simply felt natural to behave in that manner. I left the rearing of my children to the nurses, left my duties to spend more time whoring myself. It felt good to be free from that empty life and dedicate myself to something more raw and passionate. I think Caligula saw something in me and took me to a secret chamber.

"It was a large room arranged like a temple. On an altar was a clay relief of a woman with talons standing on two lions, with owls to either side of her. There was nothing overly magnificent with the depicture, but there was a power in that artefact. As soon as I laid eyes on it I orgasmed violently and fell to my knees in adoration. Caligula was pleased by my reaction and explained it to be the legendary effigy of the goddess Artemis from Orthia, that inspired the Spartans to flagellate themselves. But I knew he was wrong, it was no virgin huntress on that effigy but a deity far greater and shameless. He let me endure the ecstasy of being near the effigy a while longer before sending me back to his personal lupanar for the nobels. That night I dreamt of the mother deity I love, naked and enchanting, and inspiring me to greater heights of ecstasy.

"Caligula had done the same to a few women, but most lost their minds after being near it. Two of his three sisters were such victims, their minds consumed by their new found lust. I set up my lupanars to be a shelter for such failed sisters.

"Anyway, that was my awakening. My lusts grew, my body changed, I was Lilitu from then on."

I listened, amazed, "Where is this artefact nowadays?"

Messalina shrugged, "Gone, like many other treasures after Caligula's death. It matters not as you know. We are Lilitu, we do not need objects to be near our mother, we want for nothing. We live only for our lusts."

"I lust for you, always." I said, she squeezed me gently, "Why are you telling me this now?"

"As I said, I had one of my whores do some research. Of all people, it seems our answers lay amongst the Jews. They speak fearfully of what they call a demoness, and the rabbis are often doing supposed purges at houses apparently haunted by her daughters. The information was rather confused, so I do not know what they call our mother. But I have the name of the world she dwells in."

"World she dwells in?"

"On the rare occasions you sleep, do you not dream of strange landscapes, where strange monsters fuck you over and over and other unheard of depravities are indulged?" When I nodded she went on, "I believe we are glancing her realm, our true home. Gamaliel."

"Gamaliel?" Unlike Lilitu the term meant little to me.

"Apparently it means 'Obscene Ones.'"

I laughed and gently rubbed her clitoris, "Well we certainly are that. So you are telling me there will come a time when we must go to this Gamaliel to be fucked by monsters for eternity?" She responded to my fiddling and drew close. I could tell she felt the same as me. I was both scared and excited by this prospect. In my rare dreams I saw those brutes with ridiculous phalluses doing wondrous things to me without end, and I accepting it with pleasure. The thought of it set me flaring with desire again, was that what our mother was preparing us for all along? "Well, there is likely more to it, we are whores after all, not cunnus. Not even monsters can have me without a price. When the time comes, we shall go there hand in hand, taking and sucking monster cock for all time together."

She laughed at my brazenness. The tension eased, I set to her labia with my tongue.

******

One day Messalina revealed another gift given to our kind.

I found her sitting on one of the palace balconies. Legs open, she was too high up for the people to clearly make her out. It likely amused her, to be the empress sitting naked before all yet discernible to none. I ran over at once, "What are you doing? Get off there before you fall!"

As I took her arm and tried to pull her away she giggled, "You know, my love, considering you're the one who does not have an empire to run you can be such a bore." Then she clasped my own arm, gave a mighty yank, and sent us both falling to the garden below.

As the wind whistled past my ears, I could hear Messalina laughing as she fell beside me. I did not know what to feel exactly as death grew closer. There was the fear of it but also the sting of my love's betrayal. Had she gone mad and sought to end us both?

Then, without thinking, I righted myself and landed on my feet like a cat. Messalina did the same beside me. The impact alone should have at least broken our legs in multiple places, yet there we stood unscathed. "We live, are you hurt?"

Messalina hugged me, "When I was young I took a similar tumble, only to discover the same result. Dare I say it, I think we are immortal." She stepped back and gave a faraway look, "I did other experiments..."

I winced, trying not to dwell on what sort of experiments they were. "You knew all this time. Why did you not tell me?"

Messalina's humour left completely at that, "Do you know what such vitality could mean for our kind? I was worried you may indulge even darker pleasures. I know I am tempted, but the thought of seeing you do such things..."

I understood at once and was instantly terrified of the urges this brought about in me. To stop it I pictured Messalina doing such things and my lust turned to revulsion. "Let's make a promise, for the sake of eachother we will never fall to such acts."

Messalina's humour returned, that smile setting my heart racing. "Agreed." She then pushed me onto the flowerbed and set to.

******

After hearing of my awakening, she had mirrors set up all over the palace. Whenever she held bacchanalias, she would fill the room with all manner of mirrors. I was delighted when she showed me a mirror imported from the far east, filled with mercury. Unlike the crude mirrors of polished metal this provided an excellent reflection. Like me Messalina believed they may act as gateways to what some called Gamaliel. In setting up so many mirrors she hoped to attract our deity and provide a gateway for her to enter.

Did it work? Honestly, I am not sure. At first, no, not that it mattered. Ourselves and the participants took great delight in being able to admire our deeds via such things. One night however, when the empress played host to a particularly busy festival, I saw something unusual.

I was sporting with the wife of a senator whilst he watched at the time. I looked up and, the air was thick with incense and my head buzzing with wine so it may have been me, but I thought I saw shadows stepping from the mirrors and wandering amongst the languishing crowd. I never used herbs and drugs like many did, nothing that would dull the sensations, so it was not that. They were particularly numerous around Messalina, who was having all her holes filled by several men as usual. I finished with the woman and strode to the large mercury mirror. I saw my naked reflection and watched as shadows flocked around me and caressed my body with spindly limbs. Wherever they touched I felt my lust grow and my need for perversity bloom to depravity.

I was terrified of course, but captivated also. I spread my arms and offered myself to the things , enjoying the sensations they filled me with. After a moment, I turned from the mirror and returned to the party more eager than before. The participants all seemed to feel it in some manner, and set to with a vigour I had never encountered previously. Messalina would later say she saw nothing, but agreed that she had felt more enflamed than usual that night. I never saw it occur again, so it really could have just been my mind playing tricks. Much like the shadow I thought I saw when I first met my love. But I could not help but regard the mirrors warily from then on, wondering if the lustful monsters from our dreams awaited us just on the other side.

******

I halted in the street, we were heading back to the palace after another night in one of the lupanars. Messalina carried on a couple of steps before realising I had paused and regarded me. I looked her over in return. Somehow she looked even more radiant covered in semen she had yet to absorb, her blonde wig frayed, white powder smeared. I, the epitome of lust, was in love with her. My heart fluttered painfully, my loins ached for freedom from the confines of the palace. At least both my emotions agreed on this, I had to say it now before I lost my nerve. I held out a hand to her, "Messalina, run away with me."

Messalina seemed surprised. Was she really that unaware of my wishes? "What nonsense is this?"

"Let us leave this restrictive place. We could live like this forever, we are Lilitu, not politicians, not nobles. We are whores of the goddess. We could travel the world together as diabolares, experience new sensations until the time for us to enter Gamaliel comes." The more dreams we had since discussing this other world, the more convinced we became that it was our inevitable fate to go there. Just thinking of that dreadful end made me wet with anticipation. "Let's not waste ourselves here any longer."

Clever, witty, diplomatic Messalina was at a loss for once. I watched the Lilitu and the empress within her fight a war I could only witness. I waited in hope for the right one to win. Eventually she gave a forced laugh and turned to head for the palace, my offer dismissed, "Don't be silly Scylla. Come on, the sun will rise soon."

My fingernails dug into my palms. I wanted to scream at her, to argue with her. I was on the verge of leaving her altogether, but knew to do so would only hurt us both further. No, all I could do was follow and ask my mother deity to help me make her see sense.

******

We continued on as before after that. Whilst still lovers there was an unspoken rigidity between us now. Although I would go to the lupanars with her I did not go to her own any longer, choosing instead the streets as I was accustomed. This irked her greatly for fear of my safety. We both knew that if many learned of our inhuman nature we would not last long. But I was growing more and more weary of the aristocracy she tied me to and longed for the freedom of the open streets.

She felt the same, I could tell. Although she loved me I had also become a torment for her, a door to freedom she could not quite bring herself to step through. Perhaps this was the catalyst for the strange behaviour that came over her regarding the mirrors.

I noticed she would look longer and harder at reflections than usual. She would stop mid-stride at times to look into a reflective surface. The majestic mercury mirror she had acquired was moved into her room where she would gaze at it transfixed. I asked her why the sudden fascination but she dismissed it as inconsequential.

It was when we attended the latest play that I learned why. Messalina clapped with the rest of the audience when the bard finished and the pantomime began. Seated beside her, I could only watch and feign interest, bored already. There were a few whispers amongst the audience at how mad the empress must now be, to not only attend the play naked, but to have a slave seated beside her as though she is someone of worth. But most knew to remain quiet, for Claudius was utterly bewitched by her. A gentle whisper or persuasion during coitus was all that was required now to have the emperor do her bidding.

I dully took it all in. Lilitu, I learned, took little interest in music or art and the like by mortals, by prey. For me the sweetest music was Messalina's moans of pleasure, the way she adapted to satisfy every client an art, the moment they climaxed onto her poetry. As my love had said, a Lilitu's tastes are simple yet complex. With a finger I beckoned a slave forward and entertained myself by orally pleasuring him.

Messalina, being like myself, was not drawn there constantly by the play but by a certain actor. The famous and much sought for Mnester. We are incredibly vain creatures and not above flattery from those truly besotted by us. Messalina took great pleasure when Mnester would dedicate a show or song to her. The man, for his part, had become infatuated with the empress and was sincere in his little speeches. Messalina was so flattered she had a statue of the actor cast in bronze. I ignored it all and continued sucking. Let the bards and senators prattle about trivialities, this is what my mouth is for.

Once he ejaculated down my throat, I dismissed him and looked to my royal companion. I was expecting her to be doing something similar. She had the knack of taking in conversations and the like whilst whoring, a necessity for a Lilitu with a political career I suppose. Instead, she was utterly transfixed on the play.

No, not the play, an actor. No, not the actor, his prop. He was playing a soldier and was carrying a shiny, reflective shield. I could tell at once Messalina was seeing something in that reflection and felt my stomach knot in worry. I decided I would find out what was going on with her tonight, and would not take no as an answer.

Once the play was over we went backstage, where I entertained the actors and Messalina rewarded Mnester. Then Messalina and I retired to a curtained litter, the silk curtains granting privacy from the crowd beyond. She took out a mirror under one of the pillows we lounged upon and began to look at herself. I snatched it from her, "I want answers, my love. It is clear to me that you see something in the mirrors now. Tell me."

Messalina set her jaw grimly, then exhaled, resigned, "I did not wish to worry you, but it seems too late for that. Remember the shadows you thought you saw? Well, I cannot fully say, but now and again I snatch glimpses of them in mirrors. If I stare long enough I can just about make them out. Either way, I feel like they are calling to me. I could be wrong but-" She leaned forwards and clasped my hands, "I think my time to enter Gamaliel is approaching."

I was speechless at first, unsure whether to congratulate her or weep. We were both conflicted with desire and terror for the fate that awaited us there. The thought of losing her is what won over it all. I drew back a curtain and threw the mirror out into the street, "Get all the mirrors in the palace removed at once!"

Messalina shook her head, both joyous and sad, "It is where we belong beloved." Her body trembled slightly in both fear and lust for that strange plane.

"I have heard no such calls. I will not lose you, we go together or not at all." I begged more than demanded.

Messalina thought on this and nodded, "Yes, should they come for me I will forestall it until we are together."

I could only take some form of comfort from that promise.

5: My Grief

In the end, the ambitious persona Messalina struggled to discard would bring about her downfall.

Messalina summoned me to her bedroom one morning. I arrived from a busy night in the streets. It was the yearly wine festival, when whores like me paid tribute to Venus Volgivava, the street walking aspect of the roman goddess. I should note that the cunnus Venus is not my deity, I merely took advantage of the numerous attendees. I was in a good mood, I had taken more men than I had for a long time and was giddy and lustful from the copious seed my body accepted.

She was not on the mat this time but the bed beside it, the mercury mirror still there opposite. I wanted it gone but Messalina refused, unlike me her lust for Gamaliel just outdid her fear. When I entered the room she was there again, sitting at the end of the bed gazing into it as though in a trance. It had been getting worse, more and more she would stare into reflective surfaces, drawn by what she saw.

I noticed a handsome man donning his robes and taking his leave, giving me a wink as he left. I smiled back, well acquainted with Senator Gaius Sillius. A handsome man who was fast rising in the senate. Once gone I switched my focus back to my beloved. Messalina did not look away from the mirror, did not know I was there, so intently did she stare. Slowly, she began to open her thighs, as though offering herself to her reflection.

I gave a low cough and she sharply closed her legs and looked away. She hopped up and greeted me, her tongue down my throat before I could voice my concern again. We fornicated for a long time, she was more enigmatic than usual, which meant I was collapsed on the bed exhausted by the end. As she lay next to me, idly stroking my torso, she giggled and spoke, "I have a wonderful secret for you my love." Interested, naturally, I asked to hear it, "I am going to bring about a new age. An age where people such as you and me are no longer shunned into the back alleys, where whoredom is only ever a choice, not a last resort. The whores in my brothels shall be the first priestess' of the new way. The way where we do not hide our natural urges. The way where a woman can open her legs without feeling unclean. The way where a man can choose a woman because he desires her rather than her dowry. Temples to our mother deity will be established, an age of freedom shall prevail over the current one of control, and I shall rule over it all as Meretrix Augusta."

As Whore Empress. I grew alarmed, my dream from so long ago returned to me and I knew at once its meaning. Our deity was still somewhat of a mystery to us, guiding us from a distance. But I knew one thing, she did not give a fig about empires, kingdoms or crowns. She is a being who followed her desires as she had inspired me to do. She is a being who hates order and would destroy any such thing presented to her, no matter how sincere. The only order she follows is that of nature. We Lilitu are meant to be wild and free, out in the open hunting men like predators after prey, not donning crowns and titles. I knew then that dream had been a warning for me to give to the empress. That she had to exchange her crown for whoredom or the world around her would turn to ash. It was time for her to choose, live her life as Lilitu and follow her whims, or live as empress and fall like the countless rulers and empires before her. I told all this to her of course, fearing the ruin my love was heading to. "Flee with me." I begged, giving the old offer again, "We could flee to Egypt, they have all manner of forbidden acts there for us to indulge in. Or we could leave the empire altogether, keep going east to India, think of the exotic things they must do there."

It was all in vain. She was lost in her vision of a glorious new world and the ambition in her had ignited anew. When I asked just how she intended to bring about such a change she smiled and leaned close to me, the smell of the senator still on her, "I have been speaking with dear Gaius Sillius." She kissed my neck and spoke softly into my ear, "We shall have that oaf Claudius assassinated, we shall wed. Together, we shall begin forcing the senate to pass new laws that shall change Rome and, with it, the world." Again I argued against it. The very fact that they had to be wed to achieve this meant they were falling into the trap of this society. Marriage went against all the tenets of Lilitu. To become the property of of a man, and just to one man at that, was barbaric to us. To surrender our own sovereignty and freedom to become an obedient and doting wife was the cruelest of fates in our eyes.